by R B Hilliard
Yes, no…I don’t know.
Instead of answering, I just stared out my window.
Like me, silence evidently did not sit well with Max. “I don’t owe you shit, Ellison,” he said through clinched teeth. “I tell you things about me on my terms not because you decide you need to know. My family is my business and I’ll introduce you if and when I choose, not you. Are we clear?”
“Crystal,” I said. Then, before saying anything else, I opened my door, slammed it behind me and took off for my house.
I was determined not to cry in front of Max and was almost to my front door when I felt his hand on my arm. “What the fuck?” he growled.
“Let me go,” I tearfully said, averting my eyes. “I can’t do this with you Max, not right now, maybe not at all.” I ripped my hand away from his, charged through the door and slammed it in his face. I watched through the curtains as he drove away. Ignoring my aunt’s questions, I stormed straight to my bedroom and turned off my cell. I lay on my bed, a sobbing pile of hurt and confusion.
I was washing the tears off of my face when I heard a knock on my door.
“Come in,” I said.
Aunt Elizabeth poked her head in and asked, “You okay?”
“No.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not really,” I said and then spewed my Max issues all over her…minus the sex of course.
She patiently listened to me rant for a while and then proceeded to talk. “I know I am a poor example for you because I am not your mom or dad, but I do love you like you are my own child. Lord knows I don’t tell you this hardly ever, but… I do and I want you to lean on me if you need to.”
It was hard to tell her what I was feeling when I didn’t know or understand it myself. I was shocked that we were even having this discussion.
Yes, there’s a first for everything.
“Have we ever had the talk about the birds and the bees?” she asked.
Physically cringing at the thought of this, I said, “I found out about the birds and the bees from Piper when we were in second grade, Aunt Elizabeth.”
“Well, hell, I should have known that,” she mumbled and I couldn’t help but laugh. “Some people are lucky in love, Ellison. They find it once and know that’s it for them. If you find yourself to be one of these people then grab it tight and don’t ever let it slip through your fingers. Remember not to let life get in the way. I wasn’t lucky in love but I sure have been lucky in life. After all, I got to raise you.” This made me cry all over again because it was the first time in my whole life I truly felt her love for me. She stayed with me for a while and then headed down to bed. It took a long time for me to fall asleep. I was confused by how Max had acted and ashamed by my reaction.
What a mess.
I jerked awake when I felt a hand on my mouth.
“Ells, it’s just me,” Max whispered. Inhaling sharply through my nose, I shook my head at him. “I’ve been trying to call you for the past four hours. I’m going crazy here. Talk to me.”
My eyes instantly filled. I nodded my head and he took his hand off of my mouth. “How in the world did you get in here?” I whispered.
“You have a huge Magnolia tree right outside your window. It’s perfect for sneaking in and out.”
“Oh,” I thoughtfully replied.
He chuckled at this. “I see you never thought of sneaking out before, huh?”
I didn’t answer him because I wasn’t over my hurt and anger.
“Is your aunt’s room close by?”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “Downstairs on the opposite end of the house, why?”
“Just wanted to know how loud we could be,” he said with a grin.
“There will be none of that,” I stressed.
Picking me up off of the bed, he sat back down with me in his lap. After he had us positioned to his liking, he started talking. “Don’t be mad at me, Ellison. I couldn’t talk to you about my dad in front of my sister. I let my temper take over and I said a bunch of shit I didn’t mean. There are so many messed up things in my life right now that it’s hard to know where to start. I am trying to keep Sarah from seeing how bad it really is. The hell if I’m subjecting you to it.”
Sweet Max is hard to stay mad at.
Pulling us back against the headboard, he relaxed and talked to me about his dad. He explained that his dad wasn’t the best father or husband to begin with but after his mother’s death, he was practically nonexistent. When he was sixteen, he overheard his dad talking on the phone to someone about how he was cheating on Max’s mom. The guilt from cheating made his dad unbearable to be around, therefore killing any love that Max had for him. He also told me that he hated his dad because now, whenever he was at the house, all he did was drink. This only led to fits of rage and abuse toward Max and Sarah.
Just thinking about someone hurting Max or Sarah made me sick to my stomach. Shifting, so I could see his eyes, I asked, “He doesn’t… hurt you, does he?”
“No, Ellison, he doesn’t. I am stronger, which pisses him off, but also keeps him in check. He knows better than to lay a hand on either of us.”
What a relief, but still….
He told me that he wasn’t sure what his dad was doing for money and was worried about the strange men that were in and out of their house all the time. This made him nervous, especially for Sarah, so he found her some after school care for when he had to work. His mom had some family money and it went into a trust for both kids when she died. He planned on using the trust to support both he and Sarah through college, but was worried because the lawyer who set up the trust had called him last week to inform him that his dad was trying to break the trust in order to get to the money.
“Can he do that?” I was shocked that anyone’s parent would act this way toward their children.
But what do I know? Both of my parents abandoned me.
“No. I took over as trustee when I turned eighteen. Those were my mother’s legal wishes. The lawyer said that my dad was furious that my mom first had him act as trustee and then me when I turned eighteen.”
