He swiped his hand down his face. “I can’t.”
“Why not?” I forced out through the tears.
“Because people accept the love that they think they deserve.”
“Did you really just quote The Perks of Being a Wallflower?” I questioned.
He shrugged one of his shoulders. “It’s the only quote that makes sense in this situation. For some reason you think that you deserve a guy who is going to lie day in and day out. I’m that guy, Blair. I’m more like my father than I want to admit.”
How could he be making this about himself?
“I just told you something I never told anybody else, and you’re whining about your daddy issues? Don’t you frigging get it, Nate? I trust you because you’re a good guy. You’re always here for me, even when I don’t want you to be. You’ve been there for me every time I had a bad dream or a breakdown. You listen to me when I need to vent about how stupid my jobs are. Why can’t you see that you deserve better than what you chase after?”
“Because if I choose to change, I may have to become somebody that I don’t know how to be. I’ll have to accept all of the things I did, and I can’t do that.”
I wiped off my cheeks with my hands. “I don’t understand what you’re saying. You won’t know how you’ll like a new version of yourself before you try. You won’t have to keep making decisions that you’ll regret, if you just try to change.”
He sat at the end of the bed and ran his hands through his hair. “I guess since we’re sharing secrets here…”
The silent pause he took sent my curiosity haywire.
“Blair, I’m a father.”
Those four words haunted me the rest of the night. Not because I was shocked. Aaron and I always joked that he’d become a dad with the way he slept around. That was the thing though. We were joking.
Nate spent hours explaining that he didn’t want to be a father, but he had no other choice. He didn’t wear protection and he paid the price. I tried listening without judging, but it was hard to sympathize with somebody who didn’t even want to be a true father to his child. How could he ignore the mother after putting her through that? I knew plenty of people who wanted kids, but could never have them. Some of those people I knew very well…
Part of me wondered if he was afraid he’d turn out to be like his father, which I knew he wouldn’t. After all the fights he had with his dad, how could he choose to be like him? There was no reason why he should be afraid over that. Unless he was just using that as an excuse.
The distraught look on his face as he told me about his one year old son was enough to see how lost he was. There were so many questions I had, but I didn’t know where to begin. By the time I built up the courage to ask him anything, he was asleep on my bed. I even saw faint streams of tears down his cheeks.
Which led me to now, cleaning the bathroom of a motel room and listening to my usual playlist. Usually, I was singing along to make the day go by faster, but last night kept a firm grip on my mind. I’d never seen Nate cry, and technically I didn’t besides the wet streak down his face. He was always the strong one between the two of us. He never showed just how vulnerable he was, which meant he had to have cared about his son.
Right?
I stood up to grab a dry cloth when Sam appeared at the doorway of the small room. I ignored the fact it scared the living shit out of me and went to give her a relieved hug, but she held up her hands to stop me.
“Where is it?” she hissed looking around the room.
Her blonde hair was a tangled mess and judging from the dark bags under her eyes she hadn’t slept in days. If I didn’t know her, I’d say she was high from the way her eyes twitched, but I knew that only happened when she was stressed.
“Sam, you need to—”
“Where is it, Blair?” she cut me off.
She walked into the room and closed the door.
“I need it. I really, really need it.”
Her words were rushed and it was hard to keep denying that she wasn’t a user as her demands got heavier. What was I supposed to say? She needed to listen to me, but if she was set on getting her drugs back then she wouldn’t give me the time of day.
“It’s gone,” I told her quietly. “Sam, if that guy is making you do something that you don’t want to do then—”
She took me off guard by grabbing my arms and throwing me against the wall with unnatural force. Her fingernails dug into my skin, which stung like hell. If she didn’t let go she was going to draw blood.
“Calm down!” I pleaded. “Sam, please just let me help you, okay? I’ve been so worried since I found the drugs. You never called me back after I left you all of those messages. I needed to know you’re okay.”
She slammed me against the wall again. “I’m not going to be okay if you don’t give them to me! Don’t you get it? They’re waiting for me in the car.”
I paled. “They? You mean they’re here?”
What was she thinking? There were innocent people here that didn’t need to be involved in this! Why would she even bother telling them I had them without knowing if I really did?
