Folding her arms over her chest, Amanda stared up at the lazily spinning ceiling fan. A tired breeze of air sulkily drifted over her. This little apartment above the diner was like a security blanket. Her parents had lived here when they first married and opened the diner. Then later, they’d rented it out, furnished, to different people over the years. Pam had lived here for a while, then it had been Amanda’s turn while she was in college. Having her own place had given her the chance to find her independence while staying close enough to home to feel safe.
Plus, she and Nathan had met here a lot back in those days. Those memories were imprinted on the tiny apartment, with its outdated, yet cozy furniture. If she tried, Amanda thought she’d be able to hear his voice, whispering to her in the dark.
She didn’t try.
Instead, she concentrated on what he’d had to say that morning. Or rather what he hadn’t said.
“He didn’t want to talk anything through,” she said to the empty room and paused, as if waiting for the shadows to agree with her. “He only wanted to let me know that seeing me again meant nothing. He was trying to lay down the rules. Just like before. He tells you what things will be like, lays out his orders, then steps back, giving you room to follow them.”
Well, he was in for a shock. She didn’t take orders anymore. In fact, looking back at the girl she had once been made her nearly cringe. Back then, she’d been young enough and in love enough, that she had never once argued with Nathan—at least until that last night. When he announced his choice of a movie, she hadn’t said she hated action movies. She’d never told him that she didn’t like going to car shows or that she found fishing to be the most boring activity in the world.
Nope. Instead, Amanda had sat through countless movies where the only storyline revolved around demolition. She’d spent interminably long days watching Nathan fish in local streams and rivers and she didn’t want to think about the hours lost staring at car engines.
Looking back now, Amanda couldn’t believe how completely she’d given herself up to Nathan. Then, he was all she had cared about. All she thought about. And when everything fell apart between them…she’d had no idea what to do with herself.
It had taken a while to find her feet. To find Amanda. But she’d done it and there was no going back now—even if she wanted to, which she so did not.
Lifting her chin, she narrowed her eyes on the fan blades as if facing down Nathan himself. “I’m all grown up now, Nathan. I’m not going to roll over and speak on command. I don’t need you anymore.”
As her own words rang out in the room, Amanda gave a tight smile. Good words. Now if she could just believe them.
Oh, she didn’t need Nathan like she had then. Like she had needed air. Water. No, now what she needed was to get rid of the memories. To clear Nathan Battle out of her mind and heart once and for all, so she could move on. So she could stop remembering that when things were good between them, they were very good.
What she had to concentrate on, she told herself firmly as she leaped off the couch to pace the confines of the small living area, was the bad parts. The times Nathan had made her crazy. The dictatorial Nathan who had tried to make every decision for her. The man who had insisted they marry because she was pregnant, then the minute that pregnancy was over, had walked away from her so fast, she’d seen nothing but a blur.
That was what she had to remember. The pain of not only losing the baby she’d had such dreams for, but also realizing that the man she loved wasn’t the man she’d thought he was.
If she could just do that, she’d be fine.
She walked to the galley-style kitchen and rummaged in the fridge for some of yesterday’s leftovers. Working with food all day pretty much ensured that she wasn’t hungry enough to cook for herself in the evening. But tonight, pickings were slim. A bowl of the diner’s five-star chili, a few sandwiches and a plate of double-stuffed baked potatoes that hadn’t sold the day before.
None of it looked tempting, but she knew she had to eat. So she grabbed the potatoes—and a bottle of chardonnay—then closed the fridge. She pulled out a cookie sheet, lined the potatoes up on it and put it in the oven. Once the temperature was set, she poured herself a glass of wine and carried it with her to the doll-sized bathroom.
It only took her a few minutes to shower and change into a pair of cutoff jean shorts and a tank top. Then she took her wine and walked barefoot back to the living room to wait for dinner.
The crisp, cold wine made the waiting easier to take. Heck, it even made thoughts of Nathan less…disturbing. What did it say about her, she wondered, that even when she was furious with the man, she still felt that buzz of something amazing?
Sad, sad Amanda.
In the years since she and Nathan had broken up, she hadn’t exactly lived like a nun. She’d had dates. Just not many. But how could she think about a future when the past kept rising up in her mind? It always came back to Nathan. When she met a man, she waited, hoping to feel that special zing she had only found with Nathan. And it was never there.
How could she possibly agree to marry someone else if Nathan was the one who made her body burn? Was she supposed to settle? Impossible. She wanted what she’d once had. She just wanted it with someone else.
Heck, she had known Nathan was there the minute he’d walked into the diner. She hadn’t had to see him. She’d felt his presence—like the electricity in the air just before a thunderstorm. And that first look into his eyes had jolted her so badly, it had been all she could do to lock her knees into place so she wouldn’t melt into an embarrassing puddle of goo.
No one else had ever done that to her.
Only him.
She took a sip of her wine and shook her head. “This is not a good sign, Amanda.”