“What are you going to do?”
“The only thing I can do. I’m going to go to college while keeping an eye on my sister.”
This made me want to cry. “I thought you were embarrassed to be with me and that’s why you wouldn’t introduce me to your dad.”
He laughed when I said this. I made sure that he saw my eyes when I glared at him. “I can see you’re serious,” he smiled, stroking his fingers across my cheek. “I’m gonna tell you something but I don’t want it going to your head, okay?”
“Okay.”
“There’s not a guy in the world who wouldn’t be proud to call you his, Ellison.”
My eyes welled when he said this. “Thank you,” I whispered. I lifted my mouth to his and slowly ran my tongue over his bottom lip. “Has anyone ever told you that you can be really, really sweet?” He shook his head from side to side. “I’m glad I’m the first then and I’m sorry for earlier. I over reacted.”
“Me too,” he replied and gently pressed his lips to mine. “I don’t mean to shut you out. I’m just not used to sharing personal stuff with anyone. Other than Benny and Kurt, you’re the only person I talk to about all of this. I am sorry that I was harsh with you earlier, babe. Just know that I never want to hurt you.” As he said this, he sifted his hands through my hair. This sent a tingle down my spine. “You know, I’ve heard that make up sex can be a lot of fun.” He gave me a wolfish smile.
“Good thing because I really want you,” I whispered.
“You’ve got me,” he whispered back.
Lifting his shirt up and over his head, I felt the power of my new found sexuality. I ran my tongue down his neck and over his yummy muscular chest. I couldn’t help but wonder what crazy workout regimen he did to look this good. Slowly sliding down his legs, I unbuttoned his shorts and pulled them off.
No underwear, of course.
On my knees between his legs, I leaned forward and took him into my mouth. He groaned loudly. I had never done this before and was going off of pure instinct. I felt his hands in my hair. Then, his hips pressed forward and he drove deeper inside my mouth. His breath accelerated with each suck. I wanted to give him what he had given me. I wanted it all.
“I want inside you,” he said and pulled out of my mouth.
I tried to grab him back but he was already putting on a condom. Lifting me up by my arms, he positioned himself at my entrance and thrust deep inside me. I gasped at how good it felt. Then again, it always felt this good with Max.
He pulled out and thrust back in. By the third time he did this I caught on and with my thighs and knees helped to set the tempo. What an amazing dance it turned out to be. Using lips, tongues and hands we flowed in and out until, totally embedded in one another, we tumbled over the edge and I was completely in love.
The quarry was senior territory. You only went there if you were a senior or a senior had invited you. It was located about twenty miles out of Charlotte and was surrounded by national forest. Max took me there for the first time on July 4th. The night was warm and clear. There were a million stars in the sky and a perfect night to watch fireworks.
When we arrived a group of seniors were setting up the rockets down by the water. There was a bonfire going and a keg already tapped. A truck parked near the fire had its doors wide open with Led Zepplin’s Kashmir pouring out.
This was our first outing as a couple and I was a little nervous. I knew that Max had been with a lot of girls before me. After all, I had been sitting in a front row seat to the Max McLellan show for the past three years. I wasn’t jealous, just uncomfortable and a little insecure as to where our relationship was going. I was looking around, hoping that Jennifer wasn’t going to show up and ruin our night, when Joss and Kurt pulled up. They had finally admitted that they were dating which made me really happy, as they were two really good people who deserved each other. Joss and I drank a beer and played catch up while the boys wandered off to look at the assortment of fireworks.
I was staring into the fire thinking about how happy I was when I felt Max behind me. My senses were so attuned to him that I could feel whenever he was near. Leaning back into him, I pulled his arms tightly around my stomach and sighed.
Life was great.
“Hey, pretty girl. I want to show you something,” his deep voice rasped in my ear. Grabbing my hand, he led me over to his car, reached inside and snagged a blanket from the back.
“Where are we going?”
“You’ll see.”
We walked through the woods for about ten minutes until the trees opened up to a clearing. Standing directly in front of us was a gigantic rock wall. To the left were some steps and, still holding my hand, he led me up to a large flat rock surface. Dropping my hand, Max spread out the blanket, sat down and patted the surface between his legs. I settled back into him, looked up and gasped. We could see the entire quarry down below us.
“It’s breathtaking Max.”
“Yes, it is,” he said, staring sideways at me.
“I meant the view, silly.” I laughed and lightly hit his arm.
“My mom used to bring me and Sarah here before she died. She and my dad started coming here together their senior year in high-school and she wanted to share it with us. After she died I would ride my bike out here when I needed to think or just to feel close to her.”
“I’m sorry you lost her,” I said.
“Me too. Will you tell me what happened to yours?”
It was inevitable that this moment would come and, after hearing all about his parents, it was more than my turn to talk. So, I did. I told him about my mom and dad and how lonely my childhood had been before Piper appeared. When I talked about my aunt and her crazy expectations, he tensed up. I explained that this was all I knew and I was used to it.
“So, this is why you waited,” he stated.
