by Jeny Heckman
“Well, right now she’s going to go to Que’s, probably to wash off all that crap. Then when she thinks you’re gone, she’ll come back, ’cause she won’t want me to be alone.” Giving a small laugh and shaking his head, he looked at his watch. “So I’m guessing maybe in a couple two or three hours.”
He extended a hand to Finn, who shook it. “If I were you I’d crash. It’s been a long night. Let her sleep and talk in the morning.”
“So, what—I should just wait?”
“You didn’t come all this way for nothing, right?” When Finn nodded, Wyatt gestured to the couch. “Well, I guess you have your answer. See ya.”
After the man left, Finn grabbed another beer and settled in for the storm to come.
****
Raven walked into her condo around two the next morning to find Finn asleep on the couch. She sighed and quietly closed the door, palming her keys, so they didn’t make any noise. Standing at the coffee table, she watched him dream. His arms crossed over his chest, ankles propped up on the couch armrest. Donovan would’ve gone ballistic at the desecration of it all. It just made her smile.
She remembered seeing Finn for the first time and thinking he was the type of guy she could never have. Then they became lovers—she frowned—correction, fuck buddies. Disgusted at her ignorance and naiveté, she walked to the window and looked out at the city. By the time he woke that morning, she was gone again.
Chapter 29
The day started with a visit to the hospital. Raven lay next to the little girl on her bed, reading to her. Abby played with the gold medallion on its chain around her neck, as Wyatt and Que played cards on a small table.
Abby dropped the medallion as the story wrapped up and went back to securing a small woven bracelet of yellow, black, and gold threads around Raven’s thin wrist.
“I still can’t believe that you made this yourself, baby.” Raven kissed Abby’s forehead, hugging her gently. “It’s so beautiful.”
“Are you wearing a wig?” Abby asked with the verbal freedom of a seven-year-old.
“No, I can’t stand those things,” Raven remarked distractedly.
“How did you get your hair so black?”
“It’s called a rinse. You run it through your hair, and it colors it, but only for a while. My hair will keep getting lighter as it fades out again.”
“Oh,” Abby said, a little sadly. “I like it way better yellow.”
“Me too,” said Wyatt.
“Me three,” said Que. “Oh, gin, ha-ha.”
“Aw, shit,” Wyatt said.
“I know you ain’t using that foul mouth in front of my baby.”
“Sorry kid,” he muttered.
“It’s okay, Uncle Wyatt.” Abby giggled. “Mama says a lot worse.”
“Oh, hell no, little girl.” Que went over and rained kisses on her daughter’s face. “You’re lucky I can’t tickle you yet.” Abby looked up at her with tired eyes.
“I love you, Mama.” Que’s eyes filled, eliciting tears in Raven’s as well. She looked over at Wyatt, who nodded his head that it was time to go.
“Okay, miss Abby, me and Uncle Wy are going to go so I can do one more of these things.”
“Auntie Rave, will you sing me a song?” Abby asked, a little breathless.
“Sure baby, which one?”
“Um.” She sat, thinking, and saw the book they’d been reading. “I want the snowman one.”
“The snowman one?” Raven giggled and sang about building one, as Abby laughed. She hugged her closely, trying to imagine Donovan’s reaction to this request and burst out laughing. “Well, I’m not entirely sure they’ll let me sing that one. What’s your back-up?”
“How about the rainbow one?”
“You’ve got a deal.”
****
Raven arrived at the Tacoma Dome and added Abby’s song to the setlist. Her hair and makeup artist, Barb, immediately washed and saturated the black rinse into her hair before creating the shellacked helmet that was her trademark. Sitting in her periwinkle silk robe, Raven closed her eyes as Barb applied smoldering smoke to her eyes.
That’s how Finn saw her, in the robe she’d worn the night after they first had sex, slowly having the rest of her identity stripped away. Next to her, he recognized Caprice, also half dressed. The actress lifted her eyes to his and smiled seductively, before glancing at Raven, to see if she had noticed his presence. He smiled back in spite of himself, understanding in the back of his mind, that somehow she was on his side. Seeming to sense someone, Raven opened her eyes and connected with his, sighing in resignation.
