CLOTHES CALL
In June 2009, a U.S. Airways flight from Charlotte, North Carolina, to Los Angeles was disrupted when a passenger, 50-year-old Keith Wright of the Bronx, New York, stripped naked and refused to put his clothes back on. When a flight attendant tried to cover him with a blanket, he started punching and kicking, at which point two off-duty police officers on the flight subdued and handcuffed him. The plane was diverted to Albuquerque, New Mexico, where Wright was taken off the plane. “He had some alcohol at the Charlotte airport and was on medication but didn’t take it. Perhaps a combination of not taking his medication, plus the alcohol and the altitude all impacted his usual behavior,” the Albuquerque airport police chief told reporters. (Wright, a former employee of the Transportation Security Administration, says he doesn’t remember the flight.)
On average, it takes 85 lbs. of feed to raise a 30-lb. turkey.
STRANGE SUPERSTITIONS
It’s hard to imagine that anyone could possibly believe these old superstitions, but then some people actually doubt the existence of the Great Flooplenocker, so go figure.
• A newborn’s first sneeze is lucky. Before the sneeze, the baby is under the influence of bad fairies, and the newborn who does not sneeze may become a warlock or witch.
• Is she really a witch? Drive a nail into her footprint. If she returns to pull it out, she’s a witch.
• Dropping an umbrella on the floor means there will be a murder in the house.
• To remove a birthmark, rub it with a duck’s foot. (No word on whether it should be attached to the duck.)
• Don’t throw out hair trimmings. If a bird uses your hair for a nest, you’ll be prone to constant headaches.
• Your best chance of recovering from being struck by lightning is to be buried up to your neck in the ground.
• Carrying St. John’s wort keeps the devil from coming any closer than nine steps away from you.
• The pains of childbirth can be lessened by untying all knots in a house and unbraiding the woman’s hair.
• To cure a headache, rub your fingers under your arms really hard and then smell them.
• To be successful in all you do, carry a bat’s heart with you at all times.
• Break the shell of a boiled egg after eating it to keep witches from traveling in it.
• A girl who eats chicken gizzards will have big breasts.
• To avoid bad luck after seeing an ambulance, pinch your nose until you see a black or brown dog.
• A mole on the buttocks foretells death by hanging.
• Swallowing young frogs whole will cure cancer.
• If you leave the house wearing a fern, you’ll lose your way and snakes will follow you.
• Knives stay sharp longer once they have “tasted” their owner’s blood.
One industry seeing an increase in business since the 2008 recession, according to CNN: psychics.
NICE LEGS!
Some facts that really stand up.
• All animals on Earth with legs are descended from animals without legs—the first creatures to leave water for land. Fossil evidence suggests this happened roughly 400 million years ago.
• All insect species (there are an estimated 6 to 10 million of them) have three pairs of legs. Although they can differ considerably, there are five main types of insect legs:
Cursorial. Specially adapted for running. Examples of insects with such legs are cockroaches and silverfish.
Saltatorial. Adapted for jumping. You’ve seen them on grasshoppers and crickets.
Raptorial. For grasping prey. Example: the praying mantis.
Natatorial. Flat and covered with fine hairs. They’re used for swimming, and are found on insects like diving beetles.
Fossorial. For digging. Found on burrowing insects such as mole crickets.
• The legs of crustaceans (crabs, shrimp, barnacles) and myriapods (centipedes, millipedes) all have seven segments.
• The more than 100,000 species of arachnids (spiders, scorpions, ticks, etc.) have four pairs of legs. Each leg is made up of seven segments. From the body out, they are coxa, trochanter, femur, patella, tibia, metatarsus, and tarsus.
• Most mammals have four legs, and most of them use all four for walking. The others—the aquatic mammals (such as whales and seals) and bats all descended from animals with four legs.
• A few, including humans, are bipedal, meaning we use two limbs to get around.
