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MetaGame Page 24

by Sam Landstrom


  They had an excellent view of the main floor below, and they could also see the pillbox they had just left. D_Light caught Lyra and Djoser stealing glances. Sweet_Ting did not even try to hide her contempt as she glared up at them. This veepox definitely seemed swankier than the pillbox that the rest of the group still occupied. To be in a superior position to his superiors, so to speak, should have been a moment of glory for D_Light, but he could not relax enough to enjoy it. He couldn’t help but wonder if this was an elaborate trap laid out by Sweet_Ting. What a cruel joke it would be to be treated as celebrities and then, just as the two had been convinced they were stars, find that the whole hall was laughing at them. Fortunately, the bubble-headed noblewoman did not seem capable of such an elaborate ruse.

  Smorgeous, give me a summary of what all this NeverWorld celebrity talk is about. It sounds a little too good to be true.

  Master, you gave explicit instructions not to access the Cloud.

  I know. Try to be discreet while you search.

  Smorgeous pinged confirmation.

  D_Light took another sip of his tangy drink and sank back in his chair again. He felt like he could sink to the bottom of the sea in this thing. In a place as rich with sensory stimulation as this grocksta, most patrons preferred to real; however, D_Light wanted to ensure the dye-deactivating wand had done its job, and so he decided to jack into a skin to look at Lily. He jacked in and was given a menu of skins from which to choose. He chose the theme “Ancient Rome” and saw Lily’s clothes transform into a loose-fitting dress. Her hair was curled up into coils, and she was suddenly wearing dark, heavy makeup. Apparently, the illusionist who designed (or fantasized about) this one thought that this was how the women of ancient Rome looked. No nOOb sign hovered above her head. The wand had indeed done its job. D_Light then noticed that the table before him was no longer blue-glowing crystal, but white marble. Everywhere he looked, everything and everyone was gilded with the same Roman motif.

  Just to amuse himself, D_Light flipped through the menu again and selected “Victorian High Society.” Lily was now in a voluptuous dress that spread out like a mushroom. Her waist was cinched by a painful-looking corset. Piano music drifted in from an unseen source. He flipped through several other selections, but in the end decided that even “Almost Real” wasn’t real enough; he jacked out. There was enough to see here without a skin.

  He turned his gaze to Lily again. “So are we having fun, or what?”

  Lily’s laugh was short and soft. “I don’t know what I’m having. It reminds me of…what do you call it? A dream.”

  D_Light was trying to think of a clever reply when he saw the mime coming toward them. “Mimes,” as they were called, typically looked nothing like mimes from previous eras. Essentially, they were the groksta mascots, and like the mascot of a sporting event, could be dressed as Soul knew what. This one wore a huge, multicolored, shimmering cloak and a mask with an outrageous birdlike beak, something that might have stepped out of a Brothers Grimm fairy tale written while under a hallucinogen. In one hand he held a long leash, on which he walked a large brown bear that was ambulating on its hind legs. Presently, the bear snuck up on a man sitting at the bar and gave him an enormous hug from behind. D_Light could not see the man’s face, but he imagined the poor slob was terrified.

  That was the other thing about mimes that made them like mascots-it was their job to keep the party going, often at the patrons’ expense. Indeed, the friends of the man receiving the bear’s affection were laughing hysterically. The mime appeared to be cradling a rifle of some sort in his other arm. Although his bear was occupied with the man sitting at the bar, the mime’s snout was pointing directly at their veepox as though watching them. D_Light quickly turned away, hoping the mime either did not notice him or would soon lose interest. As D_Light looked around at the other groksters, he noticed many others peering back at them as well. D_Light found this unsettling. A dream indeed, he thought. The old dream where I’m naked in front of everyone who matters.

  D_Light suddenly noticed the reason for the public interest in Lily and him. There, on a hundred-meter video display that appeared on multiple walls, were Ascara and Boobooma, the duo’s NeverWorld characters. Pheobah and her son Salem were standing before the two heroes. The groksta was playing clips from this morning’s NeverWorld game. The current clip was of the moments just before he and Lily-or Ascara and Boobooma, respectively-got obliterated. Although filters dampened sound from outside the veepox, D_Light heard the words, “You don’t look like much,” being chanted from the groksta crowd in sync with Ascara as the beautiful witch mouthed the same words on the video display.

