“Yeah, if you’re careful,” he said. He would have to insure lifeguards were on the beach and hire experienced surfers to teach her...not to mention getting King Kong–size tranquillizers for his nerves, but he couldn’t refuse.
She threw her arms around his neck and gave him a smacking kiss. “Awesome. I didn’t think you’d ever let me do that. I’m gonna go help Reggie with lunch. One of the guests who was supposed to help did a backflip off the corral fence and sprained her wrist.” She rolled her eyes in a knowing way. “It was dumb—Gillian hasn’t done gymnastics in forever.”
She dashed out the door as if nothing had ever bothered her, and Jacob breathed a grateful prayer that children were more resilient than most people gave them credit for being. He realized that a single conversation wouldn’t resolve everything, but they’d made a start.
Jacob glanced around the Westons’ living room. He hadn’t taken notice of it before, but now he felt the relaxed solidity of the place. It was big and richly colored and a sharp contrast to the modernized Seattle loft home he shared with Kittie. Country rock formed the fireplace and braided rag rugs were scattered attractively on the polished wood floors. A quilt was draped over a stand, and a huge gray tabby was curled up in a basket; it looked up and yawned as Jacob watched.
“Are you Squash?” he said, recalling Mariah’s tale of the feline who’d been her companion since she was a teenager.
The cat yawned again and went back to sleep.
Jacob knew he ought to leave to preserve the Westons’ privacy, but he dropped his head on the cushions and thought of the things that Kittie had revealed about her mother.
Why, Anna? Why didn’t you tell me?
He still would have loved her if he’d known; she’d captivated him from the beginning. But all these years he’d wondered how things would have turned out if they’d started their family later. Would they have learned about her condition in time to do something about it before pregnancy had strained her heart? It appeared the answer was no, and he didn’t have any reason to feel responsible.
Could Kittie have sensed the guilt he’d felt and blamed herself because of it? The one thing he was certain of was how much he loved his daughter. Maybe that was one of the reasons he’d felt guilty...because no matter what, he couldn’t be sorry that she’d been born.
He would have to talk to Kittie about her mother, tell her how excited Anna was when she’d given birth...share the things he should have been sharing all along.
With a groan, Jacob got up and walked out of the ranch house. He wanted to be angry with Anna for her deception, yet a thought kept going through his mind—his wife had been more courageous than he’d ever been. She’d faced her options and decided to make their marriage the happiest it could be. While he hadn’t been willing to get married again or have more children, because he didn’t want to chance losing someone else he loved.
But Mariah was right—he couldn’t really live unless he took chances. His daughter was choking in the protective bubble he’d created for her, and his own heart couldn’t survive shrouded in painful memories. He should have honored the love he’d shared with Anna, instead of hiding from it.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
MARIAH SADDLED SHADOW and rode toward the swimming hole. It wasn’t the best place to go under the circumstances—there were too many immediate reminders of Jacob—yet it was quiet and she needed to be alone.
Now that the root of Kittie’s problems had been uncovered, Jacob would leave. He’d probably set a speed record getting off the U-2.
Tethering Shadow where he could graze under a shady tree, Mariah sat by the water and blinked back the tears—tears that wouldn’t help her or anyone else.
Being in love with a man like Jacob was even harder than she’d thought it would be, yet the depth of her feelings were more proof that she hadn’t cared for Luke the way he’d deserved. In the end she had never let herself depend on him, despite Luke being one of the most trustworthy men she’d ever met. It must have been difficult for such a strong man to be sidelined in his fiancée’s life.
That was one good thing coming from Jacob’s stay at the U-2—she’d let Luke go. She just hoped he would find someone who would love him the way he deserved.
Sometime later, the sound of footsteps made Mariah look up. She gritted her teeth when she saw it was Jacob.
“Yes?”
He seemed taken aback at her sharp tone, but she couldn’t afford to invest herself in anything else having to do with the O’Donnells.
Jacob sat next to her. “Does the creek have a name?” he asked after a moment, gesturing to the water.
“Not really. It starts higher up and is fed by even smaller streams.” She tossed a bit of grass into the water and watched it drift with the current. As a girl she’d dropped grass or leaves into the water, hoping they might reach the Gulf of Mexico. “If you hiked its length, you’d see it flowing into a larger stream, and so on, until it joins the Yellowstone River.”
“Which empties into the Missouri River and beyond?”
“Yup.”
“Doesn’t it make you feel insignificant, being at the beginning of such a vast system? Not even the beginning, just one of the beginnings.”
Mariah shook her head. “A teacher once said that if a drop of rain fell on this side of the Continental Divide, it would eventually make its way to the Atlantic Ocean, but if it fell on the other side, it would go to the Pacific. It seemed magical that the creek water I was swimming in would get to the ocean one day, and maybe even return here when it rained or snowed and I’d swim in it again. That’s more significant than someone standing on the banks of the Mississippi in New Orleans, seeing it roll past without a clue of where it came from.”
Jacob leaned back on one elbow. “I remember being taught about continental watersheds, but I saw it another way.”
“Such as building dams and aqueducts?”