“All done, Miss Raven,” Barb said with a flourish. “I’ll tell Nicole you’re ready for wardrobe.” The artist looked at her watch as Raven watched Finn through the mirror. “Oh shit, we’re late again.”
“Yeah,” Raven said distractedly. “Okay. Thanks, Barb, I’ll get going.” The woman turned to go, and Raven called out, “Barb, can you also have Simon talk to Donovan about the prompter again?”
“Sure.” Barb’s eyes darted to the good-looking blond, then swiveled them back to her boss. “I’ll send Nicole back in two.”
“Ah, there you are, lovie.” Caprice sighed and stood when her own handler came in with her gown. She flung off her robe and stood naked, prompting Finn’s eyes to nearly fall out of his head at the exposed voluptuous body parts of the actress. Once zipped in, she turned to Raven, exchanging grins because both women knew the effect she had on the male population. “Break a leg, honey,” Caprice said and winked first at Raven and then at Finn, before gliding her way out of the room.
“Oh you too,” she called.
Standing, Raven walked over to a rack of sequined costumes, unbelted her own robe, and threw it on a chair. Finn’s eyes flew open a second time, as she stood clad in a tiny push up bra and thong in the center of her dressing room, filled with three other people. Nicole, her handler, selected the costume and began helping her in it when Jason ran up to her.
“You’re late,” he hissed. “Come on.” He glanced over at Finn, still staring at Raven half-naked, and did a double take. “What the hell are you doing here?” He looked back at Raven in accusation.
Nicole, held the costume up over her chest, as Raven removed her bra. Finn’s body seemed to vibrate with fury at Jason’s proximity to her, who had no shame in watching the display. The costume was skin tight with a padded bustier to amplify her already well-endowed form. She glanced at Finn, who looked at her with outright disgust on his face, and lowered her head while taking a deep breath for the dress to be zipped up. Jason grabbed her by the elbow and dragged her out of the room without a word to Finn.
“A little nuts, right?” Finn turned in horror, but Wyatt just shrugged. “Now ya know why she went off to Hawai’i. Come on.” He jerked his head toward an area just offstage, where they would watch the show.
At her cue, she took her spot and posed behind an enormous white screen that would silhouette her every curve. The curtain rose, and she began her set. Finn watched, thinking she looked like a stripper, just missing her pole. He tried to remember what he used to think when he’d see a picture or video of her performing. A sexy, beautiful provocateur, looking like she was having the time of her life.
He clenched his jaw because he could now see she was miserable. The carefree raw version of herself on Kaua’i was the real Raven. This before him was senseless exploitation, as she moved from young, upbeat pop and sappy ballads, utilizing her voice, guitar, and piano talent.
At the break, she prepared to end the set with Abby’s song, which Wyatt would record for her. She didn’t see her guitar, and the intermission dancers came out, giving her nine minutes to get hydrated, towel off, and change. Confused, she came offstage looking for Donovan, but couldn’t find him anywhere. So, she approached Jason, who happened to be standing close to her brother and Finn, without realizing it.
“Jason, we were supposed to do Abby’s song.”
“Yeah, Dono
van said we’re running over, so he cut it. Grab some water.” Without another word of explanation, he walked to one of the assistants with a clipboard, thus avoiding confrontation, again.
“Come on Ms. Hunter. We need to get you changed.” A stagehand gently guided her to her dressing room. Her brother followed, visibly upset in his sister’s wake. The stagehand brought her into the changing room as her brother turned his back for modesty and began to rage.
“What did he say?”
“He said we’re running late and I can’t do it,” she called out in a shaky voice, that close to tears.
The attendant helped her into the red sequin dress Raven hated most, with matching six-inch stiletto heels. She’d be lucky not to fall over, she thought.
“That’s bullshit, Raven,” Wyatt yelled, when she told him he could turn back around. She hooked a long red ruby earring into her lobe. “Abby’s looking forward to this. You have to do the song.”
“What am I supposed to do Wyatt?” she screamed. “The set’s over. I’ll tell the guys to move one of the songs in the next set, and I can dedicate that to her.”