  Lily appeared mesmerized by the far-off video display. “So we’re famous for that?” She looked over at D_Light, puzzled. “But that was just a game, right?”

  “Yup, but it’s a game that a lot of people play. I mean, over a billion!” D_Light spread his arms wide for emphasis.

  “When you have that many people playing a game, it’s kind of like a parallel world. You get fame in one world and you’ll get fame in the other.”

  Lily leaned slightly toward him. “Okay, but we didn’t win the game, right? That Queen Fooba, or whatever her name is, blew us up. It seems to me that anyone could get themselves killed like we did.”

  D_Light chuckled and replied, “Yeah, that’s where the old expression ‘better to be lucky than good’ comes in.” D_Light swiveled in his chair to face Lily. “I don’t expect you to understand this since you’re a nOOb when it comes to spank games. Like I said, NeverWorld is just about as complex as any real world.” D_Light took a gulp of his drink before elaborating. “Okay, so we, er…I used a powerful spell to open a portal to one of the most evil and powerful creatures in NeverWorld. That would be Queen Pheobah. Few, if any, spankers in NeverWorld are powerful enough to take on the queen, much less her and her son, Salem, at the same time. But we didn’t open the portal to fight her or to steal from her unfathomable treasure hoard; no, we did it just to insult her.” D_Light put up a finger as though he was making an important point.

  Lily nodded. “Right, and that infuriated the queen, who isn’t really a queen at all, but just part of a software program.”

  “Right,” confirmed D_Light, “and then she goes on a killing spree, causing a massive panic among the spankers, which-”

  Lily put her finger up to D_Light’s lips to shush him so she could finish the sentence. “Which allowed us to escape the sniffer bot because it couldn’t find us in all of that chaos.”

  D_Light gently batted Lily’s finger from his face and pointed his hand like a gun and fired at her. “Bingo,” he said with a wink. “OverSoul gave with both hands to you, Lily, both brains and beauty.”

  She shrugged in response while her veil covered her blush.

  “Right, so that should have been the end of the story,” D_Light said. “I sacrificed my character to create a diversion for our escape. Period. But that wasn’t the end. From what Smorgeous has gathered from the NeverWorld forums, Loki, the NeverWorld god of mischief-well, one of the trickster gods at any rate-saw our little confrontation and thought it was hilarious. Loki loves to watch the humiliation of other deities. And so Loki used his immense magic to resurrect Ascara and Boobooma just to vex Pheobah!” D_Light grinned and shook his head.

  “So your software characters are alive again? I suppose that makes you happy,” Lily speculated.

  “It does,” confirmed D_Light. “I whiled away countless hours playing Ascara, and I hated to lose her. But all’s well that ends well ’cause now we’re celebrities of NeverWorld. It is a great honor for a mortal to get the attention of any deity, even one as dodgy as Loki!”

  D_Light pounded on the table in excitement. “My Soul, I can’t wait to see what plans Loki has for me-or us. That is, if you’re interested.”

  D_Light was interrupted when Lily’s hand shot out and gripped his arm. Physical contact from her, with the exception of when she’d knocked him down and
put a knife to his throat, was unprecedented, and so his attention was now hers. Lily looked into his eyes steadily. “You look very pleased, and so I hate to bring this up. So we’re famous, right?”

  D_Light smiled, nodded, and winked all at the same time.

  Lily took a deep breath. “And all these people are staring at us, right?”

  D_Light looked around him. Indeed, many of the groksters were unashamedly staring, some waving, which meant Soul knew how many others were being more covert. “Yes,” he answered.

  Lily then put her hands up in the air exasperatedly and hissed, “Demons, remember? I don’t know about you, but I could do without all the attention!”

