Relief flooded Renata’s face. “Good. Thank you. I’ll anchor you—”
“Michael,” Avery interrupted, heart pounding and stomach threatening to rebel. “I need it to be him.”
“It can’t be.” Renata’s voice was soft, and she looked truly sorry. “He’s in the middle of dealing with a situation with one of his ghostwalkers right now. Believe me, I went to him.”
Oh God. Ghostwalk without Luke or Michael at his side? It was unthinkable. He couldn’t do it. Avery sat down hard, and Renata pushed his head down to the level of his knees. Her hand was warm and comforting when she laid it on the back of his neck.
“I’m sorry,” she murmured close to his ear. “I know how awful this must be for you. I can hear your panic screaming at me. I need you, Avery. And I promise you, I will take good care of you.”
“Jameson.” The word was out of his mouth before he thought about it. And as soon as he said it, he felt both calmer and more scared at the same time.
Beside him, Renata went still. After a moment of heavy silence, she asked, “Are you sure?”
Avery nodded and forced himself to sit up. He breathed slowly and tried to center himself. He was a ghostwalker, and Lucy needed his help. He’d never forgive himself if he turned his back on a fellow ghostwalker in need. It would be painful and upsetting, but he was strong enough to handle it. He’d made it through Luke’s death, and that was the worst thing that ever happened to him.
“Yes.” His voice shook, but he didn’t care. He was resolved. “I need someone familiar, and even though I’m sure you’d be great, Jameson is my friend. If I can’t have Michael, then I need it to be him.”
Renata studied him for a long moment, never looking away from his eyes. Avery stayed still and let her read him. He was scared out of his mind, but he was determined, and Jameson would take care of him. Of that he had no doubt.
“Okay. And I’ll be right there the whole time.” Renata stood, and Avery followed suit. She led the way, and Avery rushed to keep up as her long, purposeful stride underscored the urgency of the situation. Even though panic threatened to overwhelm him, Avery stuffed it down and tried to find his center. He would panic later.
When they entered the training room, Avery saw that most of the ghostwalkers were receiving aftercare but that Sam and a small woman on the far side of the room still had swords sticking out of their chests. Jameson was standing near the woman, his arm around Shauni, Lucy’s anchor. Jameson’s mouth dropped open when he saw Avery, and he whispered something to Shauni and then crossed the room.
“Avery?” The warmth and concern in Jameson’s gaze helped settle Avery.
“I need you to anchor me while I go in and try to find Lucy.”
To Jameson’s credit, he barely reacted to Avery’s proclamation. Instead he took a step closer, so Avery had to crane his neck back to keep looking into Jameson’s eyes.
“Are you sure?”
“I am.” It wasn’t a complete lie.
“Of course I’ll help you.”
Avery’s relief was acute. He cleared his throat and turned his attention to Renata. “I don’t have a med kit anymore.”
She nodded and reached for the phone clipped to her belt. “I’ll have medical get your meds together right now. Should only be a couple of minutes.” She stepped away to make the call.
Avery walked to the empty chair by the door, and Jameson followed so closely behind that Avery could feel his heat. When Avery perched on the edge of the chair, Jameson dropped down to his knees next to it and took Avery’s hands in his.
“I’m here for you, and I’ll take care of you. I promise.”
Avery managed a shaky smile that didn’t last more than a couple of seconds. “I know. That’s why I asked for you.”
Surprise flitted across Jameson’s features but was quickly replaced by determination. Avery’s smile was a little more real. He knew Jameson was the right choice. He opened his mouth, but before he could say anything, Renata walked over to them, and Avery gave her his attention.
“Do you have the case file Lucy was working?” he asked.
As though she’d anticipated the question, Renata held out a tablet with a case already pulled up. Avery ignored everything else as he read through it. Simple enough—a ninety-two-year-old man who died quietly in his sleep. By all accounts he lived a full and happy life and was ready to go when his time came. Good. Hopefully that just meant Lucy was lost and not trapped.
