by Dee Avila
I felt numb. I decided that I wanted to talk to him about what happened with Josh. I knew I could. I knew I could trust him and that he would take me seriously. I didn’t know if I wanted people to know that I was raped. I didn’t even know if I could say it aloud.
After several deep breaths, I was calm enough to shut down the computer and erase the history of my search. I gathered my things just as Mr. Wait appeared in the library.
“Reese? Good morning, you ready?”
I laughed; not a real laugh, but a deep nervous chuckle. “As ready as I’ll ever be.”
“Well, come on. I think if you’ll let me talk to you first, and tell you a few things, you may find it easier to talk to me about some things you may not be able to talk to anyone else about.” He held open the library’s blue doors and we headed down toward his room, on the east side of the building.
He unlocked the door, opened it up, propping it open with the kickstand, flipping the light on and let me slip in first. Just as I was entering, I saw Josh’s truck head toward the high school from the side of the building.
“I have a feeling you may want to discuss Josh. If that’s the case, let me explain why I feel that I’m a good choice for both you and Titus to talk with.” He waited for some sort of confirmation from me.
I nodded, not sure I could speak, yet. I took my normal seat in his class and he pulled a desk around to face me, making me feel as though we were on the same level, instead of him hiding behind his desk in his raised chair.
“Let me say a few things, then you can ask as many questions as you want. If we have time this morning, we can discuss some of the things going on with you. All right?” He offered me a full-on smile with deep dimples.
“Okay.” I folded my hands in my lap, trying to resist biting them or twirling my hair.
“I have a sister that is three years older than me. When I was a freshman, she was a senior. She was dating a guy in our town who attended our local college. They had been together for a few years and my family loved him. I couldn’t stand the guy. I watched him control my sister and take away her happiness. I watched as he took her away from her friends.
“I tried to talk to my parents about the changes I had seen in her, but no one would listen. From the first night I saw him hit her, I refused to be anywhere near him and repeatedly tried to get someone to listen to me. I went as far as talking to our counselor at our school.
“Everyone told me that they couldn’t do anything without proof or without my sister admitting it. He broke her wrist. She said she fell. The night of her graduation, he raped her and my sister became pregnant. When he learned she was carrying his child because he forced himself on her, he left.
“My sister still has nightmares because she’s never dealt with what she went through. She survived, but only barely. She’s married now, but she and her husband aren’t happy; primarily because of those demons she won’t talk about. I know the signs of abuse. I’ve know how date rape happen. I know how a guy can convince a girl to do things with him and make it seem okay.” He leaned forward on the small desk and his eyes were misty.
I could barely see the mist in his eyes before mine were overflowing with tears, making everything blurry. He knew what Josh did. He knew that Candice was abused. He would understand and help me set this assembly up. A huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. My chest felt lighter and I hadn’t even spoken, yet.
“If you’re not ready to talk about what happened with you or Candice, I understand. I just wanted you to know that I can empathize with you. What I witnessed in the parking lot that day, told me all I needed to know about Josh.” He sat back and rubbed the back of his neck, giving me a few minutes.
“Thank you for sharing your story.” I choked out. “I need to discuss my relationship with Josh, but first I need to talk about something more important.” I fished in my binder for my list. Mr. Wait sat with his eyebrows raised; trying, I assumed, to figure out what could be more important. “Before we discuss this,” I held up the list. “Can we meet after school to discuss Josh? I’d like to get that out of the way today, too.
“Of course. What do you have there?” he asked, gesturing toward the paper on my desk.
I explained about the rumors I heard in class and my idea about the assembly. “I think it would be a great idea to include date rape as a topic. It’s not something thoroughly discussed in health class: and most girls, and maybe guys, may not know what it is when it is happening to them.”
“I think the assembly is a great idea, Reese. Have you talked to your parents or Candice’s about this assembly? You would need their permission to discuss it.”
