“What’s it about?”
“A courtroom novel, about a judge in the federal court system. It’s a subject I should know well enough, a subject I’d like to say a few things about.”
“I see. So you want to go back to Colorado? To write?”
“Yes, I suppose so.” He fiddled with a loose thread on his pale blue sweater, remembering her kiss on his shoulder. He looked at her. “Actually, I was wondering when you would be going back to Colorado.”
“I hadn’t really thought about it, not yet. All this is still sinking in. I’m willing to accept intellectually that this awful man, Rule Shaker, from Las Vegas, is behind everything that’s happened, but there’s still that monster who abused Emma. I won’t ever forget that. I’ve got lots of money. I think I’ll spend some of it trying to find him myself.”
She looked defensive, as if she expected him to argue with her. He said, “I’d do the same thing. In fact, I’m going to be putting the word out as soon as I get home. Pedophiles have networks; they seem to either know one another or of one another. I’ve got several friends who spend a lot of time on the Internet. I’ll see where that leads.” He drew a deep breath. “Savich will keep the fire lit by alerting all the FBI field offices. He’s not happy about this either.”
She looked down at the soft nap of the carpet beneath her feet. “Well, I guess I should thank you, Ramsey. Emma will miss you.”
He looked up at her, at the dark shadows in her eyes, and that dancing line of freckles across the bridge of her nose. He said, “I told Savich that your hair isn’t at all the same color as Sherlock’s, although most people would just say you’ve both got red hair. I told Savich your hair was the color of a sunset I saw once in Ireland.”
The nap lost her attention. She blinked up at him. “A sunset in Ireland? When were you in Ireland?”
“Two years ago. I was staying in Ballyvaughan. Nearly every day I went to the Cliffs of Moher. You really can’t describe how awesome they are, because you just say something like they’re rugged cliffs with waves crashing and billowing up against the rocks, that they dip and then push right to the very edge of the sea, but that really doesn’t tell you.” He shrugged again. “You see what I mean? You haven’t got a clue really how it actually makes you feel just to be there, to look over the water into the distance where there’s no sign of anything.”
“I’m beginning to,” she said.
He ran his fingers through his hair, standing it straight on end. “Dammit, you’re nice, Molly.”
“Tell me about this sunset.”
He looked mildly embarrassed. She grinned at his hair, though he was now smoothing it back down. He hadn’t shaved yet. He looked tough and hard and she saw him in that moment with Emma on his lap, holding her against his chest, his big hands stroking her back, her face against his shoulder. He was wearing slacks and a T-shirt, his feet bare. She had intruded. He was going to leave.
It didn’t matter. It couldn’t matter. He had his own life. Hers and Emma’s had intersected his briefly and violently. It was time.
He was going to leave.
It wasn’t what she wanted, but she wasn’t going to try to change it. He said quietly, “I’ll never forget this one evening I was at the Cliffs of Moher. The air was crisp and dry and the sky perfectly clear. No Irish rain that day. I sat there and watched that red ball of sun slowly sink into the Atlantic. You almost expected the water to hiss and boil when the sun sank into it. People around me were talking and laughing and joking around, until that precise moment. Then there was a hush and everyone was silent and still. Just staring at that red ball sinking under the horizon.” He shook his head, bemused at the memory. “I’ll never forget that sight as long as I live.” He paused a moment, then looked at her. “I remember the next day it rained so hard it was like payback time for that incredible sunset. You know, Molly, I was just thinking that maybe you’d like it as well, both you and Emma. Not the rain, although that’s beautiful too, no, the sunsets.”
“Emma and I? Go to Ireland?”
“Yes. With me. I don’t want to leave you.”
The morning light was dim and gray. Her expression wasn’t clear to him, as she kept her head down. After a very long moment, she raised her head and looked across the room at him. She said, smiling, “Yes, I’d like that. I’ll bet Emma would too.”
He felt a shock of pleasure. The strength of it surprised him. He smiled back at her. “Savich and Sherlock are going to Paris. They’re leaving from O’Hare this morning.”
“They’re very good people.”