It had been years since she’d seen him, touched him, and it might as well have been yesterday from the way her own body was reacting. Every cell inside her was jumping up and down, rolling out the red carpet and putting on a party hat.
But there weren’t going to be any parties. Not with Nathan, at any rate. She’d never get him out of her system if she let him back in.
Trying to distract herself from the hormonal rodeo going on inside her, she walked to one of the windows overlooking Main Street and looked out at Royal. Only a few cars on the road and almost no pedestrians. The silence was staggering. Streetlights dropped puddles of yellow light on the empty sidewalks and, above the town, a clear night sky displayed thousands of stars.
Life in a small town was vastly different than what she’d known the last few years living in Dallas. There, the city bustled with life all night. Shops and clubs and bars glittered with neon lights so bright, they blotted out the stars overhead. Tourists flocked to the city to spend their money, and the nightlife was as busy as the daytime crowds.
It had been so different from the way she’d grown up, such a distraction from the pain she was in—Amanda had really enjoyed city life. At first. But over time, she had become just another nameless person rushing through the crowds, going from work to an apartment and back again the next day. Nights were crowded with noise and people and the gradual realization that she wasn’t happy.
Her life had become centered around a job she didn’t really like and a nightlife she didn’t actually enjoy. She had a few friends and a few dates that always seemed to end badly—probably her own fault since she never had been able to meet a man without comparing him to Nathan. Pitiful, really, but there it was.
Then her father passed away and, a few months later, she got the call for help from Pam. Even knowing that she would have to eventually deal with Nathan again, Amanda had left the big city behind and rushed back home to Royal.
And she had slid back into life here as easily as if she’d never left. The truth was, she was really a small-town girl at heart.
She liked a
town where nighttime brought quiet and families gathered together. She liked knowing that she was safe—without having to have two or three locks on her apartment door. And, right now, she liked knowing that she wouldn’t have to talk to anyone until at least tomorrow morning.
She could have stayed at her family home, where Pam was living. But Amanda had become accustomed to having her own space. Besides, as evidenced by her sister’s behavior today, just because Pam had needed her help didn’t mean that she wanted Amanda around. She’d never been close with her sister and, so far, that situation looked as though it wasn’t going to change any.
She took another sip of her wine and let that thought, along with all the thoughts of Nathan, slide from her mind. She wasn’t going to solve everything in one night, so why drive herself nuts?
Her gaze slid to the darkened sheriff’s office. No one was there, of course. In a town the size of Royal, you didn’t need an on-duty police presence twenty-four hours a day. Besides, Nathan and his deputy were only a phone call away.
She wondered if Nathan still lived out on his family’s ranch, the Battlelands. Then she reminded herself firmly it was none of her business where Nathan lived.
“Thinking about him is not the way to stop thinking about him,” she told herself aloud.
The scent of melting cheese and roasting potatoes was beginning to fill the air and her stomach rumbled. Apparently she was hungrier than she had thought.
When the knock sounded on her door, she was more surprised than anything else. She took a step forward, then stopped, staring at the door leading to the outside staircase at the side of the diner. A ripple of something familiar sneaked across her skin and she took a gulp of her wine to ease the sensation. Didn’t really help. But then, nothing could. Because she knew who was knocking on her door.
When she was steady enough, she walked to the door and asked unnecessarily, “Who is it?”
“It’s me, Amanda.” It was Nathan’s voice, low and commanding. “Open up.”
Wow. Skitters of expectation jolted through her. Amazing that just his voice could do that to her. After all these years, he could still stir her up without even trying.
She put one hand flat against the door and she could have sworn that she actually felt heat sliding through the wood. She took a breath, smoothed out her voice and tried to do the same for her racing heart. It didn’t work.
“What do you want, Nathan?” she asked, leaning her forehead against the door panel.
“What I want is to not be standing out here talking through a door where anyone in Royal can see me.”
Not that there were a lot of people out there at night. But all it would take was one busybody happening to glance up and word would fly all over town. Nathan was at Amanda’s doorstep last night!
Okay, she thought, straightening, good motivation for opening the door. So she did.
Under the porch light, his brown hair looked lighter, his shoulders looked broader and his eyes…too shadowed to read. But then, she thought, it wasn’t difficult to guess what he was thinking, feeling. His stance was stiff, his jaw tight. He looked as though he’d rather be anywhere but there.
Well, fine. She hadn’t invited him, had she? “What is it, Nathan?”
He scowled at her and stepped inside.
“Please,” she said, sarcasm dripping as she closed the door against the hot, humid air, “come in.”
“We have to talk,” he said, striding across the room before turning to face her. “And damned if I’m going to do it in the diner with everyone in town listening in.”
Her fingers tightened on her wineglass. “Then maybe you shouldn’t have come into the diner this morning.”
“Maybe,” he muttered and stuffed both hands into the pockets of his jeans. “But I needed some decent coffee.”
