“I saw that,” Terri said and reached out to pat Amanda’s hand. “Sweetie, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel badly.”
“Don’t be silly.” Amanda squeezed her hand and shook her head. “I’m happy for you. Really. I just…” She looked out over the park again, toward the booth where Jake and Nathan shepherded twin five-year-old boys and a darling two-year-old girl. As she watched, Nathan scooped up little Emily and cradled her in one arm. The girl laid her head on Nathan’s chest and snuggled in. Smiling sadly, she looked at Terri and admitted, “Sometimes I just wish things were different.”
Terri sighed. “Sweetie, maybe it’s time to stop wishing and start making things different.”
Amanda looked back at Nathan in time to see him laugh at something one of the twins said. A jolt of longing hit her hard. That smile of his would always turn her to butter.
Maybe Terri was right, she thought. Maybe it was time to take a stand. To fight for what she wanted. And what she wanted was Nathan.
When the fireworks started, Nathan settled down beside her and Amanda leaned her head back against his broad chest. They stared up at the sky, which was exploding with sound and color. He wrapped one arm around her and held her close and, despite the fact that they were surrounded by people, Amanda felt as if they were the only two people in the world.
* * *
The next morning, Amanda woke up to Nathan’s kiss at the back of her neck. She smiled lazily, remembering the long night before. After the fireworks, they’d come back to her apartment over the diner and created a few fireworks of their own.
“Good morning.”
“Mmm,” he murmured, dragging one hand down her side, following the dip of her waist and the curve of her hip. “It’s looking pretty good right now.”
She smiled, then sighed as his hand moved to slide across her behind. Somehow, they’d crossed a bridge yesterday. Maybe it was the hours spent with his family. Maybe it was just that enough time had passed for them both to realize that they wanted to be together. Whatever the reason, Nathan had stayed here with her last night, not caring that the town gossips would surely notice his car parked in front of her place all night.
When he shifted his hand to cup her breast, Amanda hissed in a breath and rolled onto her back so she could look up at him. She didn’t think she’d ever tire of that. His dark eyes could flash with temper, shine with kindness or, like right now, glitter with desire. She lifted one hand to his cheek and scrubbed at his whiskers with her thumb.
Smiling, she whispered, “I’m glad you stayed last night.”
“Me, too,” he told her and gave her a long, slow, deep kiss that quickened the still-burning embers inside her. “And I’d really like to stay now, but I’ve gotta get to work.”
She glanced at the window, where the soft, early-morning light was sifting through the curtains. “Me, too.”
He kissed her again and tenderness welled up between them, stinging Amanda’s eyes and tearing at her heart. This is what she wanted. Nathan, all of Nathan. Not just the fire that quickened her blood and made her heart race—but the warmth that touched her soul and made her yearn.
When he lifted his head and looked down into her eyes, he whispered, “Maybe I don’t have to leave right this minute.”
She nodded and cupped his face in her hands. “I think I could spare some time, too.”
And this time when he kissed her, she forgot about everything else and let herself slide into a sensual haze that only he could create.
* * *
“Did you hear that?” Pam stopped in front of JT and automatically refilled his coffee cup.
“Hear what?”
“Hannah Poole was telling Bebe Stryker about Nathan’s car being out front of the diner all night.”
JT sighed, shook his head and took a sip of coffee. “What do you care about that?”
She looked at him as if he’d just grown another head. “The whole town’s talking about Nathan and Amanda. If it gets bad enough, he’ll leave again.”
“Not a chance,” JT muttered but Pam hardly heard him.
“I can’t believe Amanda’s starting up with him again.” Huffing out a breath, she added, “I can’t believe Nathan would want her again. After what she did…”
JT’s eyes narrowed. “Thought you didn’t like gossip.”
She flushed. “I don’t.”
“Then maybe you should give your sister the benefit of the doubt on all that old stuff.” Frowning, he added, “I never believed it for a second.”
“You, too?” she demanded in a harsh whisper. “You’re going to be on Amanda’s side?”
“Not taking sides,” he said, pausing for a sip of coffee. “I’m just saying, you’re her sister. You should know her better than anyone else and I’m thinking you didn’t believe any of that nonsense people were talking about years ago, either.”
She flushed again and wasn’t happy about JT making her feel guilty. “It’s always Amanda,” she said bitterly. “Nathan’s never looked at me the way he looks at her. How can anyone be so blind?”
“Was wondering the same thing myself,” JT answered and stood up. He dropped money on the counter and said, “I’ll see you tomorrow, Pam.”
She watched him go and felt a twinge of regret for fighting with her best friend, but honestly. Since he was her best friend, shouldn’t he understand how she felt about all of this? Shouldn’t he be on her side?
The more she thought about it, the angrier she became, and watching Hannah Poole scurry to yet another table to spread the word about Nathan and Amanda was all the impetus she needed to go and face down her sister.
* * *
“What is wrong with you?”
Amanda’s sister stormed into the office at the back of the diner a couple of hours later. Morning sunshine streamed through the window and the scent of coffee and fresh cinnamon rolls flavored the air-conditioned air. Amanda sighed and dropped her pen to the desk as the last, lingering effects of early-morning lovemaking disappeared with one look at the woman facing her. Pam’s eyes were narrowed, a flush stained her cheeks and her mouth was set in a tight, grim line.
