Now, as she ran her gaze over the Thai menu, she gulped, sorry she’d reminded herself of that fact. Thai and Chinese food was the same kind of thing, wasn’t it?
Abby suddenly noticed that the table had gone quiet, and when she looked up, realised the entire family were still waiting for her to answer Dermot’s question.
“Oh, I’ll be fine with the chicken,” she insisted quickly, mortified that she’d created a fuss. “Honestly.”
After that, it took a while for the tension to dissipate and Abby knew that Dermot and Caroline were annoyed with her. But what could she do? Once again, Abby felt deflated that these days she always seemed to be on a different wavelength to the rest of her family. They were all so happy-go-lucky and content with their lives, whereas she only ended up dragging everyone down. She tried to be upbeat since the break-up, she really did, but it was very difficult when inside she felt like some kind of walking zombie.
“Mum, have you heard from Claire?” Caroline asked then, referring to their oldest sister, who lived in New York with her American husband.
Teresa smiled. “Yes, she phoned shortly before I came out, and she and Zach sent me the loveliest card.”
“How is she?” Caroline asked, taking a sip from a glass of champagne. Earlier, her sister had ordered a bottle of the most expensive bottle on the menu to toast their mother’s birthday. It was the kind of thing that used to drive Kieran demented.
“She never wastes a bloody opportunity to rub all our noses in it, does she?” he’d said and Abby had to admit that yes, Caroline did indeed seem to enjoy the finer things in life.
She’d also discovered that the jumbo bunch of flowers that had earlier dwarfed her own miserable offering had been Caroline’s, and she already knew about the expensive tickets to the West End she’d organised for Teresa as a birthday present. Her sister’s extravagance often made Abby feel inadequate by comparison and she remembered how irritated Kieran used to get by the way Caroline used every opportunity to flaunt her wealth at the rest of the family. Or should she say Tom’s wealth; Caroline hadn’t worked a day since they married–instead, she spent most of her time shopping for expensive clothes, and eating in fancy restaurants like this.
“I don’t know how your man puts up with it,” Kieran would say, referring to Tom. Although her brother in law was a man of few words (hello and goodbye being about the extent of them) he was as easy-going as they came, and didn’t seem to mind his wife’s spending. In fact, Tom adored Caroline and worshipped the ground she walked on, something that Abby had always sorely envied–and even more so now.
Yes, her sister had it all–the fairytale life complete with adoring husband, plenty of money, and of course, stunning good looks. Whereas she, she mused looking down at the table … well, she had none of those of things, had she?
“She’s in good form,” Teresa said, referring to Claire. “They’re hoping to try and get over for a visit soon, but it’s just so hard for Zach to get the time off from work.”
“Still no word on the other thing yet then?”
Abby knew that Caroline was referring to Claire and Zach’s hopes of having a baby. At thirty-eight, her oldest sister was close to the upper age limit for having a child, and unlike some of her and Zach’s friends, seemed patently unwilling to go down the IVF route.
“It just seems a bit perverse,” she’d explained to Abby during her last visit home a while back. “For most of my life I’ve been on the pill–essentially taking drugs to not get pregnant, so it seems wrong now to jump straight into taking different ones just because I want to. If it’s not meant to be, it’s not meant to be. Anyway,” she added with a supposedly indifferent shrug, although Abby suspected that it was anything but, “it’s partly my own fault for waiting this long.”
She didn’t like to point out that the real reason Claire had waited so long to start a family was because she’d only met Zach a couple of years back, and before that hadn’t been in a serious relationship since moving to the States six years before.
Abby had heard that the dating scene in New York was tough, and that they did things considerably different there, but given that Claire was open, friendly and stunningly pretty, she’d assumed her eldest sister would have no problems at all in finding a man, particularly when they’d always flocked around her back home in Dublin.
And while Claire enjoyed her lifestyle and worked hard at her career in insurance, Abby knew that deep down all her eldest sister had ever wanted was to settle down and have a family. Pretty much like herself but patently unlike Caroline, who’d never displayed any maternal urges at all, and seemed happy just spending her money and enjoying life.