• Other bipeds: birds; macropods (hopping animals such as kangaroos); some lemurs that, when on the ground, hop sideways on two legs; the Tyrannosaurus rex (and many other extinct creatures).
• The fewest number of legs on any animal: two. The most: 750, recorded on Illacme plenipes, a type of millipede found only in central California. (The number of legs varies, but most members of the species have more than 600.)
Once they climb higher than 8,000 feet, many mountain climbers hallucinate.
• There are no known animals with an odd number of legs.
• Some insects, such as caterpillars, have structures called prolegs on their abdomens. In the case of caterpillars, the prolegs have tiny hooks on them and can be manipulated to assist the creatures in moving. But they are unsegmented and, as such, are not considered true legs.
• There are around 1,100 bat species in the world. They all have two legs, but only two—vampire bats and lesser short-tailed bats—can walk. The rest have legs that are too fragile and weak for walking.
• Why do birds stand on one leg? Scientists believe they do it to conserve heat. Birds’ legs contain significant veins and arteries, but aren’t covered with feathers, so they lose body heat through their legs. Standing on one leg simply reduces the rate at which they lose that heat. (Another theory about why birds stand on one leg: If they stood on no legs, they’d fall over.)
THERE’S AN APP FOR THAT?
UK Payphone: If you’re traveling in the United Kingdom, this app will help you find the closest pay telephone...which seems kind of pointless, since you’d have to have your phone to use it.
Wooo! Button: Tap the button and it shouts “wooo!”
Hair Clinic for Man and Woman: The producers bill it as “the world’s first mobile hair clinic system.” They claim that if you run this $8.99 app while rubbing the phone on your head, it releases frequencies that promote the circulation of blood on the scalp, helping hair to grow.
SimStapler: Press the picture of the stapler. It makes stapling sounds.
Hang Time: It measures how high into the air you can throw your smartphone. The app costs 99 cents, but make sure to catch your phone, or it will end up costing a lot more.
Myth-understood: Elephants aren’t afraid of mice (but they are afraid of bees).
DUMB CROOKS
With crooks like these, we hardly need cops. Here’s proof that crime doesn’t pay.
OFF THE HOOK
In March 2011, Kevon Whitfield, 19, and a 14-year-old friend phoned Topper’s Pizza in Clifton, Ohio, and ordered a pizza. But what they really wanted to do was to rob the pizza delivery person. How do we know this? Because after Whitfield phoned in the order, he forgot to end the call—his cell phone was still connected to Topper’s Pizza as he and his accomplice were planning the robbery. A Topper’s Pizza employee heard everything and immediately called the cops. The police replaced the delivery driver with an undercover officer, who arrested the two prospective thieves as they tried to pull the heist.
SICK DAY
In February 2009, Amber Carter, a 4th-grade teacher in Bellefontaine, Ohio, took a half-day of sick leave and went home early. The following morning the school’s principal visited Carter’s classroom to tell her students that their teacher would not be returning to Western Intermediate School. The afternoon Carter supposedly went home sick, she was arrested for prostitution at a Super 8 Motel after she accepted cash from an undercover cop posing as a customer. How’d she get caught? “Suspicious Internet activity.”
Police say they received an anonymous tip after Carter posted ads for her “services” on Craigslist using a school computer.
(SHIRT) COLLARED
Two men pulled a home-invasion robbery in Charlotte, North Carolina, in March 2011, making off with jewelry, a wallet, and other valuables. But as they fled, a T-shirt fell out of their getaway car. Not just any T-shirt, either: This one had a photo of one of the robbers on it (along with the slogan “Making money is my thang”). When police displayed it on the local “Crime Stoppers” TV show, the man depicted on the shirt, 25-year-old Jonathan Huntley, turned himself in. Extra dumb: The photo on the shirt was a mug shot from a previous armed robbery arrest—for which Huntley had served seven years in prison. He had only been out for four months when his mug shot shirt got him arrested again.
20th Century Fox has a trademark on “the spoken word ‘D’oh’” (but not the written word).