“Whenever you’re ready, Avery.” Renata’s voice was low. “It’s been almost four hours, and even though she can stay for six, we don’t like to do that early on. The sooner, the better.”
“No pressure,” Avery muttered, and then, seeing the stricken look on Jameson’s face, he forced a laugh. “I’m joking. Give us a minute?”
Renata nodded and stepped away. Avery toed off his loafers and reached for his shirt. He paused before he pulled it off and met Jameson’s gaze.
“I was made to do this. I can do this.” Avery swallowed hard. “But it’s going to be difficult, and I’m not sure how I’ll react when I come back. Just don’t take anything personally. Okay?”
“Okay.”
Avery reached out and cupped Jameson’s cheek for a minute. The feel of Jameson’s skin beneath his fingers settled him even more. His face was smooth and warm, and Avery stroked his thumb along the edge of Jameson’s cheekbone. “I trust you. And you’ve been improving by leaps and bounds. You can do this.”
Jameson covered Avery’s hand with his own and held it to his face. “You don’t have to turn this into a teaching moment. I’m not worried about me. I’ll take good care of you. I’m worried about what this will do to you.”
Avery’s heart thumped hard. Jameson really did care about him, and that care would serve them both well in this situation. And it would take Jameson far as he continued his career. His ghostwalker, whoever she was, was very lucky indeed.
The reminder that Jameson would be doing this for someone else slammed into Avery and caught him by surprise. He couldn’t afford to let pointless jealousy take hold, so he breathed deeply, let it go, and focused. He was just going on a ghostwalk to help a new ghostwalker. That was it.
If he repeated it enough, it would be true.
“I’ll be fine.”
Jameson shot him a look, and Avery chuckled.
“Okay, I’ll be fine eventually.” Avery pulled away and grabbed the hem of his shirt again. “Let me get settled.”
Jameson nodded, pushed himself up, and then sat in the chair next to Avery as Avery pulled off his shirt, handed it over without looking at Jameson, and then took long, slow, even breaths. Meditation had always been his key. He breathed and thought, fixing Lucy and her case in his mind. When he was ready, when he thought he had the particulars fixed and the nerves pushed away, he opened his eyes and looked right at Renata.
He nodded.
She came closer, and the broadsword glinted as it caught the overhead light. The threat of that gleaming piece of sharp metal should have scared him, but the swords had never been his worry. Avery flung a hand out, and Jameson immediately grabbed it and squeezed tightly. His hand was warm and strong, and that was a comfort all its own.
Avery closed his eyes, and a moment later, he felt the steel pierce his flesh. Renata’s aim was true, and it sliced right through his chest. Bone, muscle, and sinew gave under its relentless press to get through the other side. Avery’s body fought to live, his lungs tried to breathe, but blood burbled up past his lips, sticky and viscous and tasting like copper. Panic welled, but before it could take hold, Avery died.
Chapter Nine
LUKE Wagner. July 17, 1975-March 19, 2013. Beloved Husband. Cherished Anchor.
The pain of seeing the headstone threatened to overwhelm Avery. His Luke. Dead and cold and in the ground. A beautiful life snuffed out in his prime, ravaged by the evil of cancer. His spirit had moved on without lingering.
Avery reached a shaking hand toward the
marker. Oh God. He should have known he’d end up here when he became aware. Luke had been on his mind, of course. And so his spirit was drawn to him.
But he had a job to do.
Avery kissed the tips of his fingers and pressed them against Luke’s name. “I love you, babe.”
And then he moved on.
It was harder than he thought it would be. The first time he tried to move, Avery ended up right back at the gravestone… and the second and third times. Frustration settled in his gut, but he was better than that. He could do it.
He steeled himself, reinforced his thoughts of Lucy, and then made a determined move. It worked, and Avery found himself on a deserted stretch of plain. Was that wheat? Maybe—tall stalks, at any rate, waving gently in the wind. He looked around but didn’t see another soul. Was Lucy from somewhere like this? The spirit was always attracted to the familiar, and it was easy to get pulled to a place you knew—easy to get trapped there.
