by Jaci Burton
“Dammit, Becks.” Kal slung his arm around her shoulders, then nudged her out of the way and took over dish-rinsing duties. “That has to be rough.”
She put the leftover biscuits in a container. “It hurts to know there are still homeless kids out there. But you know how it is. There likely always will be. So I do what I can to make it a little easier on them.”
“You let me know next time you’re going,” Rafe said. “I’ll go with you.”
She looked over her shoulder at Rafe. “Would you really?”
“Sure I would. If you can handle it, I guess I can, too.”
She looked at Jackson, hoping he’d offer to join them.
“Don’t look at me,” he said. “I’m never going back.”
She sighed and popped the lid on the biscuits, then turned to scoop the remainder of the fruit into another container.
“I’m kind of in Jackson’s corner on this one, Becks,” Kal said, grabbing a towel to go wipe down the table. “I mean, we’ve been there, done that. Why go back and torture yourself with those memories?”
“Because there are still kids like us out there today. Still homeless, still thinking that no one cares about them. I like to talk to them, to let them know they shouldn’t ever give up. So that maybe they’ll see that someone does care about them, that there’s hope for their futures.”
Kal dried his hands, then tossed the paper towel into the trash. “Okay. When you put it that way I can see how you’d want to give back. We all got out, rose up, ended up with a better life. So what do you do? Talk to them about getting off the streets and into foster care?”
She took a seat at the island. “Oh, no. I don’t try to talk them into anything. My last foster family was great. But I also experienced horror shows in the foster care system. I wouldn’t dream of recommending anything those kids don’t want. Plus, they’d never trust me and let me in if I steered them wrong. I just ask them how they’re doing, find out what they might need, if they have buddies out there to rely on like we did. If any of them are sick I might run them into the free clinic so they can get checked out. Otherwise, I just drop off stuff.”
“Sounds decent,” Kal said.
“We should go shopping today, get some stuff for them,” Rafe said. “Then go out there.”
Kal nodded. “I’m in.”
“Whoa,” Jackson said. “What’s the hurry?”
Rafe shrugged. “Why put it off?”
“I just think we should . . . think about it.”
“I think you don’t want to think about it,” Rafe said. “And all of us going would make it too real for you.”
Becks could tell Jackson was getting angry. His brows knitted together and he was taking in deep breaths.
“It’s okay if you don’t want to come along, Jackson,” she said. “Rafe and Kal and I can do this by ourselves.”
“Sure. Yeah.” He started to walk away, but then turned to look at her, his face twisted with frustration. “You know, if you hadn’t brought it up, you wouldn’t be dragging Rafe and Kal with you.”
“Excuse me?”
“What the fuck, man,” Rafe said. “Are we robots?”
“I’m pretty sure we have minds of our own, bro,” Kal said. “It’s not like she’s twisting our arms.”
He waved his hand in dismissal. “Whatever. I just think no good comes from trying to relive the past.”
She understood where he was coming from, but she had to make him understand that he had it all wrong. “Jackson. I’m not setting up a tent there to live with those kids. I’m trying to help.”
“Sometimes trying to help does more harm than good. You think those kids enjoy seeing you show up smelling all sweet and looking like some golden goddess while they’re dirty and living in a shithole?”
She’d tried. And now she was mad. “I don’t believe they’re thinking anything at all about me other than I’m the bringer of food and blankets and clean clothes and toiletries and some entertainment so they can feel better about themselves.
“You remember how it was back then, Jackson. If someone came by and gave one of us five dollars, we’d go grab a burger, fries and a drink and we’d split it. We wouldn’t pay the slightest bit of attention to the person who gave us the money, other than a quick thanks.”
“Right,” Kal said. “Because the only thing we’d be thinking about was how fast we could get to the fast-food joint and grab some food. It’s not the person so much as it is the kindness.”
“Becks is right,” Rafe said. “They might recognize her because she makes regular visits, but they aren’t jealous of her circumstances. They’re just happy that she keeps showing up and wondering what she’s brought for them this time. Like us back then. All we cared about was when we’d get our next meal.”
Jackson sighed. “I guess. Sorry, Becks.”
She shrugged, still angry that he always wanted to take out his frustrations on her. “It’s fine.” She turned to Rafe and Kal. “I’m going upstairs to get changed. I’ll be ready to go in about twenty minutes if you two still want to come with me.”
“I’ll be ready to go whenever you are,” Kal said.
Rafe nodded. “Same.”
“Okay.” She walked upstairs and went into her room and closed the door. She noticed Jackson had made the bed. She sat on it and sighed.
Just a few hours ago they were tangled up together on this bed, embroiled in hot passionate lovemaking.
And just like that his passion had cooled and he’d accused her of . . . hell, she couldn’t even make sense of what it was he’d accused her of. But whatever it had been, she didn’t like it.
The man ran hot and cold like no one she’d ever seen before. One minute he acted like he wanted to take her to bed and make love to her for hours. He was hot and caring and the kind of man she was definitely interested in spending time with. And then it was like a light switch going off and he was surly and accusatory and definitely not the kind of guy she wanted to spend any time with at all.
