by Ciara Knight
Mia sighed, a sigh of defeat. Good. He was getting through to her. “I fell in love with the idea of a woman, the one who sent me all those messages while I was recovering. A smart, unique, educated, sophisticated, strong, independent, caring woman. The minute I walked into this house I saw that my idea was real. I denied my feelings, but I couldn’t for long. Mia.” He took her face in his one good hand and made her look up at him. “You are the woman from those emails. It took your kiss to know how much I care for you. The way I’ve never cared for another woman in my life. It took me sitting next to Frank the other night to realize how short and precious life is, and I don’t want to waste any more time. I’m not commitment phobic, not with you, but if you run we can’t try to see where this is going. And Mia, I think this will go somewhere. Somewhere amazing.”
Tears pooled in her eyes and slipped down her cheeks, her chin trembled.
“Let it go Mia, let all of it go. Take a chance and allow yourself to find happiness.” He saw her willingness to take a chance, to allow herself to care for him.
The front door opened and footsteps sounded behind him. It was as if the stars in the skies went out all at once. She slipped not only from his hand, but from his words and disappeared.
“Sorry man, it’s time. Frank, she needs to…you know,” David said, and in that moment Chase felt the cloud of loss from not only Frank, but Mia, like the morning he woke up and saw his arm was gone.
Chapter Seventeen
That night and the few days that followed were long and tiring. Today she helped Ally clean the house and prepare food for the flood of Roberts that would be coming by for a family gathering of sorts. Frank didn’t want a funeral or any other kind of service. He said he’d created enough sadness in the world while he was living, he wanted them to party when he was gone.
Mia removed the biscuits form the oven and sat them on a platter. “Do you think we’ll have enough food?”
Ally nodded. “Oh yes, everyone is bringing something. It’s the Roberts’ way.” Ally slapped some frosting on some cupcakes. “Have you given any more thought to staying here? We have so much room. You could take a break and I’m sure another job will pop up here in Silver Springs or a neighboring town.”
“I should visit my mother before I start my next job.” Mia cut off the conversation, determined to make her great escape as soon as possible. She was growing too attached to this world, and that was a rule she never intended on breaking.
“I thought your mother was away.” Ally shot her a your-busted look. “Well, I hope you at least stay until after the children’s Christmas Party. You don’t want to disappoint them. I mean, they already won’t have Frank here.”
“Guilt much?” Mia teased.
Ally shrugged. “Is it working?”
“Yes.” Mia grabbed a cupcake to help. The only way she’d been able to avoid Chase and his empty promises was to keep busy. Today was the first day he hadn’t spoken to her about staying. “The minute the party is over I’m on the road. I’ll drive to Denver then take a plane out the next morning. I’m going to book my flight today.”
“You should make sure it’s refundable, because I intend on changing your mind.” Ally hip bumped her, like a sister would.
Mia finished frosting her cupcake and headed to change. “I’ll be down in a few to help finish.”
“I didn’t mean to run you off. I’m sorry, I’ll try to keep my enthusiasm of you staying under control. The only problem is that I’m outnumbered.”
Mia paused at the door to the hallway. “What do you mean?”
“From what I understand, the boys are cooking up some business plans. If you leave, I’ll be the only girl left in this house.”
“Chase is staying and working with David and Rex?”
Ally smiled, a nudging kind of smile. “Yes. He’s setting up roots here. You know, he’s really changed. I don’t think he’s the playboy he used to be.”
“Nice try. I’m going to go change before you have us walking down the aisle.”
“You can’t blame me for trying.” Ally lifted a cupcake as if to toast. Mia quickly fled the kitchen and Ally’s words. She made her way to her room, changed into an appropriate dress, and fixed her hair. She sat at the vanity looking in the mirror to see what her heart and soul wanted. Everyone kept pushing her to stay, but why would she? Real family fell apart, and this miss mash of people weren’t even all family. If she stayed, they’d only leave and then she would’ve given up her life and her vow to her brother for nothing.”