But to the family’s great delight, Claire had started seeing and eventually got engaged to a lovely guy called Zach Cross, although their mother had initially been more than a little concerned about the fact that he worked for the NYPD.
“Be careful, they’re all alcoholics!” Teresa, (who was a huge fan of American crime novels) warned.
But apparently, Zach worked in the traffic department, and they’d met when Claire tried to talk her way out of a parking ticket he was about to issue. They were a fantastic couple, who Abby thought would make absolutely brilliant parents.
“Sadly no–nothing to report yet,” Teresa confirmed.
“Well, maybe we should all go over and see her.” Caroline said, winking at Abby “Any excuse for a bit of New York shopping, what do you think?”
Again, Abby felt tense and uncomfortable. For one thing, she was terrified of flying, and for another, since her exploits with that dress she was also terrified of shopping!
“Sure, we’ll wait and see,” Teresa intervened quickly and by her tone, Abby knew that her mother had sensed she wasn’t particularly enamoured of this idea. She flashed her a grateful smile.
Still, shopping and flying aside, it would actually be nice to catch up with her oldest sister, whom Abby hadn’t seen much of since she moved to America. Unlike the rest of the family, she’d never been out to New York to visit Claire, and she and Zach hadn’t been home for too many visits since they got married two years back. Claire had phoned often in the aftermath of her break-up with Kieran, and Abby had been meaning to call her many times over the last while, but had just never got round to it. She bit her lip, hoping that Claire wasn’t upset by the lack of contact on Abby’s part, especially when she’d always been so good to her.
“I must give her call soon,” she said.
“Do she’d love to hear from you,” Teresa smiled. “So how have you been yourself, love?” she asked then. “How’s work?”
“Oh, very busy–you know yourself.” Abby shifted with discomfort at having the conversation directed as to how she was.
“Yes, Caroline tells me you’ve been working late in the office a lot,” her mother ventured softly. “You shouldn’t do too much, pet–work isn’t everything, you know.”
But it’s all I have now, Abby wanted to say but didn’t. None of them would understand that without work to concentrate on, she would have fallen apart a long time ago. “I know that Mum,” she said with a forced smile.
“Well, I might have just the thing to take your mind off work Abs,” Caroline trilled. “There’s this fab new place in town called Rapture. It’s a day spa, and they do all sorts of relaxing and de-stressing treatments. The three of us could go together for a pamper day sometime–my treat and–”
“Um, no thanks,” Abby interjected quickly, the mention of the spa immediately triggering mortifying memories of the weekend away that never was. She’d been such an idiot, hadn’t she? To foolishly think that Kieran was taking her to a fancy hotel and spa, when as it turned out he’d intended no such thing…
In any case, Abby was self-conscious about the idea of some stranger putting his or her hands all over her body. Why people enjoyed that kind of thing was beyond her–as Kieran would say, it was only another excuse to charge people an arm and a leg for something they really didn’t
need.
“It’s just not my scene to be honest,” she told her sister with a weak smile.
“Oh, OK then,” Caroline seemed a little taken aback by this steadfast refusal of her generosity. “Well ... maybe you and I will try it sometime anyway Mum, what do you think?”
“We could certainly have a look anyway–maybe sometime when Abby’s not so busy,” Teresa said gently.
“Well, I think you need to chill out a bit Abby,” Dermot interjected, and she turned to look at her brother, hurt. Why were they all ganging up on her like this and telling her she needed to slow down? Couldn’t they understand that she desperately needed to keep busy in order to keep going?
“It’s not that simple Dermot,” she said, now trying to bite back tears. “Being an accountant is different to being a mechanic.”
Her twenty-eight-year old brother worked in a small auto parts business, and as he had few commitments and no mortgage to pay, he could be pretty carefree about everything.
