by Kitt, Sandra
Her hand trailed down his rib cage to his flat stomach, to his penis. Then she sighed and relaxed. He had applied protection. Lee raised his head and transferred his kisses to her mouth once more. Carol lifted her pelvis, indicating her own readiness.
He placed a hand on her waist and held her while he carefully forced her flat on her back. He kissed her slowly and thoroughly, the weight of his body protecting her. The soft rustle of the bed linens, their hushed sighs, made it seem as if they were the only two people in the whole world. She opened her legs and made a place for him to comfortably nestle. The expert way he kissed her was having the desired effect. She wanted him inside her. She wanted to complete the sweet torture of their bodies joining, to assuage the heated need for satisfaction, and to prove that she had not been wrong to trust him.
Carol pulled up her knees and with a lift of his hips Lee centered himself perfectly and thrust into her with one smooth stroke. He was braced on his forearms, still holding her hands tightly. He could just make out her features in the dark and watch her face closely while he slowly retreated and advanced into the wet cavern of her body. Carol received him, matching his movements and urging him on. Her eyes drifted closed as she focused on the delicious spiral of sensations.
Only as she gasped and fell over the precipice did Lee release her hands so that she could wrap her arms and legs around him. Her low moans pushed him past the brink, and together their bodies flexed and strained and gyrated until the sweet rush of their release began to fade, and they lay exhausted and clinging to each other. Lee moaned in her ear, with satisfaction and pleasure.
They were perfectly content to do nothing more than stroke each other. Their tender kisses and touches afterward became more languid until they fell asleep just as they lay, tangled together in each other’s arms.
Chapter Eleven
SHE WAS STILL A GOOD-LOOKING woman, Lee thought as he watched his ex-wife, the current Beth Ann Philips, approach his car. Her hair coloring was more subtle than he remembered, and what weight she’d gained filled her out attractively. She looked like a well-cared-for thirty-nine. He was surprised that he could view her so dispassionately, and actually felt grateful that he’d gotten past earlier feelings of anger and betrayal. He didn’t love her anymore as he once had, but there was still a great deal to admire about her. She was one of the smartest women he’d ever met. And she was the mother of his child.
Their separation and divorce had been classically acrimonious, and for a very long time after the breakup, he’d found it impossible to be friends. But then, Lee realized, they hadn’t started out as friends. They had met, dated, become lovers, married, had a child, broken up. All evenly spaced over the eleven years they were together. He’d stopped being angry about it a long time ago. It took too much energy, and it didn’t change a damn thing.
The one good thing that had come out of his marriage with Beth was their daughter, Erica. And now, if they weren’t careful, they would mess that up as well.
Beth opened the passenger door of his car and got in, slamming it shut behind her. “I can’t stay. I’m in the middle of making dinner and I told Richard we’d eat in half an hour.”
She fidgeted with her skirt. She had very good legs, a ladylike demeanor, and an aloof attitude that announced she was above chasing after men. She was. They came to her. Lee’s strategy had been to wait her out. He showed he was interested… and then he backed off. It had infuriated her.
“Hello, Beth,” Lee said calmly.
“Hello,” she said grudgingly. She looked at her watch. “Look, I don’t know what you think this is going to accomplish, Lee. Erica is my responsibility. She’s living with me, and she simply has to learn that the world doesn’t revolve around her and what she wants.”
“Why not?”
Her head swiveled sharply in his direction. “What?”
“I said, why shouldn’t your daughter be the center of your universe? Who else should have that spot?”
She blinked rapidly. “What are you suggesting? That I’m as mean and unfair as Erica paints me to be? That I make her life miserable? I’m the one who has to deal with her moodiness every day, Lee, not you.”
“I’m not in a position to take sides, as you say,” he agreed. “And I’m not here to criticize you. Mind if I suggest something?”
She gestured with her hand. “Go ahead.”
“I think Ricca’s scared,” Lee said simply.
“Scared?” Beth said blankly. “Why… what is she scared of?”
“Of losing you. Losing me.”
“I don’t understand.”
Lee sensed the importance of this moment, and so he carefully considered his response. “I think we both forget how our divorce affected her. She was still pretty young. The one thing she thought she could always depend on was you and me being together for her. But it didn’t work out that way, and she doesn’t fully understand why not.”
“That’s silly. Our breakup wasn’t her fault.”
“No, of course not. But now you’re remarried, she suddenly has stepbrothers to deal with, and you have another husband whom you might love better than you love her. On top of all that, I have a job that could get me killed at any time. She doesn’t have a say in any of that, and all of it affects her, Beth. Nobody ever asked Ricca what she wanted, or how she feels.”
Beth listened, her posture indicating her defensiveness. “We didn’t get divorced to punish her. We broke up because we were both miserable and it wasn’t working.”
“Yeah, that’s right. But it changed her life. If you listen to her tell it, it’s mostly for the worse.”
Lee could tell by the brightness of Beth’s eyes, the stillness of her features, that he was beginning to make sense to her.