Her eyes shifted to Finn, who leaned against the doorjamb, arms crossed over his chest and listened with a quiet intensity at the sheer chaos of her life.
“I’m going to find that dickhead,” Wyatt said and left.
“No, wait, Wy—”
She turned as the assistant left and looked at Finn, who just continued to stare at her in the mirror.
“What the fuck are you doin’?” he asked quietly.
“What?”
“Dressed like that.”
She looked at herself in the mirror and saw an utterly foreign woman looking back at her. Her glossy-black hair, teased, high at the crown. Black kohl caused her eyes to unnaturally form cat eyes, with high slanting wings at the corners. Bright red lipstick stained her lips, and all the highlight and contouring changed the structure of her face completely. Her dress caused her breasts to swell over the top of the costume, threatening to spill out with one misstep.
“Singing shit you don’t want to, not singing shit you promised.” He continued. “Allowing them to dress you up like a…” He gestured up and down her body with revulsion.
“Like a what, Finn?”
“Like a whore,” he retorted brusquely.
“A whore?” she asked disbelievingly.
“You look ridiculous. Tell these guys to go fuck themselves and change.” When she stood there, mouth open, sputtering like a fish, he continued, “You can’t do this shit anymore. This isn’t you. You know it isn’t. Come on.” He motioned, waving his hand like an impatient parent. “Let’s go. I’ll tell ’em.” She stood where she was, and he turned, irritated. “Raven, I’ll take care of it, come on.”
“I don’t need you to take care of it.”
“Someone has to.”
An assistant came in, glancing nervously between the two people in obvious turmoil.
“Ms. Hunter, you’re on in two.”
“Piss off,” Finn growled, and the woman scampered away. “Come on.” He held out a hand.
“I’m not going anywhere with you, Finn. In fact, go home.” She moved to walk past him, and he grabbed her arm.
“I’m not letting you go out there, looking like that, playing this ridiculous game with them.” Wyatt walked up, red-faced, from one confrontation to another. She jerked her arm from Finn’s grasp.
“Do you honestly think you’re any different than any other man in my life? Go back home, Finn. I don’t want you here.”
Then she turned her head so he wouldn’t see her eyes sparkle and fill. Finn stood where he was, as if she’d slapped him. Wyatt looked at him briefly, before he tried to catch up with his sister.
****
Finn slammed open the heavy metal doors without saying a word to the beefy security guard that escorted him out. He flipped up the collar of his jacket and leaned into the dark rainy night, thinking about what had just occurred.
The assistant, seeing trouble, had run to get Jason and stood just behind Finn with the security guard, smirking.
“I want him out of here,” Jason announced to the guard, who immediately jerked a thumb at Finn to start walking. Jason delivered a parting shot. “Don’t worry, I’ll take good care of her.”
Finn didn’t give a moment’s hesitation. He just balled up a fist and let fly, hitting Jason dead in the face with great force. Turning, he left the arena without a word, striding past the startled security guard.
****
Raven made it through the program and was set to play Abby’s song, essentially ending the show. She’d take a short break for the last costume change, then do the encores. All she wanted was to be done, so she could go home and curl up in a ball. She became numb with disbelief when the dancers returned before she could play the little girl’s request. Donovan yelled at her to get off stage and shoved Amanda out to get her. When Raven stepped behind the curtain, Donovan started in.
“Jesus, Raven, what the hell has happened to you? Have you lost all sense of professionalism?” He spat and pointed to her dressing room. “Get into your room and change. Now!”
Jason walked up, head back and blood all over his suit, but she barely registered it.
“I was supposed to get to play my song,” she said, aware that she sounded like a little girl pleading about fairness. Wyatt walked over to her but took one look at her face and backed off.
“I told your ridiculous excuse of a manager that the show was running late.”
“And it was just my songs that got cut?”
“Raven, I don’t know how you can be so obtuse about this. You wanted to play a children’s theme song at this venue, for Christ sake. You also wanted to sing that alternative ballad that isn’t any good and won’t sell. You have no concept of what it takes in this business, which makes you an incredible idiot since you’ve been doing this for fifteen years. Just do what I told you to do and stop thinking you have some kind of brain or knack for this.”
