by Emma Easter
Rachel nodded slowly. She looked down at the floor for a few seconds and then looked up at Paula again. She said haltingly, “Do you know anywhere I can stay until I am able to get a house? I don’t know anyone in this town to ask except for you and your husband.”
Paula chuckled and then stood up. She came and put her hands on Rachel’s shoulders. “Yes, Rachel. You can stay here.”
Rachel looked up at her. Paula was an exceptionally perceptive woman. Relief flooded Rachel and she stood up. She looked into Paula’s eyes and apologized. “Thank you so much,” she said. She looked around the house, slightly worried. “But what about your husband? Will he mind me staying here?”
“I’m sure he won’t mind,” Paula said. “He’s not at home right now. He took the kids to visit their grandparents, but they will be back in the evening. I’ll speak to Eric then, but you don’t have to worry about it. I am pretty sure he’ll have no problem with you staying with us.”
Rachel thanked her again, and Paula said, “Come, let me show you to the room you will be staying in. Unfortunately, we have only two bedrooms because this house was built in a hurry, but there is a small space in the house that we haven’t yet decided what to do with. We were thinking about making it my husband’s study, but I think the Lord let us keep that space for you.”
Rachel was incredibly touched. She thought about something and grew worried again. She said, “Please don’t tell Keith I am at your house if you see him. Please.” She looked at Paula with her palms together, pleading.
Paula didn’t say anything for a short moment, and then she nodded. “I won’t tell him. I promise.” She led Rachel through a tiny kitchen and then to the small empty space. She said to Rachel, “As you can see, it’s very small and empty, but I have a cot somewhere in the house. Please wait here and let me go get it.”
She left quickly and Rachel glanced around the space. She walked to the window and opened the curtains. Looking out the window, she smiled at the expanse of land before her. “Thank you, Lord,” she whispered gratefully.
Paula came back again with the cot, bedsheets, a blanket and a pillow. She quickly made the bed for Rachel and then stepped back. She smiled and said, “I’ll go and start preparing dinner. You can lie down and rest and I will bring your food to you when it’s ready.”
“No, Paula, let me come and help you.”
“Don’t worry about it, Rachel. I insist. Stay and rest. The food will be ready in no time.”
After Paula left, Rachel sat on the cot that would be her bed from now until she moved out of the house. Her mind went back to Keith and she wondered how he would feel when he came back and found her gone. She felt terrible at the fact that for the second time today, he would be very hurt because of her. Her heart ached for him and for Emily. She sighed again. She had to get used to the ache in her heart because this would be her life for months to come, until she could find her feet and get her daughter.
But what if that never happens? There were no jobs waiting for her to apply for in Destiny, and Mike would probably win whatever case she brought against him. She worried for a long time about it and then forced herself to put her worries away. She had to think positively. God was on her side. She had to depend on Him for favor. He would help so she could get a job somehow and a house, and then get custody of her daughter, even if it ended up being shared custody.
She shut her eyes, her heart still aching. She might be able to get rid of some of the pain she felt when she finally got custody of Emily, but without a doubt, the pain would never completely leave because there was one thing she could not ask the Lord for. One thing she wanted with all her heart but would never ever get. And that was a chance to be with the man she had fallen in love with. She would have to live with that pain for the rest of her life, or until the day the Lord took it away from her.
Chapter 16
Keith frantically checked every part of his small house, looking to see if there was a spot he hadn’t yet checked where Rachel would be hiding. He had come home half an hour after he’d left her with his emotions in tatters and unable to concentrate on the meeting he’d had with the brothers who were running the social media campaign for donations for Destiny. He had asked for the meeting to be postponed. They had looked at him strangely, especially as he was the one who had called the important meeting and told them how quickly they needed to start the campaign.
There was something as equally important to him that he needed to take care of at home, and that was Rachel. He had left her after she’d pulled away when they were about to kiss — after her rejection had shaken him to the core. When she’d pulled her hand away from his on the way to her ex’s house, he had been hurt but had recovered quickly, believing she wanted her space because of what she was about to do. But in the car in front of his house, she had seemed to welcome his expressions of love. He had seen it in her eyes; she had feelings for him. And he loved her. He’d admitted that to himself a day ago. It had broken his heart when she’d pulled away, especially when she left the car and he knew she couldn’t wait to get away from him.
Normally, he would let it go, but Rachel drew out emotions in him that he had never felt before. He would go on his knees and beg her to have him if that would make a difference. Which he’d planned to do once he got to the house. With her, he had lost all sense of shame, and he didn’t even care anymore what the people of the town would think about him when they found out she was staying in his house. But when he got home, he’d found her gone. Her things were gone. He had searched everywhere for her but had not found her. He didn’t know where she would have gone and told himself to calm down. Maybe she’d just stepped out for a walk or something. But still, he couldn’t stop worrying. What if he had pushed her away by kissing her? What if that had been too much for her?