“I… I didn’t know all of that. I can’t believe…” She stopped and shook her head. She glanced at him again, her features displaying a confusion brought on by uncomfortable truths. “Erica is always saying she wishes she could go live with you. How do you feel about that?”
Her voice was soft now, but he knew she was holding her breath, waiting for his answer. “How would you feel about it?” he returned.
“Like I’d done something wrong. That I’d failed as a mother. I’d feel like my own daughter didn’t love me anymore.”
Lee reached out and touched her arm. She stiffened. “I haven’t been doing a great job myself of showing Ricca that she’s very important to me,” he admitted. “She’s not a little girl anymore. In a few years she’ll be out of high school on her own. It would be a shame if she felt like she couldn’t wait to get away from both of us.”
Beth turned to regard him with skepticism, followed by curiosity. “Is this the same man who used to leave home each morning with the announcement that he was going to ‘kick ass, and take names’?”
Lee averted his gaze for a moment. There was a time when that kind of comment would have started a heated argument between him and Beth.
“No, I’m not the same man. It’s a good thing that I’m not.”
She continued to study him closely. “So, what happened?”
Erica came immediately to Lee’s mind, and not wanting to disappoint her. Also, an early Wednesday morning encounter that had forever altered his sensibilities. He gestured vaguely with his hand.
“I realized that I didn’t know as much as I thought I did.” He grinned wryly at her. “I guess I grew up.”
Beth nodded, reflectively. “And when did you become such an authority on teenagers?”
Lee shrugged. “I’m not. I’m scared of them myself. They take everything so seriously. Life or death, no middle ground. But I’ve started to listen. They’re too old to be ordered around like little kids, but grown-ups still don’t listen to what they have to say. So where does that leave them? At least, that’s what I think I’m hearing from Ricca.”
“Okay,” Beth sighed. She shifted on the seat and faced him. “What am I supposed to do?”
“I can’t tell
you that, Beth. I can only suggest what part of the problem is. Ricca lives with you and she has to obey your house rules. But maybe she doesn’t feel as if it’s her home.
“I’m trying to spend more time with her,” Lee went on. “I enjoy getting together with her for pizza or hamburgers. She makes me laugh. She thinks she knows everything. I wouldn’t mind if she came and spent weekends or holidays with me.” He paused and he knew Beth was waiting for his next words. “But I think she should stay with you for now.”
“And you think it’s going to be that simple?”
“Probably not. But it’s a start. Besides… what are the alternatives?” Lee asked seriously.
He could tell by Beth’s expression that even she had to agree they were too awful to consider.
Lee heard voices in conversation and frowned because he didn’t recognize them. They began to fill his head with chatter, pushing out the dream. A part of him wondered if he’d fallen asleep at a meeting or some party. He forced his eyes open and realized he was home. The sound of the television coming from his bedroom had awakened him.
“Ricca?”
There was no answer. Lee pulled himself up against the pillows. He reached for his watch and squinted at the time, yawning and scratching the top of his head.
“Erica,” he tried again, louder.
Lee looked up as his daughter came into the living room. She was dressed in an oversized T-shirt. Her hair was loose and uncombed and she was barefoot. He wanted to smile when he saw her, with foolish pride at knowing he was this child’s father. Yet she had a distinct personality and unique mannerisms all her own.
Erica also showed all the signs of growing physical maturity that warned Lee he would have to adjust to the obvious attraction she would present to boys. For now she was pretty in a prepubescent way. She still looked younger than fifteen. But that wasn’t going to last much longer. She was a teenager moving toward being an adult, and there was so much about her he didn’t know.
“Hi, Daddy.”
She flipped her hair back and knelt on the floor next to the sofa, leaning over to kiss him good morning.
“Morning, honey,” Lee said lazily. He stroked her hair affectionately, enjoying its smooth texture. “You’re up early. Don’t you know you’re supposed to sleep late on Saturday? Or at least have the decency to let me sleep late?”
Erica regarded him patiently. “It’s after nine. I’ve been awake almost two hours. I thought for sure the television would wake you up.”
He hid his smile. “Was that the idea? To get me to wake up?”
“I’m only here for two days. I don’t want you to sleep the weekend away.”
“Did you sleep okay?”
She nodded. “Probably better than you did. Thanks for letting me have your bedroom.”
He still had vivid memories of the night he had spent there with Carol earlier in the week. Work the next day for both of them had precluded a more leisurely continuing discovery of each other, much to his regret. He wondered if Carol felt the same disappointment.
“No problem,” Lee murmured. “When I’m old and twisted with arthritis I expect you to support me.” Erica smiled. “What do you want to do today?” he asked.
“It doesn’t matter. I don’t get to see you all that much, so—”
He didn’t disagree. “I know. That’s why I want to make sure you have a good time.”
“Maybe I could come and live with you. Don’t you think it makes sense? Then we could see each other all the time.”
Lee studied her features, carefully considering her proposal. “It’s a very good idea except for about a million reasons. Like… you’d have to change schools. You’d have to make new friends. I work horrible hours sometimes…”
“And I would get in the way when you have company.”