“Do you think we could go to Ireland soon? We could all just get away for a while. I think it would be good for Emma.”
“I don’t have our passports. They’re at the house in Denver.”
“Mine’s in San Francisco. We could pick them up and meet in New York. Or back here in Chicago. Or best yet, I could go with you and Emma to Denver and then all of us could go on to San Francisco. How about that?”
She started laughing, her hands splayed in front of her. “I didn’t know you a month ago.”
“No, you didn’t. On the other hand, we’ve probably been through more in the past weeks than most people have in a decade, or at all, for that matter.”
“You really think my hair is the color of that sunset?”
He gave her a slow smile. “Yeah, that’s what I think.”
“Is your back really all right?”
“Yes. Your arm?”
“It still throbs sometimes, but it’s not too bad. These stitches aren’t the kind they have to take out. They’ll resorb by themselves, Dr. Otterly said. I couldn’t believe you went to the gym with Savich, though. You could have hurt yourself more.”
“My back has barely blistered. Besides, I was careful. Savich taped me up pretty well so I wouldn’t stress anything, and so I could swim.” Then he grinned at her. “Yeah, I was stupid.”
She laughed at him, shaking her head. “I didn’t say that.”
He just smiled at her. “I’m worried about Emma. Is she asleep?”
“I hope so. She wakes up a lot. Three times this last night. Still the same dreams. And she dreams about the car exploding.”
“I suppose we need to ask Dr. Loo about taking Emma to Ireland this soon.”
“We can ask her this morning how Emma’s doing, if she thinks a trip would be good for her. I can’t think of anything better.”
He was surprised how giddy he felt that she was going to go to Ireland with him. It was as if a knot he felt in his belly were loosening. It had just come out of his mouth, unplanned. He really hadn’t thought about it at all.
Well, maybe without knowing it. He hadn’t really wanted to be separated from either Molly or Emma.
“What time is her appointment?”
“Ten o’clock this morning.”
“Let’s see what she says before we make definite plans, then.”
Molly straightened the sash on her robe, a glamorous peach silk thing that she’d obviously borrowed from Eve Lord, her stepmama. He wondered what she’d look like without it. She gave him another smile. “Ireland, huh? Did you go there alone before?”
“No,” he said. “I didn’t.”
“No,” she said, “I don’t suppose you’d do anything alone unless you wanted to.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Even with a burn on your back, Ramsey, a lot of women would find you an appealing kind of guy.”
“Thank you. Go back to bed, Molly. It’s too early to be up and about yet.”
“What about you?”
“Yeah, now that we’ve made some plans, I think I’ll sack out for another hour myself. I’m not nervous and uptight anymore. It’s a miracle.”
She nodded, then her smile fell away. “Oh yes. I’ve made the arrangements for a small memorial service for Louey this afternoon, here on the estate. I even found a Presbyterian minister to come and give a service.”
“It’s good,�
� he said. “It’s good for Emma.”
“I hope so.”
“EMMA, are you ready to play ‘Twinkle Twinkle Little Star’ for me?”
“Yes, Dr. Loo, I think so. But I haven’t played a piano seriously for a long time.”
“It’s okay. I don’t mind.”
Emma straightened her new piano on the low coffee table. Dr. Loo sat in a chair, Ramsey and Molly on a love seat opposite her.
“Don’t forget the variations, Emma,” Ramsey said.
This time Emma didn’t hesitate. She took a deep breath, one that sounded appallingly adult, and played with one hand the simple notes of the song, beginning with F. Once she’d played through the tune, she added the left hand. It sounded classical, like Mozart. The next time through, she changed it to a jazz sound, then to a definite John Lennon feel.
Dr. Loo blinked. She looked shell-shocked. When Emma finished, she leaned forward, took Emma’s small hands between hers, and looked her in the eye. “Thank you, Emma. You’ve given me great pleasure. I hope someday to hear you perform at Carnegie Hall.”
“What’s Carnegie Hall?”
“It’s where great artists from all over the world come to perform. It’s in New York City. I heard Liam McCallum play the violin there. It was an incredible experience. You could be there too, Emma.”
