“Comfortable?” Chris slid on the couch beside her, holding her comfortably in his arms.
“Yeah. Well, almost.” Taryn rested her head against his shoulder, right in the crook of his arm. “Better now.”
“I think so, too.” He tightened his arms around her. Chris held on intently, like he never wanted to let go.
Taryn hadn't felt this secure in ...well, ever. She didn't even have this kind of thing with James. Not like this. “What happened with the visit?”
He let out a deep sigh against her hair. “Well, turns out my mother left because she suffered from depression. After having the two of us, she went through postpartum. Guess it was so bad, she almost hurt Melody when she was a year and a half old, and Bridgette's never been able to live with herself since then.”
“Whoa.” Taryn sat up, completely attentive. “What do you mean almost hurt Melody?”
“She didn't elaborate, and frankly, neither of us wanted to ask. That was a shocker, though. Her husband was her therapist at one time. She struggled through her feelings and lack of commitment to us for years and couldn't live with herself. Dad told her if she didn't continue treatment, that she better not show her face ever again. At least, that's what she told us. Dad never elaborated on why she left, other than what she told to cover the truth. They both were trying to protect us from what really went on in her mind. Melody and I made a pact to not bring it up, because we always thought we did something wrong, and we didn't want to drive Dad away.”
“And she's not a danger to her new family?” Taryn asked incredulously. “If she had bad thoughts about hurting Melody and possibly you, even if she didn't tell you guys...” Like she needed to go there? Chris probably thought about all of these things already.
“Hell if I know,” Chris grunted. “I think that's what hurts the most. Not only did she leave us and never once call, email, or send us a letter to explain why, she has a new family and calls on us when we could be of help. I don't care what Dad did or didn't say to her, she could have done something more, you know? It was hard to be around her other kids who call her Mom, and we're stuck calling her Bridgette. Kinda childish, I know.”
As much as she loved leaning in his arms, Taryn carefully repositioned herself to face him. “I'm sorry.” She slid a hand along his stubbly cheek. “And I agree with you. She could have, and should have done more.”
He blew out a breath. “I was already on the path to try and get back with my life instead of being the roamer, but this put it all into perspective for me. I've been battling depression. Really, I think I have been for a long time, and maybe it stemmed from when she left. Or maybe I suffer from it because it's hereditary. I don't know. The day she walked out, I was playing the drums.”
“Which is why you lost your love of it,” Taryn practically whispered, her heart aching for him. “No wonder you didn't want to play long in the band. Playing drums reminds you of her abandonment.”
“I don't want her to have that kind of hold on me any more,” he muttered.
“I did wonder if you were dealing with depression when I first met you. You were so … empty,” she said, treading carefully.
His eyes bore into hers. “I was. In some ways, I still am, but meeting you helped me realize I was going down the wrong road.”
“Chris...” Taryn couldn't finish her sentence.
“I don't want to feel like I'm not living. I'm tired of it. I haven't said much to anyone about this because it seems it's still not acceptable. If someone says 'I suffer from depression', they all look at you like you're some kind of monster.”
“People are way too judgmental in general.”
“That's true.” He rested his cheek against hers. Soft breaths graced her skin. “I'm trying to think of what to say if one of us ends up being a match for Lissy. Do I let out all of my feelings on Bridgette and walk away? Try to pursue a relationship, or … I don't know.”
“I think you should tell her how you feel. Everything. Don't do it to the point that bridges are burned, but she should at least know how you feel.” Taryn stared into his eyes. “Tell her what you just told me about the drumming. How much her leaving has affected you. And then, better yourself. If you don't want what she did to affect you any more, then make the best of your life.”
“I like the way you think, drummer girl.” His eyelids lowered for a moment.
“Do you now?” Her heart raced as he continued to look at her as if he wanted to devour her. His facial features softened from the hard edge he had earlier to a look of admiration and lust, which thrilled her and worried her at the same time.
“Only if you'll be part of my better change.” His brows rose, and a smile lit up his face. “Maybe say … date me?”