  D_Light’s smile faded. After a few long seconds of consideration of Lily’s words, the truth of her observation suddenly dawned on him. It was so obvious that he felt like smacking his forehead down on the table as punishment for his own stupidity.

  D_Light looked around the groksta again, only this time he was not looking for admirers, but for hunters. D_Light knew that agents of the Authority were not obvious. Any one of these people could be an angel, or worse. His thoughts were interrupted by a knock from behind him. It was the mime. He was smacking the snout of his mask against the door like a woodpecker. D_Light assumed it was the mime’s way of asking for entry. The dancing bear was standing beside its master, its paws flat against the plexi. Its beady eyes stared vacantly inside, and its breath fogged the transparent wall.

  We got those little bitches. Katria sent the message to Rhemus, her longtime playmate. Along with her mental message she sent a video feed of a crowded groksta, but the feed followed two individuals in particular. They’re disguised, but it’s definitely them, she added. Confirmed by several sources.

  Rhemus replied, Wow, a popular feed. Looks like a lot of players are hot for them.

  Sure, they’re newly minted celebrities, Katria sent in response. Ah yes, demons. You can always count on them to fall for everyone’s favorite sin-vanity.

  Actually, I think lust is everyone’s favorite, Rhemus sent back playfully.

  Katria sent a nOObicon™ to Rhemus. Don’t be such a bore! You’re probably right, but I sound cleverer when I tie together a well laid out plan with a timely idiom.

  Sorry, accuracy is a bitch, Rhemus quipped back.

  Katria offered a silent prayer of thanks to the OverSoul. It was in a flash of divine inspiration like a voice in her head that she had thought to set this trap. It was sheer brilliance. Rather than making the conventional move of adding these demons to the demon database and hence put her prey on high alert, she instead made them stand out in a less threatening way.

  All she did was use her law enforcement security clearance to nudge the NeverWorld game in the right direction.

  Just a little cheat, a little unearned divine favor from a pretend god, she thought. And then I let the spanker forums and media outlets do the rest. Enjoy your freedom and fame while you have it, fools.

  The sweet scent of the meat puppets was nearly overwhelming to the seeker. It was always a challenge for Treva to focus her attention on her intended prey in such tempting surroundings. This groksta was laid out like a banquet. Warm, sweet meat was everywhere-up on the walls, up on the catwalks and platforms above, undulating and crying on the multiple entertainment stages as though taunting her. She nearly snarled at one fool who stupidly brushed up against her, his neck moist with sweat, so close she could literally taste the tangy high notes of his essence. Her blood sugar was low, and she was feeling very edgy.

  It had been with a great deal of relief that Treva got the call notifying her of the location of her prey. She had been searching the lake shoreline attempting to pick up their scent trail again, but the search had been frustratingly unsuccessful. The moment the coordinates were sent to her, she rented an airlift (an expense to be passed on to her client) which dropped her onto this island smothered by the immense edifice of House Monsa. Using her security permits, she skipped the line of sycophantic wannabe groksters. She was, like everyone else, required to give a blood sample before entrance. The guards, designed to be ever suspicious, were not happy about letting a seeker in, but they had no choice.

  It took her no time at all to spot her targets. They were the center of attention, appearing to be gift-wrapped for Treva in their pretty glass box. Of course, she would not take them now. Such a public display of violence, especially against these apparent guests of honor, would not bode well for her eval. Instead, she intimidated a patron out of his seat and ordered a drink-a clean one since she was on duty, but sweet enough to take the edge off.

  D_Light did not want to give entrance to the mime and his sidekick of a bear. However, he did not want to get on the wrong side of a mime. They were masters of monkey business, and if you snubbed one, they would get you back. Besides, everyone was watching, and the only thing that tended to attract more attention than a celebrity was a rude celebrity.

  The mime spread his arms wide as he entered while the bear got on all fours to clear the doorway. “Ah, Deeeelight,” the mime began, and then he pointed his snout at Lily. “And his lovely accomplice, the mystery girl! The floor is abuzz with speculation about you.” The mime sprang over to Lily, snatched her hand, and kissed it. At least D_Light presumed it was a kiss, as the mime’s lips were not visible under his beak. In any other context one might think a great bird had taken to gnawing on the woman’s hand.

