by LK Collins
I wash away the venomous aftertaste with a gulp of my Long Island.
“I don’t know about that.”
“You will. Name is Jasper, you?”
“Fallon.” I shake his hand, and he licks his lips, holding on to my hand firmly.
“Great name. So, why are you drinking all alone?”
“Oh, you don’t want to know,” I tell him.
“Sure I do.”
“Why are you here?” I blurt out, the alcohol making me feel very brave.
“Fair enough. I bombed my job interview today and thought what better way to get over it, than a few drinks.”
I nod, and he says, “Now it’s your turn.”
“Well . . .” I don’t even know him; I’m not telling him shit about what’s really bothering me. “I also had a rough day in the job searching department.”
“I hope you didn’t go to any interviews dressed like that?”
I look down and flinch. I’m wearing tight leggings and an oversized hoody that both look like pajamas.
“No way, I applied for a bunch of jobs online, but it’s like I’m on the auto decline list or something.”
“I’ve been there before; you gotta go in with your resume in hand and impress people.”
“I’m a physical therapist; I can’t just barge into a hospital.”
“Sure you can. Ask for the HR department; you’ll be good.”
My drink is empty, and the bartender sets another in front of me. I get lost in sipping it as Jasper rambles on about how I should go about nailing my next job. As he speaks, I find myself noticing a similar resemblance between him and Leo. Maybe it’s the hair. I don’t know.
By the time I figure it out, I’m three sheets to the wind and my filter is completely shredded. “Do you know anyone named, Leo Valderami?”
“No, why?”
“You just remind me of someone.”
“Oh, I get that a lot. I don’t know why, either.”
“I gotta pee,” I tell him and stumble off, following the signs that lead me to the restroom.
After I’m finished, I wash my hands and reach into my hoody pocket for my phone, but remember that I don’t have it. I search for my debit card but realize I don’t have it either.
Crap!
I hope Leo can pay for my drinks. I mean Jasper. Looking at my blurry reflection in the mirror. I splash some water on my face, a little irritated with myself that I left the house looking like this. I’m practically wearing pajamas, have zero makeup on, and no money or cell phone with me.
When I make it back to the bar, Jasper smiles at me as I take my seat and it warms my insides. He seems like a good guy that is genuinely interested in me. His smile reminds me of the way Leo used to look at me, and as much as I hate Leo, we did have a lot of good times. God, I miss him. I really do.
“I ordered us more shots.”
“I don’t think I can handle any more.” My body is full of so much liquor that the room is spinning, and I rest my head on the bar, closing my eyes.
“No, don’t give up on the night yet. It’s not even midnight.”
“I’m tired!”
“Then get your head off the bar and come dance with me.” He drags me away from the bar and to the dance floor. My legs feel wobbly, but his strong hands against my body keep me steady. As we move to the music, I cling to him. Maybe it’s the liquor encouraging me, or maybe I really do like him, because the longer we dance, the more attracted to him I am. But regardless, that pull deep in the pit of my stomach is the same feeling I’ve been having toward Parks. Maybe I’ve just been horny and need to get fucked to get past the crazy thoughts that have been brewing inside me.
Fourteen
Parks
The minutes on the clock feel like hours. Fallon left without her cell phone or her purse hours ago, and I don’t know what to do. I called my dad, but he was at her parents’ house, and she hadn’t been there all night. I didn’t want to alarm anyone, so I acted as if it was no big deal. But fuck, if she isn’t home by midnight, I’m going out and finding her.
I don’t know why I freaked out when she tried to kiss me. If I had my head on straight, I would’ve jumped at the chance, and probably should’ve. Looking back on things, I realize just how absurd this whole lying about Mallory thing is. I need to come clean about it and then tell her how I really feel . . . I just have to.
I’m about to grab my keys and go looking for her when I hear her laughter out in the hallway, and my heart jumps. Anxious, I reach for the handle, ready to rip the door open and apologize for my earlier actions, but a man’s voice stops me. Looking out the side glass window panel, I pull back the small curtain and see Fallon and some random guy I don’t recognize. He has her pressed against the wall. They are making out, hands groping all over each other’s bodies. My stomach churns watching her like this with someone else.
She has the keys in her hand and is trying to unlock the door as he mauls her. Just by the way she’s fumbling, I can tell she’s smashed out of this world. I yank the door open, and both of them are bombed looking over at me.
“Hey, Big Dick!” she slurs, and I stand in the way of them entering. Anger and bitterness eat through my insides as I fume. “What the fuck are you doing?”
“Coming home!” She pushes past me, and I let her in but stop the douche bag in the hallway.
“What the fuck!” He slurs almost as bad as she does, but I don’t give a fuck.
“Night’s over,” I say, looking down into his pathetic brown eyes.
“Come on, Parks!” Fallon pulls at me to let him in, but I don’t budge.
“No way, you’ll thank me tomorrow.”
“Fuck you!” She hits my back while Chuck-o and I have a stare down.
His eyes are heavy, and then he waves his arm back at us and says, “Fine, I’ll just go home and bang my girlfriend.”
I slam the door, flip the lock, and turn to Fallon, who is standing there frozen.