“I’ve already discussed it with my parents and I am going over to ask Candice’s parents, today.”
He smiled again. “Great, it sounds like you’ve thought this through. Ask her parents and then you and I can ask Mr.Gustin for his blessing. Class is about to start. You should head over to first period and meet me back here after school.”
“Mr. Wait, our meetings are confidential, right?”
“Yes, Reese.” He stood and walked me toward the door. “You have my word. Unless you are in danger, everything you say to me will stay between us.”
Josh watched me as I went through my day trying to avoid him. I hated feeling as if I were walking on eggshells. Titus caught on to my nerves and asked what was wrong when he saw me between classes.
“Josh showed up at my house last night. After I didn’t answer his texts.”
“Did you talk to Mr. Wait?” He leaned up against my neighbor’s locker, inclining his head toward me, speaking low.
“Yeah, I’m supposed to see him again, after school. Do you know how long today is going to be with Josh watching me all day long?” I shoved books in and pulled a new one out. A picture floated to the ground. Titus and I bent down at the same time to pick it up.
He watched my face as I looked at the picture. I could feel his eyes on me and knew he wanted me to look up. It would be the perfect moment for a brief kiss, but I couldn’t do it. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Josh watching us. Instead, I shook my head and stood. Ty followed my lead, looking around.
The moment he locked eyes with Josh, his whole body went rigid with anger. “That guy just doesn’t give up, does he?”
“I’m talking to Mr. Wait about him, later.”
“Sure, no problem.” He handed me the picture. It was of the three of us, taken on the first day of our freshman year. “I’ll catch up with you, later.”
With that, he turned and walked away. I knew he wasn’t mad at me. I knew he was furious with Josh and he was giving me the opportunity to fix it. Now, if I could find the guts to talk to Mr. Wait.
During lunch, Ty and I ate under the pine tree in the middle of the quad, in front of everyone and nowhere near Josh and his buddies. They had all been making remarks about us being together even though we were anything but together.
“Reese.” Jonathon yelled from across the yard, after fifth period. “Josh needs some lovin’. He’s being an ass, give it up, already.”
My face flared with heat and water filled my eyes. It’s as if everyone is done grieving over Candice and needs something or someone else to talk about. I needed an escape.
Using his shoulder, Josh brushed passed me pushing me into the wall. I just needed to make it a little further to the bathroom. Unfortunately, it was on the other side of the yard, right where Jonathon was standing. Weighing my odds, I turned and went the long way around the boy’s locker room and the music building toward the girl’s locker room.
Titus had just finished P.E. and was coming out of the locker room when I collided with him, my tears spilled over onto his shirt.
“What’s wrong?” His voice was smooth and controlled with concern. His arm wrapped around me and rubbed soothing circles on my back.
“I can’t do this. No one cares about Candice being gone. They all need something to talk about and guess who their next hot topic is?”
He tipped my head up and searched my eyes. I watched as frustration and anger flashed through his eyes before concern took center stage, again. “I know it’s hard, but you have to ignore them. They don’t know how to handle the loss of a classmate and are lashing out. I’m sure it has nothing to do with you.”
I could stand there and argue with him or I can suck it up and agree. “Your right, my emotions are just all over the place and I’m sensitive.” He looked at me with an eyebrow cocked, “Okay, more sensitive than I normally am.”
Titus laughed, causing my stomach to clench and twist. Pulling me into a hug he kissed the top of my head before letting go. “Come on, I’ll walk you to class.”
Mr. Wait was sitting at the same desk he was in this morning, waiting for me. He smiled, showing me his dimples, and then gestured for me to sit in the chair across from him. “Hi, Reese.”
Letting out a gush of air I slid into the desk and tossed my bag to the ground. Lifting my eyes to meet his, I started with the most honest thing I could say. “I’m scared and don’t know where to begin.” My hand went immediately to my hair. I found a small strand and started manipulating it between my fingers.
