by Kitt, Sandra
“Of course we had to come,” Jim said, reaching out to give her a careful hug. “You’re our special-delivery baby,” he teased with a laugh.
“I’m so relieved that everything’s going to be okay,” Rosemary said, also hugging Carol and kissing her cheek.
“I know,” Carol murmured, waving to them as they left the room.
She stared at the empty doorway, feeling alone in the world again. She didn’t voice her conviction that she would heal and get on with her life. But she would never be the same again.
Lee leaned against his car with his hands stuffed in his jeans pockets. He was grateful for the expensive sunglasses that both hid and protected his eyes. He’d chosen to stand in the cold rather than waiting in his car and risk falling asleep. He hadn’t been getting enough rest lately. He also hadn’t gotten rid of the stress that the events of three days ago had produced.
The clanging of a bell from inside the high school was followed almost immediately by a handful of students pushing open the doors and spilling down the steps. He noted that the school population was more diverse now than when he was growing up. He identified at least five or six different ethnicities or combinations of them.
It was an interesting revelation to him, since he had grown up in Queens, in a nearly all-white community. He’d known only a few black guys in high school, and then only because they were on varsity teams together. Locker-room friendships. He had known only one black girl. That association had been awkward and brief.
“What are you doing here?”
Lee grinned at the young teen who came to a stop in front of him. “Hi. You snuck up on me. I must be losing my touch.”
She gestured vaguely behind her. “I saw you from down the block.”
Her dark brown hair was long and loose. Her face was small and delicate, with large, expressive brown eyes. He tried to gauge her feelings, but she was good at keeping them to herself. She’d been doing so since she was a little girl.
“Don’t I get a kiss, Ricca?” Lee asked.
She hesitated, then reluctantly placed a perfunctory kiss on Lee’s cheek and stepped back.
“Still mad at me?” he asked.
She shrugged. “It doesn’t matter.”
Lee crossed his arms over his chest. It bothered him that he sometimes felt awkward around his daughter. The idea that they were strangers was unsettling… and painful. “Ricca, it does matter. That’s why I’m here. I didn’t want you to believe that—”
“Dad, it’s okay.” She shifted restlessly and adjusted the weight of her knapsack on her shoulder. “You already told me you had an assignment to cover that night, so you don’t have to explain. I understand.”
He frowned. “I think I’d rather have you mad at me. Then there’d be a chance to say I’m sorry, Erica. You shouldn’t have to forgive me. I screwed up, and it wasn’t fair to you. Your mother called to tell me you were second in the meet last weekend—and to chew me out for missing it.”
Erica scowled and squinted off into the distance.
“So… what can I do to make it up to you?”
“You don’t have to do anything,” she murmured.
“How about… I do your homework for you?”
She blinked in surprise at the suggestion.
“Or… I drop you off and pick you up from school for a week. But I’d really like it if you and I could go get a burger somewhere and just talk. How about it? If you want to, I can call your mother and tell her you’ll be with me for a few hours.”
Erica’s brow cleared, and Lee watched her as a range of emotions chased across her countenance. From stubborn to considering to vulnerable.
“Okay,” she said simply.
“Which okay?”
“All three,” she said quickly.
“Fine. You got it.”
Erica smirked, tossing back her hair. “I’m just kidding, Dad. You can’t do my homework for me. It would be nice if you could take me to school sometimes, but I know you can’t because of your work.”
“Ricca, you’re a better man than I am.” She didn’t smile at his attempt at humor. “I’ll take you home afterward, okay?”
“Sure.”
“Hey, Erica! Over here.”
Erica turned to her friends and called out, “I can’t. I’m going with my dad.”
Lee’s cellular beeped. For a moment he considered not answering. After all, he’d been ordered off duty on an official two-day leave. But he pulled out the unit and clicked open the call.
“Yeah?”
“Hi, Lieutenant. This is Officer O’Hara. I got that information you asked for. What do you want me to do with it?”
“I’ll stop by later to pick it up. Make sure it’s not marked confidential, and leave it in my box, okay?”
“Sure thing.”
Lee disconnected the call.
“You gotta go,” Erica muttered, instantly resigned.
“Wrong. Just giving some instructions. That’s what you do when you’re in charge,” he said dryly. “You and I have a date.”
Lee turned to open the passenger door. Erica tossed her knapsack on the floor in front of the seat and climbed in. Lee got in on the driver’s side and pulled out into traffic.
“Thanks, Ricca.”
She nodded, understanding what he meant. “I heard there was a shooting the other night and police were involved. Were you there?”
“Where did you hear that?” Lee asked alertly.
“One of the guys in my homeroom. His grandmother lives around the corner from where it happened. She heard all the cars real early in the morning, and there were cops all over the street. He said his grandmother told him somebody got shot.”
In a flash Lee relived those five minutes when the operation fell apart. “There was gunfire,” he admitted, cautious.
“I… I thought… if you were there, then it could be you.”
Lee reached for his daughter’s hand and squeezed it tightly. “I’m here. You can see I’m okay.”
Lee didn’t want to consider how the news would have affected her had anything happened to him.