She hadn’t expected that. But he looked so disgusted, so…frustrated, Amanda laughed. His head snapped up, his gaze boring into hers.
“I’m sorry,” she said, shaking her head as another laugh bubbled out. “But really? Coffee is what finally brought you in?”
“I’ve been getting mine at the gas station.”
“Poor guy,” she said, and he frowned at the humor in her voice.
“You can laugh. But I don’t think Charlie’s so much as rinsed out that coffeepot of his in twenty years.” He grimaced at the thought and made Amanda smile again.
Shaking his head, he nodded at the wine in her hand. “You have any more of that?”
“I do. Also have beer, if you’d rather.”
“Yeah, that’d be good.” Some of the tension left his shoulders and one corner of his mouth tilted up into what might have been a half smile if it hadn’t disappeared so fast.
She walked to the kitchen, opened the fridge and pulled out a beer. Amanda paused for a second to get her bearings. The moment she’d been dreading for years was finally here. Nathan and her were together again. Alone. And there was just no telling what might happen next. But whatever it was, she thought, at least it would be something. Better than the vacuum they’d been in for the last few years. Better than the rigid silence that had stretched between them since she came back to Royal.
With that thought in mind, she walked to the living room, handed him the cold bottle, then took a seat on the couch. Mainly because her knees felt a little wobbly.
Looking up at him, she watched as he opened the beer and took a drink. He looked so good it was irritating. His skin was tanned and there was a slightly paler line across the top of his forehead where his hat usually rested. His brown eyes were watchful as he glanced around the apartment, no doubt taking in everything in that all-encompassing sweep. She wondered if he was remembering all the nights they’d been together, here in this room. Could he still hear the whispered words between them? Probably not, she thought. Nathan wouldn’t want to be reminded of a past that had no bearing on his life anymore.
She studied him as he studied the apartment. He wore scuffed brown boots, blue jeans and a short-sleeved, dark green T-shirt with Battlelands Ranch emblazoned on the shirt pocket. He stood stiff and straight as if awaiting a military inspection.
He was off-duty and yet everything about him screamed police. Nathan was just that kind of man. Devoted to duty, he preferred order to chaos, rules to confusion. He would take a road trip and stay on the highway, where Amanda would prefer the back roads, stopping at everything interesting along the way. No wonder they had clashed.
And even knowing all of that, she still felt the rush of attraction that she couldn’t deny. She wanted to be immune to him and, clearly, she wasn’t.
But this was exactly why she needed to be here. Because until she was immune to Nathan Battle, she’d never be able to move on. Instead, she’d go on being haunted by memories, by thoughts of what might have been.
He took another drink of his beer and looked down at the bottle in his hand. “I was sorry about your dad.”
She blinked against the sudden sting of tears. The one thing she hadn’t expected from Nathan was kindness. It was…disarming. “Thanks. I miss him.”
“Yeah, he was a good man.”
“He was.” Safe ground. Talk about their families. Don’t mention the tension coiled so tightly between them.
“Why did you come back?”
And there was the Nathan she knew best. So much for the pleasantries—it was on to Round One. “Excuse me?”
“Well, hell, Amanda.” He frowned down at her and looked a little surprised that she didn’t seem affected by his displeasure. “You were gone for years. Why come back at all?”
“Are you in charge of Royal’s borders now, Sheriff?” she asked. “Do people have to check in with you before they move in?”
“I didn’t say that.”
She pushed to her feet. Even though she stood five f
oot ten, she was forced to tip her head back to meet his gaze, but she did it. “Royal’s my home as much as it is yours, Nathan Battle.”
“Couldn’t tell from how you acted,” he said, completely ignoring the hard glare she fired at him.
“I seem to recall you living in Houston for quite a while. Were you interrogated when you moved back home?”
“I’m not interrogating you, Amanda,” he countered. “I’m just asking a damn question.”
“That you already know the answer to,” she shot back. “Pam needed help with the diner. I came home. That’s the story. None of this concerns you, Nathan. This is my business.”
“Damn straight it is, but now that you’re back, it’s my business, too.” He stood as still and cold as a statue.
“How do you figure?”
“I’m the sheriff here. This is where I live. For you to come back now and start stirring things—”
“What am I stirring, Nathan?” she interrupted, and saw with a jolt of glee that he still hated being cut off. It infuriated her to remember that in the old days. She’d have shut her mouth so he could keep talking. Well, that time was gone. “I’m working at my family’s diner.”
“And getting tongues wagging again,” he pointed out.
“Please. People in Royal gossip about everything. I didn’t have to be here to have them talk about me.”
“They’re not talking about you,” he elaborated grimly. “They’re talking about us.”
“There is no us,” she said flatly, and was surprised by the twinge of pain that clutched at her heart.
“I know that and you know that, but the folks in town—”
“Forget about them,” she interrupted again.
He took a long deep breath from between clenched teeth. “Easy for you to say. But as sheriff, I need to have the respect of the people I’m protecting. I don’t like being the subject of gossip.”
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