"They aren't your feelings, Kendra."
I met his eyes. "Yes, they are."
He looked at me, and his breathing shuttered. "They can't be. You've met your soulmate now."
"Is it possible that a soul can be split into three pieces instead of only two?"
He shook his head. "No. Adam is here and I am not. You can't be in two places at once."
"Then I choose to be with you, Rhyan. I've never been in love before, but I feel like my heart would explode if I couldn't see you and talk to you now. I want to touch you, and I want you to touch me. I want to kiss you, and I want you to kiss me back. I feel like if I am denied this that my heart will burst and I will die."
He held up our joined hands. "This is why you feel this way. You are experiencing my feelings, not yours."
I jumped to my feet and let go of him. I backed away from him all the way to the door. I closed and locked it while I was still looking at him. "You aren't touching me now, and I still love you. I still need you to touch me. If I'm not your soulmate, then who is? You should feel this way about someone other than me." I pointed to my chest.
He averted his eyes from mine. "I never met my soulmate. She was lost to her guardian demon over three centuries ago. I only felt true love for the first time when you were born and they assigned me to you. I thought that was the happiest day of my life, but every day since then has gotten better. When we kissed earlier," He ran his fingers through his hair, and a look of pure joy covered his face. "That was the best moment of my existence." then his smile faltered, and was replaced with a frown. "We cannot be together, Kendra, unless Murry kills you before Friday. I would never be able to forgive myself if I stood by and let him slay you, when I know you are meant to be with Adam." His voice trailed off in a kind of sad anguish.
I stared at him for a moment then realized that I was walking back to him. I didn't stop, and he didn't back up any. He stood his ground and let me come to him. His eyes were nervous, because he could see in my head what I was planning to do. I didn't try to block my thoughts from him. If he didn't want it to happen, he could pop out of my house and leave me there to face Murry on my own. He had an ultimatum on his hands. Either he could leave me alone, and Murry would kill me, sending my soul to be with him in heaven, or he could stay here with me now and get the fantasy he had always dreamed of.
I put my hand on the back of his neck. He closed his eyes and his breathing shuttered nervously again. I rose up on my toes and pulled his mouth down to mine. He didn't pop anywhere.
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Chapter Twenty-eight
Rhyan backed me up to the wall in my hall. The pictures shook on their nails as my back slammed against the sheetrock. He grabbed my butt with both his hands, pulling me up further until I could wrap my legs around his waist. The kiss was even more intense than it had been earlier. I wanted to breathe him in. I wanted him to touch me as he had always wanted to. I wanted him inside me, and I wanted to be with him forever.
Our tongues tangled together in a wild dance, and I knew for a fact that I loved him. I had to let Murry win in order for me to also win. I wouldn't be saving Adam, but he didn't want to be saved anyway. You couldn't save someone who just clearly didn't want it to happen. Rhyan loved me and I loved him. It was the best feeling I had ever experienced.
My body tingled all over with desire. I had to have him soon. "Bedroom," I said when I pulled my lips away enough to catch a breath.
"Good idea." He breathed back before he crushed his lips to mine again and carried me to my room. He shut the bedroom door with his foot. Light from the quarter moon illuminated my bedroom furniture. I could see his silhouette as the dim light fell on his back. I wanted to see his face. I wanted to see who I was making love to.
As if he picked the thought right out of my mind, my bedside lamp came on all by itself. He broke the kiss long enough to smile down at me. I smiled back then found his lips again. They were so soft, so perfect for kissing and whispering promises to me that he would never break.
I tugged on his knit polo shirt, and he stopped kissing me long enough to yank it free of his khaki shorts, then over his head. I ran my fingers along the well defined muscles of his abdomen then looked up to meet his eyes. There was so much love for me there; those baby blues were so serious. This wasn't a friends-with-benefits sort of experience. I had never felt this way with Aven or anyone I had ever had sex with. This was tender, and he was so attentive to my needs. This was real.