“I’m glad it was the bad guys that got shot.”
He shook his head. “Honey, we never want to shoot anybody. But sometimes… you have no choice,” he said, feeling awkward. An image of Carol Taggart lying on the ground was strong enough to make his stomach tense up, breaking through his habit of distancing himself emotionally from the job.
“I hate that you’re a cop. Everybody hates you, and there are always stories about police brutality. Mom says you and she broke up because you wouldn’t give up being a cop.”
“Did she?” he asked quietly. “Did she forget that she married me knowing I was a cop?” He stopped. That wasn’t a question you asked your kid. Erica didn’t need to know.
“She’s always putting you down and saying that one of these days you’re going to… to end up dead.” Erica slumped in her seat. “I wish she wouldn’t talk like that.”
Lee bit back his response, gripping the steering wheel tightly. He didn’t want Erica in the middle of an argument between him and his ex-wife that had no resolution. “I think your mother was always scared that something would happen.”
“She’s so negative. She gets on my case, too, yelling at me all the time. I can’t do anything good enough for her.”
“I’m sorry she’s being so hard on you, honey.”
“She says… she’s sorry she ever married you. I guess she’s also sorry she ever had me.”
“I don’t believe that, Ricca. Your mom is…” He gestured vaguely with his hand. “Disappointed, I guess, that things didn’t work out the way she wanted. I’m not sorry we had you. I may be a lousy father, but I think you’re a great daughter. You’re beautiful and talented, and I’m very lucky.”
Erica sighed after a moment of silence. “You’re not lousy, Dad. I just think that sometimes you forget that I need you, too.”
“Lee? Wake up.”
�
��Huh?”
“Come on, get up. I have to get dressed for work. Christ, I’m going to be late.”
For a long moment he didn’t move. Then reluctantly he rolled over onto his back. His motions dragged the sheets away and he was left exposed. The hand spread in the middle of his chest was slender and cool. The fingers rubbed briefly through his dark hair before applying enough pressure to shake him.
“I said move it.”
Lee suddenly reached out to grab her arm and pulled. Unprepared, she yelped in surprise and he hauled her roughly down on top of him.
“No, Lee. Stop fooling around—let me go,” she said with some impatience, trying to twist free.
But her giggles gave her away. She collapsed on top of him. Her hair fell forward like a curtain on either side of her face, the silken ends tickling his chest and throat. She bent forward to kiss him, playfully nipping his lower lip with her teeth. She rested her thigh on top of his, and her hand slid slowly up and down his chest and stomach.
“This is police brutality,” she murmured.
“You want to report me?”
“What will happen if I do?”
“Depends on what you report me for. I might get a reprimand and be suspended for a day or two—with pay—while they investigate. But you’ll have to explain why you didn’t just say no.”
“Do you think I could get away with saying you performed a strip search, looking for controlled substances?” Karen asked.
“They’ll ask if I found any.” He chortled. “And I’ll say, ‘Yes, sir, but the suspect cooperated in my investigation.’”
“So, you’ll be cleared and I’ll end up with my phone number circulating around the station.”
Lee gave her a lazy grin. “I rest my case.”
“You’re going to make me late,” Karen whined in a seductive tone.
His fingers teased along her spine. “I’ll drive you over to the restaurant.”
Karen grinned impishly. “Good. I can’t afford a cab tonight.”
Lee found her remark too coy. Sometimes he felt as if Karen was just using him. In all honesty, he couldn’t blame her, since he was pretty much focused on getting one thing from her. Still, he didn’t like it that everything between them came down to sex.
They’d met the previous October while standing in line to get tickets for a concert at Radio City in midtown. He was taking Erica to hear a popular hip-hop group for her birthday. Karen was getting tickets to go with a boyfriend. He’d never thought to question that Karen’s musical tastes were on the same level as those of his fifteen-year-old daughter. And he hadn’t given the boyfriend a single thought as he and Karen left the theater together, tickets in hand. The interest and flirtation should have ended there. Instead, they’d gone back to her place and spent the rest of the day and most of the evening in bed. His being a cop seemed to be a turn-on for her. Karen’s being young, beautiful, and uninhibited had certainly done the same thing for him. She was fun to be around, irreverent and spontaneous.
But sometimes with Karen he also felt old and out of touch.
“Am I going to have to feed you in exchange for the ride?” she asked now.
“That would be nice,” he drawled.
“At the restaurant… or right now?” she teased, stroking her hand along his jaw.
A smile played around his mouth. “Both.”
“Pig,” she muttered, digging her finger into his navel.
Lee grabbed her wrist to stop her. She pulled her hand free and placed it lower on his body. He sighed deeply at her new line of attack. He liked the strategy.
“Hmmm…” He found the soft globe of her breast and caressed the turgid peak. “I’m sorry I fell asleep on you. I guess I was a little tired.”
“Poor baby… had a rough night, did you? Want to talk about it?”
He grunted, ignoring her slightly sarcastic tone. His five-o’clock stubble rubbed against her forehead and temple, while his other hand played with the straight blond hair that spread over her shoulders. Fine and silky. Not like… Lee’s eyes snapped open and he frowned at the mental picture of the woman in the hospital bed with her dark hair spread against the pillow. He shifted his position until the thought went away.
