Resist

by Lilly Avalon

  “I think I’d better get her number so I can warn her about these threats,” he says with a chuckle. “But right now, I’d like to know more about this mission.”

  “What makes you think you can get me to talk about it?”

  “Because you want to tell me.”

  “Why would I want to tell you?”

  “I think you know why.”

  It’s obvious that he wants me to let him in—not just in, but all the way in. Why, however, I have no clue. None whatsoever. He barely knows me, and I barely know him. Aside from a couple brief conversations when we first met, the real him is still a just-cracked-opened book. Not that I wouldn’t mind reading more, I just don’t know how I’ll feel about what I’m going to find.

  He says, “You know, Allegra, you need to stop assuming the worst about guys based on what you’ve seen in movies. Not all of us are assholes. Some are just curious.”

  Tilting my head, I really look at him and say the first thing that comes to mind. “Are you one of those guys who enjoys dominating a woman?”

  He stops swirling his drink and glances at me. “Is that what you want?”

  “No. It’s just…the way you carry yourself sometimes, makes me wonder.”

  “Is that so?” he asks, slowly sitting up straighter.

  I nod.

  He raises an eyebrow, studying my face. Then he suddenly bursts out laughing. Devlin Pierce is laughing at me.

  I place a hand on my hip. “What is so funny?”

  “You. You’re just an intense mess of crazy thoughts.”

  Glaring at him, I ask, “Is that an insult?”

  He shakes his head and regains his composure. “Not at all. In fact, it’s what I like about you: you’re not afraid to just say something—anything—that comes to that pretty little mind of yours.” He touches my forehead with his finger and smiles. “It’s endearing.”

  I’ve never heard anyone call the way my mind works anything other than strange or crazy. This catches me off guard, but in a good way. “Most men find it intimidating.”

  “Intimidating?”

  I nod and sigh. “Yeah, I draw their attention, but they change their mind when they hear what I have to say.”

  “I want to hear what you have to say,” he says in a soft voice, his gaze focused entirely on me.

  Something in me believes that he really does. For the first time in my life, a man actually wants to hear about the endless tumbling thoughts in my head. And for the first time in my life, I actually want to tell one.

  “Fine,” I say. “You want me to be honest? I’ll be honest. I’ve reached the point in my life where it’s either a breaking point or an epiphany. I have a love-hate relationship with relationships. I want one, but I hate the dickheads I keep finding. Because of this, I’m in a perpetual horny state. And a girl can only rely on her vibrator for so long. It’s not the same as the real thing, not remotely. What’s great about sex is human contact. The kisses and caresses. Not some rubber facsimile that vibrates and spins.”

  When Devlin chokes on his drink, it hits me that I just admitted to not only owning, but also using a vibrator. Good going, Allegra. So much for playing it cool and not trying to scare him. “It would be nice to have a random fuck to just…release the tension.” I let out a breath. “So, there you have it.”

  At this point, I’m expecting him to run away like every other man. I avoid looking over to find the normally freaked-out face I’m used to seeing. After about fifteen seconds of silence, he says, “I do have to admit, you’re correct. Real sex is better than sex with yourself.”

  I let out a light chuckle, relieved. “So, you understand the predicament.”

  “Yes and no. I understand needing to release the tension, but you don’t strike me as the type to do this sort of thing.”

  “I’m not.” My mission tonight completely goes against the regular me but that is the point. I need to let loose for once, just enough to break me out of my comfort zone.

  “Then may I ask why? Because it almost seems like you’re—”

  “Contradicting myself? I know. I would love to find someone special instead of a stranger, believe me. Sonya’s determined to assist me in finding ‘The One’ when I get home.” Maybe Sonya will actually have luck finding a decent guy for me so that I can settle down, but I’m not going to hold my breath. “I know it sounds stupid…I want a relationship, but I want sex enough to forgo a relationship. Just for the one night, at least.”