Time moved differently on this plane than the mortal one, and Avery had no idea how much of it had passed. He stood for another moment and gathered himself. What should he do? Look around for Lucy, or try to move somewhere else?
Avery turned in a circle and took in his surroundings. It was peaceful and quiet here—just the rustle of the wheat in the wind and the occasional bird call. The sky was a bright blue, with nary a cloud to be seen, and the sun shone hotly. Well, Avery imagined it would be hot if he could actually feel it.
In the distance he spotted a huge tree. It took Avery a second, but he realized something was off about it. And then he saw the tree house perched in its upper branches, and a set of stairs that curved around the trunk. It was weathered and a little battered, but Avery knew if he had something like that and needed comfort, that’s where he’d go. He headed toward it.
He’d been focused on Lucy particularly, so he had a good feeling he’d find her there—he hoped, anyway. If she wasn’t, he’d try to find the spirit she was supposed to be helping and follow that clue. In the meantime he headed toward the tree and hoped.
He climbed the steps and was glad he couldn’t fall through because some of the boards looked rotted. He made it to the top and found a narrow deck and part of the railing missing. Instinct prompted him to move carefully, even though logic reminded him that he couldn’t be hurt. With deliberate care he moved to the door.
Relief washed through him when he saw the small, dark-haired woman in the corner. She was staring out one of the windows and didn’t notice his approach. That was okay.
“Lucy?”
She whipped around. There was anger and distrust on her face, but she was definitely Lucy. He’d taken a good long look at her in the chair, so he knew her. If he read her expression right, she was panicked.
“Who are you? What are you doing here?” her voice was shrill, and Avery fought not to wince.
“Lucy, I’m Avery. I’m here to help you.” He nearly snorted out a laugh. How many times had he said exactly that to a spirit? Hundreds, at least. But he wasn’t trying to guide her to the light. He was trying to remind her who she was.
“What are you… wait.” She squinted at him. “I know you. Don’t I?”
Avery nodded. Oh, that was good. She was coming around. “You do. We’ve met several times, and I’ve given a bunch of lectures you attended.”
She opened her mouth and then closed it again. Her brows scrunched together, and she turned back to the window. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Crap. Okay, then. He’d go slower. “You know what a ghostwalker is?”
She shot him a scathing look over her shoulder. “Of course I do. Everyone knows what they are. What they do. How they help. What kind of question is that?”
Avery smiled. At least she remembered some things. “I’m a ghostwalker.”
Lucy’s eyes went wide, and panic crept in again. “Oh shit. Am I dead?”
Avery weighed his words. “Well, yes, actually. But—”
Her face looked stricken. “Oh my God. My mother. I can’t… she’s going to be… oh my God.”
“No, no.” Avery did his best to soothe her. “Wait now. You’re dead at this moment, yes. But you can come back. You’re a ghostwalker.”
“I’m all the family she has left. And this is going to just crush her. What happened? I’m always so careful. I can’t believe—”
“Lucy!”
She snapped her gaze to his, her mouth working, but at least he had her attention. “You’re a ghostwalker.”
“I’m… what?”
Avery leaned against the side of the treehouse. This was going to take a while—time they didn’t have. He needed to step it up.
“You’re a ghostwalker. You’ve been training for the past year and a half, and now you’re in your last stages. Your anchor’s name is Shauni, and you were sent in today to try to help a lost spirit. His name was Roger Martin, and he died in his sleep.” Avery assessed Lucy’s expression and kept going. “A few hours ago, Director Johnson shoved a sword through your chest, and you died so you could help Roger. But you got a little lost. It can happen. So I’m here to help you find your way back.”
She gave him a wary look. “So I’m not dead?”
Avery wasn’t going to belabor the point. “Not permanently.”