She exited her room into the hall where she ran into David and his off-kilter tie. “Hey, wait a second.”
David stopped and gave her a weak smile. “I’m not so good with these things.”
Mia raised up on her toes and undid his tie, then reworked it. Chase exited and stopped in his tracks. Mia realized he walked in on her and David in close proximity again.
The tight jaw and narrowed gaze screamed jealousy. Mia lowered to her heels and tightened the knot. “There you go, all better.”
David touched her arm then eyed Chase as if to challenge him to some duel. “Thanks, I appreciate that.”
“A one-handed man can manage a tie, I’d think a two-handed one could.” Chase marched off and Mia wanted to explain that there was nothing between them. He just had bad timing. Then she remembered that there was nothing between her and Chase either.
“That was some kiss you two shared, huh?” David said.
Mia realized she was touching her lips, she lowered her hand and fled downstairs without another word. She kept to the kitchen working, trying not to interreact too much. No reason to since she was leaving after Saturday.
A couple holding hands entered the kitchen. The young woman offered her hand. “Hi, I’m Erin Roberts. I wanted to come in and meet you.”
Mia wiped her hands on a towel. “It’s a pleasure.”
“I’m in nursing school, so I wanted to tell you how much I admire you. Hospice care nursing is a tough job. Ally told us how much you’ve done for them, so I wanted to thank you.”
The man with dark hair and brown eyes at her side offered his hand, too. “I’m Jack, you’ve met my sister Bri a few times.”
“Yes, right. Sorry, it’s tough keeping all you Roberts straight,” Mia said.
Erin nodded and then held tight to the man Mia assumed was her husband. “It was a pleasure to meet you, we should head out to make our rounds before we have to go. I hope you’ll stay around Silver Springs for a while. I’d love to get coffee sometime and chat about nursing.”
“I’d like that, but I’ll be leaving on Saturday after the kids come through for the party.”
“You won’t be staying for the Roberts’ Christmas dinner?” Jack asked.
“No, that’s a family thing. I’m just staff here. It wouldn’t be appropriate.”
Erin let go of her husband and took Mia’s hand. “From what I hear, you’re already family. I hope you’ll reconsider.”
Mia wanted to retract her hand and run form the room at her mention of family. Her pulse quickened, and she felt like a full-on panic attack would take her down right there in the kitchen. “That’s sweet of you, but I have to go to visit my mother.” She didn’t have to share that her mother was off on some trip somewhere and she didn’t even know how to find her at the moment.
“We hope you reconsider,” Erin said.
Two more people walked into the kitchen. The girl looked a lot like Jack.
“Hey, I was looking for you,” the girl with dark hair and dark eyes said.
“Mia, this is my sister Emma and her new husband Cooper.”
Emma backed out of the way, and Mia shook their hands before they turned to Erin and Jack. “Ally asked if we could say a few words about Frank.”
“Right.” Jack nodded. “We hope you’ll change your mind and join us at the Roberts’ Christmas dinner.”
Mia only smiled and returned to cleaning dishes and restaging food as it dwindled d
own once Jack left. A few minutes later she heard a deep voice speak about Frank, she debated whether to join them, but it wasn’t her place. Chase entered the kitchen and her breath swooshed from her lungs. It was the first time they’d been semi-alone since the night on the front porch when she cried on his shoulder. “Listen, I’m sorry about the other night. I guess I was just tired, but it was unprofessional and I’m sorry.”
Chase only nodded and grabbed a few pieces of fruit.
She steadied herself for him to try to convince her to stay, or tell her how wrong she was to feel that way, but he didn’t, he only turned and joined the others as if he didn’t want to see or talk to her. For the rest of that afternoon, she wanted to say something, to do something so that she left on good terms. That night she laid in bed thinking about her life and what came next. She fell asleep wishing she had answers and the dreams came. Vivid dreams that felt real and promising. Chase under a Christmas tree down on one knee, her happily accepting. A flood of images, pregnant, babies, family, friends, all together years later. She bolted up in a cold sweat, her hands shook, her insides trembled, her heart ached and for a second she swore she heard Frank’s voice in the night. “Don’t be stupid. Give it a shot.”
