About fifteen miles north of the city, he turned down a gravel road. He did just as I expected he would do, the car was doing only a little more than idling. At least he took care of what he had. I could see a big hill and a long line of trees up ahead.
We finally reached the top of the hill and, before my eyes was one of the biggest graveyards that I'd ever seen. I knew then that my assumption must've been correct about his family being dead. Crap! How was I supposed to deal with this? I'd never lost anyone close to me. I even still had both sets of grandparents. The only thing I had ever really lost was my gold fish when I was seven. I hadn't taken it well, so I didn't get another pet again until I found Hercules. Actually, I should say Hercules found me. He showed up at my front door when he was no older than six or seven weeks old. I didn't know how he got there, but it was love at first sight.
I spoke in my head and hoped he was listening. "Rhyan, help me. How do I deal with this? What should I tell him?" I didn't get a response, but I really wasn't expecting one. They were counting on me to do this. If they could have done it, it would have already been done by now, and I wouldn't be fearing for my life.
Adam stopped the car in the middle of the cemetery and killed the engine. He opened his door and got out. He stood there a moment, then bent at the waist and glared in at me. "Are you coming?"
I glared back at him for a moment, then opened my door and got out. It was hot already, and there were very few shade trees nearby.
He walked, and I followed him. We didn't have to go far before he stopped and looked down. I didn't want to look down, but I did. There were three beautiful tombstones, one big one and two smaller ones. The largest had two names on it; Daniel Lee Chamberlain and Sylvia Ann Chamberlain. The dates they were born were different, but the dates that they were laid to rest were the same. It read at the bottom: In Loving Memory a Husband and Father a Wife and Mother.
The stone beside that one was a single, and the date of rest was the same as her parents. Heather Lynn Chamberlain's name was written in stone. "An angel taken too soon," her stone read. She had been only seventeen on the day or night that she and her parents perished.
I felt him watching me, waiting to see some kind of reaction. What did he want to see? I finally moved on to the last headstone. I don't know what I expected, but it wasn't this. I guess I expected Adam's plot to be bought and paid for, with his name and birth date carved, but missing the final letters and numbers that would let a passer-by know when the man in the ground had died. It wasn't what I expected at all, and I knew it must have been showing on my face.
I stared at the stone for a long time. Now I understood why Adam wouldn't want to believe. How, if there was a God, could he take a thirteen-year-old boy's whole family away from him? I had always heard that God wouldn't put more on you than you could stand. How strong would a child have to be to endure this kind of misery? I stared down at the last tombstone. I realized I was sobbing, and knew then that I had been doing it for a while. Benjamin Lee Chamberlain was the name on the third headstone. I hadn't expected this because I didn't see any pictures of another sibling on Adam's desk. Then I read the date through my tears. Adam's baby brother had only been two days old.
"Oh my God." I sobbed around the lump in my throat, and then fell to my knees. I still believed in God, and I knew that he wasn't the cause of this obvious accident. But how would a thirteen-year-old boy feel about everything he loved being ripped from his life. He was a big brother for only two days. Had he even gotten to hold him?
I looked up at Adam through my tears.
"I don't want your sympathy." he said quietly.
What else did I have to give him?
"How…" I took a breath. I didn't want to know, but for some reason I had to know. "How did it happen?"
He stepped closer to me, bent down and held out his hand. I looked at it for only a moment before I took it. After I got to my feet, he immediately let go. He took a few deep breaths, and I knew that he was going to tell me. Maybe he was going to tell me all along, and that was why he brought me out here. Or maybe he thought that he wouldn't have to tell me because he thought I wouldn't want to know. Who knew, but he'd clearly made the decision to tell me.
"I was at baseball practice when it happened. My mom and the baby had to stay in the hospital for forty-eight hours before they could come home. Heather was staying at home with me, so dad could stay at the hospital with them. She was a good sister. She didn't raise hell or do drugs like some of the other teenagers her age. She had a boyfriend, Kevin, who played catch with me. I still run in to him from time to time." He paused for a while, I guess so he would get the words right. It had probably been awhile since he'd told anyone this story, if he ever had.
