Abby bit her lip, an all-too-familiar thought intruding. “Oh, I don’t know Caroline, you know what I’m like with restaurants and everything…”
Her sister rolled her eyes. “Why let a tiny thing like that hold you back? Look, we don’t have to go anywhere ‘weird’, just to a normal burger place like Captain America’s or something? See, this is a perfect example of what I’m talking about. I don’t think this ‘thing’ of yours has anything at all to do with food; I think that you’ve been falling back on any excuse at all to prevent you from getting on with life without Kieran.”
“That’s not true!”
“Are you sure?” her sister said, eyeing her. “When’s the last time you went out somewhere without him? To a movie or a concert, or even as far as a bloody shopping centre! You were so used to being part of a couple it’s almost as if you’ve stopped remembering how to function on your own–and that has nothing to do with your head injury by the way.”
“That’s not fair!” Abby exclaimed, hurt.
But of course it was. Caroline’s assessment might have been blunt, but deep down Abby knew it was correct. She had forgotten what it was like not to be part of a couple anymore. She and Kieran had been together so long and done so much together that since the split, she’d almost felt as though one of her limbs had been hacked off.
Caroline was right; these days she didn’t even go to the supermarket, preferring to order her weekly shop online. And a movie or a concert? Abby wouldn’t have the confidence to go somewhere like that on her own, let alone get ready for a night out on the town with anyone other than him. Instead, she’d retreated into herself, stopped enjoying her life, and had put it on hold. And for what? As Caroline had so painfully pointed out, Kieran wasn’t coming back. She’d seen that for herself at the wedding.
So perhaps her sister was right. Perhaps she ought to get on with living her life and instead of using her injury as an excuse to retreat even further into her shell, she should in fact, look at it as a wake-up call.
“You’re right,” she said determinedly. “I’m not going to sit around any longer and let life pass me by. I’m going to go out there and start enjoying it–while I still can,” she couldn’t help adding.
“That’s what I like to hear!” Caroline grinned. “To be truthful, I’ve wanted to say all this to you for a while, wanted to try and buck you up somehow. But at the same time,” she continued gently, “I know it’s been hard.”
Abby gave a watery smile. “It has, but you’re right. I can’t keep going like this. Thanks for being so honest.”
“I’m sorry I had to be. But I couldn’t sit by and watch you waste away like this.”
Well no more, Abby decided determinedly.
From now on everyone was going to see a very different girl to the one who had locked herself away from the world, terrified to experience all it had to offer. From now on, Abby was going to forget all about Kieran and her old ways, and instead get out there and grab life with both hands.
***
Following this, a few days later she arranged to meet up with Erin.
Her friend had only recently returned from her girlie weekend in Dubai, and as Abby made her way towards their arranged meeting spot–a cosy pub just off Grafton Street, she thought again about how long it had been since the two enjoyed a night out together.
Erin had been trying to arrange something like this for months before the accident, but as usual Abby had come up with a barrage of excuses not to go.
Caroline had been right; she was lucky to have any friends left at all with the way she’d behaved over the last while. Since her sister’s pep talk Abby had thought a lot about her life and her actions in the run-up to the accident, and she’d realised that even though she’d done her utmost to keep people at bay and out of her life for the last while, they’d still rallied round in the aftermath of her diagnosis. And she was grateful for that.
So no more hiding away, from now on, Abby was going to ensure she saw as much of other people as possible, starting tonight.
She reached the pub, a popular place that also served good (normal!) food, and once inside, saw that Erin had already arrived.
“Hi there,” she said, standing up and giving Abby an effusive hug. “You look great!”
Abby raised a self-conscious hand to her head, and through her horrible, shorter hair. “I don’t think so,” she said softly. Although it had started to grow back a little more, it would likely be years before she could be happy with it again.
“Well I think it’s very trendy,” Erin insisted, evidently trying to make her feel better. “What’ll you have to drink?”
“Just a Coke thanks,” Abby said smiling at the lounge girl “Doctor’s orders, I’m afraid,” she explained ruefully, when Erin looked crestfallen, “but you go on ahead.”
“You can’t even have one glass of wine or anything?”
“Not for the moment, no.” The doctors had put her on painkillers for the intermittent headaches she’d been experiencing since the accident, but even so Abby was reluctant to do anything that might adversely affect her senses–particularly after the piano incident. If anything else like that happened, she wanted to be sure she noticed the changes as soon as they occurred. Following Hannah’s advice, she had started keeping a diary of events, but because this highlighted just how depressing and uneventful her life was at the moment, she wasn’t being particularly diligent about it.
“Oh well, you don’t mind if I get something stronger?”
“Not at all, go right ahead.”
“OK, I’ll have a glass of white wine then,” Erin said to the lounge girl who promised to send a waitress over to take their food order. Abby who had eaten in this particular pub before and so for once didn’t have to worry about what the food was like, ordered a lasagne, one of the very few ‘exotic’ foods she liked.
“So how have you been since you got out?” her friend asked when the waitress had taken their dinner order. “Are you feeling OK?”
