Uncle John’s 24-Karat Gold Bathroom Reader®

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Uncle John’s 24-Karat Gold Bathroom Reader® Page 29

by Bathroom Readers' Institute


  If airline flights had the same rate of failure as space flights, 275 planes would crash every day.

  LEAPFROG

  San Francisco lawyer Michael Wood’s young son, Matthew, was having trouble putting sounds together to make words. So, with the help of Stanford professor Robert Calfee (and using the technology for talking greeting cards), he developed Phonics Desk, an interactive toy designed to teach children how to pronounce words. It came out in 1995, and LeapFrog Enterprises was founded. In 1999 the company introduced LeapPad interactive books, which allow children to touch letters with a stylus in order to hear them pronounced. By 2002 almost nine million LeapPads were sold, making it the first educational toy to become a bestseller in the United States since the 1980s.

  ALPHABET BLOCKS

  Wooden blocks were first suggested as an educational tool in 1693, when English philosopher John Locke wrote that “dice and playthings with the letters on them to teach children the alphabet by playing” would help make learning more enjoyable. But it wasn’t until the early 1800s that such toys became widely available. That’s when New York teacher J.E. Wickham began selling sets of blocks covered in colored paper engraved with words and pictures. In 1820 the S.L. Hill Company of Williamsburg, New York, took out a patent on wooden blocks embossed with the alphabet, commonly called “alphabet blocks.” They’re now one of only 46 toys in the National Toy Hall of Fame.

  It’s no use carrying an umbrella if your shoes are leaking.

  —Irish proverb

  Freshly fallen snow is only about 8% water; the rest is air.

  IGY

  “I Got You?” “Icky Greenish-Yellow?” No, it stands for the International Geophysical Year, a scientific world summit that led to some of the most important and famous scientific breakthroughs of the 20th century.

  THE FUTURE’S SO BRIGHT

  In April 1950, physics professor and rocket scientist James Van Allen hosted a party for about 10 of his friends, all top American scientists, at his home in Silver Spring, Maryland. The occasion: Influential British geophysicist Sydney Chapman was in Washington, D.C., on business, and the American scientists wanted to meet him. Over the course of the evening, the men got to talking about the era in which they lived. Certainly, they said, it had to be one of the most exciting times ever for science, particularly because of all the recent technological developments being applied to peaceful uses after World War II. Among those advances: rockets, radar, computers, and atomic energy.

  Physicist Lloyd Berkner agreed, but only to a point. His area of research concerned measuring the height and density of the atmosphere. Proper calculations required data gathered from all over the planet, a task hindered by Cold War politics. What science needed, Berkner said, was a replay of the “International Polar Years” (IPY) of 1882 and 1932, during which scientists worldwide pooled their knowledge, resources, and expertise to study meteorology, magnetism, and atmospheric science, using new advancements such as high-frequency radio and precision cameras to collect data. But the Great Depression reduced the scope of the project, and in the wake of World War II, most of the observation stations from the IPYs had been damaged or destroyed. Berkner was suggesting a new IPY—a coordinated effort to explore and advance earth and physical sciences, free from political interference.

  BLINDED WITH SCIENCE

  Van Allen, Berkner, and a few others drew up some ideas over the next year or so, and in 1952 they presented their idea for an “International Geophysical Year” (IGY) to the International Council of Scientific Unions, a worldwide coalition that oversaw individual national scientific boards. The proposal was accepted, and planning got under way for the IGY, which would technically be a year and a half, observed from July 1957 to December 1958. That time period was selected because it coincided with an expected high point in sunspot activity and the frequency of eclipses, allowing for better research of those phenomena. But more importantly, the scientists needed a full five years to prepare: They still had to design and build many of the tools and instruments they would need to conduct their research.

  Believe it or not, Robert Ripley died on the set of Ripley’s Believe It or Not!

  The United Nations endorsed and promoted the IGY not only as a move toward vast scientific development, but also as a move toward world peace. By the time the IGY began, 67 countries had signed up, with China the only major holdout. The event began as scheduled in July 1957, with experiments and projects taking place across the globe (and beyond). It would be the largest study of the natural world ever attempted, with more than 4,000 research stations established around the world.