“Yes,” Molly said, “I think she might.”
“My papa never played at Carnegie Hall,” Emma whispered, not looking up from her keyboard. “But he was a great artist, Mama said so.”
“Yes, he was,” Molly said. She looked as if she was going to burst into tears. Ramsey sat forward. “I have one of your dad’s CDs, Emma. Even though he didn’t make it to Carnegie Hall, everyone in the world can hear him. All his music will live on.”
“That’s what Mama said.”
“And when was the last time your mama was wrong?” Ramsey said, lightly stroking his fingers over her French braid, one that he’d done himself. It wasn’t bad, hardly crooked at all, and the plaiting looked pretty smooth.
Emma raised her face then. She thought really hard. “It’s been a long time,” she said finally. “Maybe two months ago.”
Ramsey laughed.
“Now,” Dr. Loo said. “It’s time we talked about you going to Ireland with your mama and Ramsey.”
Emma said, “I don’t know what Ireland is, Dr. Loo.”
“It’s a beautiful wild country that’s across the ocean. It’s a place to enjoy, Emma, a place where you can look at things and maybe see them in a different light. It’s a place where you can stop being afraid, where you can play your piano, where you can run in the mornings with Ramsey and play Frisbee with your mama, and have picnics. It’s very beautiful, Emma. You can sit on the rocks and dangle your toes into the water. It’s so cold you yip in surprise. You’ll be with two people who love you and want you to be safe and happy. What do you think?”
Emma drew back between Ramsey’s knees. “Will that bad man be there?”
Ramsey rubbed his hands lightly up and down her thin arms. “No, he won’t. We’ll never let him get close to you again. I promise, Emma.”
Emma turned to face him. “He’s close, Ramsey. He’s real close now. He killed my daddy. He wants me now.”
“No, Emma, he doesn’t. He’s very afraid, and he’s running and hiding now because he knows the police are after him. I’d like him to be caught. Then he’d be in jail for the rest of his life. Everyone is trying really hard to catch him.
“I do know one thing for sure, Emma. We won’t ever let him come near you again. Do you believe me?”
Emma looked up at him for a very long time. Molly was aware that she was holding her breath. Emma continued to be silent, but she finally released her breath, letting it out slowly and quietly. She looked at Dr. Loo, who just smiled and shook her head slightly.
Dr. Loo took a quick look at her watch and stood. She pulled Molly aside. “It will take time. Don’t push her. I can already see that both you and Judge Hunt are dealing with this very well. I think Ireland is a fine idea. However, I think Emma and I should meet tomorrow. When had you expected to leave?”
“It doesn’t matter,” Molly said, her eyes on her daughter. “Emma’s what’s important. We’ll leave when you think it’s right and not before.”
“She’s doing well, Mrs. Santera. She really is. But this sort of thing—it will be with her forever. You must face that and find a way to deal with it. Her feelings about it will change as she grows up. Most of it will fade into blurry vague memories, and that’s good, but it won’t ever disappear. But now, she’s just a little girl. She doesn’t have a clue about the concept of rape. She knows this bad man hurt her badly, and that it wasn’t right, but there are no grown-up connotations. What you’re dealing with right now are feelings of fear and remembered helplessness.
“Eventually, she’ll have to understand that what happened to her can’t be changed, that it was real, and that the trick is for her to learn to deal with it so that it doesn’t ruin the rest of her life. It’s not going to be easy for either of you. You’ll put out a fire then another one will crop up in some other context.
“She’s lucky that you’re her mother. I know that Judge Hunt has known Emma for a very short time, but they trust each other, their affection seems to be deep and abiding.”
“It will be difficult when Judge Hunt returns to his home,” Molly said.
Dr. Loo let a couple of seconds go by, then said in that comfortable, matter-of-fact voice, “Well, these things have a way of working out. Tomorrow I’ll meet with Emma alone. I want to speak to her about the abuse, try to make her see that the man wasn’t normal, that it wasn’t in any way her fault, that this didn’t happen to her because she was bad.”
“But how could she possibly feel that way?”