“Start with why you’re scared.” He was sitting straight up and I watched him relax into the chair, ready to listen. He leaned back, and started to cross his arms over his chest; but ended up with his hands laced in his lap. I realized he was going for a more approachable gesture.
I started with the incident today; and last night. I skimmed over the personal details. He knew. I don’t know how, but he knew my virginity was taken. I didn’t have to spell it out for him. All of the late night drive by’s and unnecessary stops and the time we were together and he tried to scare me to death, I told to Mr. Wait in detail. I felt warmth cover my skin and knew a deep blush had settled in.
I watched his breathing; it stayed the same throughout my entire confession. I watched his expression, it continued to stay guarded. I exhaled. “So, I’m not sure what to do. My parents obviously don’t know about everything. They know enough to force him to leave, but not enough to protect me when I’m not home.” “You should get a restraining order. And I’m not so sure that you talking about your relationship, or Candice’s, is such a good idea, right now. I had my feelings, but I didn’t know he was so possessive. I need your permission to tell some of your teachers, so they can keep an eye out for you, as well. I think it would be a good decision to be pro-active and discuss some of these matters with Mr. Gustin and the school’s sheriff officer. The near accident was a stepping stone from what is normal for him, and who knows what could happen next.” He stood, walking toward the phone on the wall.
I wasn’t sure I was ready to voice these things out loud to anyone other than Mr. Wait. He was watching, waiting for me to object as he dialed what, I assumed, was Mr. Gustin’s office.
“Yeah, this is Mr. Wait. Can you ask Mr. Gustin, Sarah and Officer Lemas to meet me in my classroom? “He continued to watch; and when I didn’t object, he offered me a tight smile.
The following day, I was harassed all morning. I did my best to ignore everyone and keep a soft smile on my face.
“What are you smiling at, whore? You know everyone knows what you did in the Orchard and every time in my truck.” The slime slid off his mouth as he whispered these statements behind me in class. We were watching a movie and there was so much whispering going on, that no one got in trouble.
The lights flicked on the same time as the bell rang. I picked up my book and notebook, heading for the door. I could feel the anger radiating off him from behind me. I knew he was close, so close that if I turned I would smack into his chest. His breath was hot, mixing with my hair, as I stepped through the door. I felt jarred and my books went flying as I fell, face first. Thankfully, my hands stopped my face from eating cement. I let out a scream of frustration.
Suddenly, everything happened at once. I went down. Someone stepped over me and then collided with someone else, falling backward and nearly landing on top of me. I scrambled to the side, trying to figure out what had happened. Titus was all over Josh. He was on top landing punch after punch in to the sides of Josh’s head.
“That’s enough, Mr. Allyn, Mr. Gibson. Up, now. Reese, you too, please.” Mr. Gustin was motioning for us to follow him.
Josh followed the Principal, leaving Titus and I to walk together. Titus’ fists were bloody and when I looked from his hands to his eyes, he shook his head, indicating that it wasn’t his blood. I glanced over to Josh, who had blood running down the left side of his face. It was all I could see.
We entered Mr. Gustin’s office and he said, “All three of you, sit. Now.” He used the word “now” in a very angry, loud voice, as if we wouldn’t listen if he didn’t. I struggled not to laugh. “I’m not sure what happened, but fighting is not tolerated. No matter who it is that’s fighting or why.” He paced back and forth as he decided what to do.
“Mr. Gustin, Josh, here, pushed Reese out the door of fifth period, causing her to fall. I overreacted; it’s not her fault.”
Josh sat staring away from all of us. I looked at his face, scrapes and cuts bloodied up the left side and bruises and a fat lip accented the right. It was obvious which side was against the cement. My hands had similar scrapes.
“Reese, is this what happened?”
I figured since he knew all about everything else, I might as well tell him exactly what happened. I began with the comments during the movie and ended with the push.
“I see. And Mr. Allyn was just standing up for you?”
