Her heart began to pound. Cesar is here already?
She walked to the door and opened it. He squinted at her, looked her over with his hands on his hips, one resting on his holster in that sexy, dominating way Cesar stood.
She looked up at him, wishing she hadn’t kicked her heels off when she’d gotten home.
He stepped in, and she stepped back. He closed the door.
“Start talking, sweetie.”
“What do you mean? I told you that you didn’t have to come here.”
“You sounded upset with me. What happened between last night and this afternoon?”
She looked away and rubbed her hands together, turning from him. He placed his hand on her shoulder and turned her around.
“Honesty. It’s extremely important in a relationship,” he said, looking down into her eyes with his squinted.
“I think honesty is definitely important.”
He cupped her cheek and caressed her lower lip with his thumb. “So we agree. What’s going on, baby?”
“It’s nothing. I was just being silly, that’s all.”
“How so?”
She forced herself to tell him. To just be honest and let him know how she felt seeing him talking and laughing with those women and not liking them touching him.
She walked away from him toward the living room. She sat on the arm of the couch. “I got into town and saw you talking to those two sisters again. You were laughing, and they were laughing and touching your arm and totally flirting. Anyone could see that. It bothered me, okay? I started wondering things.” She lowered her head and pushed her hair behind her ear.
He was in front of her and tilted her chin up to look at him. Cesar looked so damn serious. His expression was hard to read, and she wondered if he would find her jealously immature. She was a lot younger, plus add in her experience with Ray and him cheating on her and using her and, yes, she was a little more distrustful.
“That’s what this is all about? Your attitude and telling me not to stop by to spend time with you?”
She opened her mouth to reply, and then she thought about it a moment. “If you saw me at the Filling Station talking to two guys, smiling, laughing, and letting them touch me, you would be okay with that?”
“If those two men aren’t my brothers, then fuck no.”
She stared up into his dark brown eyes. “I have a headache.”
“From getting jealous and upset over two young girls flirting with me? Baby, I’m the chief. I run this town, and yeah, this position of authority can lead a lot of women to flirt or whatever, but it doesn’t mean a thing. Look at the chance I’ve taken claiming guardianship of you. It’s a big fucking deal, and I want it all to work out.”
“Well, it’s a big deal for me to talk to you like this. To be honest and to let you know what your actions caused.”
“What my actions caused?”
“Yes.” She stood up and moved to sit on the couch. He remained where he was.
“There’s more to this. It has to do with your ex, doesn’t it?” he asked and walked closer. He took the seat next to her, and she stared at her hands.
“I trusted…I trust you and your brothers.”
“Apparently not fully.”
She looked up at him and felt like an idiot for causing all of this.
“I slept with you. Let you all take me together. Do you know how hard that was? Do you have any idea?”
“Maybe if you explain a little more about these insecurities I’d get a better understanding.”
“Insecurities?” she whispered and then felt the tears fill her eyes and a bit of anger hit her gut.
“No other man will ever trust you, love you, care for you, or want you except for me. You’re nothing without me. Nothing. Every breath you take, every decision you make is because I’ve allowed it, directed you, made you. Without me, you’re nothing,” she said, and her voice cracked. She closed her eyes and then felt his hand cover hers and squeeze it.
“He said that to you?” he asked her.
“All the time, and so much more.”
“What do you mean so much more?”
“The hits, the smacks, the control.” She looked at him. “He cheated on me. I gave him my virginity, told him about my mother’s boyfriend trying to rape me when I was little and how Brooklyn had stopped him, about how insecure I was, and he used it against me. He said no other men would truly commit to me ever, but him.”
“That isn’t true, baby. He lied to you to control you,” Cesar said to her.
She looked away. “Did he?”
He pulled her up to a standing position, held her arms by her sides, and bent down to look her in the eyes. “Yes. He lied to you because he was an abusive sick batterer and you were vulnerable and weak to his tactics so you believed his lies. Giving up your virginity to him was a huge thing for you. He knew it, and he used that power to control you. We are not him. We aren’t going to cheat on you, hurt you, or lie to you.”
Her eyes filled up with tears. “Seeing you today with them hurt me.”
He pulled her against his chest and hugged her tight. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m so used to just blowing those two off I didn’t give much thought to what it might look like to others watching. I’ll be sure it doesn’t happen again. I’ll tell them to keep their distance.”
He pulled back to look her in the eyes. He ran his hands along her arms to her cheeks and cupped them. She could see how sincere he was.
“I promise we’ll never hurt you. I won’t ever do anything to make you distrust me. I’m glad I came right over. That I heard something in your voice that just didn’t sit right with me. That’s huge, darling, this connection we have, and I’m not going to take advantage of it. I sure as hell am not going to minimize it either. Nor should you.” He lowered his mouth to hers and kissed her.
* * * *
Cesar hid the anger and worried thoughts he had. Antonia was hurting. She was really struggling inside with this relationship because of her ex. He wanted to ring the little bastard’s neck for hurting her like this. He released her lips and then gave her a smile.