“Children, Mrs. Santera, children can bring almost everything back onto themselves. Also, we have no idea what the man said to her, how he manipulated her, how he terrorized her, or how he hurt her. It’s always the adults who screw up royally. I have to deal with Emma now from the inside of her head. I’m telling you not to worry, but of course you will, both of you.”
“You won’t want either Judge Hunt or me here?”
“I think it would be better between the two of us. You would find it very upsetting. I can see Judge Hunt becoming quite enraged. No, just Emma and me.”
“If you think that’s best, Dr. Loo. You will call me, won’t you?”
“Of course.” Dr. Loo turned back to Emma with a smile. She leaned over and patted her shoulder. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Emma. In the meantime I want you to get a lot of rest and try to smile at least three times a day at your mama.”
“How about me?”
“And at least six times for Ramsey. I’ve found that guys need more smiles than girls do. Remember that.”
RAMSEY smiled down at Emma. It was early afternoon, two hours before Louey Santera’s memorial service. He’d brought her upstairs for a nap, just tucked her in. “I like your jazz variation, Emma. Did you know that Mr. Savich plays the guitar and sings? Yep, country and western. He performs in a club. It isn’t Carnegie Hall, but it’s a neat place, he told me. He also has a friend who plays the saxophone. He and Sherlock want us to visit them.”
“I wish they didn’t have to leave. Sherlock told me that she hoped she was going to have a little girl just like me. She said that Mr. Savich felt the same way. She said they both thought I was really neat. I told her that that wasn’t a good idea. I’m not very good anymore.”
Ramsey looked down at the child he’d give his life for. He’d just kissed her forehead, just complimented her on her music, and now this. He gently pushed her hair back from her face. Before he could think of what to say, Emma continued, “Sherlock’s face turned red. She was really mad, but she said she wasn’t mad at me.”
“You, my perfect Emma, not good? Where’d you get a weird idea like that?”
She looked away, into a past that st
ill had a hammerlock on her, a past that hemorrhaged into the present. “That man said I would save him. I didn’t know what he was talking about.”
Ramsey wanted to kill. He forced down a deep breath, slowed it, tried to calm himself. This was something for Dr. Loo, but she wasn’t here, he was, and the rage he felt couldn’t help her. “Listen to me, Em. This man who kidnapped you, he’s sick in the head, really sick. What he thinks, what he does, it has nothing to do with you—Emma Santera. He would have hurt any little girl he could find. You weren’t Emma to him. Do you understand?”
“No,” she said finally. “I don’t understand. It’s scary, Ramsey.”
He leaned down, his forehead touching hers. He kissed the tip of her nose. “Listen up, Emma. We’re on a roll here. The three of us together, we’ll take on the scariest thing you can dream up. You’re a very good little girl, Emma. In fact, you’re so good that the thought of not having you with me makes a big dent in my heart. That’s how good you are.”
She gave him a big smile. One small hand stroked his cheek. “You won’t leave, Ramsey, will you? You won’t go back to your house?”
He took both of her hands between his and kissed her fingers. They tasted like the gingerbread that Miles had baked for her at lunchtime. He didn’t really know what the future would bring, but he knew he couldn’t tell that to her. Her life had been smashed, her father murdered, and he said now, without hesitation at all, “I won’t leave you, ever, Emma.”
“Good,” she said, and yawned.
“Emma?”
“Yes, Ramsey?”
“Will you be a brat for me just once? Maybe when you get up from your nap? Or this evening? I know, you could whine about having to drink your milk or finish your dinner or having to go to bed? Throw a kid fit?”
She smiled at him. “Sure.”
“You want to take a nap now?”
“Okay.” She closed her eyes, then opened one and squinted up at him. “But maybe I won’t go to bed tonight.”
“Fair enough.” Actually, he just wanted to get her through her father’s memorial service. He hoped they could continue to keep out all the reporters, the local TV stations, and the paparazzi. The guards had ably assisted one reporter back up over the compound wall and out onto the road. He prayed that Emma wouldn’t pay any attention to the impertinent questions that flew at him and Molly whenever they went outside the gates.
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