“Of course it is love, we all know that,” Teresa, ever the peacemaker, piped up quickly. “We’d just prefer to see you taking it easy now and then. You seem to be doing a lot these days, and I supposed we’re all a bit worried about you, that’s all.”
“Well there’s no need to worry,” Abby reassured them for what seemed like the umpteenth time. “Yes, work might be hectic but at the same time I enjoy it.”
“Well, just don’t make it your only focus,” Caroline said, topping up everyone’s champagne glasses. “You know what they say about all work and no play …”
Again, Abby was struck by the stark contrast between her and Caroline’s life. Her sister was so lucky; she had a husband who adored her, a big house in Dalkey and not a care in world. But yet she wouldn’t dream of begrudging Caroline her perfect life. Sometimes circumstances just worked out that way; some people had all the luck, while others didn’t.
And while Caroline was one of the former, Abby thought grimacing as the waiter put a plate of something foreign and unappetising in front of her, there was no denying that these days, she was definitely one of the latter.
Chapter 4
The following Monday morning, the phone rang, and toast still in hand, Abby went to answer it.
“Hello stranger!” Erin said chirpily.
“How are you?” Immediately, Abby felt bad. She hadn’t seen or spoken to her best friend in an age. Despite Erin’s repeated attempts to get her to come out on nights on the town, she just couldn’t bring herself to get dressed up and join in the fun. Her friend was so bubbly and carefree that Abby could barely keep up with her at the best of times, and again, she just didn’t want her own circumstances to drag everyone down. But while she’d love a chat, she didn’t have a whole lot of time now, not when it was eight-fifteen am, and she was practically on the way out the door …
Erin seemed to read her mind. “I’m great, but listen I know you’re probably heading out to work soon, so I won’t keep you.” She sounded excited. “Myself, Miriam and Rebecca were out for a few drinks last night. ”
Miriam and Rebecca were two more friends Abby hadn’t spoken to in ages. It wasn’t that she’d been avoiding them on purpose or anything; she just knew that nobody in their right mind wanted to be around her with the way she was at the moment. Chances were, the girls would be appalled by the fact that she hadn’t managed to get over her broken relationship and move on with her life the way everyone else did. They were all strong, hugely independent girls who wouldn’t dream of letting a man get them down like this.
But no matter how hard she’d tried over the last few months, Abby couldn’t get over Kieran, and couldn’t move on, not when she continually felt like one of her arms had been hacked off. Who would want to be around a misery guts like that? No, much better to just keep to herself for a while, and try and get over this in her own time, rather than trying to force herself to go on the tear with the girls and end up embarrassing herself and them by bawling into her drink at the end of the night.
Erin was still talking, “So we came up with an idea for a long weekend away–girls only. What do you think about Dubai?”
“What do I think?” Abby knew little about the place, other than it was supposed to be baking hot and was very far away.
“None of us have been there before, and it’s supposed to be gorgeous–lovely warm sunshine, great shopping, and the four of us could have a good giggle, what do you reckon?”
“The four of us … you mean for me to go too?”
“Of course!” Erin said, as if this was the most obvious thing in the world. “We were thinking maybe next month–around Halloween, so none of us would have to take too much time off work.”
Abby panicked. They’d have to fly to a place like that wouldn’t they? And seeing as the very notion terrified her…
When she gave this excuse to Erin, her friend groaned.
“For God’s sake Abby, you got on a plane once–well twice I suppose when you count the return journey.”
That was true, but as far as she was concerned, twice had been more than enough. She and Kieran had taken their first (and last) foreign holiday together two years before. They’d gone to Spain for a week, somewhere that wasn’t a particularly inspired choice, as he detested the heat, and wouldn’t touch the food. To top it all off, the flight over had been fraught with turbulence, something Kieran–who also hated flying –had predicted beforehand.