“Want to talk some more? Maybe help me to understand what else you fear? I’ll help you.”
“I want to trust you, but yet, I have these fears, this wall that’s still sort of up when it comes to revealing more personal information. It’s like if I tell you what he did, it gives you an advantage.”
He squinted at her and then exhaled.
“Those are preconditioned thoughts stemming from that dick’s control. I don’t know what more I can tell you to convince you that I’m not him. Maybe think about the people I’ve helped. You know it’s me who has to decide and approve guardianship. No one else.”
She widened her eyes.
“Yup, that’s a hell of a responsibility when you’re dealing with people’s lives, especially with individuals who have pasts, or fears, and are trying to start a new life. It gets complicated sometimes, but I ask for honesty, and I give that in return.”
She took his hand and led him back to the couch. They sat down, and she tucked her one leg underneath her and faced him. She held his hand, and he loved the feel of her delicate fingers tracing his hand, wrist, and arm.
“I met Ray when I was twenty-one. He came into my life by complete accident, or, as he liked to always say, it was fate. Although, knowing more about the man, I’m not too sure that was the case.” She pushed a strand of hair behind her ear and looked away from him.
“I think I fell for him because he said all the right things. He paid attention to me, complimented me, and was persistent in getting me to go out on a date with him. I was pretty insecure and distrusting, so when I told him I would meet him at a public place, and that I wouldn’t give him my address, he seemed taken back. I should have seen then that no one gave Ray directions, ultimatums, or ever said no to what he wanted. He was lenient for months after we started dating.”
He reached over and moved her hai
r from her cheek. “When did you notice changes in him?”
“I guess pretty quickly. Little things like having to know my schedule for college classes, my work schedule, and who I hung out with. I was to call him and update him. Which I thought was fun, sending cute selfies, and he did the same back.” She took a deep breath and released it.
“Then he had me attend parties with him, and he would pick out my dresses, my jewelry, make appointments at the salon. It was overwhelming, but to a kid like me who had shit growing up and pretty much thought no man would ever want me, it seemed he did and was special. It’s really that simple. I felt compelled to listen to his orders, his directions. I got a good job, and then he made me quit because he couldn’t stand being away from me for that many hours. Ultimately, it was the night I let him make love to me the very first time, the night I lost my virginity to him, that he completely changed.”
She looked at her hands covering his, and he felt his heart race. This was so difficult, to sit here and hear about another man making love to his woman. A man who eventually turned on her in the worst ways and even cut her. But he held his ground. Antonia had become his world, and she was his to protect and watch over.
“What did he do?”
“He kept talking about it and about the small dab of blood on the sheets proving he was my first and only. From there he doted on me, and then when we were out, if another man looked at me, winked, or smiled, he kept tabs.”
“Tabs?”
“The number of times a man winked and smiled at me in a night. Then he would make me repeat to him that it meant nothing. That he was the only man who had a right to touch me, look at me, and want to possess me.” She rubbed her fingers together.
“I questioned him one night and asked why he was angry at me. I didn’t ask for men to look at me and they meant nothing, that he meant everything, but he freaked out.”
“How so?”
She shook her head as a tear rolled down her cheek and she wiped it away.
“Let’s just say he was forceful those nights. Commanding and violent in bed, and I usually cried myself to sleep in pure fear and exhaustion when he was done.”
“Jesus,” he whispered.
“He was a very successful businessman. He sets his eyes on a target, and he gets it, Anyway, anyhow. He succeeds. He lives for the hunt. I noticed he was out more often or had these meetings or events overnight or really late. I asked him about them, and he told me they weren’t my concern. Afterwards he was more clingy, and he would look at me closely. Check over my body when I was changing or got out of the shower or simply ask me to strip in front of him. I did because, if I didn’t, he would threaten me or bring up my mother’s boyfriend and how he’d tainted me by making me touch him when I was a child. That other men wouldn’t want me because of that and the emotional baggage that went with it.”
“Scumbag,” he whispered, but in his head, he wanted to rip the guy limb from limb.
“One night he said he was throwing a party at the penthouse. He was having friends, colleagues, and it was very important to impress them, to do as he said and to not embarrass him.” She swallowed hard. She looked at him and held his gaze as tears slowly fell from her eyes.
“I was losing trust in him. I felt that he was cheating and that these people coming to our home that night were the reason why. Part of me felt hope that he had the party there and was including me, maybe inviting me to become part of what he held secret. The other part was fearful, not knowing what to expect and only knowing his demands to be supportive, to not embarrass him, and to do as he said. So when the friends arrived and they began drinking and doing drugs, I felt that this was going to be the worse night ever. Especially as he kissed me with some male friends nearby watching and stuck a pill into my mouth.”
“What?” Cesar couldn’t even swallow. His chest tightened, and his mind wandered into a thousand directions, and then she continued.
She squeezed his hand. “I pretended to swallow it. It was the first move against him. The moment I had a chance I got rid of it.”
“So you didn’t take the drugs?” he asked, feeling relieved.