“Date you, huh?” She wanted to so much, but that persistent bout of hesitance due to fear held her back.
“Hey, you are part of the reason I realized I needed a change. It's because I like you a lot. Then again, you knew this already.” He reached out and toyed with a lock of her hair before tucking it behind her ear. “Is it wrong that I want to see where things go?”
“Wrong? No,” Taryn said slowly.
“So what's holding you back? Jump off the ledge with me. Figuratively, of course. We're not talking real ledges.”
Another laugh rumbled through her. “I'm going to throw this out there, even though I'm not sure what stage of our … friendship we're in. I'm scared, Chris. I'm afraid I'm not enough. I'm afraid of the fact that you've been so sexually active and...” Ugh. Hell no. She changed her mind, not able to go there.
He tipped her chin up. “And?” he prodded softy.
“No. I can't. Never mind. I'm sorry.” She turned her head, queasiness inhabiting her stomach, threatening to move upward.
“Taryn.” Chris pressed a gentle kiss against her lips. “I need you to look at me. I want you to talk to me.”
“I haven't had sex since my accident.” Now Taryn definitely avoided looking at him. There was no taking the admission back.
A strained silence followed.
“Is that supposed to bother me?”
“Doesn't it?” Finally, she gathered the courage to look him in the eye. There wasn't pity or anger there at all.
“No, it doesn't.” Chris trailed a finger along her jaw.
“But you've had all these-”
He didn't give her a shot to finish what she was saying. Chris pressed his lips to hers.
“I don't want meaningless sex, and that's all it was, Taryn. Meaningless. It helped me pass the time and satisfy a need. You're far more than that. I'm gonna keep reminding you. Every day.”
“Yeah? What happens when I go on tour? You gonna call every day and remind me?” she quipped. Of course she'd use humor to shield the many mixed feelings she held inside.
“I'm coming with you, remember? That way if you need a break or something, I can fill in for you.”
“You were serious.”
He nodded. “The spotlight is yours. I don't want it, but I want to be there for you. And with what Melody and I learned, it might not be a bad idea to stick around a little more for her.”
“What are you going to do? I mean when Baby Stetson moves to Nashville. Are you staying in Harmony's Echo?”
Chris puckered his lips. “I'm not sure. I've been debating this off and on for some time. I was planning on moving on from here a while ago, and then I filled in as the drummer. Then I met you, and it changed things even more.”
So many decisions wore her down. Take a chance and drop all insecurities, jump back into life full force, or continue to live the way she'd been?
This new phase of her life kept throwing questions her way that desperately needed answers.
Chapter Nineteen
“I'm so glad you let us use your house for the bridal shower, Kyra!” Blaine exclaimed as she rushed around in a panicked frenzy Wednesday evening. “Our place isn't big enough. I didn't really want to use the inn, and we always spend time over at James
on and Melody's. Wow, that's weird saying that, considering I used to live there.”
“I know what you mean.” Kyra chuckled. “It's my pleasure. I'm glad I get to be a part of this.”
“With Blaine taking charge of events, it's bound to get interesting.” Avery held Emily's hand, leading her back in the living room. “My daughter is infatuated with the tree house,” she informed Kyra. “I bet you I know what she'll ask her daddy for after this.”
“I don't blame her. I'm infatuated with my tree house, and it's not even done yet. I thought Matt was kidding when he said he'd build one.” Kyra grinned, crouching so she could scoop up the toddler. “Imagine my surprise when I came home one day and he'd drawn out the plans, asking my thoughts. It's a work in progress, but it's going to be neat when it's done.”
“Did he leave already?” Blaine searched through a huge purple duffel bag she'd brought, pulling out bags and boxes.
“Yeah. He's with Andrew. I have a feeling those two are plotting something.” Kyra tousled Emily's hair before setting her down. She immediately ran over to Taryn.
“Up! Up!” the baby crooned, holding her hands out.
Kyra helped her sit in Taryn's lap. This kid seemed to really love sitting up here with her.
