by Jade Jones
When I reached Silk’s casket, I almost didn’t recognize the swollen figure lying in the open casket. He had entirely too much makeup caked on his face and overall, he did not look like the same man I had once been deeply in love with.
Never, in a million years, would I have expected to be attending his funeral. Silk never took me as the suicidal type. I still didn’t even understand what his motive was for pulling the trigger on himself. Of course I knew the drugs had taken over and his frame of mind was shaky but I would’ve never guessed he would’ve taken his own life. Silk was looking for the ultimate vengeance and sure enough, he got it.
I opened my mouth to bid my last farewell but instead became choked up on my own tears of sorrow. I did not expect for this to be as hard as it was. Silk may have cheated on me, beat me, and hurt me in general but at the end of the day I had a lot of love for the man lying in this casket.
My vision quickly blurred from the oncoming tears. I can’t do this, I thought as I quickly turned around—
Whap!
It felt like the wind had been knocked out of me as I fell to the floor! Silk casket rocked a little after I bumped into it on the way down. People immediately screamed and gasped at the unexpected blow. Blood leaked profusely from my nose and it took me several seconds to realize I had just been punched in the face.
Silk’s sister, Tamika stood over me with pure hatred in her tear-filled eyes. “Bitch, you got a lot of nerve bringin’ your ass here!” she screamed.
A few of her family members rushed over and intervened.
“Tamika, relax,” her mother said in a soothing tone. “I invited her.”
Silk’s uncle, Benny helped me off the floor. I cradled my bloody nose, fearing that it might actually be broken.
“Why would you invite her, ma?!” Tamika screamed. “It’s her fault Terrence is even laying in that fuckin’ casket!”
Her words stung like fire searing my skin, but I knew deep down inside that her accusation was partly true.
“Shit,” I muttered, wiping away the thick blood trickling down my chin.
“Yeah, bitch. Hurts don’t it?!” she yelled. “Now you fuckin’ see how I feel!”
“Come on, let’s get you out of here,” Benny said as he led me away.
Suddenly, Tamika snatched me up by a fistful of my hair! Women screamed and more family members rushed over to break the fight up.
My eyes burned with tears at the pain of my hair strands being torn from my scalp. “Tamika, stop!” I pleaded, clawing at her hands.
“Tamika, let her go!” her mother screamed.
“I’m gonna kill this bitch!” Tamika cried. “She took my fuckin’ brother from me!”
“Tamika, let her go!” Benny yelled.
Tamika held a vice grip on my hair and it was apparent that she was not letting go without a fight. With her free hand, she pummeled my skull repeatedly, until my knees suddenly gave out beneath me.
Uncle Benny tried his hardest to pull me away. When the family members finally pried Tamika’s fingers from my hair, she sent a devastating kick to my jaw with her four inch black heel!
My head instantly whipped back from the impact causing me to fall backwards. People were crying hysterically from the church gallery, while other family members were desperately trying their hardest to calm a kicking and screaming Tamika down.
Benny helped me to my feet and assisted me out of the funeral home. When we finally made it to the doors, he gently shoved me outside and closed the doors behind himself.
I had never felt so embarrassed in my life! My face was sore as hell and I could feel it swelling from the vicious assault Tamika had inflicted. Something told me not to come in the first place, but just like Silk’s friends and family members, I wanted to pay my respects and bid him my last farewell. If I would’ve known that I would get pounced on in the process, I would have never showed up to begin with. The last thing I wanted to do was disrespect anyone.
Little did Tamika know, I was hurting just as much as she was. I loved Silk too.
With what little dignity and pride I had left, I dragged myself to my truck and prepared to return to an empty home.
***
I had a splitting headache by the time I made it home. What was supposed to have been a peaceful home going service had quickly turned into utter chaos. I had just had my ass handed to me by Silk’s older sister, who understandably felt resentment towards me for her only brother’s death.
