by Jaci Burton
“Jesus. I’m sorry, Becks.”
She shrugged like it was no big deal, when Jackson knew damn well it had been.
“It is what it is. We all went through it. I’m sure you had your fair share of nightmare scenarios in foster care, too.”
“It wasn’t great, that’s for sure. That’s why I preferred living on the streets.”
He finished scooping the onions and jalapeños into a bowl, then went to the sink to wash his hands. He dried them on the towel and when he looked up, he found Becks staring at him.
“What?”
“That’s it? I tell you my horror stories and you don’t share yours?”
“Oh.” He lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “Not much to tell. A lot like yours. Shitty foster parents. They were all nightmares. You know.”
“Yeah, that’s really specific, Jackson. Thanks for giving me a glimpse inside your life.”
She put the bowls in the fridge and washed her hands, then disappeared down the hall. He followed her to the laundry room, watching her pull clothes from the dryer and cram them into a basket.
“What exactly is it that you want from me?”
She shut the door and brushed by him. “Nothing. I don’t want anything from you that you’re not willing to give.”
She went upstairs. He thought about staying where he was to sulk and drink his beer, but he hated leaving things unsettled, so he followed her into her room.
She lifted her head and shot a glare at him. “Do you mind?”
“I do, actually. So what if I don’t want to talk about the past? Some people like digging into that shit. I don’t happen to be one of those people.”
“And some people like to get to know other people by finding out who they were and how they feel about what happened to them when they were younger. We share a past, Jackson. One you keep wanting to forget about. I’d like to know why.”
Why did everyone want to keep drilling down into a past that was best kept buried? “There is no why. There aren’t any deep, dark secrets I’m keeping. You know everything about me, Becks. We lived on the streets when we were young. Then I got lucky and was adopted. I became a firefighter. And here I am now.”
She folded a shirt and laid it on the bed. “And that’s it. That’s all there is to know about you.”
“Pretty much, yeah.”
“I call bullshit on that.” She picked up the shirt and turned to put it in a drawer.
He skirted around her bed and moved in next to her. “No, it’s not bullshit. It’s who I am. I don’t want to talk about my past. That doesn’t make me some kind of monster.”
She closed the drawer and straightened. “Of course it doesn’t make you a monster. I think you’re avoiding dealing with the ghosts of your past. And I know better than anyone that it will haunt you until you address it.”
He laughed. “There’s nothing to address, Becks. Honest. I’m a happy guy. I have an amazing family, a job I love and a great place to live. My life is pretty damned perfect.”
She cocked her head to the side. “Is it?”
“Yeah.” He sat on the edge of her bed.
“Then why do you refuse to talk about the past?”
“I . . . don’t know. I guess because it’s over and I’d like to forget about it. You were there. It wasn’t the best time of our lives. I don’t like reliving it.”
“But there were fun times, too. And you made friends. Come on, Jackson. You ended up with two brothers out of it. How could that not be an amazing time in your life? It couldn’t have been all darkness.”
She didn’t understand. He could never make anyone understand why he didn’t want to go back there. “Yeah, you’re right. Rafe and Kal were the best thing that ever happened to me back then. All of you were. If not for our group I never would have survived.”
“None of us would have made it alone. And you were our leader. You were the one who made sure we got fed and had a place to sleep at night.”
He felt that stab of guilt that hit him every time he thought about how he’d left all the kids behind. And Becks had been one of those kids.
“You know if I could have done this any other way, I never would have left.”
She laid a hand on his shoulder. “Jackson, I don’t blame you. You had no choice. And you got lucky. Any one of us would have leaped at the opportunity.”
She didn’t know, couldn’t possibly know how much willpower it had taken not to go back, the choices he’d had to make both for himself and for his brothers.
“When we ended up with Josh and Laurel, I tried to go back. I told them I needed to check on my friends. They wouldn’t let me.”
“That’s understandable. Plus they were probably afraid you’d bolt.”
“Probably.”
She looked at him, and he saw the sympathy in her eyes. He didn’t deserve it.
“We waited for all three of you to show up. Littles was so scared when he couldn’t find you.”
Goddammit. He hated knowing that. Littles had always been attached to him. He knew the kid thought of him as a father figure. He dragged his fingers through his hair. “It was my job to protect all of you. And I let you down. If we hadn’t gotten separated the night it rained . . .”
“Then we would have all been in that house with you, right?”
“Yeah. Believe me, I’ve gone over the scenario a thousand times in my head. My dad tells me it was hard enough getting the three of us out of that house. It was pretty consumed when they got there. We were lucky.”
She sat on the bed next to him. “And if the rest of us had been there, Jackson, some of us might not have made it out. You and Rafe and Kal might not have made it out. Stop feeling guilty about that night. We were fine. Mason and I took care of Littles and the others. We found shelter and food that night and we were all okay.”
He looked up at her. “You ever wonder what happened to everyone?”
