Julia smiles harder. ‘It would be lovely if Kane could come over to play. I’ll bake a cake, although I’m not used to the oven.’ She laughs. ‘So I wouldn’t expect any masterpieces.’
‘Maybe, one day.’
Oscar has his arm around Kane’s shoulders. ‘Do you want to be my best friend, Kane? I would let you choose one of my toys to keep forever, if you do.’
Kane shrugs. ‘Sure. And you know what, I’m having a birthday party soon and you can come.’
Oscar is a good foot taller than Kane and he bends slightly from the waist to speak to him. His hand gently pats his new friend’s shoulder. Julia smiles at the boys. The purity of their friendship. She turns to Fiona, expecting to see the same look reflected in the other woman’s eyes, but Kane’s mum is frowning.
Julia pulls a pen and piece of paper from her handbag. ‘I’ll give you my number, if you like.’
But Fiona tells her not to worry; she can get it another time. And she moves towards the other mothers, pressing Kane in the back to make him walk ahead of her.
‘I’m going to a birthday party.’ Oscar bounces on his feet. ‘I wonder if they’ll have a jumping castle and cake.’
‘Can I go too?’ Amber takes her brother’s hand.
‘I reckon you could,’ Oscar says.
‘Wait and see what the invitation says, sweetie.’
It will be his first party, Julia thinks, at long last. She knew parties were going on all the time during kinder and prep at the last school, but Oscar always missed out, or learned about them on Monday morning when the other children discussed cake size, games and loot bag contents together. Personally, she didn’t care if the other mothers liked her or not, but it almost made her breathless with sadness when Oscar was rejected over and over again.
But here it will be different; he has made friends with a boy who seems to genuinely like him.
Julia is about to leave when Oscar’s teacher asks her to come back inside the classroom.
‘Mrs Heath, I just wanted a little chat.’
Julia frowns at the picture in her hands. ‘It’s normal for a boy his age to draw explosions, isn’t it?’
‘Yes, but that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about.’ She takes a deep breath. ‘Oscar spent his lunch and playtime collecting flies.’ She indicates the windows. ‘He filled up his pockets and wouldn’t throw them out. I thought I should let you know, before you washed his trousers.’ The teacher seems uncomfortable. ‘I told him that flies have germs, and it’s not nice to keep them in your pocket.’
Julia promises to talk to him about it.
She buys the children an ice-cream each and they play at the park for half an hour. She tries to put Oscar on her lap to discuss the flies, but he runs away and joins his sister on the swings. He strides around the playground singing, Party, party, I’m going to a party.
Boys are full of mischief at this age, she reassures herself. Catching flies wasn’t really so terrible, was it? Disgusting yes, she’d have to tell him what flies land on and eat, but all boys collect insects, they’re fascinated with the workings of things. Even Bryant once told the kids that he used to pull the wings and legs off insects for fun. The image brings on a faint wash of nausea which she immediately quashes. ‘Come on, kids. Let’s skedaddle.’
For dinner, Julia decides to buy something special to celebrate Oscar making a friend. She gets chicken kievs and a frozen cheesecake as a treat. She hovers in front of the buckets outside the florist shop, debating whether to spoil herself or not. No, she decides, that would be too indulgent. Flowers wilt and die. No point spending money on something that won’t last.
The kitchen smells good for a change, garlic and roasting chicken. Oscar and Amber watch ABC Kids on TV and she can hear them talking nicely to each other. She pours herself a glass of wine and takes it outside. Sitting on the back step, she closes her eyes and breathes deeply. Although the garden is rambling and tangled, and weeds clamber ever upwards, there must be plenty of hidden flowers – she can smell them. Perhaps she’s judged this place too soon. If Bryant’s yoga and healings take off, they’d be able to pay the mortgage and bills without having to stress. She could get in shape and make new friends. Perhaps she could get a part-time job to bring in a little extra money and, then, they could even start to renovate.
Two birds sit on the smooth brown back of a cow in Mr Shaw’s paddock. A butterfly hovers over the jasmine vine and then moves away again, bouncing in the air as it flies. Something in Julia’s chest, a tightness that has been there ever since they moved to Lovely, begins to unwind.