  A WORLD OF DISCOVERY

  Under the umbrella of the IGY, international scientists made many significant discoveries and achievements.

  • The dawn of the Space Age. The October 1957 launch of Sputnik I, the world’s first artificial satellite, was part of the IGY. The launch took the world (and some world governments) by surprise, but the International Council of Scientific Unions had called for artificial satellites to be launched during the IGY. The U.S. launched Explorer I just a few months later, in January 1958, and the ensuing media storm over both satellites (and the fact that the Russians had launched theirs first) helped fuel the “Space Race.”

  • Understanding Earth’s magnetic field. Explorer I confirmed a theory posited by James Van Allen. He arranged for radiation-measuring Geiger counters to be placed on the satellite, and they detected a halo of high-energy particles—primarily cosmic rays and solar molecules—around the planet. For these halos to exist, a strong magnetic field had to be holding them there. And because of how they were situated, it meant that Earth itself generated a magnetic field. Without the field in place, all those molecules would collide with the atmosphere, creating so much radiation on Earth that it would make the planet uninhabitable. (That halo of particles is now known as the Van Allen radiation belt.)

  Late bloomer: President Andrew Johnson didn’t learn to write until he was 17.

  • Determining the makeup of the atmosphere. Lloyd Berkner was finally given access to data from research facilities around the world, enabling him (and others) to measure the height and density of the atmosphere and make new discoveries about upper-atmospheric winds. That knowledge led to further developments in shortwave radio, which in turn allowed scientists to study how the full spectrum of light reacts with the atmosphere.

  • Long-term study and facilities in Antarctica. The first permanent structure on the continent of ice was built in advance of the IGY in 1956 by the Royal Society (England’s national academy of sciences) following a South Pole expedition. They named it Halley Research Station after British astronomer Edmond Halley, discoverer of Halley’s Comet. Japanese and American stations followed, and in 1958 the Antarctic Treaty was signed, establishing the continent as a place owned by no one nation and dedicated entirely to research. More than 40 nations have signed the treaty to date. Research done during the IGY radically changed previous estimates of the thickness of the Antarctic ice sheet and of the total ice content of the Earth.

  • Understanding of oceanic trenches and plate tectonics. For the first time, oceanographers were able to measure and define mid-ocean ridges—miles-deep trenches—and gain a better understanding of the chemical makeup of Earth’s crust, not to mention plate tectonics. They also measured and charted ocean depths all around the planet.

  • Free exchange of scientific data. Three “World Data Centers” were set up for the storage of all the data collected during the IGY. With one in the U.S., one in the U.S.S.R., and one in Asia, the goal was to use redundancy to prevent a full-scale data loss.

  • Use of computers for storage of huge amounts of data. Within the World Data Centers, there was yet more redundancy, with data saved in triplicate—paper, computer punch cards, and computerized magnetic tape. This was the first large-scale computer data-storage operation in history. The World Data Centers still exist to securely store scientific data, but there are 52 of them now.
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  Want to dig to China? You’d need to start shoveling in Chile or Argentina.

  • The development of an American space program. After two launched satellites, the discovery of radiation belts, and better knowledge of the makeup of the atmosphere, the consensus at the end of the IGY was, literally, “the sky’s the limit.” And so, in July 1958, just after the IGY officially ended, the U.S. government announced the start-up of an independent space program, the National Aeronautics and Space Agency.

  ELEPHANT JOKES

  A corny but popular fad from the 1960s. (And still corny.)

  Q: How is an elephant like an apricot?

  A: They’re both gray. Well, except the apricot.

  Q: How can you tell if an elephant is in the refrigerator?

  A: The door won’t shut.

  Q: How can you tell if an elephant has been in the refrigerator earlier?

  A: Footprints in the butter.

  Q: How do you stop a charging elephant?

  A: Take away his credit card.

  Q: What did Tarzan say when the elephants charged?

  A: “Look out, here come the elephants!”

  Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants in the distance?

  A: “Look, a herd of elephants in the distance!”

  Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants with sunglasses?