He had waited impatiently in the living room, praying she would return to the house, but after waiting for hours without any sign of her, he had called the station to find out if she was there. He knew the chances of her being there were small, but still he’d called. As expected, they told him she wasn’t. He had gone out searching for her. He had chided himself for worrying so much. She was safe in Destiny, he was sure. And she wouldn’t return to Mike because she hated the life she’d lived with him.
But he couldn’t stop worrying. What if she had? What if the thought of being away from her daughter for much longer had overridden her desire to stay away from Mike and she’d given in to his threats?
Keith had shuddered. If she had gone back to Mike, he didn’t know what he would do. But he knew his heart would never recover. He went to the places he thought she might be, which were only two places — Gerald’s bookstore because she liked books, and the small grocery store on the next street. Part of the store had been destroyed by the flood and all the groceries there carried away, but the owner, Fred Baker, had begun to restock little by little, and Keith had taken Rachel there once to buy some food.
He found Rachel at none of these places. He’d walked back home, hoping against hope that she had returned while he was away. He thought about going to look for her at her ex’s, but he gave that idea up quickly. The only reason she would be back there now was if she’d changed her mind and decided she couldn’t afford to stay away from Emily, even if it meant getting back together with Mike. If that were the case, it would be utterly selfish of him to ask her to leave, no matter how painful it would be for him.
He got to his house and opened the door, hoping she was home, but when he didn’t see her, he had started to frantically search the whole house for her again, calling out her name as he did. Finally, he told himself to stop. She was not in the house.
He stood in the middle of his living room, wondering what to do, and then he remembered he still had her suitcase in the trunk of his car. He quickly went to get it and brought it into the house. A flicker of hope lit up in him. Her suitcase was here, filled with her things. That meant that she would soon return for it. Maybe he could convin
ce her then not to leave, or at least show her that he loved her and then rip through whatever reservations she had about a relationship with him.
He went into the kitchen to prepare dinner for himself and also to keep his mind busy instead of worrying about Rachel. But as he cooked, he continued to worry. He prayed again and again that she would come back soon if for nothing else but to get her luggage. It would give him the opportunity to speak with her.
He finished cooking and dished out his food. Carrying his plate of lasagna to the living room, he sat on the sofa and began to eat. Then he dropped his plate on the coffee table, his appetite gone.
He glanced at the clock on the wall. It was almost seven p.m. He took a deep breath and turned to look out the window, hoping against hope that he would see Rachel walking toward his house. But he did not. He turned around again, leaned back against the sofa, and placed his leg on top of the coffee table. He pictured her sitting across from him, smiling. He knew exactly what he wanted to tell her, but if he did not know where she was, how would he pour out his heart to her?
He couldn’t stay still any longer and stood up from the couch. He went around his house once more, asking the Lord for wisdom. He went into the room where Paula and Eric had stayed with their kids and looked around the room. It was empty, as he’d expected. He began to back away and then blinked when his eyes fell on an empty shampoo container on the floor. Without a doubt, it had been Paula’s.
Suddenly, his pulse began to race. He put his hand on his forehead and sighed. Paula. Of course. Why had he not thought of that? Rachel and Paula had gotten along well when Paula and Eric were here. Paula had been very nice to Rachel and had helped her get totally well after Rachel arrived with a cold. Rachel had told him that she liked Paula and that they would have been good friends if Paula had remained here.
Quickly, with no patience to look for his car keys, he left his house in a hurry. He jogged to Paula and Eric’s, praying with all his heart that Rachel was there. If she wasn’t, he was not sure where else to look.
He got to Paula and Eric’s log house and rang their doorbell. He waited, tapping his foot impatiently. As he lifted his hand to ring the bell again, the door opened and Paula looked out at him. She smiled, and then suddenly looked sheepish.
“Hey, Paula! How are you?”
“Good,” she said in a small voice.
He stared intently at her and asked, “Paula… please. Is Rachel here?”
Paula looked down slightly and then looked at him again. “Rachel? Who… is Rachel?”
He immediately knew that Rachel was here and shook his head. He said urgently, “Paula, I need to speak to her. Please!”
Paula looked down again and didn’t say anything for a moment. Then she lifted her eyes to Keith and gave a loud sigh. “How did you know Rachel was here?”
“Your shampoo bottle.”
She frowned. “What?”
He shrugged. “Please, Paula, I need to see her.”
Paula said, “I’m sorry, Pastor Keith. She made me promise not to tell you where she is. She doesn’t want to speak with you.”
Keith placed his hands gently on Paula’s arm and looked into her eyes. “Paula, if you don’t let me in, I will sit out here on your porch… every single day, until you do. And if I catch a cold or get pneumonia, it will be your fault. You don’t want to be responsible for that, do you?”
Paula huffed and shook her head. “Okay, I will let you in!” She opened the door and he walked in. He hugged her briefly and then followed her out of the living room, through a short hallway, and to a door. Paula called out to Rachel and opened the door.
He did not wait for Paula to ask him into the room. He walked past her and entered.
Rachel was sitting up on a cot on the floor. Her mouth fell open when she saw him. She looked past him to Paula with an accusing look on her face.