Chapter Eighteen
Chase sat with a young boy stringing popcorn for the tree. He smiled and laughed at his side. How could a young boy with so little be so happy? For hours, he played with the children and realized why Frank was so adamant about these kids.
“I’m gonna miss Mr. Frank. He told great stories,” the little guy said with big eyes looking up at him with hope and sadness.
“I’ll miss him, too. But you know what?”
“What?”
“He’s smiling down on you right now. Can you feel him? He’s here celebrating with us today in spirit.”
The little boy crunched his face tight then eyed the popcorn in his hand and then the tree and then back to Chase. “I do feel him.”
“You know what he’s saying?”
“What’s that?”
Chase eyed the star that Mia was finishing up with tin foil. “He wants you to make the Christmas wish and put the star on the top of the tree.”
Ally and Rex moved the boxes out of the way and stood back. The little man ran over and snagged the star from Mia.
“Hey, how come he gets to make the Christmas wish?” A little girl set her hand on one hip and pursed her lips out.
Mia joined them. “If we all hold hands, we can each make a wish.”
The little girl swished her lips back and forth then nodded her agreement and took Mia’s hand.
“Can you lift him, Rex? I’m still getting used to adjusting to how I do things. I don’t mind figuring out how to chop wood, but I don’t want to drop a child.”
“Sure man, no worries.” Rex lifted him up.
Chase reached for Ally’s hand but she did some ninja move so that she left only Mia by his side. Great, he didn’t need any more encouragement. He’d put his heart out there, and she’d rejected it. She was leaving and there was no way to get her to stay. It was time for him to let her go.
Mia put her hand in his and he fought not to feel anything. He was good at compartmentalizing, he’d perfected that in the military. It was as if his one good hand had gone numb, and he wanted it to stay that way.
Rex held the boy up, and he set the star at the top. “I wish that Mr. Frank was always here in spirit.”
The kids all said in unison. “Me, too.”
Rex and Ally said, “Amen.”
Chase quickly pulled his hand away and cleaned off the table. It was time for the kids to head out and for all of them to go to the Roberts’ Christmas party.
Mia disappeared by the time the kids were out the door, and he assumed she’d make a quick exit before she had to face him again. No, he wouldn’t let her off that easy. He wouldn’t beg or even ask her to stay again, but she’d have to say goodbye.
He marched up stairs and found her packing the last of her remaining things into a suitcase. “I figured I should say goodbye now since you obviously won’t be here when I return form the Christmas party.”
Mia startled but recovered. “I was going to say goodbye on my way out, but if you’re leaving then I should go tell Ally and Rex goodbye, too.” She shuffled past him, but then stopped. “Goodbye Chase, I hope you find all the happiness in the world. I know you’ll do great.”
She bolted down the stairs, and Chase retreated to his room, unable to watch her walk out that door and out of his life. He sat on his bed with his head down trying to keep the feelings in the trunk where he’d placed them, locked and sealed tight.
David’s winter boots appeared in his peripheral vision on the floor. “You gonna let her go?”
“Yep, she’s all yours go after her.” Chase said, he heard the venom in his own voice.
David laughed. “You know I don’t have a thing for her, so you can stop lashing out at me. My heart belongs to Mel. It always has and always will, no matter how hard I tried to deny it.”
“Yes, well you could’ve fooled me.”
David sat in a chair near him. “Listen man, you and I both know you like this girl so why are you sitting here? Go get her.”
Chase dropped his hand to his knee. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Don’t I? Please, you nearly took my head off when you saw me comforting her by the fire that day, and then I thought you were going to throw me down the stairs when you saw her fixing my tie, and you know I don’t have a thing for her. Stop being stupid, man.”
Chase bolted from the bed and paced the floor. “I already tried, she doesn’t want to stay here and she doesn’t want me.”
