Hawk’s mouth twisted. ‘Neither of them is talking. To me, at least,’ he added ruefully. ‘Did Stephen say anything to you today?’
Leonie shrugged. ‘Well, he apologised, if that’s what you mean. He also said he thought it might be better if he stayed in London until the wedding. I assured him it wasn’t necessary.’
‘And?’ Hawk frowned.
‘And I think he feels embarrassed about what happened last night,’ she dismissed.
His mouth was grim. ‘He damn well ought to feel embarrassed!’
Leonie gave him a chiding look. ‘Haven’t you ever had a little too much to drink and done something stupid?’
‘I drink wine with a meal, and the occasional whisky socially, but if I intend getting drunk I drink alone,’ he bit out.
She gave him a searching look. Yes, she could see him as a man who went off to be alone if he intended losing any of his self-control. ‘Maybe Stephen didn’t intend getting drunk,’ she excused. ‘It just worked out that way.’
‘Because of Jake,’ he nodded. ‘Now he does seem to be a classic case for a mid-life crisis,’ he drawled, his eyes mocking.
Had she ever arrogantly assumed that was this man’s trouble concerning Hal’s relationship with Laura? She had obviously known nothing about him at the time; nothing as trivial as reaching forty would disturb him!
‘After sixteen years as my assistant and friend he’s decided he wants a change,’ Hawk continued hardly. ‘That he needs something more in his life.’
Leonie shrugged. ‘Maybe he does. And the way the two of you live at the moment isn’t conducive to having a wife and family.’
‘He gave her a penetrating look. ‘That’s all going to change very soon. It’s already changing,’ he added as she went to protest. ‘I’m going to settle here in England. And any travelling I do in future will be kept to a minimum, especially once Holly starts school and the two of you won’t be able to accompany me; I missed out on too much of Hal’s childhood to make the same mistakes with our daughter.’
Our daughter. Such a simple phrase, and yet it bound them together in a way she could never cope with. ‘I’m sure Holly will appreciate that. And it would be nice if the two of you settled in England so that I could see her occasionally.’
His mouth tightened. ‘You’ll be seeing her every day—whether you marry me or not we’re all going to stay right here in the same house!’
Leonie shook her head. ‘You can’t just move in and stay for ever.’
‘Let’s not argue about this now,’ he dismissed firmly. ‘We’re out on our first date together, the last thing I want to do is argue with you.’
And it could be the only way she could keep him at a distance! She knew what he was doing by talking about his problem over Jake, could feel the tentacles of involvement tightening about her. Hawk was an astute man; he would know all there was to know about Leonie Spencer if she weren’t more careful.
‘Do you often argue with your cats?’ he added with amusement.
She shrugged. ‘Why not? Usually they listen without arguing back. Although Pop can be a bit reproving at times, but that’s probably because he’s a male.’
‘Ooh, low blow!’ Hawk chided teasingly. ‘I can’t imagine conversing with a cat,’ he added derisively.
‘Didn’t you ever have a pet as a child?’ Leonie asked disbelievingly.
He shook his head. ‘My dad said it wasn’t fair when I was away at school most of the time. But my mother did buy me one of those little goldfish in a bowl that I had for sixteen years. Although I remember that wasn’t much fun to talk to,’ he dismissed dryly.
‘You had one of those tiny goldfish for sixteen years?’ She had had some too as a small child, and they had never lived more than a couple of years.
He nodded. ‘His name was Boris. Actually,’ he smiled, ‘it was about six different goldfish. When they died my mother used to replace them without telling me, so that I wouldn’t be upset. She finally stopped replacing them when I went to college.’
It felt strange to imagine Hawk as a child, to think of his mother loving him enough to want to protect him from the death of the only pet he was allowed to have. It sounded as if, for all his parents were wealthy, Hawk had had a lonely childhood, and his mother had done her best to change that. She felt strangely like crying.
‘I didn’t get wise until the second replacement,’ Hawk grinned. ‘Then I noticed it seemed to have shrunk slightly. For days I stared at it expecting it to get even smaller, but it just started getting bigger,’ he revealed disappointedly. ‘After that I was wise to my mother’s tricks. Although I kept hoping she’d make a mistake and get me something more interesting, like a piranha!’