Lee sighed. She was growing up. “That’s only a minor issue, Ricca. The most important question is, Where is the best place for you right now? I know you don’t believe this, but I think your mother would really miss you, and really be hurt and disappointed if you came to live with me. That would be like telling her you don’t love her anymore. Is that true?”
Erica thought about it with a petulant frown on her face. Finally she shrugged and reluctantly shook her head.
“I didn’t think so,” Lee said. “Tell you what… why don’t you think about it until the end of the school year? Then we’ll talk about it again. In the meantime, you can come here weekends and holidays whenever you want to.”
“Are these visits supposed to be a bonding opportunity? Quality time between the divorced parent and the kid?”
“It’s not an ideal situation, Ricca, but your mom and I didn’t invent divorce. I know you’ve been unhappy recently. I’m trying to do something about it. I hope I’m not too late.”
“You’re not,” she said very softly, but would concede nothing else. “What would you like to do today?”
“A movie? South Street Seaport? We could walk around and have lunch. How about a basketball game at the Garden?”
Erica looked as if he’d taken leave of his senses. “Dad… you’re kidding, right?”
He shrugged. “Can’t blame me for trying.”
Erica playfully rubbed the bristly growth on his chin and cheeks. “You have a lot of gray hair.”
“Hmmm. I’m getting old.”
“No, you’re not. My friends think you’re cute. Way cuter than their fathers. Just don’t get fat.”
“I’ll take that under advisement.”
“Stephanie’s mother thinks you’re handsome.”
He raised his brows. “Oh, really? I don’t think I even know who Stephanie is. Or her mother. How did I come up in their conversation?”
“Stephanie said she heard her mother talking about it to someone. They remember you from when you came by at Christmas time.”
“How does Stephanie’s father feel about his wife’s interest in another man?”
“Well, she didn’t say it in front of him. Besides, they’re divorced too. Stephanie says her mother wants to get married again.”
“I’m not available,” Lee murmured dryly.
She nodded, apparently relieved by her father’s answer. “Dad? Do you think you’ll ever get married again?”
Lee linked his fingers together and spread his opened palms across his chest. “That’s a trick question.”
“No, it isn’t.”
“Why do you want to know? Will it bother you if I do?”
She shrugged again, tilting her head thoughtfully. “I don’t know.”
Lee didn’t think he was very good marriage material. His kind of work took a lot of attention and time. Maybe that was one of the reasons why his marriage had failed. The job made him selfish and crude and, according to Beth’s assessment, cops were little boys who didn’t want to grow up. Lee frowned. He wondered if Carol ever thought of him that way?
He had risked his life for people he didn’t know, didn’t care about, and mostly couldn’t save. He had sacrificed a lot to do the job well, but now he doubted if the trade-offs had been worth it. Especially when he realized how close he’d come to losing his daughter.
How he’d almost taken a human life.
Besides, there weren’t great prospects for the kind of relationship he might want. For a while, sex had been an acceptable substitute for anything more meaningful. Now it wasn’t enough.
Marry again? He hadn’t given it much thought. But there was something appealing about the idea of being with someone who could accept him as imperfect, and love him just the same. Someone who wouldn’t complain about what he wasn’t, or try to change what he was. And perhaps because he was older, had grown up and matured, he had more to offer. There might still be a chance to redeem his mistakes, make something more of his life. But first, he had to reclaim it. One way was by winning Erica’s love and respect. A second way was to earn Carol Taggart’s forgiveness. He wanted that and more from her.
“I tell you what
,” Lee said. “Let’s not worry about my maybe getting married again. You still have to decide what you want to do today, not a year from now.” He got up from the sofa bed.
“Maybe we can go to the craft museum, down near Lincoln Center.”
“You want to go to a museum? I don’t mind, but how did you pick that one?”
“From something I saw at that lady’s house. The one you took me to last week.”
It was the first mention Erica had made of the visit to Carol’s. He hadn’t thought she’d even remembered. “What was it?” he asked.
“She had a bulletin board hanging on a wall next to the bathroom, and it had all this stuff on it. There were a lot of pictures of her with a dog. I didn’t see a dog. Do you think she has one?” Erica asked.
“Had. Her dog was killed,” Lee said automatically.
“Really? Was that the accident she meant?”
“Yeah, that’s right. An accident,” Lee confirmed uneasily.
The mention of Carol and her pet brought much more to mind than the events of that Wednesday morning nearly a month ago. But then it wasn’t as if he’d forgotten being with her and going way beyond the boundaries of what their relationship had started out to be. There was still a lot of uncharted territory for them to explore. And it wasn’t as if he hadn’t thought about those moments of making love to her, which even now in memory was enough to stir his loins. And it wasn’t as if he had any regrets. He didn’t.
“Ms. Taggart had all kinds of things on her board,” Erica continued. “There were ticket stubs and horoscopes from the newspaper. And there was this card that told about a show for the winners of a contest on the best handicraft from high school students. I thought that might be interesting.”
“Did you enter anything?” Lee asked. She shook her head. “Why not?”