by Lily Zante
“Not much else to do on my days off,” he said, gruffly. “I miss having you both around.”
An admission, at last. She felt guilty especially in light of how she’d spent her evening last night, at dinner with Ruben. A mountain of guilt emptied over her. She considered saying something about how much she missed him when he asked her. “Put Tori on the phone, would you? I miss her.”
Disappointment silenced her and she turned her attention to Tori, putting the phone to the little girl’s ear. “Da-da. Tori it’s da-da. Say ‘hi’,” Rona coaxed her. Instead her daughter gurgled and strands of spit trickled down her double chin. She clung to the phone as though it was a new toy. Rona could hear Carlos talking to her in his soft voice reserved only for his princess.
“Here, honey. Let mommy have it,” but Tori gripped the handset harder than a teething ring.
“Tori, give me the phone, please.” But Rona’s insistence was going nowhere. Her daughter thought it was a game until Rona gently released it from her fingers. “Hey, Carlos I—” but the line was dead and he’d hung up.
She felt her mouth set in stone. “Come on, baby,” she lifted Tori up. “Time to go to work.”
This morning not even her sister suspected the raging sea of turbulence that rocked inside her.
For that evening and for the next few evenings after that, Rona steered clear of Gioberti’s and cooked at the pensione.
A few days ago she’d gone over to Nico and Ava’s for dinner. They had insisted on more than one occasion and it was getting embarrassing to refuse all the time. Nico had looked exceptionally tired; his face gaunt, he looked as though he’d hardly slept. Apparently he had just returned from another couple of days in Ravenna and he seemed to have a lot on his mind. She didn’t stay too long but had been glad to have a distraction after work. Otherwise she was left to her thoughts once Tori fell asleep and the evenings alone were long. She’d often end up thinking about Ruben.
Seeing him had unnerved her. He’d brought up feelings in her that she knew were wrong, but she couldn’t help them anyway.
She’d called Carlos almost every day since she’d arrived in Italy but since running into Ruben she’d called him a few times a day, even though she often got his voicemail. Speaking to Carlos helped suppress the feelings about Ruben which had begun to resurface. She desperately needed to know that whatever difficulties she and Carlos were going through, that their differences weren’t so bad as to make their relationship unsalvageable.
Why then did she feel so guilty? Her mind was awash with confusion and guilt. She was anxious to rid herself of these thoughts and wondered why she hadn’t been so worried about them the last time she’d come.
She couldn’t make a silly mistake now. Whatever she did at this moment could affect her life for years to come. She pushed the episode to the back of her mind and renewed work again with vigor.
“Let me have her tonight,” Ava suggested one day when Rona rubbed her eyes. “Please,” she begged. “I haven’t spent much time with the little lady and it will give me a chance to get used to being around little busy bodies.” Ava gently nudged Tori’s arm and peppered it with tiny kisses. Tori put her arms out to her aunt as if begging for Ava to take her.
“She does seem very happy today,” Rona commented and wondered if Tori would be less of a handful if she did decide to leave her this evening. “Are you sure?” she asked her sister.
“I’m sure. I’m desperate to have her. I’ll drop her off to you—”
“Or I’ll come by and get her,” Rona added. “You’ll be in need of a rest by the time this little madam has run you ragged.”
“This one,” said Ava, stroking the little girl’s cheek. “Never.”
“If you’re absolutely sure?”
“It would be an honor to look after this cherub. Don’t worry,” said Ava, and dismissed Rona’s concerns with a flick of her hand. “We’re going to have fun.”
“I think I might wander around the town center for a while,” said Rona. “And I’ll pick her up on the way back. Around eight?”
“Nine?” suggested Ava. “I can feed her—I know she loves broccoli, doesn’t she?”
“Broccoli is fine. Just don’t ever give her Brussel sprouts,” warned Rona.
“And her feeding bottle’s in here? With the powdered milk?” Ava looked inside the baby bag that Lizzi had left on the stroller. “See, we have everything. Even a change of clothes.”
And the matter was decided as easily as that.
Chapter 14
Rona returned to the pensione alone and called Carlos, once again feeling the urge to talk to him. She hadn’t meant to wake him but it was past nine in the morning and even though he didn’t start work until later, she knew Carlos was hardly one to be lying around in bed. He couldn’t relax, didn’t know how to.
“Hello?” his voice was grizzly and she imagined him unkempt and with that dusting of hairs that often graced his face first thing in the morning.
“Did I wake you?” she asked. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to.”
“You did,” he said, sounding a little irritated.
She suddenly wished she hadn’t bothered calling him.
“I’ll let you sleep, then.”
“How’s Tori?”
“She’s good.” Irritation danced around Rona’s head as she twirled the coiled wire of the phone line. He was still holding a grudge against her?
“Can I talk to her?”
“She’s not here,” Rona replied, unable to shake off the feeling of sadness surrounding her. She had thought the physical distance between her and Carlos might make them appreciate one another more but instead it threw a further wrench into their already fragile relationship. He was never usually this moody or mean, and she didn’t know why he was now.