His childhood might have been lonely, but he had been a typical ghoulish little boy! ‘You never told your mother you knew about the changed goldfish?’
‘I couldn’t.’ His grin deepened. ‘You see, my dad thought this goldfish was amazing—he told everyone who came to the house about this little goldfish that I’d had for years. If either my mother or I had ever acknowledged to each other that we knew it wasn’t the same goldfish we would have had to tell my father too! He was very upset when the last one finally died, said he’d never have another one in the house as it could never replace Boris!’ Hawk chuckled, suddenly looking very boyish.
Leonie smiled too. ‘I think it’s very sweet.’
‘Parents are like that, aren’t they?’ he shrugged. ‘I’m sure your parents were just as wonderful. They would have had to have been to have produced two such lovely daughters,’ he added seriously.
Leonie’s humour died too. ‘They were—very special,’ she acknowledged abruptly. ‘They were killed in a car crash.’
‘That’s tough,’ he sympathised. ‘My own parents were killed in a freak light-plane crash.’
‘I’m sorry,’ she murmured, looking down at her plate.
He shrugged. ‘I was twenty-six at the time. How old were you and Laura?’ His eyes were narrowed.
‘Ten,’ she bit out, pushing her plate away uninterestedly.
Hawk frowned. ‘What happened to you after that?’
‘We were brought up by—an aunt,’ she dismissed, avoiding his eyes.
‘Was she nice?’ he probed softly.
‘Very,’ Leonie nodded abruptly. ‘I don’t think I want any dessert, do you?’ she added briskly.
Hawk shrugged. ‘I can’t say I have a sweet tooth, no. Leonie, I haven’t upset you, have I?’ he sighed regretfully. ‘You have to know that’s the last thing I wanted to do. The subject of parents just came up, and I—’
‘You haven’t upset me,’ she assured him lightly. ‘But it is getting late—’
‘I have upset you,’ he said heavily. ‘Hell, you have to know that’s the last thing I wanted to happen tonight!’
Her mouth quirked. ‘What was the first thing?’ she taunted.
His eyes darkened appreciatively. ‘If I told you the thoughts that ran through my mind when I walked into your room earlier you’d probably consider having me locked away!’
Leonie had been able to guess at most of his thoughts, and for the briefest of moments, as she gazed at the caged savagery of him in the formal evening suit, she had felt the same way!
As she raised her head to answer him her attention was caught, and held, by someone watching them from the bar outside the dining-room.
She was doing her best to smooth over the awkwardness he had introduced into the conversation, but the paleness of her cheeks told him she wasn’t really succeeding.
He hadn’t realised that the subject of her parents was such a sensitive one. Even if he had he might still have brought it up, he needed to know everything there was about Leonie if he were to stand a chance of persuading her to love him in return.
The evening hadn’t been a complete failure at least. They had learnt a little more about each other, had even laughed together. It was more than he had hoped for after bulldozing her into com
ing out with him in the first place.
‘Not going to ask, hmm?’ Hawk teased lightly. ‘Probably a wise decision!’ He stood up to pull back her chair for her, bending forward slightly more than he needed to as the softness of her perfume enticed him closer, only just resisting the impulse to taste her creamy throat, straightening with effort.
She didn’t resist as he put his arm about her waist to guide her out of the restaurant, and he took full advantage of her closeness as his hand curved possessively about her hip.
‘Would you like to have coffee out here?’ His gaze flickered over the almost deserted bar. Several of the people from the dining-room had taken advantage of the more relaxed atmosphere out here to have their coffee, and half a dozen men were standing at the bar. And one of those men was Jake!
‘I’d rather leave,’ Leonie refused stiltedly.
Hawk turned back to her frowningly, having forgotten his own question as he watched Jake drink whisky as if it were water; Jake didn’t normally drink at all! ‘Do you mind if we say hello to Jake?’ he prompted gruffly.