“I….” Her gaze went unfocused for a long moment, and Avery wanted to snap at her so she’d get with the program. But that wouldn’t help anyone. He waited and tamped down the urge to tap his toes against the wooden floor.
Movement caught Avery’s attention, and he turned to the door as Sam walked in. He was so relieved that his shoulders sagged.
“Oh God. You found her.”
“I did,” Avery agreed. “But she’s forgotten who she is and what she can do. That’s why she got lost.”
Sam nodded without taking his gaze off Lucy. “It happens sometimes in the beginning, no matter how much we prepare. Being on your own for the first time can mess with you.” He turned to Avery. “It took me forever to find her.”
Avery shrugged. “You’d already been in quite a while. I was fresh.”
“Mr. Jones?” Lucy’s voice sounded small.
Avery grinned. She remembered.
Sam rolled his eyes. “How many times have I told you to call me Sam?”
Lucy let out a shaky laugh. “At least a dozen. I….” She shook her head. “I’m confused.”
“Yeah, I know,” Sam said gently. He took a few steps closer. “You ready to go back? Everybody is worried.”
Lucy’s eyes filled, and she nodded slowly. “I didn’t mean to make everyone worry.”
“It’s okay,” Sam assured her. “That’s what we’re here for—to worry and help and teach and learn. It’ll be fine.”
Lucy nodded. As Avery watched, she centered herself, and he could see the determination and resolve fill her expression. “Thank you for coming to find me. I’m ready to go back.”
Sam smiled and turned to Avery again. “Will you stay with her while I find someone to let Renata know we’re ready?”
“Of course.”
Sam was gone in a blink of an eye, and Avery kept watch on Lucy.
“I don’t know if I’m cut out for this,” she murmured a few minutes later.
Avery cocked his head to the side. “Why not?”
“It’s so much harder than I ever thought it would be. And the first time I go out on my own, I get lost and don’t even know what I’m doing.” She couldn’t quite keep the despair out of her tone, but Avery could tell she was trying.
“Listen.” He kept his voice soft. “We all have our struggles. If this is something you believe in, something you want to do, then there are ways you can overcome this, tricks you can do, mental processes you can implement that will help make sure this doesn’t happen again.”
She stared at him, her eyes wide, but didn’t otherwise react. Avery softened his expression.
“And if you truly think you can’t do this, you can walk away
. No one will think any worse of you.”
Her expression said she didn’t believe him, and Avery chuckled.
“It’s true. What we do is important and vital, yes. But only if you’re mentally equipped to handle it. No one, and I mean no one, wants you to do it because you feel you have to. You won’t be effective, and it can be dangerous. It’s good you learned it now. But Lucy?”
She looked up at him, and he smiled.
“The fact that you’re questioning it is a good thing. It means you know the weight of the responsibility you carry.”
She nodded, and he could see she was considering her words. They stayed silent a long moment. Avery left her to her thoughts, but he kept an eye on her. People more qualified than he would be waiting to help her on the other side.
“Did you ever have trouble?”
Her voice startled him after so much quiet, and he thought of how to answer.
“I was lucky,” he said quietly after a few seconds. “My anchor was also my bonded. So from the very beginning, we clicked. But it also made things harder, because I didn’t want to leave him. I had to learn my own tricks to be able to do my job. The pull to get back to him….” Avery shook his head. “It’s a very strong thing.”
“I’m sorry for your loss.” Lucy’s sincerity poured off her. There was something else there. Avery couldn’t be sure, but it looked like resolve. He smiled.
“Thank you.”
In that moment, Avery wondered why he’d been keeping it a secret from everyone. It was a personal thing, and he didn’t want to share, but every time he told someone, he saw how it helped. Jameson and Lucy both understood the gravity of the situation, and it had helped each of them frame their own experiences.
Even more than that, each time Avery talked about Luke, he felt a little lighter, as though sharing it had eased a weight he didn’t know he was carrying. Luke wasn’t something to hide. His love had been a gift, and the way he cared for Avery was something others could aspire to.
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