  Lily’s face went blank. “You can call me Lily,” she managed.

  “A classic name for a classic beauty!” declared the mime.

  “Not your real name, I’m sure, but fine, fine. I can appreciate a mystery better than most.”

  D_Light might have had some sympathy for Lily and the awkwardness of the mime’s greeting had it not been for the fact that he was having to contend with the unwelcome advances of the bear, who took him into his great furry arms and squeezed him heartily. The beast, which must have weighed as much as seven men, knocked D_Light out of his chair. D_Light found his face enveloped in musky fur, and he could hear the animal’s heartbeat. Luckily, after a brief squeeze, the bear let go. Now free of the humiliating embrace, he heard the mime say, “Your friend has a sense of humor, although he doesn’t look like much.” The mime then jabbed D_Light in the stomach with the muzzle of his rifle and laughed with a high-pitched bark.

  “Never mind all that though,” the unrelenting mime continued. “Here’s what I came for.” The mime then took a long step back and swung his rifle up to point at D_Light. D_Light felt a jolt of adrenaline, and his mind raced. My soul, an agent! Is he going to just frag us right here? D_Light clutched at one of his discs but did not throw it. There was no point in fighting here. He would never make it out alive.

  The gun popped loudly, and a puff of bright pink smoke emerged from the barrel. Blinded in the pink fog surrounding him, D_Light heard yet another pop. He expected it was one for Lily. He then realized that he had felt no impact from the shot and panicked. My Soul, poison gas! Instinctively, he fumbled around for Lily and, upon feeling her body, pulled her to the ground with him.

  “Compliments of the house,” the mime said with a squeak.

  “Heroes, may your legend grow with every passing day.”

  D_Light huddled over Lily in a desperate act of protection. By the time the fog had dissipated enough to see, both the mime and his bear were gone. And it was at about the same time that D_Light recognized the familiar scent of the gas that surrounded them. Not poisonous gas, but LoveGas™.

  D_Light let out a good laugh, allowing his tense body to go limp and fall to the ground in relief. He enthusiastically grabbed Lily by the sides of her head and declared, “Lily, I’m afraid we’ve been drugged against our will!” Still laughing, he gave her head a couple more little squeezes and then turned to scratch the head of his familiar. “If I want a drug, I’ll ask my cat for one.” He chuckled at his own joke and then looked to Lily for affirmation that he was indeed funny.

  Lily, her exp
ression light and carefree, had what might be the goofiest smile on her face that D_Light had ever seen. Goofy, but beautiful. D_Light had never seen her smile with such abandon. Ah, the drug works fast, as should anything that comes out of the barrel of a gun. The words floated through his mind like cumulus clouds on a warm summer day.

  “Your cat is beautiful,” Lily purred. “I want one.”

  D_Light nodded with exaggerated vigor. “His name is Smorgeous. He’s Smorgeous because he’s both small and gorgeous. Get it?”

  Lily rolled onto her stomach, crossed her ankles, and kicked back her legs. “I never met a male who liked cats,” she mused. Lily reached over to Smorgeous and stroked the indifferent robot’s fur.

  “You know, where I come from men aren’t called ‘males,’ but hey, I won’t fault you on precision.” D_Light watched intently as Lily began to nuzzle his familiar, nose to nose.

  “I’m afraid I hate cats too-real ones anyway,” D_Light said.

  “Every real cat I’ve met didn’t care for me one bit either. Stick their tails up and walk off or, worse yet, hiss at ya. Useless, as far as I can tell. I only bought Smorgeous ’cause he was on sale.”

  Lily grabbed the robot’s head and covered its ears. “Don’t listen to him, Smorgeous!” Lily scratched under the cat’s chin. “Do you want to come live with me? Do you?” Lily’s question was met with blank, staring eyes.

  Master, I have failed to identify an effective LoveGas™ countermeasure cocktail available from your onboard stores. The nearest booster station is-

 

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