Her startled gaze flew to the bar before she nodded abruptly. ‘Of course. Would you rather I waited outside for you in the car?’
There was more of a chance that Jake wouldn’t make a scene in front of Leonie. ‘I’ll just say a quick hello,’ he assured her, steering her towards the other man. ‘Jake,’ he greeted abruptly.
His friend turned sharply, almost knocking over the fresh glass of whisky that had been placed in front of him. ‘Hawk,’ he greeted unwelcomingly. ‘Mrs Spencer,’ he added more politely.
Jake wasn’t too drunk to know Hawk wouldn’t stand for any rudeness to Leonie! Although Leonie seemed very tense about the whole meeting; he could feel the tautness of her body against his. Maybe this hadn’t been such a good idea after all.
‘I just wanted to tell you we agreed with your opinion about the food here,’ he dismissed. ‘We’ll see you in the morning,’ he added lightly.
Jake nodded abruptly, turning back to his contemplation of the bottom of his whisky glass. Damn it, he didn’t care whether Jake wanted to talk or not, he wasn’t going to let the other man destroy himself in this way! There had to be something he could do to ease whatever was bothering Jake, some way he could help him through this crisis. God, it was what friends were for!
‘I’m sorry about that,’ he sighed as he drove them both back to the house. ‘He’s usually a really friendly guy, a good friend.’
‘We all have our off days,’ Leonie dismissed abruptly.
Hell, here he was worrying about Jake, when there was nothing he could do to help the other man until tomorrow, when right now Leonie was slipping away from him again. He could feel it as suddenly as if she had closed a door in his face!
‘I enjoyed tonight, Leonie,’ he told her huskily, giving her a sideways glance, sure he could see a slight blush on her cheeks.
What he would give for them to be married, for them to be going home together to look in on Holly as she slept before slowly making their way to the bedroom they shared so that they could make love. There was only one thing wrong with that fantasy; he could never slowly make his way anywhere if there was the promise of making love to Leonie at the end of it!
‘It was—very nice,’ she returned politely.
She was slipping further and further away from him! ‘Can we do it again tomorrow?’ he prompted harshly.
Her mouth twisted. ‘June will think you don’t like her cooking if we keep going out for dinner.’
He wanted to say ‘damn June’ and what she thought, but he knew Leonie wouldn’t appreciate his sentiments. ‘Maybe we could go out for a drive after dinner?’ he suggested lightly.
‘Hawk, I know what you’re doing, but—’
‘Then why won’t you try and meet me even halfway?’ he demanded impatiently. ‘I’m trying my best with you, Leonie, taking things slowly, letting you get to know me. But you have to give me a chance!’ He knew he sounded like a little boy being denied something he badly wanted, but that was how Leonie made him feel, as vulnerable and uncertain as a child! Could he be blamed for occasionally rebelling against that unfamiliar feeling?
‘Hawk, if I were to ask you to just hold me I don’t want you to expect any more than that.’ Her voice broke emotionally. ‘I just need to be held. Is that a crime?’ she cried out. ‘Sometimes I just need someone to hold me, Hawk,’ she choked.
He could see by the moonlight that her cheeks were wet with tears, swearing under his breath as he pulled the car over to the side of the road, switching the engine off abruptly to pull Leonie hard against him. He just wanted to hold this witchchild in his arms for ever, to drive out the pain that could make her shake against him the way that she was. Her hands clutched at him, moving spasmodically against his back, her face buried against his chest. He could feel her tears wetting the fabric of his shirt.
Had he done this to her? When he had meant never to hurt her again, had he done this to her? Self-disgust made his arms tighten about her protectively. He would protect her from himself if necessary!
She shuddered against him as she fought to regain control. ‘I’m sorry,’ she sniffed. ‘I—I think the outing tonight must have tired me more than I realised,’ she excused as she moved firmly out of his arms.
He wanted to continue to hold her, but he could tell by the vulnerability in her pained eyes that she needed to be apart from him for the moment, that she regretted her moment of weakness. But she had turned to him for comfort, and surely if he had been the one to make her unhappy she wouldn’t have done that? Maybe he was clutching at straws during a flood, but if ever there was a time he wanted to believe in miracles it was right now!