She had to do some serious thinking about Jackson.
CHAPTER 15
As soon as Becks had gone upstairs and closed the door to her room, Jackson’s brothers had laid into him.
“What the fuck, man?” Rafe asked.
Followed by Kal’s “Are you seriously out of your fucking mind? What’s wrong with you?”
He deserved it.
He paced in front of the kitchen sink. “I don’t know.”
When they both looked at him, he raised his hands. “I honestly don’t know. It’s not Becks. It’s me. Or maybe it is her. Maybe it’s reconnecting with her that’s brought up the past and it’s triggering something inside me.”
“Yeah, the asshole inside you,” Kal said.
Rafe nodded. “It’s like every time you’re around her, you act like a raging dick.”
“Not every time.” Though Jackson had to admit it was getting to be a pattern. A pattern he didn’t like seeing in himself.
Kal shot him a look that told him he didn’t buy it. “Whatever it is, man, you need to figure out how to deal with it. Because you can’t sleep with her one night and then act like you just did this morning. She’ll dump you fast.”
“Unless that’s what you want,” Rafe said. “Is that what you want? You had second thoughts about the whole sex-with-Becks thing, so now you’re pulling out the asshole side of yourself to get her to dump and run?”
He’d let his brothers jump on him because he deserved it. But now he was pissed. “Come on, Rafe. You know that’s not how I treat women. I’m kind. And I’m always straightforward and honest.”
“Fine, that’s true,” Kal said. “So what’s this attitude all about? You know this is why Becks is currently so pissed at you.”
“I just told her how I saw the situation. Which I may have misinterpreted.”
&nbs
p; “May have?” Kal threw his hands up in the air and shot Jackson a look of disbelief. “You were a douchehole, like you’ve been to her since the moment we met up with her again the day of the fire. It’s like every time I’m around the two of you together, you can’t act like a human. What the fuck, Jackson?”
When Kal blew up like that, he knew it was because something upset him. And this time, that something was Jackson.
“Okay. Okay. You’re right. I’ll fix it.”
“You’d better. I like having her in our lives again. Don’t fuck this up because you can’t keep your past and your emotions and your dick separated.”
Jackson hated being wrong. But he also hated revisiting the past. He had a damn good reason for compartmentalizing that part of him.
But now he realized Becks hadn’t done anything wrong. She hadn’t invited him to come along, hadn’t asked about his past. She’d only stated what she did to return to that part of her past. And in return, he’d been the one to pounce, to accuse, and had made her angry right after they’d had a great night together. In addition, he’d pissed off the people he loved the most—his brothers.
Time to make amends.
So while his brothers went to their rooms to get dressed, he dashed upstairs, too, changed clothes and slid into his tennis shoes.
There were parts of his past he had no intention of ever confronting. But this wasn’t about him. This he could do.
When he came back downstairs, Becks was there alone, sitting on one of the chairs at the kitchen island doing something in a notebook. Drawing, maybe? He guessed if she was a tattoo artist, she probably drew all the time. She wore shorts and canvas tennis shoes and a tank top, her hair piled up in a high ponytail.
He wanted to step up behind her and kiss the back of her neck. And if he hadn’t acted like such a jerk he might have been able to do that. But he seriously doubted she was even speaking to him right now, let alone inviting him to put his mouth or any other part of his body on her.
“Hey,” he said.
She looked up from her notebook. “Hey.”
“So I thought I’d come with you.”
She laid her notebook on the island. “Don’t feel pressured into doing something you don’t want to do. For me or for your brothers.”
“I don’t. I feel bad that I overreacted. And I’m seriously sorry I jumped all over you and made accusations that aren’t true.”
She shrugged. “You don’t know me all that well.”
He read the hurt in her eyes, and he felt shitty for being the one to have hurt her. He stepped in and picked up her hand, rubbing his thumb over her soft skin. He kept his gaze on hers and said, “I hurt you. I always seem to say the wrong things when I’m around you. I don’t mean to.”
Her lips gave a slight curve. “Maybe I bring out the worst in you.”
“I think it’s more that I bring out the worst in me. You should probably know that before you decide if you want to be around me. But I’m genuinely sorry and you should feel free to tell me to go fuck myself if you never want to see me again.”
She reached up and slid her hand across his jaw. “You’re forgiven. Don’t make a habit of being a jerk. And maybe stop and ask me questions next time before you make assumptions.”
There weren’t a lot of women he knew who could be so forgiving of his behavior. That Becks was said a lot about her. He lifted her hand and kissed the back of it. “Thank you.”
And then he leaned in and brushed his lips across hers. A brief kiss, but she rose up and sighed into his mouth, making him crave more.
“I guess you two made up,” Kal said as he came down the stairs.
They broke contact, but the taste of her still lingered on his lips.
And when Becks smiled up at him, Jackson ached inside, because all he wanted was to pull her into his arms and hold her. Just . . . hold her.
“Okay, okay, enough,” Kal said. “I might like you better when you’re fighting.”