“Maybe he's gonna propose!” Taryn said, only partially joking.
“Yeah, you and your proposal ideas.” Kyra moved away after making sure Emily and Taryn were content.
“You never know,” Blaine piped up. The tone in her voice made it seem like she knew something, but then she could be playing coy, too.
“I highly doubt he's going to propose a month and a half after we get back together. Considering how he felt before, I don't see it happening right away.” Kyra brushed hair off her face. “And that's fine. I don't blame him, and I'm happy to be with him however I can.” As if something just hit her, Kyra whirled around and faced Blaine. “Blaine? Do you know something? He talks to you a lot, and even if not, he talks to Randy.”
Taryn stifled a laugh. Great minds think alike, except it took Kyra a little longer to wonder.
“The only thing I know is from my point of view. No one has told me anything otherwise, and what I know is Matt is head over heels for you, Kyra. He does a lot of things differently since you two have been together. Even during your break up, Matt was different. It doesn't take a magnifying glass to see you're the one for him.” Blaine wound a ribbon around her finger as she spoke.
“I knew it from the moment he contacted me. Ballsy move,” Taryn added. Emily wanted down, so Taryn helped her as much as she could. She ran back to Avery's arms. Emily was the spitting image of her mother- the blonde hair and emerald green eyes. Total cutie. Taryn smiled and waved at her when she peered back at her with wide eyes.
“Yeah, it was.” Kyra nodded. “But at least it worked out. And how did we end up on the subject of me, anyway? Let's get this set up before Melody shows up!” She clapped her hands, attempting to take the attention away from herself.
“Who wants to know about the games?” Blaine rubbed her hands in a devilish manner, flashing a grin to match.
“Games?” Avery perked up. “I hope they're more torturous than the ones Laura picked for my baby shower. Knowing you, they are.”
“Where is Laura, anyway?” Blaine asked.
Taryn was unsure who Laura was, but she expected that. So far she'd met a handful of Kyra's friends, and now people who knew Blaine, Avery, and the rest of the band.
“She's driving over with our moms. She should be here any minute. Actually, I think I hear them now.”
Kyra's living room filled up with people, some that Taryn knew and many that she didn't. She quieted down and became her typical watch-from-afar self. She'd converse, mainly with Kyra, Avery, and Blaine, because she knew them more. Taryn wondered how Melody was doing, especially since she hadn't seen her since she came home with Chris. He'd said she was a mess, and considering what they were told, she didn't blame either one of them.
Gifts were piled up on the coffee table. Kyra had pulled out another table, and refreshments and drinks were left out on that one, lined up against the wall between the dining and living room. Soft music played in the background as the guests continued to mingle.
“Oooh! She's here!” Blaine checked her message.
“She has no idea why she's coming to Kyra's today, huh?” Avery's mom asked. Mrs. Callimer ran the Harmony's Echo Inn with her husband. Taryn loved that place. She'd been over there with Kyra a time or two. They were about to sell so that they could retire.
“Nope. We were able to pull this off without a hitch this time, which is rare for us,” Avery informed her. “She's going to be so surprised.”
“And you told Jameson about it?” Mrs. Grant asked with a chuckle.
“No! We aren't that crazy. He'd give it away,” Blaine exclaimed.
“Okay. Is everything in place before I answer the door?” Kyra checked with everyone, her hand hovering over the doorknob.
“As ready as we're ever gonna be.” Avery lowered her voice, scooped up Emily, and prepared to surprise Melody.
“Okay. Here goes.” Kyra opened the door slowly. “Hi, Melody! Come on in!”
“What's going-? What in the world?” Melody gasped, covering her mouth with both hands. Her blue eyes filled with tears. “Are you serious? A bridal shower?”
“Surprise!” Everyone chorused around the same time.
“Oh wow. Thank you. This means more than you'll ever know.” Everyone surrounded Melody, taking turns giving her hugs and congratulations. She walked over to Taryn afterward and hugged her as well. “You and I should spend some time together soon, since my brother seems to be pretty infatuated with you. It's been a long time since he's taken a real interest in a woman the way he has with you.”