"I had practice after school, and Heather went to the Hospital to pick up Dad, Mom and Ben. My best friend's mom was giving me a ride home so Heather wouldn't have to come back and get me. Practice was over around four, and when I got home, the front door was open. Jacob was spending the night so he was with me, but it didn't make it any easier to see."
I covered my mouth with my hand as I stared wide-eyed at him.
"They had walked in on a burglar." He shook his head. "Who the hell robs a house at four in the afternoon?" He was looking at me, but it was clear that he didn't want me to answer. To my relief, he continued. I didn't have an answer for him. "The guy shot my mom, dad and sister. I don't guess he had the heart to shoot Ben because he didn't. I guess my mom was trying to protect him from the burglar, I don't know. I didn't even know that Ben was in the house because I was in shock. Jacob called the police, and when they got there, I heard one of them shouting that there was a baby under my mom."
"I came out of my daze and ran back in the house to get my brother. He was blue and they were trying to administer infant C.P.R., but I knew it was too late. He'd smothered to death."
I touched his hand and he let me. "God didn't do that, Adam."
"There is no God!" He shouted at me and tried to pull his hand free, but I squeezed tighter. "What do you want from me, huh? You want me to believe in Him again?" he pointed to the sky. "I can't do that Kendra!"
"What do you have to lose by believing? It's obvious you hate everything. There is a huge hole in your heart waiting to be filled, and you won't let it happen. You have a great job, a nice car, nice clothes, and I'm sure you have a nice house too, but no matter how much you buy, you will never be able to fill that hole."
He stared at me. He was considerably calmer, but the heat in his eyes was starting to flare again. "Love," he sighed. "Is that what you mean?"
I nodded. "You can love again."
"So HE can rip it away from me!" he shouted then turned his head so I couldn't see his face. I assumed there were tears in his eyes, threatening to betray him. How could I fix this?
"Do you honestly believe that?" I asked.
He stepped closer to me. He was way into my personal space. He looked me in the eyes, and it was like I could see through his, to his soul. It staggered me a little, because the feeling was so strange. I pulled myself together and concentrated on what I was looking at. It was his soul. It was battered, but it wasn't completely lost. I wondered if this was a new gift Coen or Rhyan had given me when I was brought back. "Do you honestly believe you'll die in six days?" he said, pulling me out of my concentration.
I looked down. "You know I do, or I wouldn't be trying so hard to get you to believe."
He laughed and I looked back up at him. "Is that all it will take to save your life? Fine, I'll say it." He raised his face up to the sky and shouted. "I believe!" He looked back at me. "Is that good enough?" I knew it wouldn't be, because I didn't believe it.
I heard the familiar loud pop. Rhyan was sitting on a tombstone about twenty feet behind Adam. He was shaking his head from side-to-side. Dammit.
Adam turned and looked at where my attention was focused then turned back to me. "Will that do? Will you live now?" He must not have been able to see Rhyan.
I didn't know how to explain to Adam that my guardian angel was sitting behind him, so I didn't try. I shook my head. "You didn't mean it, so no."
He pointed to his chest as he yelled at me. "I'm not ever going to mean it, Kendra!"
I pursed my lips together. Anger wouldn't help me any, but being nice wasn't getting the job done. I truly felt bad that he'd lost his family, but I wasn't a shrink and wasn't qualified for this job. "Well then," I blew out my breath in frustration. "I guess I will die in five and a half days."
He was calmer, but he still wasn't stable. "Look, if you die on Friday, there's nothing I can do to stop it unless operating will help."
My eyes pleaded with him. "Don't you see, Adam? You're the only one who can keep it from happening." He shook his head and sighed, then turned and walked back to his car.