“Yes. When I decided to go into foster care, I convinced Littles to go with me. We were even in the same house for a while. Littles had the same social worker I did, so I found out he got adopted. Amy found some other group to hang out with. I don’t know what happened to her. Before I got into the system, Greg just disappeared one night and never came back. I don’t know why. Mason stayed out on the streets, so no idea where he ended up.”
This was why he didn’t delve into the past. The knot in his stomach tightened as the weight of that responsibility he’d felt for all the kids sank deeper inside him. Part of him still wanted to know where they all had gone. If they were okay. If they were happy and safe. But there’d be no way to get those answers, and it ate away at him. The best thing to do was not think about it.
“I’m glad about Littles,” he said.
“Me, too. Look, Jackson . . .”
He stood, needing to put an end to this conversation. “Anyway, I should probably get back downstairs.”
“Are you all right?”
“I’m fine. I just have a couple of things I need to do. And the guys will probably be back soon.”
“Okay. I’ll be downstairs in a minute. I just want to finish putting the laundry away.”
“Yeah, sure.”
He left her room and went downstairs, feeling unsettled and wishing they could have been doing anything in her bedroom other than talking about their past lives. And maybe he should have showed Becks that the present was way more satisfying than the past.
So why didn’t he linger? Change the subject? Kiss her?
Why in the hell didn’t he kiss her? That sure as hell would have been a topic changer.
Because you have your head up your ass about the past.
He blew out a frustrated breath and opened the fridge to grab the iced tea. By then Rafe walked in.
“What’s up?” Rafe asked. “How did the search go w
ith Becks?”
“Fine. She got a place.”
Rafe grinned. “Great. Is it a good spot?”
“It’s fine.”
“Oh, so it’s fine. What’s up your ass now?”
“Nothing.”
“That sounds like a bad-mood kind of nothing.”
The one thing that both irked him and that he respected about Rafe was his ability to read people. That ability could be helpful in an emergency situation. As it related to Jackson? Annoying as shit. Rafe could read Jackson’s mood by one word.
“I’m fine.”
Rafe brushed by him to pull a glass down from the cabinet. “Uh-huh. Sure you are. What happened with you and Becks today?”
“What makes you think this has anything to do with Becks?”
Rafe slanted a look at him. “Because she’s a woman and you suck at dealing with women. Plus you like her.”
He took a drink of tea and set it down on the counter. “I never said I liked her.”
“You don’t have to. Ever since you dragged her out of her smoke-filled shop, the chemistry between the two of you has been like a constant heat source around here. And the two of you are either sniping at each other or giving each other looks.”
Jackson frowned. Looks. Whatever. He wasn’t looking at her.
“You’re full of shit.”
Kal walked in and tossed a bag on the counter. “No, you’re full of shit. Actually, you both are, but why’s Jackson full of shit?”
“About Becks and the way the two of them are doing this sex dance around each other.”
Kal gave a quick nod. “Oh, that. Yeah, you totally are.”
Jackson glared at both of his brothers. “For fuck’s sake. We are not. And quit watching us.”
Kal dug into the fruit bowl on the counter and grabbed a peach. “Dude, no one even has to watch. It’s like the temp goes up ten degrees whenever you’re both in the same room.”
Rafe shoved Jackson. “Ha. See? See? What did I say? I said the exact same thing.”
Just then Becks reappeared. “Hi, guys. Have a good day?”
“Outstanding, Becks,” Kal said, grabbing a paper towel to catch the juice from the peach. “How about you?”
“It was good. I leased workspace today.”
“Hey, great,” Rafe said. “The one by the beach?”
She nodded. “It’s a perfect location, with plenty of space for a waiting area and multiple rooms for storage and doing ink, so it’s exactly what I was looking for.”
“I’m happy for you.” Kal came over and drew her against him for a quick hug. “When do you move in?”
“My friend Margie texted me when I was upstairs. I’ll pick up the keys tomorrow. I officially start paying rent on Monday, but since the place is empty the owner said I can start moving in this weekend.”
“Perfect,” Rafe said. “We can help you move.”
“You don’t have to do that. I know you guys have your own things to do.”
“Hey, we’re like family,” Kal said. “And family helps family. We’ll pitch in.”
She looked over at Jackson, who nodded and said, “Yeah, we’ll help.”
“Great. Thank you. Oh, and I don’t know if Jackson told you or not, but he said I could continue to stay here. The rent’s higher on the commercial space than I can really afford right now, so he said you all wouldn’t mind. I’ll still pay rent here, of course.”
Rafe shot him a knowing look before slanting a sweet smile at Becks. “You’re welcome to stay here as long as you like, Becks.”
“Agreed,” Kal said, looking over the top of Becks’s head to smirk at Jackson.
Both of his brothers could go straight to hell.
CHAPTER 11
There was nothing like serious muscle to reduce what Becks thought would be an all-day job to just a couple of hours. With Jackson, Rafe and Kal’s help, they had everything placed in all the right spots in her new space by mid-afternoon.