“I’m sorry, Rachel,” Paula said. “I had to let him in. He really loves you, you know. This sort of love is hard to come by these days.”
She left the room and Rachel turned her gaze to Keith and gave him the same accusing look she had given Paula. “I did not want you to know where I was,” she said.
Without invitation, he sat beside her on the cot. He stretched out his legs and then turned fully to her. “Rachel, why did you move out of my house? And why did you pull away when we were kissing in the car?”
Rachel looked away and then shifted slightly away from him.
He turned her face back to his and said softly, “Tell me what’s wrong, Rachel. Why did you just up and leave?”
She gave him a hard look, stood up, and folded her arms. She said in an equally hard voice, “I did not want to put your reputation at stake!” When he stood, she turned away again.
Once more, he turned her around to face him and sighed loudly, frustrated at her. “I don’t care about my reputation!”
“You should,” she said. “You are the pastor of this town and everyone looks up to you. How would it look to the people here if you’re living with a single woman you’re not married to?”
He smiled at her and said tenderly, “A single, beautiful woman who I am desperately in love with?”
Her face turned red as she blushed, and then she pressed her lips tightly together. Tears formed in her eyes and she said, “You cannot fall in love with me, Keith. Jenny is in love with you. That is the other reason why I left. I promised myself after I left Mike that I would never again do to any woman what I did to Olivia.”
Keith stared quizzically at her. “What did you do to Olivia?”
“I stole the affections of her husband. Olivia loves Mike, but she had to share him with me for years, and Mike stopped paying any attention to her once we got together. I have lived with that guilt for a long time.” She stared into Keith’s eyes to try to make him understand. “From the way Jenny looked at you that day at the store, I knew without a doubt that she loves you. I cannot be with you, Keith, when I know she will suffer because of it. No matter how much I...” she bit her lip and said nothing more.
He took her hands and stared intently into her eyes. He said fiercely, “No matter how much you what?”
She shook her head and he said, “Please, Rachel, I have just told you that I love you.”
She said quietly, “I love you too, but it doesn’t matter. We cannot be together. You’ve known Jenny for much longer than you’ve known me and she loves you. I am sure you will come to love her too if you just try.”
He ran his fingers through his hair and nearly bellowed in frustration, but he took a deep breath to try to calm down. “Okay, Rachel,” he said, “I understand what you are saying. But I won’t come to love Jenny one day, because I love you. I’ll never stop loving you no matter how much you try to push me away. I don’t want anyone else. I want only you, Rachel.”
She lowered her eyes and cried, “Didn’t you hear all that I just said? We cannot be together, Keith. It isn’t fair to…”
“Stop it!” he cut in. He stared her down. “What isn’t fair is you ignoring how I feel and what will happen to me if you reject me. I cannot help the way I feel. I don’t love Jenny. I love you.”
“But what about Jenny’s feelings?” she asked, her eyes downcast.
He cupped her cheeks and said, “Jenny deserves someone who will reciprocate her love. That person is not me.” She still looked unsure and he said again, “You just told me about Olivia and Mike, so you understand the way a person can feel to be with someone who they love but who doesn’t love them back. You wouldn’t want that for Jenny, would you?”
She looked conflicted for a few seconds, and then she nodded slowly. “I guess you’re right,” she said.
“So,” he smiled, “you said you loved me a moment ago. I want to hear it again.”
She pursed her lips and didn’t say anything for a few seconds. Finally, she whispered, “I love you.”
He chuckled and said to her, “Rachel, you can do better than that.” He drew he
r into his arms and kissed her with everything in him. When she melted in his arms and kissed him back, he reluctantly pulled away from her.
She looked dazed as she gazed at him.
He took deep breaths and said slowly, “Now say it again.”
She whispered, “What?”
“That you love me.”
“I love you, Keith. With all my heart.”
His heart soared and he beamed. He pulled her into his arms again and kissed her once more. She clung to him, but he pulled back. She tried to reach for him, but he said, “Tell me again.”
She told him again that she was in love with him and he let her draw him close and surrendered to her passionate kisses.
Completely lost in her embrace, he opened his eyes when he heard a cough behind him and became fully aware of his surroundings again. Rachel pulled away from him, and Keith turned to the door. Paula was standing there, looking at both of them with a huge grin. She said, “Food is ready! Keith, you must join us.”
Keith asked, “Are Eric and the kids back?”
“Eric called to say the kids wanted to remain at their grandparents’ today. but he will be back soon.” Paula smiled once more and then left the room.
Keith faced Rachel. She smiled shyly at him, and he took her hand. He threaded his fingers through hers.
Keith’s stomach rumbled and Rachel laughed. “Someone is starving.”
Keith chuckled. “It’s your fault, Rachel. I couldn’t eat at home because I was so busy worrying about you. But I am actually glad I haven’t eaten. We will eat Paula’s dinner together like we are on our first date.”
“But Eric will come back anytime soon and he and Paula will join us,” Rachel said.