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Chapter Fourteen
The silence was almost painful on the way back to the hospital. Again, we missed any real traffic, and I was thankful for that. I didn't want to be cooped up in this car with him any longer than I had to be. He pulled into the garage and parked in front of my Land Rover. I didn't ask how he knew which vehicle was mine. I didn't care.
My hand went for the handle and he spoke softly. "The thing you've got going on with Mason…It's a good thing Kendra. He's a good guy. If you are right about all of this dying stuff, I'll hate myself when it happens. I know it will hurt him to lose you. He really likes you."
Of course he was worried about his friend's feelings, but it was my life that was on the line, and he didn't give two shits about that. "You're the only one who can prevent that from happening to me."
He shook his head. "I'm going home. I wasn't even supposed to work today, but there was a trauma case, and they called me in. I saved the boy's life," He looked at me then. "And I will save yours on Friday."
I got out of the car, and then looked back at him through the open door. "Only if you're praying before then." I shut the door and walked to my Land Rover. Adam drove off, leaving me alone in the dark garage.
I screamed when I opened the door. Adam had already left, so I wasn't afraid of catching anyone's attention, not that it would have mattered. I was alone in the garage, except for Rhyan, who was sitting in my passenger seat. I guess locked doors couldn't keep out the holy. I just prayed they could keep out the unholy.
"What are you doing here…and why didn't you help me out with Adam earlier?" I said as I sat behind the wheel, buckled up and started the engine.
"I'm here to talk now, and before…I'm not allowed to interfere. I can only give you advice, not him." I looked at him. He looked so sad. Very cute, but very sad.
"You look depressed, Rhyan. What can I do to help?" I already felt like a rubber band that had been stretched to its limit, but he'd been helping me, silently, for years, and I felt I needed to return the favor.
He shook his head. "The damage is already done. Either way, I'm going to lose you."
"Look, this thing isn't over. We haven't lost yet, Rhyan." I said.
He shook his head again as he looked back at me. "I have."
I gave him a questioning look, and he explained in further detail. I would wish later that I hadn't encouraged him to, but let's hear it for adding more problems to my list.
"Either way this turns out, I have lost you, Kendra. I was so excited when you died yesterday. I know that sounds harsh, but that meant that I could actually be with you." He looked away from me. "Coen stepped in and ruined it for us."
I know I looked confused, because I was, very much so. "What are you talking about?"
"I'm your guardian angel, not your soulmate. I want to be your soulmate. I've always wanted to be. Coen caused your accident before you met yours, so I had a chance and that made me very happy. Then he made you an offer you couldn't refuse. I don't blame you for wanting to live, but now I lose you either way."
"Either way, what are you talking about?" I understood that he was in love with me, just as I had suspected after running into him that morning during my jog. I knew that Friday I could lose my life and with it, my soul. But I didn't get the rest of what he was saying.
"If you succeed, I will have still lost you." He stared at me, and I could tell he was really heartbroken. I hadn't done it intentionally. "You've met your soulmate now, and even if you beat this…you will never be mine." he said quietly.
So Mason was my soulmate. That was why I was so attracted to him. I felt bad, because I was happy about that, while Rhyan sat there looking like a sad puppy. He shook his head in shame and grimaced, and I turned my head to the side and looked at him quizzically. Could he read minds? He nodded after that last thought.
"Shit! I've got to really watch what I'm thinking when you're around."
"I can hear your thoughts even when I'm not around you. Your thoughts run parallel to my own." He paused for a moment, then he spoke again. "Mason isn't your soulmate, Kendra. He never will be; don't try to force it. I told you to break the date with him. He is only a distraction for you."
I was shocked. Then who the hell was? I had only met two guys since the accident. Mason and Ad…no. No!
Rhyan nodded. "I don't like it anymore than you do. If you succeed by Friday, then I have to watch the two of you live happily ever after, forever."
"Adam cannot be my soulmate. There has to be a misunderstanding somewhere." I had an idea. "There are people all over the world who live their lives and never meet their soulmate. I'll just choose to not be with mine. I may end up divorced, or alone, but I won't have to live with that arrogant asshole."