  “It’s not stupid. I can relate.” He sets down his drink and leans against the bar, chin in his hand. “With all the overtime I work, I’m unable to give a woman what she really needs in a relationship. If someone is interested in going out on a date with me, I start by telling them straight up that I’m not the guy they’re looking for. I rarely, if ever, have a girlfriend.”

  “You say you can relate, but I can tell you don’t approve.”

  “It’s not that I don’t approve…my issue lies with it being random. Why a complete stranger?”

  I close my eyes. I know where he’s going with this. “I need to take what I can get because what I want is never there.”

  Leaning in close enough for me to feel his breath on my skin, he asks in a low voice, “What is it that you want?”

  You, I think. But I’ll never admit it out loud. It would be a mistake. The last thing I need in my life is another one of those mistakes, especially when I swore never to let that happen again. I look into his emerald eyes, trying to find some fault with him, but I’m not finding one. My resolve is crumbling with each and every second I’m spending next to him.

  A strand of my hair falls in my face. Just as I’m reaching up to fix it, his hand is there, tucking it behind my ear. It’s only a brushing of his fingers at the very edge of my ear, but it electrifies my body down to my toes.

  “I think I know what you want,” he says. “What you desire.”

  This is it. I know the next word coming from his lips when I ask my question. I attempt a steady voice that doesn’t give anything away, but it’s unstable. “What is it that I desire?”

  “Me.”

  Chapter Six

  He really does have a lot of nerve. My nostrils involuntarily flare at his bold assumption. I reply, “You think you can get me to go from zero to on my back in one minute with your sugared words?” Before he can respond, I continue. “Well, I’m not going for it. I get it, though—you’re turned on. I mean who wouldn’t be with my breasts practically spilling out.” The amount of cleavage I’m displaying might actually be outlawed in some parts of the country.

  He grows visibly tense at my comment. In a sharp tone, he retorts, “Oh, and you’re not turned on? I saw the way you were looking at me earlier. I see the way you’re looking at me now.”

  His ability to see right through me simultaneously pisses me off and impresses me. “That’s beside the point.”

  “So, you admit it?” he asks, eyebrows raised.

  As if anyone could deny the sexual attraction between us. It is all I can do not to jump off my stool to straddle his lap, run my fingers through his thick hair, lifting my hips to rub our bodies together…

  Am I fantasizing about dry humping Devlin in a bar? I think I am.

  “If you already know the answer, why do you insist on asking?” I ask him.

  “To confirm my suspicions.”

  “Consider them confirmed.” I take a long sip from my drink and close my eyes. “It’s all skin deep for us, though.”

  “You think my feelings are superficial because I’m physically attracted to you?”

  “I think that’s the definition of superficial.”

  “It’s actually a bonus on the fact that you’re a strong woman with more character and tenacity than any other woman I’ve been acquainted with.”

  “Tenacity?”

  “Hell yeah. You drive me nuts.”

  My body goes still, then I turn to him. “I do?”

  “Yes,” he growls.
He places a hand on my leg just above the hemline and I can barely breathe. “Just consider it. One night with someone who isn’t a complete stranger.”

  With his hand there, I can hardly concentrate on every single reason why I shouldn’t. “But you don’t even know me.”

  “Who’s fault is that?” He smirks. “I know enough about you to know that I want to know more.” He squeezes my leg gently.

  “How much more?”

  “Everything.”

  It feels like he’s proposing two different options at the same time. One that lasts briefly and one that could last forever. “Why would you offer me one night, then?”

  He shrugs. “Because that’s what you’re looking for.”

  “What about you?”

  “Like I said, I’m not looking for a serious relationship, not looking to disappoint a girlfriend or wife because my career is my primary focus. I may not be ready to settle down, but I don’t lie about my intentions. I’m honest about them. I won’t make a promise I can’t deliver on. Marriage is not on my immediate agenda.”

  “But I am?”