Two days had elapsed since my run in with Ericka and my week was only getting worse. And if things couldn’t get any more uncomfortable they surely did when I found Tiffany standing on my front steps. It wasn’t so much as her being there, but it was the fact that I was still cradling my bloody nose. Obviously, I was embarrassed. I didn’t want her seeing me like this.
Tiffany and I had both attended Cleveland State University. I would be returning for my junior year in the fall while she had finally obtained her two year degree in Accounting this year. To most she would probably be considered as a “goody goody” but she was pretty laid back for the most part. Before I met Pocahontas, we were once the best of friends. And she damn sure came through for me a lot in school. If it wasn’t for Tiff, I don’t think my ass would have ever made it off Academic Probation.
Tiffany took one look at my battered and bruised face and her mouth immediately fell open. “Oh my God, Cameron!” She skipped down the stone steps and ran towards me. “What the hell happened? Who did this to you? Did Silk do this to you?”
Tiffany was bombarding me with questions and I really did not feel like recounting the events that led up to the merciless ass kicking I had just suffered.
“What are you doing here, Tiff?” I asked instead. “You couldn’t have called me before you stopped over?” Usually, I was never this brash but I really was not happy about her being here and seeing me like this. I felt totally caught off guard.
“Well…,” she twiddled her thumbs. “Is it cool if we go inside so we can talk?”
I hesitated. “I guess,” I finally agreed.
Tiffany followed me inside the condo and into the bathroom where I proceeded to nurse my bloodied nose. My blouse was covered in blood stains, my hair was in disarray and both of my eyes were blackened. I couldn’t even look at myself in the bathroom mirror without cringing at my own reflection.
I turned the faucet on and ran a washcloth underneath the warm water. “What’s up, Tiff?” I asked before wiping away the dried blood on my face.
“Well, you know I graduated and everything. I…um…,” Tiff hesitated. “I thought it would be easier to get a job the minute I graduated but I haven’t had much success,” she explained. “My mom and I have been falling out nonstop. I’ve just been going through a lot lately…a whole bunch of stress.” She sighed before pushing her glasses up on the bridge of her narrow nose. “I was…uh…wondering if I could stay here with you a while—just ‘til I get on my feet,” she quickly added.
I pinched my nostrils together and tilted my head back to stop the blood flow. “Tiff—”
“I mean I know I’m not working now but I am looking and the minute I find something, I swear—”
“Tiffany, it’s cool,” I waved her off. I had a splitting headache and I didn’t even feel like talking or listening to her babble. “You can stay here,” I told her. There was a guest bedroom and I didn’t really want to be here alone with Jude in the hospital. It was super quiet, boring, and depressing in his absence. So although I wasn’t crazy about Tiff being here it was better than being alone. Besides that, Tiffany had come through for me on countless occasions, letting me borrow her notes when I was too busy sleeping in class. I couldn’t leave my girl hanging.
“So it’s cool if I stay here?” Tiffany asked again as if she couldn’t believe I was agreeing.
“Yeah, of course.”
Tiffany shrieked, jumped up and down as if she had just hit the lottery and ran over towards me, pulling me into an embrace.
“Ugghhh,” I moaned in pain.
Tiffany quickly backed off. “Oh, I’m sorry, girl. I forgot.”
Chapter 6
The following morning, while checking the mail, I noticed that Jude had received a letter from the IRS. Usually, I never went through his personal belongings, but he wasn’t here and my nosiness was obviously getting the best of me.
After tearing the envelope open, my eyes quickly scanned the letter. “What the hell?” I muttered. “They’re freezing his accounts?”
Jude was going to be pissed when he found out about this. And to top it off, the mortgage was due in two weeks. With his bank account frozen and me not working, I didn’t know how the hell it was going to get paid. Tiffany couldn’t contribute in the least and I didn’t know what the hell to do.
Jerrell was locked up and I wouldn’t dare ask Mrs. Patterson for a thing, especially considering that she now hated my guts.