“I'd like that,” Taryn replied, meaning it. So either Chris talked a lot about her, or Melody was just that in tune with her brother. Or maybe Taryn was being dumb, because everyone else seemed to know what she couldn't figure out herself.
“I figured, since music is a big part of your life, we're going to have a music themed bridal shower,” Blaine said, her long blonde ponytail bobbing as she bounced with excitement.
Melody groaned and pointed to the huge bag of toilet paper. “Are you doing what I think you're doing?”
Taryn snickered, as did Kyra, Blaine, and Avery.
“Come on! Making a wedding dress is going to be fun! At least it's not what you'll wear on your actual wedding day! Oh! And this one will be fun. I got a slide show put together of you and Jameson when you were younger, along with pictures of you over the last year. Oh, and memory karaoke.”
“Memory karaoke?” Taryn asked at the same time Melody did.
“Well, kind of. We all get to pick a song and sing it, but the tie-in is that the song needs to fit a memory of Melody, or a song that reminds you of her,” Blaine explained.
“Oh. My. God. You are going to go all out to embarrass me!” Melody covered her face.
“Hey, your brother helped. The photos we have...” Blaine giggled. “You just wait. But remember, it's all out of love. As your maid of honor, it's my job to make this memorable.”
*****
And memorable it was. Halfway through the bridal shower and they hadn't even gotten to Blaine's activities, but everyone was having fun. Taryn found herself enjoying this much more than she imagined she would.
Even when she was younger, Taryn found it hard to fit in. The first time she'd ever felt fully welcome was with Kyra. The last few weeks, even while she was still technically an outsider, only because she didn't know everyone as long, Taryn felt like she fit. The feeling surrounded her and made her whole again. It replaced the emptiness she'd carried for years while trying to deal with her feelings about the accident and the events since then.
Blaine picked up the bag of toilet paper, flashing a grin. “It's time. We'll split up into teams. Names are drawn at random. We'll have to work together. Who wants to be
the judges?”
“I'll be a judge.” Avery's mom volunteered.
“I will, too. This could get interesting,” Blaine's mom added.
“Oh great.” Blaine chuckled. “You two as judges. We'd better step up our game, ladies.”
“What are you insinuating, young lady?” SueLynn glared at her daughter in an attempt to be serious.
“Nothing, Mom.” Blaine winked, dropping folded pieces of paper in a small jar.
“Just wait. Your time is coming, especially now that you've set a date.”
“Oh yeah? Well yours is coming, too. Even if you aren't having a huge wedding, I can still get you,” Blaine shot back playfully.
“I think we're in for an interesting next few months,” Kyra mused. “All the weddings, and then when we go on tour.”
“Watch it,” Taryn whispered to her. “When you and Matt get married, I'm sure this will all happen to you, too.”
“I don't doubt it.” Her friend shot her a look. “I bet you'll head the team.”
“Damn right I will.” Taryn grinned, and she'd have fun with it, too.
“Feeling goes both ways, missy,” Kyra warned, wagging a finger.
Ha! Like she'd have a wedding.
“Don't give me that look. You never know.” Her friend nudged her elbow.
“I hate how you can still do that after all this time,” Taryn muttered half playfully. Kyra managed to know without her saying a damn thing what Taryn was thinking.
“Taryn and Melody are a team!” Blaine waved two of the papers in the air.
“Team toilet paper!” Melody laughed, moving to sit on the other side of Taryn.
“We might have a problem. I'm totally a tomboy,” Taryn informed her. “I could ruin our chances of a win.”
“I have my tomboy moments. We'll be all right.”
“Avery and Laura!” Blaine held up more paper, then drew two more names. “Oooh, I got Kyra!”
“Great. The woman with as many ACM awards as Tucker McGinnis, and Hollywood's former dancing queen. We're all doomed!” Avery said in jest, putting a hand to her head.
Offbeat (Love and Music In Texas Book 5) Page 19