Becks laughed.
Rafe came downstairs about ten minutes later.
“As always, waiting on you,” Jackson said.
Rafe grinned. “No surprise. I am the prettiest, after all.”
“I don’t know how you can say that,” Kal said. “After all, I dress better than you.”
Jackson rolled his eyes. “Don’t forget I can kick both your asses.”
Kal laughed. “Maybe when I was twelve.”
“You decide, Becks,” Rafe said.
“I think you’re all super strong and awesome firefighters,” Becks said.
When they all continued to stare at her, she added, “And of course, you’re all very pretty.”
Jackson looked at her. “Hey.”
She shrugged. “That is not a lie. Can we go now?”
“I guess.”
He and Becks got into his truck, and Rafe and Kal took Kal’s truck. Their first stop was going to be at a store to buy the needed supplies.
Jackson wasn’t sure how this was going to go, but he’d agreed, so he’d see it out.
He just wasn’t looking forward to going back to where he’d come from.
CHAPTER 16
Becks could tell Jackson was nervous. All through their shopping trip he’d barely said a word.
Maybe he was concentrating on the supplies they were buying, the arguments they were having about the need for clean underwear versus having a battery-operated game system.
“Guys,” she said. “Underwear. Toothpaste, toothbrushes, wipes. Basic human necessities.”
Kal looked at her as if she were speaking Klingon. “A game system is a basic human need, Becks.”
She rolled her eyes. “No.”
Kal held out the game system to her. “Kids have lots of downtime to get bored.”
Rafe nodded. “And get in trouble. Especially boys.”
She pondered that thought. “Okay, you might have a point. But nothing expensive that’ll get stolen.”
“Maybe some comics and books,” Jackson suggested. “If they read or are being taught to read by some of the adults, it’ll help them progress.”
She looked up at him. “Great idea.”
They headed to the book aisle and browsed for a while. She picked out several that would fit multiple age groups, from preteen to young adult books for girls. The guys took care of comics and books for young males.
They bought quite a few things. She appreciated that all three of the guys chipped in on the cost, because it allowed her to get way more stuff than she normally would. In the end, they ended up buying some rain parkas and tennis shoes in various sizes.
Lexie was hitting that about-to-be-a-teen growth spurt, so she grabbed capris and a T-shirt for her growing body, along with a sports bra so she wouldn’t have to feel like she had to hide her budding breasts. Becks remembered how it felt when she first started blooming, and how embarrassing it was not to have the necessary clothing.
She also picked up quite a few sanitary items for the older girls. There was nothing worse than being homeless and on your period and having no tampons or pads available.
They picked up energy bars and prepacked sandwich items, then they hit the checkout.
They parked in one of the lots near the beach, got out and started bagging up the items, then made their way to the park. Her stomach always knotted up when she made her way to the place she’d called home for so many years of her youth.
She’d been lucky. She’d made the choice to get out and had been fortunate to spend her last five teen years with a really nice foster family. It could have been much worse for her. And as they passed the adult encampment, she looked at some of the faces of people she’d seen and known when she was a kid. Still there, spending their lives in those camps—distrustful, living day by day in a fog of hunger and helplessness. Some were alcoho
lics or drug addicts. Others had been put there simply by unfortunate circumstance. Becks knew as well as anyone that no one chose to be homeless.
“I thought I was the quiet one,” Jackson said, coming up to walk beside her.
She gave him a half smile. “Just thinking that I remember a few of these folks from before.”
He looked over as they passed old Red, who seemed to stare right through them. “Yeah. Some people just get stuck in a rut and don’t know how to dig themselves out. Red got caught up in alcohol. Won’t stay at the shelters. He doesn’t really trust people.”
She nodded as they passed a faded pink tent where dirty white tennis shoes attached to a woman’s feet hung out. “And Miss Peggy . . . she used to like me to read to her when I was younger. She lost her glasses a long time ago. She was always losing her glasses. I brought some readers to her last time I was here, along with a mystery book from one of her favorite authors.”
He rubbed her arm. “You’re a kind person, Becks.”
She shrugged. “I just know what it’s like to go without your favorite things.”
They moved into the deeper part of the park, the place where the kids all lived. They liked to live separate from the adults, mainly because some of the adults couldn’t be trusted around kids. Most of them were okay and kept an eye on the kids to make sure they stayed safe. But you never knew who you could trust, and it was always best to stay within your trusted group.
There were homeless families that kept their kids in a tight group with them, and they were never allowed to socialize with the single kids. Becks had always wondered why their parents never let them hang out. It wasn’t like Becks or Jackson or anyone else was going to kidnap them. Either way, it was okay. Those kids had parents to look out for them. They were the fortunate ones.
The place looked the same. Tents were different. Kids were different. Otherwise, nothing much had changed. Kids were still homeless, and there were still way too many of them out here.
“Where is everyone?” Rafe asked.
Becks put her bags down. “They’re hiding, probably because I brought three big guys with me. They probably think you’re with children’s services. Let me go talk to them. You guys hang back.”