He unbuttoned the top two buttons of my shirt, then bent and kissed my neck softly. He ran a trail with his tongue from my collarbone up my neck. He captured my earlobe between his teeth and sucked gently. He exhaled slowly in my ear, bringing a soft moan out of me.
I moved my hands to his back and pulled him closer to me. I needed to hold him closer still, but his body was already formed to mine, so he couldn't possibly get any closer without shedding the rest of the material we were wearing. Suddenly, that seemed like a brilliant idea. I pushed him gently enough so I could devour his mouth again while I finished the job he had started in unbuttoning my shirt.
His kissing slowed, and he pushed firmly against my core with his sex. My mind was screaming for more as my body flushed hot. He pressed firmly against me again; it sent me over the edge, and I fell onto a cloud of bliss as I screamed his name. It felt right, everything about this felt right. I swiftly unbuttoned my shirt. He lowered his mouth to my left breast and tugged my white lace bra down with his teeth, only pausing briefly before consuming my hardened nipple between his lips. A series of mini climaxes had me gasping for air. He was doing incredible things with his tongue that I never would have thought possible. He massaged my other breast softly with his hand as he began to unbutton his shorts with his other.
I was in the middle of a moan when his head shot up. "What?" he said in a panicked voice, but he looked like he was talking to someone other than me.
"What, Rhyan. What's wrong?" I said frantically.
"No, you can't do this. It was her decision; she chose me." His eyes filled with rage, but I didn't know why. He wouldn't talk to me.
I grabbed his face in my palms and made him look at me, but it wasn't me he was seeing. "What is it? Talk to me."
"I will not leave her alone! She needs me to protect her from Murry." He waited a moment then he reluctantly moved off of me then jumped off the bed. He was pacing the floor and running his hands through his hair. I wasn't aware angels could have panic attacks, but I thought I was witnessing one.
"Rhyan, talk to me. Please. You're scaring me," I pleaded. He stopped pacing and looked over at me. His eyes were wild and filled with unshed tears.
"I'm not allowed to touch you anymore. They will not allow it until you have done everything you can to save Adam. If I touch you again, they will take me away from you and assign you to someone else. I can't let that happen, Kendra. I'm sorry. I had no idea they would do this or I would've never let you touch me."
I pulled the duvet up to my shoulders and just looked at him.
"I can stay here to protect you as long as I don't touch you. You can't touch me either, or they will force me to leave you here alone."
"But I choose you, Rhyan," I said.
He shook his head and laughed, but it wasn't a good laugh. "It doesn't matter to them what either of us want. I'm not allowed to mess with your free will. The way they see it, I messed with it the first time we met. We aren't supposed to show ourselves to humans. They've turned a blind eye and a deaf ear to me helping you, because they want you to save Adam's soul, as well as your own. If you can't do it, they are willing to risk both of you."
I was furious. "How does that make any damn sense?"
He shook his head. "I never said it made any sense."
I sighed then patted the spot beside me. "I won't touch you. Come and lay down until I fall asleep. We can come up with a solution in the morning."
He nodded, then put his shirt back on and stretched out beside me.
I lay facing him on the Queen sized bed. We didn't say anything more; we just stared into each other's eyes until I couldn't hold mine open any longer.
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Chapter Twenty-nine
I opened my eyes in a dream, and not a good one from the looks of things. Murry was standing in front of me, his face filled with rage. This was so not going to be a good dream.
"I hope you're happy, Kendra. I had to confine your precious Adam. You won't be seeing him again. I went to his place and tried to convince him that you were crazy, but for some reason, he believed you. While he didn't believe everything you said, the marks on your neck were difficult to explain."
"What have you done with him?" I shouted at him.