“Most of these so-called pilots haven’t a clue what they’re doing, they’re only glorified bus drivers,” he’d gruffly informed Abby during take-off. “And considering the prices they charge for these flights …”
Abby had thought the plane tickets were actually quite reasonable considering, but if Kieran was right about the pilot’s lack of training, then she could understand why. Either way, it hadn’t given her a whole lot of confidence in the journey, and when they’d hit some turbulence throughout the flight and things got a little bumpy, his detailed knowledge of aeroplanes made things even worse.
“Tin cans is all these things are,” he told her, while Abby, her knuckles white, tightly clutched the armrest, and prayed it would soon be over. “I don’t know why they even bother with all that safety procedure bullshit. Sure, if we take a dive it’s all over either way.”
After that, there wasn’t a hope in hell of her relaxing during the so-called ‘holiday’; she was so worried about the flight back home. While there, the heat had made Kieran bad-tempered and irritable, so much so that on the very first day he’d got into a huge argument with a nice Spanish waiter about the ice in his drink.
“Full of bloody germs, ice is,” he insisted to Abby, before demanding the waiter get him a replacement Coke. She’d spent the rest of the holiday drinking warm beer, and was afraid to brush her teeth; she was so anxious about being infected with some weird water-borne Spanish virus.
And although the food to her looked perfectly normal, and to her surprise wasn’t terribly Spanish at all–in fact if anything the restaurants seemed more Irish what with the steak and baked potatoes (and in one place, even Irish stew) they offered, Kieran wouldn’t touch a bite, protesting that the steak wasn’t steak at all.
“How many cows did you see on the way in from the airport?” he said, making a pretty good point really. “God knows what kind of stuff these foreign chancers are feeding us.”
Abby, who actually thought the Spanish people she’d met so far were lovely and incredibly patient and accommodating (considering) didn’t think they’d dream of trying to trick people, but unfortunately she couldn’t convince her boyfriend otherwise.
“And some of them would want to do a few night courses in English while they’re at it–your man there obviously hadn’t a clue what I was saying when I told him to leave out the ice, although maybe he was just trying to spite me.”
No, Abby reflected, foreign climes just weren’t for her what with hot weather, dodgy flights, and according to Kieran, even dodgier food.
�
�I don’t think so Erin,” she said to her friend now, the thoughts of a trip to another faraway destination way down on her list of priorities. But notwithstanding everything else, there really was no way she could take time off from work at such short notice. Halloween was only a few weeks away and worse, coincided with the income tax deadline, which meant the accountancy firm would be snowed under. When she explained this, Erin didn’t seem convinced.
“Ah, come on Abby, you seem to have been working every hour God sent these last few months, surely you’re due some time off?”
“I really can’t, things are just too busy.”
“OK, well maybe we could put it off for a while then, find a time that suits everyone?”
Abby squirmed. “Maybe,” she said non-committally.
“Abby, are you OK? Every time I talk to you lately you seem totally preoccupied with work, and this is the third time in weeks that you’ve turned me down.” Erin sounded hurt. “Look, I’m sure you’re still finding things hard but– ”
“Look, I’m sorry but can I give you a call back later?” Abby interjected then, completely unable to deal with this turn in conversation. “I really have to go. I’m running late as it is.”
A brief silence. “OK.”
“Look, you guys go ahead and book the trip and don’t mind me OK?” she went on, trying to keep her voice light and upbeat. “We’ll try and meet up soon, I promise.”
“Fine.” Erin sounded a little put out.
“Talk to you soon, OK?” With that, Abby hung up and gulped down the rest of her coffee before grabbing her coat and hurrying out the door of the flat. She checked her watch. Eight thirty-five. Oh no–she was definitely going to be late now!
She hurried down the street towards town, and had to negotiate her way through a throng of people getting off at nearby a bus stop. In her haste, she almost collided with a pedestrian coming in the other direction.
“I’m so sorry,” she said, ducking out of the woman’s way at the very last second but in doing so, her path headed straight underneath a ladder leaning against a building close by. OK, she thought, not bothering to go round it and get caught up amongst even more people; she wasn’t a superstitious person anyway so–
Falling in Love in New York Page 3