Amanda set aside the paperwork she was laboring over and thought she’d even take a fight with Pam over filling out the supply list for the coming week. She hated paperwork and Pam knew it. So, naturally, her sister had completely abdicated that task the minute Amanda came back to town.
She had really hoped that Pam calling and asking for her help meant that her older sister was going to welcome her home. But, if anything, Pam’s antagonism seemed fiercer than ever.
Her conversation with Piper ran through Amanda’s mind as she looked at Pam, quietly fuming. Jealousy? Was it possible? If so, Amanda didn’t know how she would fix what was wrong between her and her sister. Because she wasn’t about to give up Nathan to make Pam feel better.
“What’re you talking about?”
Pam stepped into the office and closed the door quietly behind her with a soft click. Then she leaned against that door, hands behind her back. “You know exactly what I mean, Amanda. The whole town is talking about you. And Nathan.”
Her stomach jittered a little, but she’d known going in that she was going to be the hot topic of conversation in Royal. Ever since their dinner out at the TCC, people had been whispering. And Nathan leaving his car parked outside her place all night had pretty much put the capper on the whole situation.
“I know,” she said with a helpless shrug, “but there’s nothing I can do about it.”
“Well, you could stop chasing after him, that might be a start,” Pam snapped, pushing away from the door to stalk to the window overlooking the parking lot behind the diner.
Okay, she was willing to talk. To try to smooth things over with Pam. But she wasn’t going to sit there a
nd be attacked without defending herself, either.
“Chasing him?” Amanda stood up. “I’m not chasing Nathan. I’ve never chased him.”
Pam whirled around and glared at her, eyes flashing. “Oh, you love being able to say that, don’t you?”
“What, the truth?”
Pam laughed harshly, walked toward the desk and leaned on the back of the visitor’s chair, positioned directly opposite Amanda. Shaking her short hair back from her face, she stared at her sister and blew out a breath before saying, “That just makes it better for you, doesn’t it? It’s the truth. Nathan chased after you all those years ago and now he’s doing it again.”
Just for a second, Amanda saw a sheen of tears in her sister’s eyes and she felt terrible. Then Pam spoke again and all sympathy went out the window.
“Hannah Poole is sitting out there right now,” Pam said, stabbing one finger toward the diner, “telling everyone how she saw Nathan’s car parked outside your place all night.”
Amanda winced a little. Well, they’d both known it would happen. They’d just have to ride out the gossip and wait for the first wave to dissipate.
“And this is my fault?” Amanda demanded.
“Oh, please.” Pam pushed off the chair, making the wooden legs clatter against the linoleum. “Like you don’t do everything you can to make sure he notices you. Big eyes. Soft voice.”
Amanda laughed shortly. This was getting weird. And how come she had never noticed before just how jealous of her Pam really was? “What are you talking about?”
“When you guys broke up before, it nearly ruined him,” Pam told her flatly. She took a deep breath and blew it out again before adding, “He stayed away from Royal for three years. He only saw his brother when Jake went to Dallas to visit him.”
They’d both lost a lot, Amanda thought. They had been so young that neither of them had reacted the way they should have to the tragedy that had torn them apart. They’d cut themselves off from not only each other, but also from their friends, their families. It was time they’d never get back, but hopefully, they’d learned something from all of that, too.
But even as she thought it, she wondered if she’d ever really be able to trust Nathan again. He hadn’t believed her. Hadn’t loved her when she had needed him most. Those dark days came back in a rush, swamping her mind with painful shadows until all she could do was whisper, “I stayed away, too, remember?”
Pam waved that off as if Amanda’s pain meant nothing. “This was Nathan’s home and he didn’t come back because he didn’t want to deal with having the town gossips tearing him apart. Over you.”
And just like that, old pain gave way to fresh anger. Pam was her sister and she was taking Nathan’s side in this? “And?”
“And now they’re doing it again.” Pam folded her arms over her chest and tapped the toe of one shoe against the floor. “And just like before, it’s all because of you.”
In a blink, Amanda’s temper ratcheted up to match her sister’s. Funny, when they were kids, Amanda had always looked up to Pam. And in an argument, Amanda had always backed down, both intimidated by her sister and unwilling to risk alienating Pam entirely. Well, she thought, those days were long gone. They were both adults now and Pam had been on her case for weeks already. Fine. They had problems—they’d either work them out or not. But damned if Pam was going to wedge herself between Amanda and Nathan.
“This isn’t any of your business, Pam. So back off.”
Pam drew her head back in surprise. But her stunned silence only lasted a second or two. “I’m not backing off. I’m the one who’s been here, Amanda. I’m the one who saw what you did to Nathan before. And I’m the one telling you to stop ruining his life.”
“Ruining his life? A little dramatic, don’t you think?”
“Hah. If the gossips chew on him for too long he’ll leave again.”
“Has it occurred to you that they’re gossiping about me, too?” She tipped her head to one side, mirrored Pam’s stance and waited. She didn’t have to wait long.