“Where is she?”
“Ava wanted to have her for a few hours, said she needed the training. You could talk to me instead,” she suggested, a part of her wishing that the Carlos she’d come to rely on, take for granted even, would come back to her.
“I could.”
“Carlos,” she hesitated, “is something wrong? Are you still so mad at me for coming out here?”
“Ava needs you, so you had to go.”
“But why are you angry with me?”
“Who says I am?” Denial was easier than facing facts.
The reasons she’d had for calling him disappeared like sherbet on her tongue. She suddenly felt tired of playing games with him.
“I’ll let you get back to sleep,” she said, knowing that he could stop her and continue the conversation if he so wished.
“Thanks.”
He hung up on her and she was left staring at the handset as though the explanation for Carlos’s surliness might somehow be stamped on it.
Seven years, she thought, gloomily. Nearly seven years of marriage and already they were like this. Was it normal, she wondered? Was it normal for boredom and apathy to set in a few years after the first rush of love had vanished? Did familiarity kill the drunken state of heady love?
Placing her palms over her cheeks, she looked around at the empty pensione and considered the possibilities for her evening.
And before she could talk herself out of it, she called his number.
What else was there for her to do? She had to eat, and if he was going to be in the area, it made sense to arrange to meet.
These thoughts flew through her mind like shrapnel so that when he answered on the second ring, she barely had time to back out. Instead his surprised and happy sounding greeting cheered her up. “Rona? Hey, this is a nice surprise.” She thought she heard a touch of surprise color his voice.
“I’m surprised too, actually.”
“Did you call me by mistake?”
“No. I meant to call you.”
“It’s good to hear from you then.”
“I have a few hours free and…I …was…wondering…whether,” she took a deep breath and hoped she didn’t
sound too clingy when she made her announcement. “If you want to meet up tonight, we could grab a quick meal at Gioberti’s again. I mean, if you’re not busy or anything.”
“I’m not busy.”
Her heartbeat began to accelerate at the idea that she might see him soon. “Then, umm…we…”
“How about we meet at Gioberti’s again? Around eight?”
“Oh, no,” she said quickly. “That would be too late.”
“Too late?”
“I have to get Tori at nine.”
“You suggest a time.”
“I was thinking we could meet now.”
“I can pick you up if you like.”
She considered it. Otherwise, she was going to get a taxi as usual.
“Are you still at the pensione?” he asked.
“Yes,” she said. “The Villa Sagranosa, near the Casa Adriana. “
“It’s on my way. I can pick you up. It’s up to you.”
She thought about it, unsure. “If that’s okay.” Why not?
She was ready and looking out of the window by the time he came to pick her up not long afterwards.
“This is a beautiful place,” he commented, admiring the renaissance architecture of the buildings.
“Isn’t it?” She agreed as she got into the car.
“The Cazale’s own this whole estate, don’t they?”
“Yes,” she replied. “My sister is engaged to Nico Cazale.”
He turned to her in surprise. “She is?”
Rona nodded.
He looked impressed. “They’ve done well for themselves, didn’t the old man die recently?”
“Edmondo—yes,” she didn’t like the way he spoke of him. “It was very sad.”
“The Cazales, huh,” he said, and turned the car around. “Dinner at Gioberti’s?”
“Why not?” she returned and tried to justify to herself why she could not feel guilty for going to dinner with a friend.
It didn’t matter that he was boyishly charming and that he didn’t seem to be too bothered that he was going out with a married woman.
Chapter 15
Carlos slammed the phone down and put his hands behind his head, pondering his situation. He couldn’t sit still, always had to be doing something, but lately he lounged around in bed far longer than he should have.
Tori wasn’t around, nor Rona. What was the point? His wife had escaped to Verona so why was she calling him—lately a couple of times every day, to talk to him?
He recalled that she had left soon after telling him. The way he saw it, she had seemed desperate to get away not only from Denver but from him, too.
He concluded that her recent calling frenzy had been due to her feeling sorry for him.
He loved that woman more than life itself. She had her failings, but where others saw vanity, he saw insecurity, where others said she was full of herself and selfish, he took that for feistiness.
It didn’t matter what others said. Nobody knew Rona like he did. Nobody loved her like he did. She was all fire and sparkle, a bit abrasive and overly concerned with herself, but he knew she was a great mother to Tori, and she worked hard when given the chance. He’d seen her get up at six and work at Ava’s apartment just so she could get the work done without having to take Tori with her.
Of course, he was grateful that Ava had taken on that other woman to share the workload because it was all getting too much for Rona to handle by herself. But this latest thing she’d said to him—about not wanting any more babies—that had hurt. He knew then that the shift he had noticed in her, and had considered subtle had a deeper edge to it.
Something was going on with her. Boredom? Had she become bored with him? She didn’t say it in as many words, but she always talked about Ava and Nico and the great changes in Ava’s life. As though she yearned for those things herself.
Perhaps visiting Verona had made her realize, all too sharply, the difference in her life and her sister’s. Now things were working out for Ava, and they needed to because that girl had gone through a rough time already.