“Now Donovan,” Jason said in a wet, nasally voice, “we tried to negotiate those songs and just because you don’t like the one she picked doesn’t mean…”
“Oh, shut up, Dell. You’ve negotiated nothing. In fact, you’ve allowed this,” Donovan spat, gesturing to Raven, “to happen.” Jason turned to Raven.
“Okay, Rave, why don’t we just finish the show? You only have the encores left anyway, and then we’ll go back to the drawing board and write something that can complement your brand.”
Caprice stood to the side and quietly watched as Raven’s eyes never left Donovan’s. A stagehand ran up to them pleading she get changed for her cue. Donovan turned his back on her and began to walk away.
“You…suck,” Raven said quietly but loud enough for him to hear.
“What?” he asked, completely shell-shocked. “What did you say to me?”
“You’re a ridiculous, small, insignificant man. What the hell has happened to you, Donovan?”
“What are…”
“How did you become so weak?”
“Me! How dare you speak…”
“I used to think you were so handsome…accomplished…intelligent.” She scanned his face. “I used to think you had my best interests at heart because after all, you were my husband, right?” She looked at Amanda onstage with pity. “I thought we did things your way because you truly knew better.”
“I do know better. I made you. And lest you forget, we do have a binding contract. Now shut your mouth and get your fat ass on that stage.”
She glanced over and saw Caprice beaming at her and nodding encouragement, so she stepped out of her painful heels.
“You’re an ugly man. A user.” She stated it with such pity, it caused him to turn dusky. “You’re old and sadistic. A man that builds your life off other people’s work and talent because you have none. You build your confidence off cheating and belittling.”
“Raven, I think…” Jason began, but s
he rounded on him.
“You aren’t any better than he is. You’re a spineless, selfish man and I’ve let entirely too many spineless, selfish, and cruel men dictate my life to me.”
“Ms. Hunter?” The stagehand quietly interjected and looked between all the parties involved, before hesitantly offering, “Should we change?”
“Yes.” Raven grinned. “Yes, I’m definitely going to change.” Turning, she looked at her brother, who seemed to be radiating pride and grinned. “I’ll be out in two,” she said, and he nodded.
True to her word, hair in a messy bun, dressed in yoga pants and a sweatshirt, she walked out of the dressing room and grabbed Wyatt’s outstretched hand. When Donovan saw her, he looked positively apoplectic.
“Are you fucking crazy? We have a damn contract, Raven. I will sue you! You have forty thousand fans out there.” He grabbed her arm forcefully and jerked her around, and Wyatt moved closer.
However, Raven pushed him back and slapped the older man’s face with all the force she could muster, leaving a handprint. Then she slid on dark sunglasses.
“You know what you’re doing Donovan. I’m sure you have options on another brand.” She nodded her head toward the television broadcasting Amanda’s performance. “You’ll figure something out.” She looked with disgust over his shoulder at Jason, and without saying another word walked out the large double doors and fans that waited outside.
Chapter 30
Raven arrived home and opened the car door to get out. Wyatt began to follow, but she stopped him.
“Wy, I need to go in by myself. Can you crash with Que tonight?”
“Is that a good idea?”
“Yeah, I just…” she stopped and communicated with her eyes.
“Okay,” he acquiesced, “I’ll be over there.” She hugged him, breathing in his aftershave and sweat. “Promise you call me in the morning?”
She nodded, and he kissed her forehead before she turned and got out of the car into the brisk night air.
That night, Raven took a long hot shower, shampooing her hair several times to get as much of the rinse out as possible. Afterward, she sat on the water-warmed tile, not crying but drained. It was one thing to stand up for herself for the first time in her life and say all the things she wanted to say. It was quite another to blow up her professional life, with no guidance, and expose herself to lawsuits. However, what was also rapidly crystallizing in her mind, was performing would be done her way and her way only in the future. The dilemma was how to do it. In many ways, Raven felt she was back to square one again, but now every nerve ending was raw.