“I’m OK,” Abby said, not yet ready to confide in Erin about the piano incident. As far as she was concerned it still didn’t necessarily mean anything, so she wasn’t going to make a big deal of it. And seeing as Teresa had hardly left Abby out of her sight since, she really didn’t want someone else worrying and fussing over her. “I feel perfectly normal.”
Erin looked down and bit her lip “Well I still feel really guilty.”
“Oh no, please, don’t …” When visiting her at the hospital, poor Erin had been hugely apologetic, convinced that she was the one who was to blame for Abby’s accident.
“But it was my fault you were late for work in the first place, wasn’t it?” she insisted. “If I hadn’t kept you on the phone, banging on about Dubai …”
“Don’t be silly, as I’ve said before of course it’s not your fault. It’s just one of those things, that’s all.”
“Yes but it was my fault you were rushing and– ”
“Erin please, don’t do that to yourself. It was an accident, nobody’s fault. If anything I should have known better than to walk under that ladder. OK, so it might be superstitious but there’s also a very good reason for it,” she said with a grin. “It’s just not safe.”
“So how is … everything now?” Eric glanced surreptitiously at Abby’s head.
“Truthfully? I’m OK.” Abby didn’t want to admit that she spent practically every waking moment worrying about it, and every night lying awake and thinking about what else could happen. “The doctors want me to keep a diary of everything that happens from day to day–see if I notice any changes. I don’t know what to expect, really.” She tried to sound offhand, unwilling to confess to her friend that she was absolutely terrified of what might happen.
“But you’re feeling all right?” Erin probed again.
“Well, I get the odd headache now and again, but other than that I feel right as rain. Anyway, forget about me,” she said brightening. “How are things with you
? Was Dubai fabulous?” Then she frowned. “I’m sorry but I have to say you don’t look very brown, which isn’t like you.” A fervent sun-worshipper, Erin usually turned a deep shade of mahogany following any exposure to the sun.
“Oh, the weather wasn’t great actually,” Erin said dismissively.
“Really? I thought it was always hot and sunny there.”
“So did we,” her friend groaned, before launching into a full-scale report of the girls’ recent trip–a trip that by rights Abby should have been on too. “But the shopping was amazing and we spent an absolute fortune on clothes and jewellery!”
The two girls chatted easily over the next while, and by the time their soup starters arrived Abby had really begun to relax and enjoy herself for what seemed like the first time in ages. It had been yonks since she and Erin had got together for a natter–why on earth had they left it for so long?
But Abby knew there was only one answer to that. She hadn’t wanted to face the world, hadn’t really wanted to move on with her life. Instead she’d retreated from everything, and like some weird recluse had refused to confide in anyone just how much she was hurting. But a bump on the head was a pretty good way of waking a person up and reminding them what they were missing, wasn’t it?
“Penne arrabiatta,” the waitress announced, placing a steaming bowl of pasta on the table in front of Erin, and then a slice of lasagne before Abby.
“Thank you very much,” Abby replied, her mouth watering at the sight of it. Hospital food also had a way of making you appreciate the simplest things!
“Parmesan?” the waitress enquired.
“Not for me thanks,” Erin replied immediately.
“Madam?” She looked at Abby, waiting for an answer.
“I’m sorry–what?” Abby hadn’t the faintest idea what the woman was talking about and was vaguely impressed that Erin seemed to.
“Would you like some parmesan?”
She looked across at Erin, hoping her friend might enlighten her as to what the waitress was saying. What on earth was parmesan?
“I’m sorry … I’m not sure I understand …”
Erin glanced across at her. “Do you want parmesan on your lasagne?”
She looked down at her plate, feeling very gauche indeed. Evidently parmesan was some new trendy Italian herb or something. The last time Abby had been out for a proper Italian meal, sun-dried tomatoes were all the rage, but according to Caroline were now ‘soo nineties’. Being the farthest thing in the world from a ‘foodie’, Abby had never been any good at keeping up with that kind of thing. But what the hell, the stuff looked innocuous enough.
“Yes please,” she said smiling up at the waitress, who duly sprinkled some of it on top of her lasagne.
Erin seemed surprised. “Well that’s certainly a turn-up for the books!” she said once they were alone again. “Didn’t you say before you thought it smelt like mouldy socks?”
“Did I?” Abby reckoned Erin had to be confusing her with someone else, as up until now, she hadn’t a clue that this stuff existed, let alone pass comment on what it smelt like!
“So what else did you get up to in Dubai?” she asked then. Judging by what her friend had told her so far, it seemed she’d missed all the fun.
Chapter 12
Finn was about to begin training a new batch of recruits, which he usually found good fun but at the same time hugely challenging.
Although most of the young guide dogs had been born ‘on campus’ at the centre in Blanchardstown, they had spent the first year of their lives being raised and socialised in the home of one of the centre’s many volunteer puppy raisers. For the first few weeks back at base, the dogs were always a little out of sorts and Finn knew they were missing their raisers as well as the comforts of home. So for this reason, the first phase of training generally consisted of his taking them for relaxing walks around the centre and helping them get to know their trainers as well as the kennel environment and routine. But most dogs tended to settled down very soon, and the personality traits that made Labradors such magnificent guide dogs; their willingness to work, eagerness to please, and absolute adoration of praise soon became readily apparent.