“Yes, sir,” I said, my eyes downcast.
“Titus, go get cleaned up and make sure the nurse checks you out for any cuts. Reese, head to your next class, please. And Titus, come in here when you’re cleaned up; we still need to talk.”
“Yes, sir,” we both replied.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Titus
I heard all the rumors flying around. Mostly, they revolved around Candice’s death; but there were a few that had my blood boiling. People were saying Reese was a whore. Or that we were together because she was putting out. We weren’t even together. Not that I didn’t want to be with her, but now was not the time.
Alex still hadn’t returned to school and I heard that they had arrested him on drug charges, while building a case for the murder. I hoped they had what they needed. I wasn’t sure they did. Other than the officer down at the Bridge, the police hadn’t talked to either Reese or I. I wanted them to ask me what I thought happened. I knew Reese did, too.
Josh was still at school. He continued to stalk Reese. Showing up at her house and saying things to her, calling her names. I was relieved when she started talking to Mr. Wait about him. A huge weight was released from my chest the day she explained that Mr. Wait had started the process for a restraining order and that all of her teachers were on alert. Still, I decided to start walking with her between classes─ meeting her outside of the classroom instead of waiting for her by her locker. I arranged it with my teachers, and they let me go a few minutes early.
The day she was shoved out of her fifth period class, was the last straw. I couldn’t hold back. The door opened and students poured out. I saw red when Reese’s small body flew forward, her books flying everywhere. I knew who did it. I didn’t even pause. I jumped over her body shoving my hands around his neck. Josh lost his balance and I shoved him face-first into the Concrete. He never saw me coming. I took the advantage of his shock and started punching, remembering the day I slammed the same fists into the garage door.
“That’s enough, Mr. Allyn, Mr. Gibson. Up, now. Reese, you too, please.” I heard Mr. Gustin behind me. I hoped he understood.
We followed him into his office. There was no way I was letting Reese get into any kind of trouble for this; she was Josh’s victim, again. Reese looked over at me. She gazed down to my hands and then back up to my eyes. I know she thought it was my blood. It wasn’t. I shook my head to let her know.
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When Mr. Gustin finished telling us how fighting wasn’t tolerated, I saw my chance to speak and get Reese out of here. “Mr. Gustin, Josh, here, pushed Reese out the door of fifth period, causing her to fall. I overreacted; it’s not her fault.”
Reese broke in. “Mr. Gustin, it actually all started in class, while we were watching a movie. Josh whispered in my ear. ‘What are you smiling at, whore? You know everyone knows what you did in the Orchard and every time in my truck.’ And then, when I was walking out of the class, I was shoved from behind. My books flew out of my hands and I went down. Someone, I didn’t know who it was at the time but I guess Titus, jumped over me and started hitting Josh in my defense.”
My anger rose, I could feel the heat of it coloring me. I looked down at my bloody hands. It felt good to have his blood on me. Blood that I caused.
“I see. And Mr. Allyn was just standing up for you?”
“Yes, sir,” Reese answered.
“Titus, go get cleaned up and make sure the nurse checks you out for any cuts. Reese, head to your next class, please. And Titus, come in here when you’re cleaned up; we still need to talk.”
“Yes, sir,” we both replied.
Once I washed my hands, I knew that some of the blood was mine. I scraped a few of my knuckles. I headed over to the nurse and got a few band-aids and some antiseptic. Once fixed up, I headed back to Mr. Gustin, ready for my punishment. Probably suspension; but it was worth it.
Officer Lemas was standing next to Josh in the secretary’s office. Josh was handcuffed. I couldn’t help but smile. Finally, some justice. I slunk into Mr. Gustin’s office. He was on the phone, but pointed toward a chair. I sat rubbing my sore knuckles with my left hand.
Mr. Gustin hung up and stood. “I understand why you fought with Josh. Unfortunately, I can’t just let it go. You will be suspended for two days, the rest of today and tomorrow.”