  “You’re the one who’s asking for one night. I’m just offering myself as an alternative to a random guy. It would be safer than a complete stranger.”

  I can’t deny that he’s absolutely right, but I can’t help but be worried. “And after?”

  “We’re adults. You have no expectations for a relationship and neither do I. I’m sure we could act like professionals after if we meet at functions like this.” He pauses and raises an eyebrow. “Or just fool around.”

  I roll my eyes. “How do I even know whether you’re being honest or telling me what I want to hear?”

  “It doesn’t matter how I answer the question because you won’t believe me.”

  “Touché.” I start laughing, and then shake my head. “Can you blame me?”

  “No, but someday you’re gonna have to discern it yourself.”

  “How?”

  “Body language. Eye contact. It’s a skill you pick up over time. Or after years of playing poker.”

  “Maybe I should play poker.”

  “Strip poker?” One of his eyebrows quirks up and a hint of a smirk shows up at the edge of his lips.

  “Don’t push your luck.”

  “Then stop attempting to change the subject.”

  “I wasn’t trying to.” Maybe I was, a little bit. My mind is spinning with his words, with this idea. I press my lips together as my eyes flick down to his hand still on my leg.

  “You haven’t asked me to let go.”

  I peek up at him. “No, I haven’t.”

  “You also haven’t said anything in response to my proposal.”

  “I’m not sure what to say.”

  “That’s because you’re afraid of seeing how love should be.”

  I give him a dubious look. “Are you saying you love me?”

  “No. Wouldn’t that be too improbable?”

  “Very. So, you’re being facetious?”

  “Hardly. I’m making a point.”

  “Which is…?” I raise an eyebrow at him.

  “Love isn’t overnight, at least not for most people. But how about in the future?” Even though I say nothing in response, he already knows the words on the tip of my tongue. “I understand your distrust, Allegra, but you do believe that love exists, right?”

  I nod. “Of course.”

  “Just not for you?”

  I turn my head away to avoid his piercing gaze. Now his ability to read me is disconcerting. That, and strangely admirable. I shake my head at the fact that I could ever admire Devlin.

  His fingers graze my chin, carefully turning my face back to his. “What is it, Allegra?”

  In a voice barely above a whisper, I say, “I couldn’t possibly imagine being loved like women are in the movies.”

  He frowns at this. “That’s no way to live your life.”

  “How else can I when all I’ve suffered is heartbreak while all my peers marry and have children? I feel like I’m one of the spinsters in a Jane Austen novel.”

  “You’re only twenty-five, for God’s sake.”

  “Exactly.” Halfway through my twenties with no prospects in life. No suitors, no love, no happiness.

  “You’re still young. You may be sexy as hell but you’re not just some pretty face. You’re smart, sophisticated, honest, and incredibly funny. Most guys are terrified of a woman who can give them a run for their money. They want a woman they can easily manipulate, someone who’s just arm candy. Not me.”

  “What do you want?”

  He takes my hand in his. “The whole package. Beauty is only skin deep. I want a woman with everything, one who fulfills my desires physically and emotionally.” He’s playing with my fingers, weaving his around mine, then letting go only to do it again. He makes eye contact and brings my hand up to his lips. He presses a warm kiss on top of my hand, and then turns it over to place one on my palm.

  When he lets go of my hand, I almost reach to grab his again. I finally breathe and it comes out a little shaky. Silently, I curse myself for feeling something. He’s getting to me.

  Oh, boy, is he getting to me.

  “So, what am I?” I ask.

  “You’re everything a man with any sense would want.”

  Closing my eyes, I shake my head slightly. “You’re just saying that.”

  “No, I’m not. I don’t just go up to every woman and say these things to them.”

  “No, you just do that with me.” He raises an eyebrow and the truth of what I just stated hits me. “Oh.”

  “One night,” he says. “You’re looking for a man to give you one night of passion. It shouldn’t be just any man. It should be with me.”