His mind might be distracted, but his body was in tune with his immediate needs. He undulated his hips as Karen’s fingers curled around his stiffening shaft.
“You didn’t answer me,” she said.
“No, I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Well, something must have happened. You were barely in the door before you had me out of my clothes and flat on my back. I’m good for other things, you know. I know how to listen.”
Lee drew in his breath, trying to banish the troubling images of a dead animal and a wounded woman. “I don’t need you to listen, either.”
“You didn’t even say hello,” Karen complained.
He turned to her, his touch causing her own breathing to change, her eyes to close, her back to arch against him. “Hello…”
“We really… shouldn’t, you know. You got what you came for and I… I have to…”
Lee cut off her growing objections by covering her mouth with his. He used his tongue, letting it duel with hers and kissing her with a slow sensuality that was thorough and exact. He wanted to bring her to his level of need. And he had no intention of repeating what had happened two nights ago, when they’d skipped the foreplay and he’d reached his climax still tense and hot. He’d left Karen feeling edgy and tight, disconnected and disoriented. He needed tonight to be different.
Karen sighed, short and quick, and she touched him again, with a knowledge that sabotaged his best efforts to prolong the moment, deepen the eventual release. She guided his penis into her body. Lee’s weight and urgency kept him firmly in place, but her heaving set the rhythm. His physical exhaustion had done him in, and he had no choice but to let her lead. Thank God she knew what she was doing.
The pressure in his loins gathered swiftly, its strength spiraling into a throbbing force. Lee pumped against Karen, trying to bury himself, trying to satiate the hunger and fill the hole at the center of his being. Trying to dissolve the persistent image of another woman.
He groaned when the explosion came. His heart raced to keep up with the all-too-brief euphoria. The fall back to earth was equally swift.
And still he wasn’t satisfied.
As his passion died, it was replaced with an odd and unexpected hollowness. For some reason Lee was reminded of the conversation he’d had with Erica earlier that afternoon about the things that were important in his life, and their order of priority.
His daughter was right. He liked being a cop. He liked the excitement, when there was any. Most of police work was mundane, routine; it was about the anticipation of excitement. Always being alert and at the ready. It was consuming. It took its toll.
Becoming a cop had not been his first career choice. But then, he had not actually had a first choice. He’d been good in sports, especially baseball, but there had been no hope that he would be invited down to the minors. His father had been a middle-management civil servant in a job he’d complained about all his life. He’d died at fifty-five of a massive stroke. Getting accepted into the police academy had been both the best and the worst thing to happen to Lee. Being a cop had given him focus and a career, had taught him about discipline, loyalty, and responsibility. He’d learned to think and make quick decisions, to be a leader.
Still early in his career, Lee had met Beth Summers, a judge’s clerk, during a case that had gone to trial, and he’d realized he was ready to settle down.
The bad thing about being a cop, Lee had figured out later, was having to deal almost exclusively with society’s rejects. The dysfunctional, disenfranchised, mentally ill, and seriously dangerous men and, increasingly, women. Carol Taggart had brought him up short.
Her getting caught in the line of fire had reminded Lee that the streets and the night did not belong exclusively to the und
esirables. His close encounter with her had forced him to see that he had forgotten the most important element of his work—to serve and protect. Ever since that night he’d been questioning his job, his responsibilities. Himself.
The respect and authority he’d built up over the years had come, admittedly, at a very high price. He’d given up almost everything for it, including his marriage and a close relationship with his daughter. Maybe even his soul…
He didn’t know what it was going to take to make his world right again. Lee felt himself being shaken again and opened his eyes. Karen was standing over him, dressed in a clingy black dress that came to mid-calf, her breasts tantalizing mounds that jiggled slightly when she moved. Her blond hair was twisted and pinned high on the back of her head, exposing her long, slender neck. There was no trace of the fetching tease who had just seduced him.
“You’ve got two minutes,” Karen said firmly.
Lee heaved himself up to the side of her bed, a little let down by her lack of tenderness. In bed Karen Sorano was everything he wanted, but beyond that, he didn’t have a clue about how they might fit into each other’s lives.
Lee was dressed and putting on his coat when his cell phone beeped. Karen was standing by the open apartment door with keys in hand.
“Yeah,” he answered, walking past her into the hallway.
“Lieutenant, this is Dave Portland from the forensic lab.”
Lee hazarded a glance at Karen as they boarded the elevator. She was paying no attention to the call. “Yeah, Dave…”
“I take it you don’t want to wait for the official report.”
“That’s right. What’s the story?”
“We know that your perps were using Glock semiautomatics too, so it was almost an even playing field.”
“And?”
“Well, we’ve narrowed the search to guns at the scene. We figure there were four. We’ve compared casings to see which ones match police department issue. We’re pretty sure we have the bullet that hit the civilian, but it’s pretty beat up. The lab wants to do one or two other tests.”
“Can you give me anything?” Lee asked.
“Based on what we see so far, the bullet in question is probably one of ours.”