He gave her a chastising look. “I wasn’t interested in civil engineering—that’s a different field of study than aeronautics. No, when I was a boy, I imagined the water in my glass could have traveled anywhere over the centuries. A molecule of it could have been in a puddle that Benjamin Franklin stepped in, or touched a blue whale, or rained on a shogun in Japan.”
“It could have been to those places.”
“And a few trillion more. I suppose it did seem magical, imagining all the possibilities.”
Mariah swallowed a sigh. He’d once sensed some of the mystery she felt in nature, only to lose it over the years.
“Perhaps having an imagination isn’t such a bad thing,” Jacob added reflectively.
She wiggled her toes inside her boots. Not fancy or decorative, they were practical, the way her hat was practical. Jacob was probably accustomed to women who dressed in designer clothes and wore perfume that cost a thousand bucks an ounce.
Stop, Mariah ordered. She wasn’t going to apologize for being a working rancher and dressing as one most of the time.
“Mariah, we need to talk.”
“Isn’t that what we’re doing?” she asked flippantly.
She’d had all the talk she could stand in one day. She hurt for both Caitlin and Jacob, but it wouldn’t change a thing.
“You know what I mean.”
“I know you must be wondering how soon you can get out of here,” she said. “I thought you’d be packing, though I suppose you’d have to stay another night before getting a flight from Billings. You could also check what’s available from Bozeman. It’s a longer drive, but it could be an option. I’m really not familiar with the commercial schedules and what connections you have to make to get to Seattle.”
* * *
JACOB’S EYEBROWS SHOT UP. He wanted to kiss Mariah, but she had a hands-off expression he would have been able to read a mile away.
>
“I hadn’t given any thought to flights. We arrived in a company jet. It’s based in Seattle and can return whenever needed.”
“Oh. That makes sense. Caitlin may give you an argument, but you could promise to take her horseback riding in Seattle.”
“Mariah, quit talking about me leaving,” he said flatly, though it was his own fault that she was expecting him to vanish now that he’d found some answers with Kittie. She was the reason he’d come in the first place, and his initial contempt for Montana and country living couldn’t have helped.
“Then what?”
“I need to thank you for being there and listening when my daughter needed you. I truly didn’t know how Kittie...Caitlin felt,” he corrected himself. “Remind me if I slip and say Kittie instead. It won’t be easy remembering.”
“I’m sure she’ll appreciate it.” Mariah’s face was still remote. “But I’m also sure you’re anxious to get home. Think of it, no more communal showers, no more sleeping outside and no more meals in a mess tent. Home must sound like heaven to you.”
Home?
Memories of sterile corporate conference rooms and dull contract negotiations flashed through Jacob’s head. The loft he’d converted was spacious and modern, with the popular “industrial” details the architect had raved about, yet it was cold compared to the Weston home. And what about the noise and bustle of the city? A month ago he would have said it was energizing being around so many people; now the inevitable impersonal element of living among hundreds of thousands of strangers seemed a drawback.
Then there were the recent memories—his daughter laughing as she held a bottle of milk to feed an orphan calf and flirting shyly at a square dance, the sweet scent of hay and the more pungent smell of cow manure, the gurgle of creek water...and Mariah, her auburn hair blowing in the wind. She was a temperamental redhead...and vibrant and real and loving. For the first time in more than ten years, he felt alive; he wouldn’t give that up for a million cities.
“I love you,” he said simply. “Being with you is what sounds like heaven.”
Mariah stiffened visibly. “Don’t say that. You’re caught up in the emotion of what happened. You’ll regret—”
“Don’t say I’ll regret it in the morning,” he interrupted.
“You will. And it’s sexual energy anyway. I’ll bet you’ve been so worried about Caitlin’s problems you haven’t been with a woman for ages.”
He clenched his jaw. “I’m thirty-seven, Mariah, not a boy with hormones raging out of control. I know the difference between real emotion and physical impulses. I think what we have together is worth a shot. Can’t you consider giving it a try? Maybe we could have a real future together.”
Mariah paled. “Jacob, we’re so incompatible. I don’t have to tell you that Seattle is a world away from the ranch. We just don’t speak the same language.”
“I’m not saying it would be a cakewalk. But we’re not that incompatible—we have things we agree on. Hell, Anna and I had nothing in common except being in love.”
“You were younger then and less set in your ways.” Mariah rubbed her arms as if chilled and Jacob wanted to pull her close. Yet he still didn’t know how she felt; he might be making wild assumptions. And even if she was in love with him, it was no guarantee they could sort things out.
He stroked the curve of her jaw and saw her eyes darken and breathing quicken at his touch. Once it would have made him triumphant to know she was so responsive to him; now he only prayed she could believe in the impossible.
“I may be set in my ways, but I’ve lost too much not to recognize something precious.”
She dug her fingers into the grass. “This is a pretty big change. You spent a lot of years devoted to Anna’s memory.”
“I know. But finding out from Kit...Caitlin that Anna knew she was sick before we got married has sort of freed me. Maybe I was stupid not to guess the truth, but for years I blamed myself for Anna’s death...thinking maybe if we’d waited to have a baby, she would have been okay.”