“Did he really just say that?”
I nod, and she charges for the door, but I stop her, “Trying to talk sense into that wack job isn’t going to get you anywhere.” I place my body between her and the door. However she’s relentless as she claws at me trying to get out, but I hold her shoulders keeping her in place.
Then the tears start, and she falls against my chest. I easily lift her off the floor and cradle her close as I move to her bedroom. Gently, I lay her down on the bed just as her tears turn into a fit of drunken giggles.
“I’m cursed, aren’t I?”
“No,” I tell her as I take a seat next to her. She rolls to her side. Her eyes are closed. “How much did you have to drink?” I’ve never seen her this fucked up.
She shrugs, and I move the hair out of her face. “You feel okay?” She nods a little bit.
Her warm skin beneath my fingertips is what I live for. I just wish she knew that. I watch her body switch from coherent to a deep sleep state and then the words just come out.
“You’re not cursed, Fallon, you just can’t see what’s right in front of you.”
Her breathing is soft, and I whisper, “I love you, Fallon Grace.” Saying those words feels good even if she can’t hear me.
“I love you, too, Parks.” Her words are a tiny breath of a whisper right before she nuzzles closer to my body and plummets into sleep.
I didn’t sleep at all. All I thought about were those five little words that Fallon said in response to my confession. And now . . . here I am, more conflicted than ever. A few weeks ago, I thought she loved someone else and would be appalled if I ever told her how I felt. Now, I can’t stop thinking that maybe she does love me.
And if so . . . what’s next for us?
Am I supposed to let go of all my worries and reservations so we can ride off into the sunset together? The thought is great but unlikely.
Or did she even mean what she said? Deep down inside my soul, I know I love Fallon more than I could ever love anyone else, but s
he was really drunk last night. There is no way to know if she meant it or not.
I’ve already lost my sister and almost didn’t make it through that myself if I lost Fallon too, I’d be done.
Fallon jolts out of the bed and rushes into the bathroom getting sick.
God damn it.
I follow her, but she sees me and waves me away, which is something she should know better than to try. I’m not going anywhere. Grabbing a hair tie from her makeup bag on the counter, I pull her hair back for her. Once it’s all out of the way, I sit on the edge of the bathtub, gently rubbing her back. Her body is cold, and it takes a long time for the vomiting to stop.
When she finally takes a deep breath and rests back on her heels, I reach over and flush away the mess.
“You okay?” I whisper, figuring she’s too hung over for regular volume.
She shakes her head, and I get just how she’s feeling . . . it’s the worst.
“Come on,” I tell her and help her stand. She’ll feel better in bed. As she stands and turns to look at me, her eyes roll back into her head, and I lose her.
“Fallon!” I scream and grip tightly to her crumpling body. Her knees buckle, and all of her weight is in my hands.
“Wake up, goddamn it!” I scream, and she mumbles something, still conscious but not fully awake. Something is fucking wrong.
“Fallon!” I scoop her fully into my arms, and her head rolls to one side. Shit, she’s completely out. Before even considering any other options, I grab my car keys to take her to the hospital. I can get there faster than an ambulance can get here.
“Stay with me,” I tell her, fear consuming me as I rush her to the car as fast as humanly possible.
Fifteen
Fallon
I’m not sure what happened earlier. One second I was there and in complete control of my body and the next I wasn’t. I . . . fainted, which I’ve never done in my entire life. After, I felt like I was in a dream. I could feel and hear what was going on around me, but I couldn’t see it.
Thank God for Parks. I don’t know what I would’ve done if it weren’t for him. Would I have died? The thought alone makes me shiver, and he pulls the hospital blanket up further around me, tucking me in like a child.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to call your parents?” It’s the third time he’s asked me, and I still can’t bring myself to say yes.
“I don’t want to worry them. What do you think is taking them so long?” We’ve been here for hours. By the time he pulled up to the hospital, I was awake, and all they’ve given me is some anti-nausea medicine and hooked me up to an IV, which was a horrible experience. It took the woman damn near ten times to find the vein in my arm.
“I’m sure they’ll be in soon. Are you feeling better, at least?”
“I feel strange.”
“Isn’t that how you normally feel?” I roll my eyes. Leave it to Parks to make me smile during a time like this.
“Thank you for waiting, Miss Wrenshaw,” the doctor finally returns, and my stomach tightens in fear, automatically imagining the worst. “So, I have some answers for you. But first, I have a few questions.”
“All right.”
“How often do you drink?”
“Ummm, once a week. Maybe a little more frequently as I’ve been going through some issues lately.” I look at Parks, not sure if I answered the question correctly.
“Issues?” the doctor asks.
“Yeah, I lost my job, broke up with my boyfriend . . .”
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that,” he says.
“It’s okay. I’ll be fine.”
“Good. Well, I’m not really sure this is the news you were expecting, but you’re pregnant.”
“What?” I swear to God my heart stops beating. Everything in the room stands still, and I almost expect the doctor to crack a smile, slap his leg, and tell me he’s joking and got me. But a few seconds go by, and no one is laughing.
Shit!
How is that even possible? I haven’t been with anyone since . . .