“No, I watched how the others who took it acted, and I mimicked them. So when the party grew bigger and people started making out, having sex in multiples like an orgy, I felt so sick and betrayed but had to hide it until I could make a move and escape.”
She wiped her eyes and looked at him and held his hands on her lap, squeezing them. He saw the fear, the sadness, betrayal, and helplessness in her eyes as she explained in detail what she saw the other men and women doing and how Ray kissed a woman right in front of her.
“What did you do?”
“I turned to look away and try to leave when he gripped my hands and brought them behind my back as two of his colleagues joined us. They started touching me, and one forcibly kissed me while the other began to undress me.”
“No.” He clenched his teeth, and she cried and squeezed his hands tighter.
“I was so scared, Cesar, so very scared and hurt, and I lost it. I pushed away from them, and they tackled me down. They scratched me, hit me, and tried to get me to cooperate, and then it was like they realized I wasn’t worth the effort and they started going after other women. I ran from the room and slammed the bedroom door closed, and Ray came charging in. He told me I’d embarrassed him. I told him I was leaving the first chance I got. That I didn’t want to be with him since he cheated on me and wanted to share me with other men I didn’t know and even women. It was a damn orgy out there, Cesar. I could hear all their moaning and screams, the crazy music, and I just lost it.
“How did I wind up there? Why hadn’t I seen this side of him before? Was I so desperate for love, for attention that I blocked it out? I didn’t know, and then he told me I could never leave him. That no man would ever want me. I said that wasn’t true, that it didn’t matter. I wasn’t going to be an object. He took out the knife and held it to my throat. I was never so scared in my life until a few seconds later as he stared at my naked, battered body and he dragged the knife along the underside of my breasts.
“He made certain that no man would ever want me again. That’s what I believed. Those are the fears I hold on to and the question, what if he was right? What if you aren’t as wonderful as you and your brothers seem? Will I ever be able to go on without you really caring about me or loving me? What if you guys stop liking me? Then what?”
“No, honey. This isn’t that kind of relationship. What Ray did to you was distorted and twisted. If a man loves a woman, he certainly doesn’t cut her, abuse her, or pass her off to his friends like what he did to you. I love you, Antonia. I’m so glad that you trusted me enough to tell me what happened and to understand your fears.”
He kissed her forehead and then looked down into her eyes, still holding her hands.
“But can you save me, like you do all the others who come to Repose?”
He could hardly get the words out, her plea so touching, so strong that he felt overwhelmed with emotion and a need to protect her forever.
He gave her a smile. “I think it’s you who has saved us, my relationship with my brothers. You’ve completed us and made us closer than we’ve ever been. We all have scars, Antonia. It takes time, patience, love, and understanding to heal. We’re going to give all of that and some to you. I love you, and I mean it.”
“I love you, too.” She hugged him around his neck, and he pulled her into his arms, where she straddled his waist.
Cesar leaned back and caressed her back and her ass until he felt her lips kissing his neck then making their way to his lips.
“I’m sorry I made you leave work. Will you come back later tonight and stay with me?” she whispered against his neck.
He squeezed her ass, ran a finger along the crack of her ass, and gripped her a little tighter.
“I’ll do even better than that.” He kissed her neck and then maneuvered his hand to his waist to pull out his phone. She l
eaned back and looked at him. He held her gaze as he made the call.
“I’ve got something to take care of. I won’t be back in, so take care of things.” He clicked the phone off, and she just stared at him.
“You can do that?”
“Just did.”
He pulled her down lower to kiss her. “I’m all yours, sweetness. You’ll always come first. Always.”
Chapter 9
Fox and Gino were trying to keep calm, but the situation was pretty screwed up. Who the hell was this woman who wouldn’t leave them alone?
The tall blonde ran her hand up Gino’s arm as she pressed against his back.
“I saw you both inside the restaurant. You’re big and have so many muscles,” She said, and Gino grabbed her hand to stop her from touching him.
“We’re not interested,” Gino said to her, and she wobbled on her heels as she almost lost her footing. Both of them reached for her so she wouldn’t fall, and she wound up pressed between them. The woman then jumped up against Gino and kissed him.
Gino was shoving her away, and Fox didn’t know what the hell was going on when she dislodged herself from him, causing a scene in the parking lot.
“You want me. Why are you fighting it now?” she demanded to know, her breasts pouring from the top she wore, looking like some whore. Gino had her lipstick on his cheeks and mouth, plus his shirt was ripped from her mauling.
“I don’t know who you are, but get the hell out of here. We’re not interested.” Gino pointed at her, raising his voice.
“Take off now,” Fox said to her very seriously.
She fixed her dress and then started to cry, covering her mouth with her hand. The woman was some kind of nut. She turned and ran away, and both of them looked at one another in confusion.
“What the fuck was that all about?” Gino asked, wiping his mouth with his shirtsleeve.
The Battlefield Series 2: Scars Run Deep (Siren Publishing Ménage Everlasting) Page 14