by Henry James
“You’ll marry Basil Dashwood.” He spoke it with conviction.
“Oh ‘marry’?—call it marry if you like. That’s what poor mother threatens me with—she lives in dread of it.”
“To this hour,” he mentioned, “I haven’t managed to make out what your mother wants. She has so many ideas, as Madame Carré said.”
“She wants me to be some sort of tremendous creature—all her ideas are reducible to that. What makes the muddle is that she isn’t clear about the creature she wants most. A great actress or a great lady—sometimes she inclines for one and sometimes for the other, but on the whole persuading herself that a great actress, if she’ll cultivate the right people, may be a great lady. When I tell her that won’t do and that a great actress can never be anything but a great vagabond, then the dear old thing has tantrums, and we have scenes—the most grotesque: they’d make the fortune, for a subject, of some play-writing rascal, if he had the wit to guess them; which, luckily for us perhaps, he never will. She usually winds up by protesting—devinez un peu quoi!” Miriam added. And as her companion professed his complete inability to divine: “By declaring that rather than take it that way I must marry you.”
“She’s shrewder than I thought,” Peter returned. “It’s the last of vanities to talk about, but I may state in passing that if you’d marry me you should be the greatest of all possible ladies.”
She had a beautiful, comical gape. “Lord o’ mercy, my dear fellow, what natural capacity have I for that?”
“You’re artist enough for anything. I shall be a great diplomatist: my resolution’s firmly taken, I’m infinitely cleverer than you have the least idea of, and you shall be,” he went on, “a great diplomatist’s wife.”
“And the demon, the devil, the devourer and destroyer, that you are so fond of talking about: what, in such a position, do you do with that element of my nature? Où le fourrez-vous?” she cried as with a real anxiety.
“I’ll look after it, I’ll keep it under. Rather perhaps I should say I’ll bribe it and amuse it; I’ll gorge it with earthly grandeurs.”
“That’s better,” said Miriam; “for a demon that’s kept under is a shabby little demon. Don’t let’s be shabby.” Then she added: “Do you really go away the beginning of next week?”
“Monday night if possible.”
“Ah that’s but to Paris. Before you go to your new post they must give you an interval here.”
“I shan’t take it—I’m so tremendously keen for my duties. I shall insist on going sooner. Oh,” he went on, “I shall be concentrated now.”
“I’ll come and act there.” She met it all—she was amused and amusing. “I’ve already forgotten what it was I wanted to discuss with you,” she said—”it was some trumpery stuff. What I want to say now is only one thing: that it’s not in the least true that because my life pitches me in every direction and mixes me up with all sorts of people—or rather with one sort mainly, poor dears!—I haven’t a decent character, I haven’t common honesty. Your sympathy, your generosity, your patience, your precious suggestions, our dear sweet days last summer in Paris, I shall never forget. You’re the best—you’re different from all the others. Think of me as you please and make profane jokes about my mating with a disguised ‘Arty’—I shall think of you only in one way. I’ve a great respect for you. With all my heart I hope you’ll be a great diplomatist. God bless you, dear clever man.”
She got up as she spoke and in so doing glanced at the clock—a movement that somehow only added to the noble gravity of her discourse: she was considering his time so much more than her own. Sherringham, at this, rising too, took out his watch and stood a moment with his eyes bent upon it, though without in the least seeing what the needles marked. “You’ll have to go, to reach the theatre at your usual hour, won’t you? Let me not keep you. That is, let me keep you only long enough just to say this, once for all, as I shall never speak of it again. I’m going away to save myself,” he frankly said, planted before her and seeking her eyes with his own. “I ought to go, no doubt, in silence, in decorum, in virtuous submission to hard necessity—without asking for credit or sympathy, without provoking any sort of scene or calling attention to my fortitude. But I can’t—upon my soul I can’t. I can go, I can see it through, but I can’t hold my tongue. I want you to know all about it, so that over there, when I’m bored to death, I shall at least have the exasperatingly vain consolation of feeling that you do know—and that it does neither you nor me any good!”
He paused a moment; on which, as quite vague, she appealed. “That I ‘do know’ what?”
“That I’ve a consuming passion for you and that it’s impossible.”
“Oh impossible, my friend!” she sighed, but with a quickness in her assent.
“Very good; it interferes, the gratification of it would interfere fatally, with the ambition of each of us. Our ambitions are inferior and odious, but we’re tied fast to them.”
“Ah why ain’t we simple?” she quavered as if all touched by it. “Why ain’t we of the people—comme tout le monde—just a man and a girl liking each other?”
He waited a little—she was so tenderly mocking, so sweetly ambiguous. “Because we’re precious asses! However, I’m simple enough, after all, to care for you as I’ve never cared for any human creature. You have, as it happens, a personal charm for me that no one has ever approached, and from the top of your splendid head to the sole of your theatrical shoe (I could go down on my face—there, abjectly—and kiss it!) every inch of you is dear and delightful to me. Therefore good-bye.”