“That’s your own fault,” Pam scoffed. “For God’s sake, you lured him up to your bed and then were too stupid to tell him to move his car. You wanted the whole damn town to see.”
“I didn’t trick him into bed, Pam.”
“You didn’t have to.” Pam blinked frantically to clear away the fresh sheen of tears in her eyes. “All you have to do is be there and he can’t see anything else.”
Amanda steeled herself against feeling sympathy for her sister. Of course she was sorry to see Pam in pain, but not sorry enough to back away from Nathan so her sister could try to get him. Again. “I still don’t see how that’s my fault or your business.”
“Of course you don’t,” Pam said with an exasperated huff. “It’s my business because I care about Nathan. When he came home, I was the one who helped him settle in. He was unhappy for a long time. And, Amanda—” she paused and took a breath “—I just don’t want to see him like that again.”
That much, Amanda could understand. She didn’t want that, either. Because it would mean that whatever was between them had shattered again. Just the thought of that had a cold ball of ice settling in the pit of her stomach. Oh, God, she was never going to get over Nathan. How could she, when she was still in love with him?
Staggered by the sudden acknowledgment of what she was really feeling and worried about what it meant to her present—let alone her future—Amanda plopped down into her desk chair. Love? She hadn’t counted on that at all. She’d hoped to make her peace with her memories—not build new ones.
She was in deep trouble. Nausea rolled through her stomach in a thick wave that had her swallowing spasmodically.
“Hey…” Pam’s tone changed from banked anger to concern. “Are you okay?”
“No,” Amanda told her, and cupped her face in her hands. Oh, God, she was still in love with Nathan. A man she wasn’t sure she could trust. She didn’t even know how he felt about her! Seven years ago, Nathan had never told her that he loved her. Had left her the moment the reason for marrying her was gone.
Okay, yes, she was the one who had called off the marriage. But he hadn’t fought her. He’d simply walked away. As if losing her and their baby meant nothing to him.
Today, there was still no mention of the L-word and that hadn’t stopped her from once more falling for the only man she would ever love. She’d just tossed her heart into the air not knowing if it was going to crash and burn or find a safe home. “I really don’t think I’m okay at all.”
“This isn’t just a cheap ploy to end the argument, is it?”
On a sardonic laugh, Amanda looked up and met her sister’s eyes. “Trust me when I say, I really wish this was a ploy.”
Nine
Summer was rolling along like a runaway freight train. Temperatures were high, tempers were even hotter and Nathan spent most of his time stepping in between arguing parties. Nothing unusual about any of it but for the fact that his head just wasn’t in the game.
Hadn’t been since that night with Amanda by the river.
Scowling, Nathan was alone in his office, thinking about that morning with Amanda. Waking up in her bed, her body wrapped around his, had eased a sore spot inside him he hadn’t even realized was there. Making slow, languid love to her had carried that feeling further, until he was so caught up in her, he’d had to force himself to crawl out of that bed and go to work.
“So much for the plan,” he muttered, taking a sip of his coffee.
He guessed it was safe to say his plan was shot. Not only had he not gotten her out of his system, but she was also all he could think about anymore.
It had all seemed so simple. Get Amanda back into his bed and finally get over her. Let go of the past and move the hell on. Instead, she was deeper into his gut tha
n she had been before. Not quite sure how that had happened, Nathan was even less sure about how to reverse the damage already done. Especially when all he wanted to do was make love to her again.
Hell, he was walking around town with a body so hard and tight, it was all he could do to keep from groaning in public. He needed…hell. He just needed.
Worse, he didn’t want to need Amanda. He wanted to be free of her. Didn’t he? Nathan scrubbed one hand across his face and tried to wipe away all of the thoughts clashing together in his mind.
To distract himself, he stared around the inside of his office, letting his gaze sweep across the familiar symbols of the life he’d built for himself in Royal. But none of it brought him the pleasure he usually found in just being there. Until Amanda came back to town, he’d been content. Now, contentment just wasn’t enough. He wanted more. Wanted her.
The problem was…how to get her.
Oh, sex was great, but that was easy. What he wanted would be more difficult. Hell, he could admit, at least to himself, that he wanted it all. Not just Amanda, but the life they could make together. House. Family. A damn white picket fence.
But he knew the past still loomed between them, a big ugly wall they’d both ignored rather than dealt with.
He leaned back in his chair, kicked his feet to the corner of his desk and crossed them at the ankle. Staring up at the ceiling, he told himself that maybe the past should stay right where it was. Maybe they didn’t have to dissect it. Maybe all they had to do was learn from it and let it go.
Trust would be an issue between them for a while, of course, but he could show Amanda that he had her back now. Over time, she’d eventually come to believe it.
Nodding to himself, he could see the future play out in his mind. He and Amanda, living in his house on the ranch. Having kids that would play with Jake and Terri’s bunch. Long nights and lazy mornings in his bed, wrapped in each other’s arms. It was what they should have had years ago.
And what they would have now.
When the door opened, Nathan looked over at the doorway, a scowl on his face.
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