I found Tiffany in the guest bedroom flipping through an old issue of Seventeen. I instantly doubted she was ever looking for a job as much as she said she was.
“Tiff, I’ll be back,” I told her.
She didn’t even look up. “Okay,” she answered absentmindedly.
After closing the door behind her, I headed outside. It wasn’t until I started the truck up, that I noticed the gas needle was one notch from being on E. So much shit had been going on lately that it had completely slipped my mind to fill the tank up.
Five minutes later, I pulled into the Marathon gas station on Madison Avenue. After parking at pump two, I killed the engine and hopped out. Rummaging through my purse, as I made my way inside the gas station, I located two twenty dollar bills inside my wallet. Unfortunately this was all that was left of my spending money.
“You gotta be fuckin’ kidding me,” I mumbled.
Me and Jude’s finances were all fucked up. The mortgage needed to be paid. Bills needed to be paid. There was no telling how much Jude’s hospital bill would come up to. After all, medical insurance only covered so much of one’s bill. Not to mention, the other living expenses…What the hell am I going to do, I thought.
Standing in line behind a heavy set older woman dressed in scrubs, I suddenly thought about Jude. Apart of me wanted to tell him about the letter from the IRS but I didn’t want to upset him or add any stress especially during his recovery process.
“Can I help you?” the cashier asked, snapping me from my profound thoughts.
I handed her a twenty dollar bill. “Can I have ten on pump two?” I asked. So much for filling the tank up, I thought.
After being rang up, I headed outside to pump my gas.
The older heavy set woman in the scrubs was parked at pump three. The only reason I noticed her was because she kept staring at me every few seconds.
“Barbara,” she suddenly said.
I turned and looked behind me to see if she was addressing someone else.
She pointed towards me. “You’re Barbara’s daughter. Kenny’s kid, right?”
How the hell did this lady know who my parents were, I wondered.
She hung the nozzle up and began snapping her fingers as if she were trying desperately to recall something. “Camille…Chloe…”
“Cameron,” I finally spoke up.
She snapped her finger a final time before making her way over towards me. “Cameron. That’s right. I’m your father Kenny’s sister, Linda,” she explained. “I know you probably don’t remember me. You’re a little bitty girl the last time I saw you.” She placed her hand at waist level to indicate how tall I was when she last saw me.
Linda looked like a darker version of my dad…or at least what I could remember of how he looked. I didn’t have one picture of either of my parents.
“Oh, okay,” I said nonchalantly. Where the hell was Aunt Linda when I was being bounced around from one orphanage to the next? I wasn’t bitter. I was just saying.
“Well, I know you’re in a rush to get where ever you gotta go and I’m on my way to the nursing home, so is it okay if I give you my number? I would love for us to rekindle. I really would like to get to know my niece if that’s okay with you.”
I rather wouldn’t, I thought. But instead of telling her that, I plugged her number into my cell phone.
She stared at me with a dreamy look in her eyes for a few seconds before she spoke again, “Goodness,” she sighed. “You look just like him,” she said in regards to my father. She snapped herself from her thoughts. “Make sure you call me now,” she told me before walking back towards her car.
“I will,” I lied.
After hanging up the nozzle and screwing on the gas cap, I headed to the Cleveland Clinic.
Fortunately, Jude was all alone in his room. No Mrs. Patterson and thank God, no Ericka. Jude was asleep when I stepped inside. It was obvious they had him heavily medicated for the surgical pain.
Taking a seat in the hospital room chair beside Jude’s bed, I gently reached for his hand and brushed my fingers over his knuckles. Had it not been for him shielding my body with his own, I probably wouldn’t even be here.
Jude stirred softly before his eyes opened. “Hey, baby,” he greeted in a muffled tone.
I brought his left hand to my lips and kissed his bruised knuckles. “How you feelin’,” I asked?”