She knew the guys had to be tired coming off shift first thing Saturday morning, but they pitched right in and loaded stuff into their trucks without complaint. She had fixed them sausage and egg burritos and had those ready when they first came home, so they gobbled those up and got right to work.
They went with her to her storage locker and did all the heavy lifting, taking the chairs and tables and loading those into their trucks. She could have done it herself but she hadn’t minded ogling their muscles while they did the heavy lifting.
Okay, so it might have been Jackson’s muscles she’d ogled the most. He’d changed into shorts and a sleeveless shirt. He was tanned and had amazing shoulders and she’d had a hard time concentrating while watching the man sweat.
She’d cleaned the storefront window on Friday and painted a new Skin Deep logo on the window, and had her sign guy come by and put all the date and time details on her door, but she was still surprised to have a couple of people stop by while they were moving in and talk to her about getting tattoos. She made two appointments for Tuesday and one for next Saturday.
Outstanding. She’d had a good feeling about this place the minute she had walked in. And it had turned out she was right. This was going to be a great studio. She couldn’t wait to get started on Tuesday.
Kal swiped his hands on his shorts and surveyed the room. “It looks good.”
“Yeah, it does,” Rafe said.
They’d helped her paint the back wall in the reception area a bright turquoise, where she intended to put her art. In the main tattooing room she’d gone with a pale gray.
“It’s perfect.”
“And it’s dry,” Kal said. “So let’s put up some art.”
She surveyed her drawings and paintings and some of the photographs of her favorite tattoos. “You guys didn’t need to hang all my stuff on the wall. I can do that.”
“Hey, we’re here, hammers and drills and all,” Jackson said. “Might as well use us.”
She’d have liked to have Jackson drill her in so many different ways, but she tucked that dirty thought away for the time being. So she directed and they hung the art. Then they helped her put supplies away.
She swiped her hands on a paper towel. Other than making a few calls to clients and prospects, she was ready. And oh, so eager. “We’re done.”
“And you’re ready to go,” Jackson said.
She looked them over. “Okay. Which one of you is going to be my first customer?”
Kal laughed. “Hey, I’ll show up and let you put some art on me, but not right now.” He pulled his phone out. “Got plans.”
“With Tandy?” Rafe asked.
“Mind your own business.”
Rafe shot a grin over at Jackson and Becks. “It’s with Tandy.”
“And who would Tandy be?” Becks asked.
“She’s a trainer at the gym,” Rafe said. “Incredible body. Great work ethic. She’s also a physical therapist. Super amazing at both of her jobs. No idea what she’s doing with a dumbass like Kal.”
“Fuck off, Rafe.”
Rafe laughed. Jackson let out a snort of laughter.
Becks shook her head. “This is probably why Kal doesn’t want to tell you who he’s dating.”
“He does the same thing to both of us when we’re going out with someone,” Jackson said.
“Truth.” Rafe nodded. “We all do. It’s a brother thing. Plus, we’re only looking out for each other, to make sure one of us doesn’t end up with a hose chaser.”
Becks choked out a laugh. “A . . . what? Did you say hose chaser?”
Jackson nodded. “Yeah.”
“You can’t be serious.”
“Oh, we are,” Rafe said.
Becks leaned against the front desk and crossed her arms. “Really. And what constitutes a hose chaser?”
&nb
sp; “They’re only after the uniform,” Jackson said. “They get off on telling their friends they’re hooking up with a firefighter. Or a cop.”
“The ones who date the cops are the badge bunnies,” Kal said.
“Oh. My. God,” Becks said. “So just because you wear a uniform they want in your pants? I don’t get the appeal. No offense.”
“None taken,” Jackson said.
“Don’t get me wrong. What you do for a living is admirable,” Becks said. “But as far as I’m concerned it doesn’t make you any more fuckable than any other guy.”
Kal laughed, hard. “I see you haven’t changed much at all, Becks. Still saying exactly what’s on your mind.”
She shrugged. “No reason not to, is there?”
“Nope. Anyway, I gotta go see my girl. Who, by the way, is not a hose chaser.”
“Thank God for that. And thanks for helping today, Kal.”
“Anytime, honey.” Kal kissed her on the cheek and left.
She turned to face Jackson and Rafe. “How about some late lunch? My treat since you both helped me out so much today.”
“I’d love to,” Rafe said. “But I need to go get an oil change on my truck and then I’ve got a date, too, that I need to get ready for.”
Becks frowned. “You could have done the oil change this morning instead of helping me.”
“Hey, we’re family, Becks. You needed me. Besides, I’ve got plenty of time to get my stuff done. So don’t worry about it.”
She heaved a sigh. “Okay. Thanks for helping me today. I never could have gotten it done so fast without all of you.”
Rafe hugged her. “You’re welcome. We’ll always be here for you anytime you need us.”
He walked out, leaving Becks alone with Jackson. She lifted her gaze to his.