He moved his finger back and forth. "Uh-uh, I looked in on you after I got away from your angel. Seems he isn't much of an angel with all the sexual fantasies he has of you in his pretty little head. You've been a busy girl this week, Kendra. Adam wasn't very happy when I told him that you were in love with your guardian angel. He didn't want to believe any of it, but I convinced him in my own way. You, and even your precious Rhyan, couldn't sense us; you were so hot and heavy with each other. I should have fucked you. You seem to have a lot of experience. It makes me hot just thinking about it."
I turned my head away from him. I was so angry that I couldn't think straight.
"It was I who sent word to the guardians about what Rhyan was doing." He leered. "They didn't approve, but I guess you've already found that out." His face lit up. "I do have some rather good news for you. You succeeded in making Adam fall in love with you. That was fast, especially for someone I thought would never be able to love again. I guess when you find your soulmate it's almost an instant thing, huh?" He scowled again. "Unfortunately, I have some bad news as well. When he saw you with Rhyan, he was beside himself with anger and grief. You made him fall in love with you, then he saw you with another man. How do you think he feels having lost the only person he's loved since he was thirteen?"
I clenched my teeth. "You are a bastard!"
He smiled a mischievous grin. "Why yes, yes I am."
"Where did you take him?"
He shook his head. "Even if you found him, you're the last person he wants to see. He may not be willing to give his soul over to me right now, but he'll never give it to you."
"Where is he, dammit?!" I screamed it at him.
"Happy hunting, Kendra," He held up three fingers. "Three days down," He added another finger. "Four days to go, babe."
I woke up in a cold sweat. Rhyan was trying everything he could do to help me without actually touching me.
He sighed. "Oh, thank God. I thought he had you. I couldn't get into your dream; he was blocking me. I couldn't touch you, but I was shouting at you to wake up. What did he do to you?"
I told him the whole dream, including the part about Murry bringing Adam into my room and what they saw upon arriving.
The sun was pouring through the window. I had to call all of my clients and cancel. I didn't have a choice. Murry was holding Adam somewhere, and I had to find him or I was doomed for sure. Murry didn't intend to kill me now. He knew if I found Adam, he would never forgive me anyway. I was staring at my fate, and it wasn't a good one, unless you considered Hell a place to have a nice long vacation. I know I didn't.
Rhyan was rubbing his temples as if he had a headache. I was getting one myself. "What am I going to do?"
He shook his head. "I don't know what we're going to do when we find him, but we have to find him, Kendra. If we don't, your soul will be lost come Friday. We have to try."
"I know we have to try, but after Adam saw us together," I shook my head. "He hates me now."
"He doesn't hate you. He's hurting, but he doesn't hate you." His eyes met mine. "Do you love him?" he asked me very quietly.
"Rhyan," I said, but he didn't let me finish.
He closed his eyes and spoke. "Don't worry about hurting me. I know you love me." He inhaled then slowly exhaled. "Do you love your soulmate?"
I couldn't deny it. It had broken my heart when Adam refused to believe me about Mason. It felt like something was actually ripping my heart out of my chest when he told me to leave him alone. It still hurt to even think about the look on his face as he said he didn't believe he was my soulmate. I loved Rhyan, I really and truly did, but I knew that I loved Adam more, and I'd do anything to get him away from Murry, even if he never loved me again. I had chosen Rhyan, but it had been because it was the easiest path to take.
He closed his eyes and nodded. "I'm so sorry, Rhyan. I didn't mean to hurt you." My eyes misted over.
"You gave me more than I could ever hope for. Don't be sorry that you love Adam more. At least you love me. You are meant to be with Adam. I know that. Don't feel bad about loving him. Loving him is what is going to keep you alive, and that is what I want for you more than anything, for you to be alive and happy."
I nodded with tears threatening to fall. I didn't know what to say. "I would kiss you right now if I could."
"I know you would, but only because you know that's what I want."
I shook my head and he held up his hand to stop me from speaking. "We need to find your soulmate. I don't think we have to worry about Murry trying to kill you until Friday. We have four days. I'm going to leave you for a while. I'll see if the guardians know where he's holding him. Are you going to be all right here by yourself?"