David shook his head. “Sorry man, I assumed you were the one dragging your heels. You know, considering how you’ve been in the past with women.”
Chase continued to pace. “I laid my heart out there for her, I guess I know how some of my ex-dates felt. Of course, I never spent this much time with them. In the past, they were more insta-love. This was so different. She was so different.
“Try again, make her understand how you feel. I’ve seen the way she looks at you. I saw that kiss. That is a woman who is interested. Maybe she’s scared of your reputation.”
Chase nodded. “I’m sure that’s part of it, but it’s deeper than that.”
“How so?” David asked.
“It’s complicated. I can tell you that there is nothing I can say to change her mind.” Chase headed into the hall and David followed. He turned to end this conversation and not allow room for Mia ever to be mentioned again. “It’s time for me to let her go and move on with my life. I’m ready to settle down in Silver Springs, I won’t spend the next decade pinning over a girl who isn’t interested. Now, let’s go to that party, I bet there’s some hot chics there tonight. Time for old Chase to resurface.”
He spun around and Mia stood two steps away and he saw it in her eyes. The I-knew-it look.
“Mia. I—”
Mia lifted her chin. “It’s good to see the old Chase.” She smacked him in the upper arm like a buddy. “Good luck bagging a babe.” She disappeared into her room, and Chase Roberts knew at that moment he sealed the deal. Mia heard what she wanted to in order to leave and that’s exactly what she was going to do. Leave, and never return.
Chapter Nineteen
Mia watched everyone pile into their cars and head to the Christmas party. She found herself in Franks room to say goodbye to the man who told her how it was, made her smile, and took a piece of the stone wall around her heart away.
“Goodbye Frank, I’ll miss you.” She took a step toward the door and her knees gave out, her tears gave out, her heart gave out. She cried and cried like she’d never cried before. The night she was told her brother had died, she didn’t cry. Her parents needed her too much. The night her father left, she didn’t cry, her mother needed her too much. The night Frank died, she cried. Cried in the arms of a man who didn’t
need her to hold him up in the face of sorrow. Instead he’d held her up. The way she always thought family should.
She sat on the floor leaning against the bed eyeing the door across the hall, Chase’s room. He’d figured out so much since arriving and she was proud of him. Not many men could overcome such a loss so quickly. He was strong. “Oh Frank, what do I do? Chase is like no man I’ve ever known. Did you know he carried me to bed when I fell asleep at your side? I’m not even sure how he did it. He’s figured out so much, except wood chopping.” Mia laughed at the memory of him practicing outside when he thought no one knew about it.
She took Frank’s bible from the nightstand, the one she’d read to him when he asked. “I’ve never had someone that was strong enough for me to lean on before. I don’t know how. I’m supposed to be the strong one. The one who everyone else leans on. It…scared me. What happens if I learn to lean on him and then he’s gone?”
She thumbed through the old bible, the one Frank had written in sine the day he vowed never to touch a drink again. It was the only thing left of Frank’s, and Ally had said she could have it. She shoved from the floor and found her footing. “Goodbye, Frank. Maybe someday I’ll be ready to settle down. But for now, I have to go.”
She went out the front door and tossed her last duffle bag into the rental car then backed out of the driveway. The town sounded quiet, and she knew why. Most everyone was at the Christmas party. Everyone who had been gracious and kind and loving. She drove by the B&B and saw the massive amounts of cars parked around the old home. For a second she thought about going in to see everyone one more time, but it would only make it harder to leave.
The light changed and she drove down the highway until she reached the last light at the edge of town. She stopped, the red from the light shone down through the front windshield and reflected off the gold embossed lettering on the front of Frank’s bible. She picked it up and thumbed through it. “Oh, Frank. I miss you. You were the first person that felt like family since I was a little girl. I wish I could accept more people into my heart. To have a family again.” There was a little note with a date that she couldn’t read with the words sober, and below it Frank had scribbled a message. “Mia, now that I’m gone. I leave you the only thing I can. This verse.”