Carlos had always thought highly of his sister-in-law and he’d seen her suffer lately when that idiot Connor had broken her heart. Nico seemed like a decent guy, the right guy, but more importantly, Nico had put love and happiness back into Ava’s life and that—as far as Carlos was concerned—was all that mattered.
Yet as things had worked out for Ava, Carlos had seen his own relationship slowly turn lukewarm. He couldn’t figure out if Rona was comparing herself to the life Ava now had and was no longer content with what she had. With him, or the life she had.
She seemed to love her part-time job, even though he didn’t like the idea of her having to work while Tori was still so young. But if it made her happy, and she seemed happy enough about it, and if Ava needed her, then who was he to stop her?
His eye caught sight of Tori’s clothes in the ironing basket and pulled the sheets back and climbed out of bed. He picked out Tori’s green baby grow and held it gently, then smelled it, and smiled—it was clean, newly washed like spring and lemons. He put it back and his attention drifted to Rona’s tee-shirt with its Queen for the Day logo. He picked it up and rubbed the fabric gently between his fingers.
It didn’t matter that she’d gone and had seemed eager to go—he understood she felt hemmed in. All day with Tori and then just work wasn’t much of an escape for her. He couldn’t give her the type of lifestyle Nico gave Ava.
But he knew she loved him—even though she didn’t want any more children, he couldn’t hold that against her. She could be abrupt, a little thoughtless sometimes but he loved her and he always would. Flaws and all.
It was hard to concentrate on anything other than Gioberti’s teeth especially when the man faced her, giving her his total attention. Ruben’s brother waved at her as she watched him and Ruben talking at the far end of the restaurant, by the kitchen.
“It makes me very happy to see you here every week,” Gioberti told her. His brilliant whites held her captive.
“Your food is delicious, that’s why I can’t keep away,” she told him as she cast a glance at the two brothers.
“No baby today?”
“My sister is looking after her.”
“Aaahh,” he said knowingly, then flashed her another annoying smile. She was dazzled by white perfection.
“We’re just friends,” she said, not liking the sound of his ‘Aaahh.’
“Friends, of course.”
They looked at one another for a second before Rona felt obliged to add, “My husband and mother will be coming soon.”
“For the wedding, si? It is the talk of the town.” Gioberti told her.
“Yes.”
“And it is not too long now?”
“Not long at all.” Which reminded her to ask Ava about her dress fitting. Her sister’s thoughts seemed to be solely concentrated on her online store and nothing else.
“You must bring your family here when they come. You must, I insist on it.”
“I will,” she promised while at the same time thinking that bringing Carlos here wouldn’t be a good thing. Her unease turned to relief when she saw Ruben heading her way.
“Enjoy your meal,” Gioberti told them and walked away.
“Sorry,” Ruben apologized. “My brother has car problems.”
She nodded. “I didn’t know you fixed cars.”
“Neither did I.” They laughed as he sat down and the laughter paved the way for easy talk as they ordered dinner. It was light, insignificant and trivial, the things they talked about while eating under the guise of ordering food, as friends, not anything else.
She could live with this relaxed friendship; of having a companion for dinner, and nothing more. She sat back, sipping her glass of red wine and glanced at her watch.
“Still time?” he asked, sensing her anxiety.
“Yes,” she smiled, “we have an hour.”
“An hour?” he asked. “I’ll take
an hour with you over nothing, any day.”
His words warmed her as much as the wine did even though she knew she had to tread carefully and not get too carried away by his words, or by him. They’d met a handful of times, just for dinner and to talk. Being so far away from Carlos made it easier to let his image fade away; it wasn’t imprinted as indelibly on her heart. But he wasn’t here and Ruben was. And because he was, his face and personality was more prominent in her heart, mind and senses. Lately, she found herself thinking about him more than she cared to admit.
She told herself that she was in control because she was the only one who contacted him. He had her number, but he never contacted her.
But then again…Tori was taken care of, Carlos was far away and couldn’t care less about her. Who would begrudge her for spending time with someone who appreciated her? Someone who was willing to listen to her, someone who made her feel better?
It was no different than going out with her girlfriends in the evening. How was that any different than Ruben making her feel better? What about the stranger in the bar back in Denver? Would going to dinner with him signify anything?
She pushed the thought to the back of her mind. This was different. Ruben was a friend. Just a friend. Suitably satisfied that she was doing nothing wrong, Rona felt content to stay there. She sipped her wine with a determination to enjoy the evening.
She had worked hard, after all.
“Do you find it odd that I’m here without my husband?” Gioberti’s comment still played on her mind and she had to know what Ruben thought. He placed his hand on his cheek, his elbow on the table and appeared to give it some thought.
“I find it odd that a beautiful woman like you is here on her own. Again.” The way he stared at her with that intensity, simply took her breath away. He knew what he was doing and she squirmed with delight and unease. Being faced with the raw words was not as easy as hiding behind innuendo.
“However, you have already told me that your husband is busy. So to answer your question: no, I don’t find it odd that you’re here alone.”