“Part of it, I guess.”
“This is also why you spend so much time with your face in a book.”
He gets it.
“Probably. I have always had the feeling that there was someone out there just for me and that if I waited long enough he would come along.”
“I’m a lucky guy,” he said as he stroked his hand through my hair. “Don’t think for one second that I don’t know this.”
Settling deep into him, I asked the question that had been on my mind. “What happens after this summer, Max?”
“Hmmm, I guess we’ve been so busy getting to know each other that we haven’t really talked about the future. I don’t think I’ve even told you what my plans are for next year have I?”
Shaking my head, I admitted, “The future scares me.”
He tilted my chin so he could better see my face. “Why?”
“Because I can’t control what happens in it.”
“ASU offers the type of degree that I need and is only two hours away from here. I made sure that I picked a college close enough that I could come home and check in on Sarah and…. now you.” He lightly kissed the side of my head and I instantly felt better.
“What are you going to study?”
“Business. Benny has been bugging me about coming home after college and taking over the garage.”
“As in run it?”
“For the most part. I’d like to eventually own a chain of garages that cater to all types of vehicles.”
“You and Benny seem really close.”
“After my mom died and my dad fell apart I was a mess. Benny and his wife had been friends with my parents for a long time and knew my situation. They stepped up when I had no one.”
“Benny’s married?” Max had never mentioned a Mrs. Benny.
He pulled me in closer. “Benny’s grandfather built the garage and passed it to his dad. Benny and Rachelle dated all through high-school. They were crazy about each other and got married the second they graduated. His dad paid for him to go to UNC Charlotte and get a degree in sports medicine. He had always wanted to work on sports injuries. Back then he worked out once or twice a day. The man was a machine and I completely idolized him. I still do. Anyways, Benny and Rachelle had little Ben shortly after Benny graduated from the sports med. program. They settled near Benny’s dad in the foothills near Morganton. When little Ben was three, Benny was out of town. His dad had taken Rachelle and little Ben to dinner and a deer ran out in front of the car on the drive home. Benny’s dad swerved, the car jumped the guard rail and they were all killed instantly. I was ten years old when it happened.”
“Oh my God, Max, that’s horrible! Poor Benny.” My heart hurt for him.
“It was beyond horrible. There was no one to blame. It was just a freak accident. Benny went off the deep end for a while but somehow managed to pull himself together. He gave up on sports medicine and took over the garage. When my mom died he was the one who got me to steer my anger toward something healthy instead of harmful.”
“You are lucky you have each other.”
“He started working out again, something he hadn’t done since the wreck, for me. He wanted to give me direction and purpose. I was really angry and hurt and, since he had already been there, he could relate.”
I didn’t know what to say to this. It was all so terribly sad.
“I want a marriage like Benny and Rachelle’s. They loved each other like crazy. I want kids, a family…a place to call home. What do you want?”
I glanced over my shoulder and into his eyes. “I want it all. I want what I have never had, what I’ve only read about.”
I want you for the rest of my life.
Of course, I didn’t say this out loud.
“If Sarah didn’t need me, I would have left this place a long time ago. I’m glad that didn’t happen because I wouldn’t have met you. Now that I have you, you’re stuck with me ‘cause nothing in this world will ever make me leave you.”
He totally owns m
e.
Holding each other, we watched the fireworks. Then we slowly made our way back to Joss and Kurt and the bonfire.
Our talk at the quarry stayed with me for a long time. Max made me think about the future, something I had gotten good at avoiding. He made me wonder how different my life would be now if I had been part of an actual family. He had been blessed with nine years of that type of foundation and wanted it for his future. I had no clue what it felt like, but listening to Max talk so fondly about it made me want more than I thought was possible. I was totally and completely in love with him. I had been since the first night at the lake house. He filled up the empty places inside of me that I didn’t know existed and, for the first time in seventeen years, I felt that I mattered.
A few weeks after the quarry, Piper called. I was pleasantly surprised when she told me that she was flying home that Saturday and was dying for a girl’s night. Apparently she had some things to tell.
She wasn’t the only one with tales to tell.
I had just taken my first birth control pill that morning and had a month to go before surprising Max. I couldn’t wait to spill my news.
I called and switched around my work schedule to get the weekend off. Piper would be arriving sometime after lunch on Saturday. RJ was picking her up at the airport and they had family plans until five or so. She was going to meet us at Joss’ house after that. Joss informed me that there was a party that night so if we got bored we had a back-up plan.
Max, Kurt, Joss and I hung out at Kurt’s house Friday night. I was worried that Max would be upset when I told him that I would be spending Saturday with the girls. This would be our first weekend night apart and, even though it was my idea, I was hesitant. For some reason the thought of spending a night away from him made my stomach ache. Knowing how much guys hated crazy possessive girls got me through it. When I managed to pull him aside to talk, he shrugged it off as no big deal. I can’t deny that I was kind of hurt by this. It had taken me three days to gut up and tell him, so for him to act like he didn’t care bothered me. Now I had all kinds of messed up things trampling through my head.