The buzzer goes on the oven and she gets to her feet without groaning. As she takes the chicken and scalloped potatoes out of the oven, the front door opens.
‘That was great timing, sweetheart,’ she calls.
As soon as he comes into the kitchen, she knows something is wrong.
‘Everything okay?’
He looks at her for a moment and sighs. ‘Fine.’
‘Have a look on the fridge,’ she says, indicating the picture. ‘Oscar drew that for me today at school. And guess what, he’s made a new friend called Kane, and he’ll be going to his first birthday party soon.’ She chooses to leave out the fly-catching details until later.
‘I told you he’d be fine.’
Julia wants to smooth away his edginess so she can enjoy her own good mood for a little longer. ‘I have a surprise dessert for after dinner.’
‘Great.’ He gets to his feet. ‘I’m going to have a shower.’
‘Can’t you wait?’ She’s holding the cutlery. ‘I was about to call the kids.’
He turns his back on her and heads towards the bathroom. ‘Start without me.’
And whoosh, just like that, her good mood evaporates into the garlic-scented air.
He takes an eternity in the shower but they all wait for him. The chicken is colder than it should be and the potatoes are curled up at the edges, but it still tastes better than the food she usually cooks.
‘You know, this is really delicious,’ Bryant says. ‘Did you make them from scratch?’
For a moment she’s tempted to lie; pretend that she spent all morning de-boning chicken, filling it with garlic, herbs and butter and then coating it in breadcrumbs. But what would be the point, they all know she bought it from the butcher.
She changes the subject. ‘So, how did your healing with Tom go?’
Bryant shrugs; a casual gesture, but his cheeks flush red and give him away.
‘What’s wrong?’ Julia feels the cold touch of apprehension against the back of her neck. ‘He’s all right, isn’t he?’
‘He just needs a little time to assimilate what happened.’
She stops eating. ‘And what did happen?’
‘Get that look off your face. He’ll be fine.’
Julia takes her plate to the sink and piles it with the other dishes. She takes the cheesecake out of the fridge and puts a slice on two plates. ‘Here we go, kids. It’s still frozen in the middle, but it will be like ice-cream.’ There is a cheer and they scramble to her side. ‘Now, take it in the lounge and you can watch a few minutes of TV. ’
Sitting opposite Bryant again, she arranges her face into a mask of calmness, an impartial listener. ‘Tell me about it,’ she says.
He sighs and rubs his hands over his cheeks. ‘I don’t know what happened. You know me, I’m pretty confident.’
That was an understatement. But she smiles, keeps eye contact. ‘I know, sweetie. I also know you’re very good with this alternative healing stuff.’
The muscles around his eyes relax a little. He takes a deep breath and nods. ‘It was going well to begin with. I put on that CD, you know the one — actually maybe you don’t — it’s the Tibetan chanting. It opens up the chakras. Anyway, I started to relax him: I did a countdown from ten to one, telling him to relax more and more each time; then I got him to visualise walking towards a bridge covered in mist.’ Bryant explains, ‘It’s a way
of talking to the subconscious. I tell him than when he gets to the other side of the bridge, then he will be in another lifetime.’
‘Did he go into another lifetime?’
Bryant shakes his head. ‘I don’t know where he went. Next thing I know, he starts screaming. You’ve never heard anything like it. God, Julia, even I was scared.’
Her heart is hammering inside her chest. ‘Did you bring him out of it?’
‘I couldn’t. I tried everything — counting back to ten, even slapping him, but he kept screaming. Mrs Fatori came in and started freaking out. Then, when he got up, he hit Summer, although I suspect that was just an accident.’
She is smart enough not to question him about Summer. ‘Then what?’
Bryant’s hands are unsteady; he folds and unfolds the edge of his napkin. ‘He ran out. I couldn’t catch him, the guy is faster than a bloody rabbit. He probably went home.’
‘Did you check?’
Bryant shakes his head.
‘How could you leave him so distressed?’