THEY’LL NEVER EXPECT THIS!
In August 2010, Shane Alexander, 20, and Jason Vantress, 30, went to a Portland, Oregon, Fred Meyer supermarket and started cutting the tags off items and stuffing the goods into their backpacks. The things they took included clothes, shoes, tools—even a couple of blenders. A clerk saw what they were doing and quickly notified police, which wasn’t very difficult...since there were 60 uniformed officers already in the store. Turns out it was “Shop with a Cop” day, an annual event during which officers assist underprivileged kids with back-to-school shopping. Alexander and Vantress were arrested seconds later. “As is so often the occasion with crooks,” said Officer Pete Simpson, “they think they’re smarter than the average bear. And they’re not.”
IT’S A LONG WAY TO THE BOTTOM, TOO...
In January 2009, Joseph Houston, 29, of Brewster, Massachusetts, went to Boston to see a concert by the heavy metal band Metallica. During the show Houston had too much to drink, pulled down his pants, and exposed himself to the family sitting in front of him. Then he urinated on one of them. Then, with his pants still down, he started fighting with one of them. When police tried to get him to leave, he fought with them, and he was finally arrested.
Legendary Bonus #1: Houston’s mug shot—which ended up on the Internet—shows the T-shirt he was wearing that night: It was a take-off on “Metallica,” and said Alcoholica on it.
Legendary Bonus #2: Mr. Houston was an officer with the Brewster Police Department. (Mr. Houston is no longer an officer with the Brester Police Department.)
“One disadvantage of having nothing to do is you can’t stop and rest.”
—Franklin P. Jones
Christopher Reeve’s trainer for Superman (1978): David Prowse, who played Darth Vader.
FACES OF DEATH
Who will you encounter after you kick the bucket? The Grim Reaper? Or maybe an entirely different specter? It might depend on where you live, since none of the world’s religions seem to agree on who—or what—will be waiting on the other side. Here are some of Death’s strangest personifications.
Name: Yamaraj
Origin: Hindi culture
Details: Also known as Dharmaraj, or Yama, for short, his name literally means “the Lord of Death.” In artistic depictions, he’s a portly man with a mustache and, legend says, skin that’s “the color of a rain cloud.” He rides the plains of existence on a water buffalo, and upon a person’s death, ropes the departed soul with a lasso and carries it to Yamalok, the Hindu underworld. His assistant, Chitragupta, keeps track of all the good and bad deeds of every human on the planet, and after checking the records, Yama determines how each soul will be reincarnated. If the person was good, they might return as a tiger. If not: a mosquito.
Name: Giltine
Origin: Eastern Europe, primarily the Baltic states
Details: Before they adopted the more Western depiction of Death as a hooded skeleton with a scythe, people in the Baltic region had Giltine, a grotesque woman with a crooked, blue nose and a sharp, poisonous tongue, whose name means “to sting.” According to folklore, she was once a beautiful young woman... until she was trapped in a coffin for seven years and emerged a monster. Then, the legend goes, she collected poison from graveyards and used it to lick the dying to death.
Name: Izanami
Origin: Japan
Details: According to Japanese mythology, a god named Izanagi-no-Mikoto and his goddess wife, Izanami, helped bridge the gap between Heaven and Earth, creating humanity and the islands of Japan in the process. Izanami died while giving birth to a fire god; overcome with grief, Izanagi-no-Mikoto went looking for her in Yomi, the land of the dead. He found her, but after discovering that her beauty had been ravaged by death, he fled back to Earth. Enraged by his betrayal, Izanami vowed to take the lives of 1,000 humans per day, becoming the Goddess of Death. Izanagi responded with a vow of his own: to offset her wrath by creating 1,500 people per day.
The ancient Romans used asbestos napkins. To clean them, they threw them in the fire.