Throughout the training process, Finn and his colleagues repeatedly used an abundance of rewards including physical and verbal affection, all of which built up motivation, confidence and most importantly, a happy working guide dog.
The young dog Finn was working with today, Jack, had a lovely, gentle manner, and was so far responding extremely well to his obedience training. He learnt very quickly and reacted brilliantly to all of Finn’s cues, and unlike some other dogs hadn’t batted an eyelid at wearing the harness. That morning alone, Finn had taught him how to walk in a perfectly straight line from A to B and almost instinctively and without any major prompting, Jack also walked Finn safely around the obstacles placed in his path. It was remarkable progress, and from what he’d seen so far, Finn was hugely confident that Jack would sail through the rest of his training and eventually qualify as a working guide dog.
But, shortly after lunch, Finn discovered Jack’s achilles heel.
Exposure to distraction was a major part of the process and for this purpose, while the young guide dogs were in training, other breeds were allowed run freely in the area–dogs who were hugely inquisitive, equally aggressive and who loved nothing better than getting close up and confrontational with larger ones. Jack Russell terriers were notorious for this ‘in your face’ behaviour, and the centre manager’s own pet terrier was a perfect example. Small and annoyingly yappy, Rasher loved nothing better than to run up and bark at the training dogs, and do his best to try and distract them. It was the ultimate test of patience for any dog–trainee or not–and the majority, including Jack, passed it with flying colours, and much to Rasher’s chagrin, ignored him completely.
For the next challenge, the trainees were introduced to an entirely different animal, one they’d been waging wars with since the beginning of time, a relentless battle that over the years had spawned a multitude of cartoons, books and films. Not to mention one that found the prospect of trying to distract the trainees even more of a pleasure than Rasher did.
Let’s see how you fare this time, Finn thought to himself, as he once again attached the harness, and he and Jack set out on a supposedly casual walk around the arena. They’d walked only a couple of yards before the harness went rigid and Jack stopped short quickly, the hair on the back of his neck standing up. Then, almost before Finn knew what was happening, the dog pulled furiously on the harness and careered off-path and in another direction. He didn’t stop until he reached the boundary wall whereupon a black cat was washing herself lazily in the sun. Then, having reached the wall and dragged Finn all the way, the young dog barked wildly at the cat who determinedly ignored him and continued washing herself
“Jack, meet Sooty,” Finn muttered, his tone filled with disappointment at the dog’s reaction.
Despite his earlier promise, Jack would not be graduating as a working guide dog. After this, Finn thought sadly, he’d be lucky to get a job at all.
That same evening he relayed the story in full to his dinner companion.
“It’s a shame–he was a great dog, and had so much promise too.”
“Really.” Finn’s date Karina was playing with the stem of her wineglass and he realised, seemed to be only half-listening. OK, so he probably banged on a little too much about his job, but what did you talk about when you barely knew the person sitting opposite you?
They’d bumped into one another a few times at parties and social gatherings held by Finn’s best mate Chris, so tonight couldn’t exactly be described as a blind date, but it might as well have been. Finn didn’t know a whole lot about Karina Dowling other than she was single, nice-looking and evidently wasn’t all that interested in the ins an outs of guide dog training.
Then again, why would she be? Granted it probably wasn’t all that interesting to anyone other than himself
and if Karina had spent the entire meal so far going on about her beautician’s job, Finn’s eyes would probably glaze over too.
“Anyway, how’s your starter?” he asked, deciding to change the subject.
They were in a restaurant in the centre of Dublin called Pepe that Chris had recommended. Finn had asked his mate for a recommendation because for the life of him he didn’t know where to go in town these days.
Even though Balbriggan was only a few miles from the city, it might as well have been a completely different country in terms of facilities, and as Finn didn’t venture into town all that much to socialise, he found it difficult to keep up with what was and wasn’t the city’s latest hotspot.
Most of his old mates still lived and worked in the city and the cosmopolitan lives they led were million miles away from the quieter, rural pace he preferred. As the only still-remaining unattached male of the group his friends seemed to think it was their duty to fix him up with various available women, and just didn’t believe Finn when he tried to tell them that he was happy enough on his own, and since Danielle, had little interest in a serious relationship.
It had been over six months since his last ‘arranged’ outing, which had literally ended before it had even begun. While Finn had thought casual and easygoing was the way to go for a first date with a stranger, his companion Sandra, another friend of a friend, was obviously expecting the Michelin star treatment and had dressed accordingly in some glittery dress and fancy heels combo. So when Finn picked her up in the Landrover and suggested they drive out along the coast and maybe catch a casual bite somewhere like Real Gourmet Burger in Dun Laoghaire, she went completely apoplectic.
“Burgers? I don’t do burgers,” she’d snapped, before calling Finn every name under the sun, the majority of them prefixed with ‘cheapskate’ ‘tightwad’ and ‘dickhead’.
Falling in Love in New York Page 9