‘Probably,’ he accepted, giving her a meaningless smile of reassurance. ‘I’ll get you home so that you can get to bed.’
She nodded, turning away from him.
‘Rest tomorrow, hm?’ he encouraged after they had entered the house and he had locked up for the night.
Leonie shook her head. ‘I thought I might start work on the last chapters of our latest book tomorrow.’
He had more sense than to forbid her to go anywhere near work until she was feeling stronger! ‘If you’re feeling that much better maybe we could go out for our drive in the afternoon?’ A morning’s work was enough for her to start with!
She gave a slight smile. ‘Shouldn’t you be working in the afternoon?’
Hawk grinned. ‘One of the perks of being the boss; I get to take time off when I want it.’
‘My boss at the moment is a terrible tyrant,’ she taunted. ‘His demands for the finished manuscript are getting pretty desperate.’
‘Why don’t you tell him—You mean me,’ he realised with a groan, having forgotten all about the Winnie Cooper television series and the book that should come out while it was still being televised during the winter. ‘Are you going to get mad if I say I’ll have a word with your publisher about being so pushy?’ he grimaced.
Leonie’s mouth quirked. ‘Probably,’ she acknowledged dryly.
He shrugged. ‘That’s what I thought you would say. Just don’t work too hard, okay?’ he prompted gently.
‘I’m not sure I’ll do any at all,’ she sighed. ‘I seem to have lost my enthusiasm for writing since Holly’s birth.’
‘Talking of our daughter, shall we go and say goodnight to her?’ he encouraged huskily.
For a moment she looked undecided, then she nodded slow agreement, her eyes widely pleading as she looked up at him. ‘I don’t want you to come to my room tonight,’ she told him firmly, her breathing ragged.
He enjoyed those times with her during the silence of the night, feeling as if they shared a unique experience during that time. But they had come quite a long way tonight, and he didn’t want to spoil it now with his selfishness. And it was selfish to want to lie in her arms again.
He had never shared anything like this feeling with another woman, never felt that she was all things to h
im, lover, friend, mother, the woman he loved. But there would be other times when he would share that with Leonie, he was sure of it; he just had to back off now and give her a little room to breathe.
‘Okay,’ he agreed lightly, taking hold of her hand. ‘Let’s go and say goodnight to our daughter.’
A soft lamp glowed in the nursery as they stood beside the cot and looked down at Holly as she slept. Tonight she wore a pink sleeping-suit, and it gave her cheeks a peachy tint, making her hair look more golden than ever. As she lay on her tummy her hands were splayed out beside her head, golden lashes fanning her cheeks, her tiny mouth slightly open as she breathed. The way she was lying, her little bottom slightly elevated, Hawk had the feeling she would eventually sleep with her bottom high in the air, the way that her brother had when he was a baby.
How close he had come to losing both this adorable baby and the woman who was her mother! When he had telephoned the doctor and spoken to him about the birth the other man had been quite open with him about the fact that Holly had nearly suffocated before she was even born, and that Leonie had been so ill afterwards they had given up hope of her coming out of it. He had claimed that only a very strong lady could have survived that, and it was that strength that Hawk was relying on to eventually bring her into his arms where she belonged.
For the moment they were sharing this closeness with Holly, and their pride in their daughter was reflected in their eyes as they watched her sleep, sharing a smile of intimacy as Holly gave a windy smile in her sleep.
The pity of it was that once they left the warmth of this bedroom they were going to go to their separate rooms, and not together as he would have wished.
But half a fantasy had to be better than no fantasy at all!
CHAPTER EIGHT
LEONIE sighed as she put the portable typewriter down on the grass beside her, only having typed half a page the whole morning. Getting Winnie into one scrape after another didn’t seem very important when her own life was in such a turmoil.
She shouldn’t have let Hawk kiss her goodnight; she should have calmly parted from him at her bedroom door. Instead he had pulled her gently into his arms, and her defences had once again crumpled. It had only been his word that he wouldn’t enter her room that had saved her.
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