"I'll be fine." He looked at me a moment longer, maybe to see if I was lying, then he popped out of my room.
I got out of bed and headed for the shower. I needed hot water to clear my head. I didn't have the first clue where a guardian demon would hold a human captive. It couldn't be in Hell unless he was already dead, so where could he be?
Seemed to me that I should be able to tell where he was. He was my soulmate, right? Soulmates were put on the earth to find each other. I could find him, I knew I could, but how would I make him believe I was in love with him after he'd seen me and Rhyan together? I don't think I would be able to trust him with my heart again if the roles were reversed.
I closed my eyes and sighed as the hot water ran down my back. How did I get myself into this shit? More importantly, how could I get myself out of it?
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Chapter Thirty
I dressed in comfortable clothes, jeans, a tee-shirt and tennis shoes. I didn't know what I would be doing, so it seemed more sensible to be comfortable than cute. Rhyan still hadn't made it back yet, so I dried my hair and just threw it in a ponytail. I did make an effort with a little makeup. I couldn't go out of the house totally revolting.
I heard the pop, but it sounded like it was further away than usual. I glanced in my bedroom and Rhyan wasn't there. I suddenly had a sinking feeling that Murry had changed his mind about killing me.
"I'm in the kitchen, Kendra. I didn't know if you would be dressed. I don't know what I would do if I saw you naked right now. I don't really trust myself right now."
I put my makeup bag away then hurried toward the kitchen. On the way, I wondered if he'd found out where Murry had taken Adam. When I saw his face, I knew he still didn't have a clue.
He shook his head. "I asked the guardians if they knew where he was. I think they really would tell me if they knew, because Murry isn't playing by the rules…but they don't know anything either."
"Do you think he would keep him at Mason's apartment?" I asked.
"It isn't likely he would be that obvious, but it's worth looking into. We can start there. Maybe we'll find a clue. Murry is playing a game with you, and he's having fun watching. I think he wants you to find Adam eventually, so he can watch Adam tell you to go to Hell."
I winced. "That was really harsh, Rhyan."
He shrugged his shoulders. "I'm only trying to prepare you. Do you expect him to hand you chocolates and flowers then tell you everything is all right." He shook his head at me. "Murry knows what he's doing. This is what he does, and he's good at
it. It will take a miracle for you to get Adam back."
"So, you don't think I have a chance?" I was getting irritated at his negativity.
He raised hands, palms out, and closed his eyes as he sighed. "I didn't say that. You've already experienced one miracle this week."
I crossed my arms over my chest. "That wasn't a miracle. That was Coen, and you know it. I would hardly say that was a miracle. He was the one who caused the accident in the first place."
"I wasn't trying to upset you. It's just that I know Murry's kind, and he won't give up, so neither should you."
I grabbed my purse and my keys then headed out the door. "I wasn't planning on it."
"That's why Coen chose you," he said as he followed me out the door.
We got in my vehicle and I started the engine. "No, Rhyan. Coen picked me because he knew that Adam and I were soulmates. He knew I wouldn't give up until I got him back or lost my own soul."
He nodded a little sadly.
I watched him as I drove. I know you're supposed to keep your eyes on the road, and I did look often enough to be relatively safe. "I really wanted last night to happen, Rhyan. I can't change that it didn't."
He looked out the window. "I'm not upset with you, Kendra. I'm just upset."
"Well, could you try to keep your pissy attitude in check until Saturday? I've got to find Adam, and I could sure use your help about right now." He looked at me and gave me a small grin. "That's better. Now, do you know where Mason's apartment is located?"
"On the other side of town, two blocks from Adam's apartment." Great. At least it wasn't rush hour.
"Well, we can go to Adam's apartment if we don't find anything helpful at Mason's place. I think Murry came to Adam's apartment to kidnap him, so there may be a clue there as well." He nodded his head in agreement. "Who is Adam's Guardian Angel now that Coen's soul was sent to Hell?"
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