Jude groaned. “Shit, sore as hell.” He tried to sit up but wasn’t successful at it. “They talkin’ bout keepin’ me for a couple months.”
“A couple months?!” I repeated in disbelief. I couldn’t imagine us being apart for so long. Even though I could visit as much as I wanted, I missed his presence at home. I missed sleeping in the bed beside him every night.
“Yeah, observation and shit. Apparently, one of the bullets broke a bone in my rib cage. Not to mention, I got a damaged liver and—Cam, what’s wrong?”
I couldn’t help myself from bursting into hysterical cries. Tamika was right. All of this shit was my fault. “If I would’ve never went down there, none of this mess would’ve ever happened—”
“Sshh. Sshh,” Jude said in a soothing tone. He gently caressed my cheek. “Hell, I’m alive ain’t I?” He gave a weak smile. “Shit, could’ve easily been two homicides that night. But I’m here and you’re here, baby,” he said. “That’s all I’m thankful for. It could’ve been worse.”
“Yeah but—”
“Baby, I don’t want you feelin’ regretful,” he said. “We ain’t even gon’ talk or think about that night. We just gon’ move forward. You feel me?” he asked.
“Yes,” I answered halfheartedly.
“What happened to your chin?” he asked, noticing the dark red bruise.
“I…uh…I burnt myself flat ironing my hair yesterday.”
My hair looked an absolute mess. I had been too stressed lately to care the slightest bit about my appearance. Nevertheless, Jude brought my weak excuse.
“My mother notified the court and they pushed the court date back,” he told me. “You gotta be strong for me, babe. I need you now more than ever,” he said.
I met Jude’s gaze.
“I’m sorry for not tellin’ you the truth about me,” he suddenly said.
I waved him off. “It’s not important—”
“No, it is. It really is. Seriously, Cameron. You been real with me since day one and I owe you the same,” he said.
“Bay, you really don’t—”
“No, I wanna tell you,” he said. “I have to tell you,” he stressed. “That way when I do my time—which I know I’ma end up doin’, I won’t be sittin’ back regrettin’ that I ain’t keep it real with you, you know?”
I didn’t like the fact that he believed he would go to jail. I wanted him to have a little shred of hope like I did, but I assumed he was thinking realistically. After all, Jude was the “black and white” kind of person. He never saw a shade of gray.
“ Me and Jerrell…,” he hesitated. “We been…uh…doing this tax refund fraud shit for a couple years now. We
were getting that paper too. I’m talkin’ millions,” he said. “We were using the refund money to buy cars for the lot,” he admitted. “It wasn’t never any car scheme shit we were running. Just thought we could outsmart the government. I mean, I knew the shit would catch up with us eventually…I just never thought it would so soon, you know?”
I thought about Pocahontas. “Well…everyone has to pay for their consequences someday” I said.
Jude sighed. “Shit…tell me about it.”
“I do appreciate your honesty, babe…” My voice trailed off. I desperately wanted to tell him about his bank account being frozen. However, I thought better. Instead I decided to bring up Ericka. “Yeah, so…um…I met your lil’ ex-girlfriend.” I said sarcastically.
Jude looked out the hospital room’s window. “Oh, yeah…Ericka?” he asked. “Yeah she told me she met you the other day.” He looked back at me and smiled. “She said you were really sweet.”
Sweet, I thought. This bitch had damn near threatened my life but she had the nerve to go back and tell Jude that I was sweet. I guessed that just showed how sheisty the bitch truly was. Either that or she was just flat out crazy. If I had to guess, I’d say the latter.
“So…um…I guess I’ma be seeing a lot of her, huh?” I asked.
Jude didn’t miss the hint of sarcasm in my tone. “Baby, my mama invited her up here. She’s only tryin’ to be supportive.”
“And is that it?” I asked in a serious tone.
“Yeah, babe. What you want me to say? You want me to tell her not to come up here?” he asked.