  “You?”

  “Yes, me. With me it wouldn’t be random.”

  “What will it be then?”

  “It’ll be more.”

  It’ll be more. It’ll be more meaningful—not just a random fuck with some guy I don’t give a damn about. It’ll be with this guy—the one whose words send a rush of sensations throughout my entire body. It’ll be a night I’ll always remember until I become an old woman sitting in a rocking chair on a countryside porch. It’s also a dangerous notion, one that could land my heart in a prison of its own making. He’s overriding my common sense, and I’m letting him do it.

  He raises an eyebrow slowly. “You’ve thought about it. I can tell because you’re already blushing.”

  I turn away, cursing my face for telling the truth. “Stop.”

  “No.” He places the palm of his hand on my cheek, turning my face back to his, and keeps it there. “I’m not going to beg; I’m just offering the option. You’re completely free to say no. We can do whatever you want tonight, Allegra. Imagine your wildest fantasy brought to life. I’m game for anything.”

  “Anything? Really?” I say breathlessly.

  “I’d be a willing participant in any of your fantasies.”

  I hold back a shudder at the thought of him being the man in one of my many fantasies. “And…hypothetically, of course…if we do this, then what? We just wake up the next morning and walk away?”

  “If that’s what you want.” He takes his hand away and holds up a finger. “I only ask for one thing.”

  A creeping anticipation builds in my stomach. “What’s that?”

  “I want one kiss.”

  Chapter Seven

  A kiss? He could ask me for anything, and that is what he requests. “You want to kiss me?”

  There’s a blaze to his eyes as he stares at me. “I want to do more than kiss you, but I’m asking for just one kiss. Besides…” He touches a finger to my bottom lip. “We probably owe one to the universe for chickening out earlier.”

  “Why only one?”

  “Because that’s all it would take to convince you that one night would be worth it.”

  Of course. He thinks he has a magic kiss that can bring me to life. Well, I’m not Sleeping
Beauty, and this isn’t a fairy tale. No fairy tales I’ve heard of include sex; at least, none I heard when I was a kid.

  He can sense my hesitation. “Don’t worry. I won’t kiss you the second you say yes. I have to hold the suspense.”

  I think about it. What he’s offering is actually brilliant. He’s giving me the option to sleep with him, not expecting anything. So, what harm could one kiss do? “Fine, one kiss,” I say, holding up one finger to emphasize.

  He flashes a dazzling smile, and I suddenly feel like a fly heading straight for a spider’s web. One kiss may seem innocent enough, but I’m beginning to wonder how smart my decision is. If his kiss does entice me—if I do give in and we sleep together—what will that mean? Am I the kind of woman who can walk away from a night of passion with no regrets and never look back?

  He says pointedly, “You look like you already regret this.”

  “I don’t.”

  “Trust me, you won’t.”

  There’s something about that gleam in his eyes that proves I can trust him. Whether I can trust him on anything else, that’s another story. Honestly, I want to trust him beyond a solitary kiss. But, who’s to say whether he’s for real or just a product of my own imagination? Part of me hopes that he’s for real, but the other part doesn’t want him to be. because if he is then that makes this real. I may have wanted it last year when I met him, but I’m a different person now, and so is he. He revealed what really happened last year and I believe him. Then why don’t I trust him? Maybe it has less to do with him and more to do with me.

  Devlin breaks me out of my reverie. “Let’s have some fun tonight.”

  My head snaps in his direction, my eyes narrowing.

  “Not that kind of fun. I realize it’s hard to get your mind out of the gutter with me around, but come on. I’ve gotta hand it to you, though, because it would be fucking awesome. What I mean is, just fun. Enjoy ourselves.”

  “How do we do that?”

  “What kind of music do you like?”

  I make a face at him. “Is this the ‘getting to know you’ portion of the evening?”

  “If I don’t ask the important questions, no one will. So?”