Jesus Christ, it’s Leo’s baby.
“Ar-are you sure?” Parks stutters just as baffled.
“Yes, sir. We ran the test twice, per procedure.”
Leaning my head back against the pillow, I close my eyes as the walls around me finally collapse. My life as I once knew it is over. Everything that was so bad and horrible suddenly seems like it was so good. I’m not ready to be a mom, no way, no how, especially not the mother of Leo’s kid. I don’t want to be linked to that asshole forever. Fuck!
How am I going to raise a baby? I don’t know the first thing about kids.
Parks grabs my hand and holds on to it tightly. The doctor says to us, “I’ll give you guys some time.”
“Thanks,” Parks responds and then cups my face. His soft hands make me finally open my eyes, and I just shake my head, tears streaming down my cheeks.
“It’ll be okay, Fallon.”
“How can you even think that?”
Okay is the last thing I feel that I’m going to be. The tears drop from my eyes faster than a torrential downpour, and I hold onto Parks’ arm as he softly rubs my face. He pulls me into his chest and kisses the top of my hair.
My life is officially ruined. I’m fucked! This poor child is screwed before it even has a chance. Literally, almost everything that could’ve gone wrong for me lately . . . has.
I walk into the living room and furiously sit down on the couch next to Parks. “That one positive, too?”
“Yup!” I humph and cross my arms. I’ve taken a handful of pregnancy tests since we got back and all of them are positive. I could take a hundred more, and I still wouldn’t believe the news.
“I’m sorry you’re going through this,” he tells me, and I pull my feet beneath me.
“Thanks.” He’s trying to be so positive, and I have no clue how considering the news is the farthest thing from happiness I could think of. As a little girl, I always dreamed that when I found out I was having a baby, it’d be nothing but happiness for my husband and myself. I never imagined things to be like this in my wildest dreams.
“What am I going to do? I can’t take care of a baby; I can’t even take care of myself.”
“Yes you can, that baby is depending on you.”
“What about insurance? Mine from the hospital is gonna expire at the end of the month, and I’ll be screwed.”
“I’ll add you to mine.”
“No, no way. Plus, I’m not your spouse.”
“Then we’ll get married, Fallon. I wasn’t fucking joking when I told you that everything was going to be okay. We’re gonna get through this.”
“How can you say that? This isn’t even your problem. I’m not your girlfriend, Mallory is.”
“You’re right, it’s not, but it’s your problem, and anything that involves you, I care about.”
“Jesus, I probably already hurt the baby drinking.”
He rolls his eyes at me—we’ve been over this one already. The doctor already told us the chances were very, very slim.
“So, are you done worrying?”
“What am I gonna tell my parents?”
“The truth!”
“No, no way, they’d freak out if they knew I was having a baby with Leo. Heck, I’m freaking out because I’m having that asshole’s baby.”
“Then just say it’s mine.”
My jaw drops open, and I blink at him as my brain processes his offer. “So what? You just wanna get married and raise this kid with me? I’m sure Malloy would love that.”
“Abso-fuckin-lutely, I do! If it’ll stop you from stressing, then let’s do it.”
“That’s crazy, Parks.”
“What other options do you have? I mean, you could call up Juan Pablo from last night and tell your parents it’s his? Your dad would love him, tattoos and all.
“His name wasn’t Juan Pablo,” I grumble, pushing away the point.
“What’s the differenc
e? He looked like a fucking drug lord and clearly didn’t have your best interests in mind.”
“What do you mean?” I ask, confused.
“Don’t you remember what he said?”
“No, what?”
“Never mind. It was nothing, really.”
“Don’t do that, Parks, out of all people, don’t lie to me. Just tell me.”
“Fine, after I made him leave he said something like he’d just go home and bang his girlfriend.”
I drop my head into my hands and contemplate the new depths of my life. God, how am I going to manage? Really? I brought home some guy who had a girlfriend? Way to go, Fallon, I snagged another winner. “What a fucking asshole.”
“Yup, you always pick the good ones,” he responds in a teasing tone, and I can’t help but wonder if maybe I’m doomed when it comes to love.
Parks squeezes my knee, bringing me back into the moment, and I know what I have to do. “I can’t allow you to let me have this baby here and complicate your life, too. You have a girlfriend; you don’t need me or my baggage weighing you down.”
“Would you just shut the fuck up, Fallon? Do you realize how lucky you are to be pregnant? Some women can’t have kids.”
“I know, I just didn’t imagine it going this way.”
“That’s life, sometimes you gotta suck it up and make the best of what’s thrown at you.”
“I want to.”
“Then do it. My entire life, you’ve been the most positive person I’ve ever known. When I lost Meg, you were all that got me through it. Now let me return the favor and get you through this.”
Sixteen
Parks
I’ve been sitting on my balcony watching the sunrise and wondering how things are going to play out. So many things are running through my mind. Like how I jumped at the chance to raise Fallon’s baby as my own, was that crazy? Maybe, but for her, I’d literally do anything.
Or the fact that she told me she loved me the other night. We’ve been friends almost our whole lives, and we have never said those words to each other—ever. Does that mean she truly loves me?