She took this in with wider eyes: he had put the matter in a way that struck her. For a moment, all the same, he was afraid she would reply as on the confessed experience of so many such tributes, handsome as this one was. But she was too much moved—the pure colour that had risen to her face showed it—to have recourse to this particular facility. She was moved even to the glimmer of tears, though she gave him her hand with a smile. “I’m so glad you’ve said all that, for from you I know what it means. Certainly it’s better for you to go away. Of course it’s all wrong, isn’t it?—but that’s the only thing it can be: therefore it’s all right, isn’t it? Some day when we’re both great people we’ll talk these things over; then we shall be quiet, we shall be rich, we shall be at peace—let us hope so at least—and better friends than others about us will know.” She paused, smiling still, and then said while he held her hand: “Don’t, don’t come to-morrow night.”
With this she attempted to draw her hand away, as if everything were settled and over; but the effect of her movement was that, as he held her tight, he was simply drawn toward her and close to her. The effect of this, in turn, was that, releasing her only to possess her the more completely, he seized her in his arms and, breathing deeply “I love you, you know,” clasped her in a long embrace. His demonstration and her conscious sufferance, almost equally liberal, so sustained themselves that the door of the room had time to open slowly before either had taken notice. Mrs. Rooth, who had not peeped in before, peeped in now, becoming in this manner witness of an incident she could scarce have counted on. The unexpected indeed had for Mrs. Rooth never been an insuperable element in things; it was her position in general to be too acquainted with all the passions for any crude surprise. As the others turned round they saw her stand there and smile, and heard her ejaculate with wise indulgence: “Oh you extravagant children!”
Miriam brushed off her tears, quickly but unconfusedly. “He’s going away, the wretch; he’s bidding us farewell.”
Peter—it was perhaps a result of his acute agitation—laughed out at the “us” (he had already laughed at the charge of puerility), and Mrs. Rooth went on: “Going away? Ah then I must have one too!” She held out both her hands, and Sherringham, stepping forward to take them, kissed her respectfully on each cheek, in the foreign manner, while she continued: “Our dear old friend—our kind, gallant gentleman!”
“The gallant ge
ntleman has been promoted to a great post—the proper reward of his gallantry,” Miriam said. “He’s going out as minister to some impossible place—where is it?”
“As minister—how very charming! We are getting on.” And their companion languished up at him with a world of approval.
“Oh well enough. One must take what one can get,” he answered.
“You’ll get everything now, I’m sure, shan’t you?” Mrs. Rooth asked with an inflexion that called back to him comically—the source of the sound was so different—the very vibrations he had heard the day before from Lady Agnes.
“He’s going to glory and he’ll forget all about us—forget he has ever known such low people. So we shall never see him again, and it’s better so. Good-bye, good-bye,” Miriam repeated; “the brougham must be there, but I won’t take you. I want to talk to mother about you, and we shall say things not fit for you to hear. Oh I’ll let you know what we lose—don’t be afraid,” she added to Mrs. Rooth. “He’s the rising star of diplomacy.”
“I knew it from the first—I know how things turn out for such people as you!” cried the old woman, gazing fondly at Sherringham. “But you don’t mean to say you’re not coming to-morrow night?”
“Don’t—don’t; it’s great folly,” Miriam interposed; “and it’s quite needless, since you saw me to-day.”
Peter turned from the mother to the daughter, the former of whom broke out to the latter: “Oh you dear rogue, to say one has seen you yet! You know how you’ll come up to it—you’ll be beyond everything.”
“Yes, I shall be there—certainly,” Peter said, at the door, to Mrs. Rooth.
“Oh you dreadful goose!” Miriam called after him. But he went out without looking round at her.
BOOK SEVENTH
XLII
Nick Dormer had for the hour quite taken up his abode at his studio, where Biddy usually arrived after breakfast to give him news of the state of affairs in Calcutta Gardens and where many letters and telegrams were now addressed him. Among such missives, on the morning of the Saturday on which Peter Sherringham had promised to dine at the other house, was a note from Miriam Rooth, informing Nick that if he shouldn’t telegraph to put her off she would turn up about half-past eleven, probably with her mother, for just one more sitting. She added that it was a nervous day for her and that she couldn’t keep still, so that it would really be very kind to let her come to him as a refuge. She wished to stay away from the theatre, where everything was now settled—or so much the worse for the others if it wasn’t—till the evening; in spite of which she should if left to herself be sure to go there. It would keep her quiet and soothe her to sit—he could keep her quiet (he was such a blessing that way!) at any time. Therefore she would give him two or three hours—or rather she would herself ask for them—if he didn’t positively turn her from the door.