Jacob stretched, trying to reclaim the peace he’d discovered on the ranch.
“To be honest,” he continued, “I was searching for anything to stop feeling responsible. All this time I’ve thought Anna might be alive if we’d waited, and yet I couldn’t be sorry I had Kittie.”
Mariah squeezed his hand. “It wouldn’t have been your fault, either way.”
“I’ve known that logically, but feelings aren’t logical. Now I know there wasn’t anything I could have done. I was angry about Anna’s deception for a couple of minutes, but then I realized how brave she was—she knew we probably wouldn’t have long together and wanted to get everything out of every moment. I’m not saying what she did was right, but I understand her motivations. Especially now, after being here.”
* * *
MARIAH CLASPED AN ARM over her stomach.
She’d noticed that Jacob wasn’t wearing his wedding ring and had struggled not to get her hopes up. Now he wanted them to consider a real relationship and she was still struggling—it wasn’t that easy.
“Mariah, please love me,” he implored. “I don’t want to miss out on what we could have. I want to get everything out of every moment, too.”
Jacob’s sincerity was inescapable and a tear rolled down her cheek. “I...I do love you, but that...” The rest of her reply was smothered in a kiss.
An endless minute later, she drew back; they were both breathing hard.
“It’s decided,” he said with a hint of his old arrogance.
She glared, exasperated. “Nothing is decided. For one thing, our families don’t know we’re involved, and it’s important that Caitlin doesn’t get blindsided right now. Return to Washington and see how you feel once you get there, before we even begin to think where this might go.”
“Mariah—”
“You may not admit it, but you know I’m right,” she said, cutting him off and getting to her feet. “Go home for a while and then we can talk.”
“I don’t need to go anywhere to know what I want.”
She gave him a level look. “Maybe. But I need you to.”
* * *
MARIAH RODE TO THE RANCH by herself, wishing her heart didn’t hurt so badly. Jacob might leave and never return...but what would she do if he did come back, wanting to give their relationship a chance? How could it work? She thought of her parents, perfectly matched to each other, both from Montana ranching families. They’d understood each other so well they could communicate with a single look and know what the other was thinking.
But that kind of love had its price—her father hadn’t been able to face a future alone when her mother died. It was frightening to give that much of herself to another person, yet would anything less be enough?
She reached the barn and dismounted, leading Shadow to his stall. By habit she took off his saddle and began grooming him, the ritual as much a part of her as anything on the ranch. One of her earliest memories was her father standing her on a stool and showing her how to run the curry brush along the flanks of his Appaloosa.
Jacob had suggested they might have a future together. Was he thinking a long-distance arrangement—weekends and holidays and visits to and from? It was remotely possible when he had access to a jet, and he knew how she felt about the ranch; even if her family didn’t need her, she was part of the land.
Mariah rested her forehead on Shadow’s gleaming neck, thinking of her avowed determination not to get involved with a guest. A faint, rueful smile tugged at her mouth. Not only had she gotten involved with a guest, she’d fallen in love with a wealthy, city-loving tycoon who had business interests everywhere in the world except Montana.
When she screwed up, she did it big-time.
* * *
JACOB WALKED SLOWLY back to the ranch. M
ariah had offered to let him ride Shadow, but he knew the stallion would resent carrying anyone but his favorite human being. Besides, he needed to formulate a plan.
Stubborn redhead.
Saying I love you might have been enough for most women, but not Mariah. On the other hand, she’d made a good point; he had to be careful after what Kittie had been through the past year. Of course, his daughter seemed ready to move to the ranch, lock, stock and barrel, so she’d probably approve of anything that could make it happen.
He went into the mess tent and found Kittie sitting with Burt, chattering as she gobbled an enormous piece of cake between gulps of milk.
“Hi, Dad,” she greeted him happily. “You missed lunch, but I had Reggie save you a plate. Eat, and then we’re going out to move a herd.”
Food was the last thing on his mind, but he smiled. “Thanks.”
Apparently Kittie and Burt had a busy afternoon planned.
It wasn’t until evening that they had some private time, and when Kittie learned he was contemplating a permanent move to Montana, she threw her arms around his neck.
“Omigod, thank you, thank you, thank you. I’ve wished and wished we could live here.”
“Yes, but do you understand what it means?”
His daughter rolled her eyes. “Duh. I’m not a baby. I know about sex and stuff.”
Heat rose under Jacob’s collar. “It’s not just... I’m not... I mean, we’d get married. And if we do, Mariah will be your, uh...”
“Mother?” Kittie finished for him matter-of-factly. “Would I get to call her Mom?”
Jacob hadn’t thought that far ahead, which made him understand why Mariah might have felt he was rushing things. But he was sure that he loved her and didn’t want to waste any more time. He’d lost too much already.
“That would be up to the two of you,” he said. “I haven’t proposed yet, I just wanted to tell you so it wouldn’t be a surprise. Anyway, Mariah might not want to marry me.”
The Ranch Solution Page 27