Name: Santa Muerte
Origin: Mexico
Details: Literally “Saint Death,” she is usually portrayed in Mexican folk art as a female skeleton wearing a dress and a large floral hat. The concept emerged from a combination of Meso-American native religions and the Catholicism that dominates the country today. Belief in the skeleton-deity has been condemned over the centuries, with the Catholic Church of Mexico going so far as to dub believers—even if they are also Catholic—a “cult.” Nevertheless, millions of Mexicans reportedly worship Santa Muerte, celebrating her during the huge cultural festivities called Dia de los Muertes (Day of the Dead) on November 1 of every year and erecting altars to her in their homes. The faithful believe that Santa Muerte not only assists souls in the afterlife but can grant favors to the living, protect them from bodily harm, and make others fall in love with them.
Name: Papa Ghede
Origin: Haiti
Story: Voodoo practitioners believe that a short, cigar-chomping man in a top hat is waiting for them at the crossroads of Earth and the afterlife. That man is Papa Ghede, who legend says is the living corpse of the first man who ever died. He’s aided by four other spirits who handle everything from guarding graveyards to giving voices to the dead during seances. Ghede loves rum and is known for his crass sense of humor and great wisdom, which includes an extensive knowledge of everything that happens in the worlds of the living and the dead. He also reads minds and sometimes even inhabits humans, inspiring them to make love. If that isn’t enough, Ghede is also the patron saint of those who die young. Worshippers offer him rum, cigars, or sacrificed crows to prevent him from taking sick children to the underworld.
Coca-Cola can partially neutralize the pain of a jellyfish sting (but vinegar works better).
UNDERWEAR
ON A MISSION
Remember when your underwear’s only job was to cover your privates (and not embarrass you in the emergency room)? Times have changed.
THE EMERGENCY BRA
What It Does: Lets you breathe easier
Details: If you’re ever caught in an emergency where the air becomes difficult to breathe, and you’re wearing one of these bras invented by Dr. Elena Bodnar, president of Chicago’s Trauma Risk Management Institute, you’ll breathe easier. The bra’s cups are made of a special air-filtering material and can be removed and used as face masks—one cup for you, one for a friend. They secure to the head with special straps, “freeing a survivor’s hands to keep balance while running and removing objects on the way out of danger,” Dr. Bodnar writes on her website. Her invention won her an IgNobel Prize (a parody prize that honors silly achievements in science) in 2009. For men unwilling to cross-dress for safety, she also sells an Emergency Dress Shirt with a special panel of the same material. Press the panel against your face, tie the sleeves around your head, and voilà! You’ve got a face mask.
BALLISTIC BOXER SHORTS
What It Does: Reduces injuries from improvised explosive devices
Details: There really isn’t much t
o these shorts. They’re regular boxers, made from two layers of thick silk fabric woven together and treated with an antibacterial agent. But while the shorts can’t stop bullets or shrapnel, if the wearer happens to encounter IEDs or land mines, they are surprisingly effective at blocking dirt and sand particles, minimizing the size of wounds and keeping them clean and easier to treat. The antibacterial agent also helps prevent secondary infections. In April 2011, the U.S. Marines rush-ordered more than 27,000 pairs of the undies after learning that British forces who wore them had fewer injuries than their American counterparts. Also under consideration: steel or high-density polyethylene cups, and underwear with pockets for Kevlar inserts.
During WWII, a London slang term for German bombs was “Bob Hopes.”
“WHAT WOULD YOUR MOTHER DO?”
What It Does: It’s “abstinence underwear,” designed to discourage teenagers from having sex.
Details: The underwear has anti-sex messages like “Dream on,” “Zip it,” and “Not tonight” printed on the waistband. “Why not help our teens make wise choices while they navigate the dating scene?” the company asks parents. “We just want to provide you with cute reminders to help you make an impression—somewhat discreetly.” To date, the company only sells underwear for girls; the jury’s still out on whether they’re truly effective at stopping teenagers from having sex. “If couples are getting to the point that their underwear is visible to the opposite sex,” one skeptic told the London Daily Mail, “they’re obviously not going to stop because of a ‘Zip it’ slogan!”
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