It had not been definite to Nick that he wanted another sitting at all for the slight work, as he held it to be, that Miriam had already helped him to achieve. He regarded this work as a mere light wind-fall of the shaken tree: he had made what he could of it and would have been embarrassed to make more. If it was not finished this was because it was not finishable; at any rate he had said all he had to say in that particular phrase. The young man, in truth, was not just now in the highest spirits; his imagination had within two or three days become conscious of a check that he tried to explain by the idea of a natural reaction. Any decision or violent turn, any need of a new sharp choice in one’s career, was upsetting, and, exaggerate that importance and one’s own as little as one would, a deal of flurry couldn’t help attending, especially in the face of so much scandal, the horrid act, odious to one’s modesty at the best, of changing one’s clothes in the marketplace. That made life not at all positively pleasant, yet decidedly thrilling, for the hour; and it was well enough till the thrill abated. When this occurred, as it inevitably would, the romance and the glow of the adventure were exchanged for the chill and the prose. It was to these latter elements he had waked up pretty wide on this particular morning; and the prospect was not appreciably fresher from the fact that he had warned himself in advance it would be dull. He had in fact known how dull it would be, but now he would have time to learn even better. A reaction was a reaction, but it was not after all a catastrophe. It would be a feature of his very freedom that he should ask himself if he hadn’t made a great mistake; this privilege would doubtless even remain within the limits of its nature in exposing him to hours of intimate conviction of his madness. But he would live to retract his retractations—this was the first thing to bear in mind.
He was absorbed, even while he dressed, in the effort to achieve intelligibly to himself some such revolution when, by the first post, Miriam’s note arrived. At first it did little to help his agility—it made him, seeing her esthetic faith as so much stronger and simpler than his own, wonder how he should keep with her at her high level. Ambition, in her, was always on the rush, and she was not a person to conceive that others might in bad moments listen for the trumpet in vain. It would never have occurred to her that only the day before he had spent a part of the afternoon quite at the bottom of the hill. He had in fact turned into the National Gallery and had wandered about there for more than an hour, and it was just while he did so that the immitigable recoil had begun perversely to make itself felt. The perversity was all the greater from the fact that if the experience was depressing this was not because he had been discouraged beyond measure by the sight of the grand things that had been done—things so much grander than any that would ever bear his signature. That variation he was duly acquainted with and should know in abundance again. What had happened to him, as he passed on this occasion from Titian to Rubens and from Gainsborough to Rembrandt, was that he found himself calling the whole exhibited art into question. What was it after all at the best and why had people given it so high a place? Its weakness, its limits broke upon him; tacitly blaspheming he looked with a lustreless eye at the palpable, polished, “toned” objects designed for suspension on hooks. That is, he blasphemed if it were blasphemy to feel that as bearing on the energies of man they were a poor and secondary show. The human force producing them was so far from one of the greatest; their place was a small place and their connexion with the heroic life casual and slight. They represented so little great ideas, and it was great ideas that kept the world from chaos. He had incontestably been in much closer relation with them a few months before than he was to-day: it made up a great deal for what was false and hollow, what was merely personal, in “politics” that, were the idea greater or smaller, they could at their best so directly deal with it. The love of it had really been much of the time at the bottom of his impulse to follow them up; though this was not what he had most talked of with his political friends or even with Julia. No, political as Julia was, he had not conferred with her much about the idea. However, this might have been his own fault quite as much as hers, and she in fact took such things, such enthusiasms, for granted—there was an immense deal in every way that she took for granted. On the other hand, he had often put forward this brighter side of the care for the public weal in his discussions with Gabriel Nash, to the end, it is true, of making that worthy scoff aloud at what he was pleased to term his hypocrisy. Gabriel maintained precisely that there were more ideas, more of those that man lived by, in a single room of the National Gallery than in all the statutes of Parliament. Nick had replied to this more than once that the determination of what man did live by was required; to which Nash had retorted (and it was very rarely that he quoted Scripture) that it was at any rate not by bread and beans alone. The statutes of Parliament gave him bread and beans tout au plus.
Nick had at present no pretension of trying this question over again: he reminded himself that his ambiguity was subjective, as the philosophers said; the result of a mood which in due course would be at the mercy of another mood. It made him curse, and cursing, as a finality, lacked firmness—one had to drive in posts s
omewhere under. The greatest time to do one’s work was when it didn’t seem worth doing, for then one gave it a brilliant chance, that of resisting the stiffest test of all—the test of striking one as too bad. To do the most when there would be the least to be got by it was to be most in the spirit of high production. One thing at any rate was certain, Nick reflected: nothing on earth would induce him to change back again—not even if this twilight of the soul should last for the rest of his days. He hardened himself in his posture with a good conscience which, had they had a glimpse of it, would have made him still more diverting to those who already thought him so; and now, by a happy chance, Miriam suddenly supplied the bridge correcting the gap in his continuity. If he had made his sketch it was a proof he had done her, and that he had done her flashed upon him as a sign that she would be still more feasible. Art was doing—it came back to that—which politics in most cases weren’t. He thus, to pursue our image, planted his supports in the dimness beneath all cursing, and on the platform so improvised was able, in his relief, to dance. He sent out a telegram to Balaklava Place requesting his beautiful sitter by no manner of means to fail him. When his servant came back it was to usher into the studio Peter Sherringham, whom the man had apparently found at the door.