‘I didn’t have much choice. But don’t worry, another healing and he’ll be good as new.’
Julia’s calm act shatters then. ‘Haven’tyou done enough damage?’
‘Damage? I’m curing the guy. What’s wrong with that?’ His jaw is tight, his eyes hard as glass. ‘What’s wrong with caring for another human being and wanting to heal them? It’s obvious that the universe has put me here to cure Tom.’
‘Bryant, you can’t seriously believe that.’
‘I do, Julia. I really do.’ He puts his hands on the table and his fingers are shaking. ‘More importantly, Tom believes that I can cure him. And that’s exactly what I intend to do.’
Tom
I throw myself at the flat brown surface of the dam, daring it to catch me. I sink, the bubbles tumbling past my ears and nose, and only when my stomach makes contact with the silty bottom do I relax. Then the water pushes me back to the surface where I watch the sky deepen into evening.
Mother has come out to the dam three times. I see her out of the corner of my eye, but refuse to acknowledge her presence. The water makes nonsense out of her words. It is only when I see two figures on the lip of the dam that I roll in the water and lift my head.
Julia stands next to Mother, her hands nervous at her sides, a slight frown on her forehead. She smiles. She is more beautiful than a seraph. Across her nose and cheeks are freckles; she wears a summer skirt with pale blue stripes on it and loose leather sandals. I swim until my feet touch the bottom then I push through the water towards her.
‘Are you okay?’ she asks, in a kind voice.
‘He’s fine,’ Mother snaps. ‘Although everyone had to do his work for him today while he mucked about in the water. His father is not very well and this is the last thing he needs to worry about.’
‘Sorry, I think my husband might be responsible.’
‘I don’t know how you figure that.’ Mother’s voice is sharper than a star picket and Julia is forced to meet her gaze.
‘He does healings,’ she explains. ‘And whatever he did to Tom this morning obviously had a negative effect on him. Bryant is terribly sorry.’
‘Well, you can tell your husband to leave Tom alone, thank you very much. Unless he plans to come and milk the cows for us?’ When Julia blushes, Mother nods with satisfaction. ‘Hmmm, I didn’t think so.’ She points at me. ‘This one is no use to anyone swimming in the dam all day long.’
Julia nods. ‘Yes, I know … I’m sorry,’ she says. ‘Perhaps Tom should stay away for a while.’
‘No.’ My voice is louder than I expected. ‘I need to be healed.’
‘What rot,’ Mother says. ‘You’re just plain lazy.’ She spits the words at me, then turns to Julia. ‘He gets migraine headaches and he can be … forgetful,’ she says. ‘But apart from that, there is absolutely nothing wrong with him.’
Julia reaches into her handbag and removes a bunch of keys. ‘Well, I guess I better get going. I just wanted to check that Tom was okay.’
‘He’s fine,’ Mother says, and this time, because Julia is leaving, she gives her a smile. ‘Don’t worry about him.’
Julia turns to go.
I want to say a thousand things, but can’t speak. My throat is blocked with emotion, so I get out of the dam and follow her back to the car, trailing water over the dirt path. I can’t stop shivering, although I know the evening is warm.
Over the buzz of cicadas, the night is sinking into amber and the air carries the peppery scent of the bush. I feel like I’m running out of time and my voice box has been clamped shut.
‘You’ll be okay?’ she asks, and leans a little towards me, concern and kindness in her eyes.
I nod. I imagine leaning forward and touching her lips with my own. My emotions are a series of volcanoes erupting. What is happening to me? I feel a desperate need to be close to her, but I know that even if we were to press against each other it would still be too far away.
‘Well,’ she says, looking at her feet. ‘Goodbye.’
Without thinking, I pull her towards me and hug her. She shivers as much as I do. We shiver against each other. The sensation of her body this close makes my breath disappear. For years, no one has touched me; not like this, not chest and stomach and hips all lined up and pressed close. It’s like I’ve had an invisible force field around me, keeping me separate from everyone else. And now, I’m sparking like a circuit finally being charged with electricity. I fill my lungs as deeply as I can with the smell of her. I squeeze myself into the gaps between her atoms and start humming joy.