  A: Nothing. He didn’t recognize them.

  Q: Why do elephants wear sandals?

  A: So that they don’t sink in the sand.

  Q: Why do ostriches stick their heads in the ground?

  A: They’re looking for the elephants that forgot to wear their sandals.

  In 1928 travel writer Richard Halliburton paid 36¢ to swim through the Panama Canal.

  ICNTDRV

  ...and other real and funny license plates sent in to us by readers.

  SLZBAG

  IFARTED

  H8MYWIFE

  MMMBACON

  HIOFCER

  WOH NELI

  VNTYPL8

  11 MPG

  MY NAME

  PMS24-7

  0TURDS

  (on a plumber’s van)

  IM LOST

  RELSHME

  (on the Wienermobile)

  LUV2FRT

  U R NXT

  (on a hearse)

  NOT OJ

  (on a white Ford Bronco)

  KOP B8

  (on a Corvette)

  2MNYKIDZ

  (on a minivan)

  FSTR N U

  YOMAMMA

  GLBLWRMR

  (on a gas-guzzler)

  U IDIOT

  EIEIO

  IM2FAT

  X N TRUNK

  BEAMEUP

  IM LTL

  (on a compact car)

  L8 AGN

  STOL3N

  NO1LKSU

  CATLADI

  3ZACROWD

  (on a two-seater sports car)

  BEERRUN

  CRASH

  HI DEBT

  (on a Ferrari)

  MOM TAXI

  KICKGAS

  (on a Prius)

  ICRASHM

  EPH U

  NVERLA8

  (on a sportscar)

  LYTESPD

  TOY YODA

  RN EM OVR

  I GOTTA P

  You can fold a $1 bill 4,000 times before it will tear.

  DINNER AND A LAWSUIT

  You go out to your favorite restaurant or bar, expecting to have a pleasant time...but instead you end up suing the place. Bon appétit!

  THE PLAINTIFF: Arturo Carvajal, a Florida doctor

  THE DEFENDANT: Houston’s, a restaurant in North Miami Beach

  THE LAWSUIT: Do you know the correct way to eat artichokes? You use your teeth to scrape the “meat” from the bottom of each tough, fibrous, spiky leaf and then discard the leaf. Never having eaten artichokes before, Dr. Carvajal didn’t know that. Even so, he ordered the daily special—grilled artichokes—when he dined at Houston’s in May 2009. When his plate arrived, Carvajal ate the first leaf, spike and all. Then he ate another and another, until his plate was clean. Then he didn’t feel well. Suffering from acute abdominal pain, Carvajal went to the hospital, where doctors found the undigested spiky leaves stuck in his bowel and intestines. Claiming “disability, disfigurement, mental anguish, and loss of capacity for the enjoyment of life,” Carvajal sued Houston’s for $15,000, claiming the server should have told him how to eat artichokes.

  THE VERDICT: The restaurant’s attorney called the lawsuit a “silly notion.” The case is still pending, but don’t be surprised if the next time you order grilled artichokes, they come with an instruction manual.

  THE PLAINTIFFS: Chadwick St.-OHarra and Steve Righetti, both 59, two friends from California

  THE DEFENDANT: The Seafood Peddler in San Rafael

  THE LAWSUIT: St.-OHarra was treating Righetti to a birthday dinner in 2010 when their appetizer arrived: a plate of escargot—snails in garlic butter. When St.-OHarra used his cocktail fork to pierce a steaming snail, it exploded, spraying melted butter and tiny chunks of snail all over both men. St.-OHarra’s face and shirt were covered. According to his lawsuit, a bit of butter got into his eye, causing “temporary vision impairment.” And a squirt of butter landed on Righetti’s nose, causing “humiliation.” (What occurred is known as “escargot explosion,” and although it is rare, it is not unheard of.) After wiping themselves off, the two men finished their main courses, but were unhappy with the lack of remorse shown by the staff, which St.-OHarra described as “friggin’ rude.” Said Righetti, “Do I need this on my birthday?” They filed a claim against the Seafood Peddler’s insurance company. When it was rejected, they sued. St.-OHarra, a former law student, decided to act as their lawyer in small claims court. He sought $7,500 for medical expenses and pain and suffering.