"Freewill is a powerful thing, and you do have that choice, but you won't choose that path. I could only be so lucky for you to not choose to be with him. I might have another chance to be with you."
I didn't know what to say to that. I was hoping it would be a long time before I died again, and maybe when I did, I could be with Rhyan. I didn't see anything wrong with that. His face lit up like a Christmas tree. "Stop, Rhyan. My thoughts are very personal to me."
He turned his head away from me, but I could see that he was still smiling. "I can't tune your thoughts out, but I'll try and keep my expressions from being so obvious."
I exhaled loudly, making it clear I was annoyed. There wasn't really anything I could do about it. I had to get back to solving my problem. "So, I have until Friday sometime to help Adam. What do you suggest?"
He frowned again and shook his head. "I was happy a minute ago. Not because I think that you will ever be with me, but because you considered it. It's nice to know that you would, if you could."
"Of course I would. What are you talking about, now?" I said.
"I know it can never happen. The only way to help Adam is to make him love you. It's impossible to truly love someone without believing that there is a God who made that person just for you. Now that you've seen the reason for him not believing, do you think he would take it lightly if you didn't return his feelings? If you make him love and make him believe, then walked away, he would be worse off than he is now."
I nodded. I was trying to understand. "So, how do you make someone love who doesn't know how to love?"
He turned away from me again and continued to look out the window. "You have already looked into his soul, Kendra. Try looking into his heart."
Damn. I hated riddles.
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Chapter Fifteen
Rhyan popped back to wherever it was he popped to when he popped, and left me alone. I knew he could still hear my thoughts, and I wasn't thrilled with that tidbit of information.
The drive back to my house passed in a blur. I was concentrating so hard on my thoughts, that I couldn't remember the drive at all. That could have landed me back in the hospital before my time was supposed to be up. I really needed to start paying closer attention, especially when I could get someone else killed.
I unlocked my door and picked up a very hyper Hercules. He showered me with kisses until I se
t him down to check the answering machine. I had missed four calls since I'd left. I pushed the button to listen as I made my way to the fridge for a late lunch. Leftover meatloaf and creamed potatoes sounded good, so I took those containers out as the first message began. It was Kobhye, and she was uber-worried about me, and wanted me to call her back ASAP. I put a good-sized portion of meatloaf and potatoes on a paper plate, put it in the microwave, set the timer and licked the fork as the second message began. It was Aven apologizing for hanging up on me this morning. He still wanted to know what Mason had said about my check-up. Call him ASAP. I rolled my eyes as I put the leftovers back in the fridge. The third was from Mason. He was checking up on me and making sure Adam hadn't murdered me and thrown me in a ditch somewhere. He didn't ask for me to call him back ASAP, but he did say that he would see me tonight. I didn't think he was actually worried that Adam had cut me up and buried me in little pieces.
The forth call surprised me. It was from Adam. The microwave dinged and I ignored it. I walked closer to the answering machine so I wouldn't miss anything he had to say. "Kendra, this is Adam. Look, I'm sorry I was such a jerk to you earlier. I shouldn't have taken you to the cemetery. I already have plans for tonight, but I would really like to make it up to you. Say, tomorrow for lunch at Cavernous. It's at the corner of Wilkes and Vine. It wouldn't be a date. I only want to make up for being such an asshole. You don't have to call me back. I'll reserve a table for two for noon. If you accept my apology, then you can show up. Again…I'm sorry, and that isn't something I say often."
I stared at the machine for a long time. I played his message back four times. There was sincerity in his voice, and I could only hope that meant I was making progress. He said it wasn't a date, but when one person calls another and asks them to lunch, it's a date. I had dates with my daddy all the time. Oh well, he could look at it however he wanted. Either way, it meant that I would have a chance to work on him a little more. I was running short on time and hadn't made much progress. I smiled. I was actually looking forward to seeing him tomorrow.
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