As soon as I do, Julia tries to loosen herself.
I grip tighter.
But she steps away, holding her breath at the top of her chest. ‘I better get going, Tom. They’ll wonder where I’ve got to.’ She touches her fingertips to the curve of her collarbone, lightly, before opening the door. ‘Take care.’
I stand watching the driveway long after her brake lights have shone and gone. We have exchanged something tonight, something so precious I dare not fumble around too much for the word. I want to keep whatever it is close inside me.
Tonight, when I am in bed, I imagine Julia and I live together. She lies beside me in bed, naked, her limbs tangled in the sheets. I press myself against her and we tumble over each other. I imagine her lips and tongue and thighs. An intense passion wells up inside my body that I have never felt before.
I imagine Bryant living in a nice little house further down the road with the kids. He is happy, I’m sure and, although I feel guilty for enjoying Julia so much, I imagine that he doesn’t really mind.
‘Yoga is what I care about,’ he’ll say. ‘And, as long as my wife is happy, then everything is fine with me.’
Julia
Julia is so shaken that to sit next to Bryant on the couch, listening to his snorting laugh as he watches Australia’s Funniest Home Videos, almost makes her scream.
‘I’m really worried about Tom,’ she says. ‘He looks up to you, Bryant, and he’s convinced you can cure his migraines.’
‘Shhh, this is a funny bit.’
‘Give me the remote.’
‘No, I’m watching this and, if you don’t keep your voice down, you’ll wake the kids.’
Julia gets off the couch and walks over to the TV. She switches it off. ‘I thought yoga teachers were supposed to be enlightened.’
‘I am. Now, get out of the fucking way.’ He points the remote at the box and turns it back on again.
She suddenly can’t breathe. He’s never spoken to her like that before. Panic floods her body with such intensity she feels sick. Angry too. And that is even more frightening. ‘Let’s go back to the city, Bryant,’ she says, trying to keep her voice even so he won’t recognise her panic, which will irritate him further. ‘Everything was great before we moved up here.’
‘You think so?’ He wrinkles his nose. At her? At the city?
‘You could always start up a yoga scho
ol in the city.’
He sighs. ‘Will you get out of the way so I can see —’
The doorbell rings.
‘Sorry to bother you at this time of night.’ It’s Summer. She looks pale and her clothes are rumpled.
Julia stands back. ‘Oh my God.’
Summer cautiously touches a finger to her bruised eye. ‘I know, it’s throbbing.’
Bryant immediately switches off the TV and takes his feet off the coffee table. ‘Did you put ice on it, like I told you?’
Summer moves over to the couch and flops down beside him. ‘I did everything you said.’
He leans forward and inspects her face. ‘It will be gone in a couple of days.’ They stare into each other’s eyes.
Julia clears her throat. ‘Perhaps you should see a doctor.’
Summer winks at Bryant. ‘I already did. He told me to put ice on it.’
Bryant rubs her back. ‘That’s right. Trust Doctor Heath to make you feel all better.’
A little of Summer’s sparkle returns and she punches Bryant on the shoulder and he pretends to fall sideways. ‘Well, don’t let too many of the locals know you’re a doctor, Bryant, or they’ll all be showing you their moles and wanting you to peer down their throats.’ She leans back against the couch and sighs. ‘Did you manage to find Tom?’
‘Julia saw him and said he was okay.’
‘The guy must be crazy,’ Summer says. ‘I’ve never seen anyone act like that before.’
‘Perhaps if you hadn’t started digging around in the poor guy’s mind, like it was a sandpit or something, none of this would have happened.’
Bryant raises an eyebrow. ‘Calm down. It’s not Summer’s fault.’ He regards Julia for a moment, then turns back to Summer. ‘Julia feels a lot of anxiety about things like this. It’s part of what she incarnated for. But as I keep trying to tell her, the human mind is far more resilient than the body.’
She can almost hear the anger hissing in her ears. ‘You can’t play with people, Bryant.’ Her voice is trembling along with her body. ‘Some people have emotional issues that need to be treated with care, and caution.’
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