  The foil used to wrap one day’s production of Hershey’s Kisses would cover 40 football fields.

  THE VERDICT: Citing a complete lack of evidence to back up their claims, the judge dismissed the case “with prejudice,” which means that it can never be filed again. The real winner was the Seafood Peddler—after the lawsuit made headlines, the restaurant reported a surge in escargot sales.

  THE PLAINTIFF: David Martin, of California

  THE DEFENDANT: A Ca-Shi in Studio City

  THE LAWSUIT: In February 2011, Martin went to the restaurant for the $28 all-you-can-eat sushi special. When the first plate was brought to him, Martin ate the raw fish that comes inside the sushi rolls, but not the rice that surrounds it. Then he ordered another plate and did the same thing. When Martin ordered a third plate, restaurant owner Jay Oh told Martin that because he wasn’t eating any of the rice, he would have to pay for each order of just the fish, at $25 per serving. Martin replied that he was unable to eat the rice because he is a type-2 diabetic (his body can’t handle all the carbohydrates). Neither man would budge, and Oh charged him the full amount. Two weeks later, Martin filed a $4,000 discrimination suit, claiming “humiliation, embarrassment, and mental anguish.” He argued the restaurant wanted him to “fill up on rice.” Oh countered, “Rice is a part of sushi. If you only eat the fish, I would go broke.”

  THE VERDICT: Even though Martin’s attorney claimed the suit was “not about the money,” he offered to drop the whole thing for $6,000, more than the initial amount cited. Oh refused. He knew he would have to pay a lot in court costs, but vowed to fight the charge. At last report, the two still plan to duke it out in court.

  Odds of dying in a house fire: 1 in 1,413. Odds of being murdered: 1 in 18,000.

  THE PLAINTIFF: Aaron Schnore, a Manhattan screenwriter

  THE DEFENDANT: Johnny Utah’s, which bills itself as the only bar in New York City with a mechanical bull

  THE LAWSUIT: There’s a sign on the door of Johnny Utah’s warning people to not ride the mechanical bull if they’re drunk. Schnore, 38, didn’t heed that sign, but he signed the waiver releasing Johnn
y Utah’s from liability should he get hurt. He got hurt. According to Schnore’s lawsuit, because he was already drunk when he signed the waiver, the contract should be invalid. Schnore’s lawyers also argued that the mechanical-bull operator “pumped it and pumped it until he could throw him,” which amounted to “assault and battery.” Johnny Utah’s management countered that that’s the whole point of the mechanical bull—to try and throw the rider. Alleging that he received “serious” injuries (Schnore landed awkwardly on his arm), he sued the bar for an undisclosed amount of money.

  THE VERDICT: A New York State Supreme Court judge dismissed the case, basically saying that if you sign a waiver when you’re drunk, you’re still held to that agreement.

  PROTEST SIGNS

  Real homemade signs spotted at real protest rallies.

  I’m mad as hell.

  But mostly in a passive-agressive way.

  3 words that will save the economy: Gay. Bridal. Registry.

  Thank you, Fox News, for keeping is infromed.

  Drink the Kool-Aid already!

  CONGRESS SHOULD DO STUFF.

  I support my state senator. (Wherever he is.)

  I already regret choosing to carry a sign around all day.

  Can’t we all just get a bong?

  More good news from nature: Flies spend 30% of their time vomiting.

  RANDOM BITS ON

  ELTON JOHN HITS

  Here’s hoping these facts don’t burn out like a candle in the wind.

  “Your Song”:John’s first album, Empty Sky (1969), flopped in both the U.S. and the U.K. Still, he got a gig as the opening act for Three Dog Night. One of the songs he performed on that tour was “Your Song,” which he planned to include on his next album. Only problem: So did Three Dog Night, who planned to release their version as a single. At the last moment, though, the band changed their minds. Why? They thought John did the song (which he co-wrote) better. It turned out to be John’s breakthrough hit, reaching #8 in the U.S., his first of 59 top 40 hits.

 

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