She nodded frantically. “Where did you put it?”
I gulped. “Sam I…flushed it.”
Her expression drained to nothing. Her eyes became pits of lost hope, and she stood still in front of me like she was frozen with fear.
Maybe she was.
“Are they dangerous?”
Her eyes narrowed to glare at me. “They’re fucking drug dealers, Blair. What the hell do you think? Jesus, I know you’ve seen plenty of movies to prove that they don’t kid around.”
I pulled away from her grip and covered my face. “What did you get yourself into?” I asked, feeling my whole body fill with fear.
“It wasn’t my fault,” she growled. “It’s yours.”
I dropped my hands to my sides. “Excuse me?”
“You started this.”
“I don’t recall giving you a bag of drugs or a dealer’s phone number,” I lashed out. “How could you even put this on me? I’m smart enough to stay out of shit like this!”
“Actually,” she corrected gingerly. “You know one of them. I seem to recall a time you considered him family.”
The only family I had other than Aaron was…Nate.
I opened my mouth to say something but got cut off by a loud banging on the door. Sam cringed and rushed toward the door like that was her cue to leave. What was she going to tell them?
“Sam, wait—”
She shook her head. “I have no more time left.”
My eyes widened. “You have another choice—”
“Goodbye, Blair.”
She opened the door and all I heard from outside was car tires peeling out against the pavement.
When I ran to see Sam, they were already gone.
5
How do you ask somebody if they’re a drug dealer? Something told me that a Google search probably wouldn’t give me the best answer. Asking the person straight up if they’re a dealer could easily get them angry, and if they are a dealer they’d probably shoot me.
Would Nate shoot me though? I mean I was pretty sure he didn’t even own a gun. Would that qualify him as a dealer? I didn’t know what dealers were like. If they wanted to be under the radar then they would act like they didn’t know how to use a gun. They would act exactly like Nate did.
Oh God I’m living with a drug dealer.
I tried sleeping with a dealer! How was I supposed to see the signs? I was so clouded over by his crazy good looks all of the time. It was the perfect distraction. And he knew what the drugs were in my old apartment, because they were his! How could I be so stupid?
I stared at my phone screen, watching the Google logo taunt me. I was too afraid of what the results would show if I typed something in. There was no easy way to go about this.
Except one.
I hit speed dial number two on my phone.
“What’s up?” Aa
ron asked as soon as he picked up.
“What do you get when you cross a housekeeper, best friend and a drug dealer?”
He paused. “A really bad joke?” he guessed.
I wish.
“I think Nate’s a drug dealer.”
“This is the worst joke you’ve ever made.”
“It’s not a joke.”
Silence.
Then loud laughter.
“Hey Katie,” he called out. “Blair thinks that Nate is a drug dealer. Right? I know! What? No I don’t think she’s on anything. Hey, B. Katie wants to know if you’ve sniffed something.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m being serious,” I hissed.
“Nate isn’t a dealer,” he assured me.
“How do you that for sure?”
He sighed. “Listen, B. Nate if a lot of things, but he’s not an idiot. Well, he’s not a total idiot. He would never get involved with something that serious.”
“He seems to be fine with getting into serious situations,” I grumbled.
“What are you talking about?”
“Nate has a kid, Aaron.”
Another pause. “I know.”
He already knew?
“He told you already?”
“Yeah, a while ago.”
“I can’t believe he just told me!”
“Well it’s a touchy subject for him,” Aaron replied calmly. “At least he told you now, right? It’s not like he held that information back to offend you.”
“He lied!”
“That’s not really considered lying,” he disagreed.
“You know who lies? Drug dealers.”
He groaned. “For the last time, Nate is not a drug dealer. Who told you that anyway?”
“Samantha did.”
“When did you see her? Is she okay?”
“No she wasn’t okay! She showed up at the motel and closed me inside the room I was cleaning. She was freaking out over the lost drugs, and she brought the damn dealers to my work!”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” he blasted. “Did they hurt you? Was Nate with them?”
“Nobody hurt me,” I promised. “And to be honest I didn’t see Nate. In fact, I didn’t see any of them because as soon as Sam left the room their getaway car peeled out of the parking lot. What if I get a hit put out on me because I flushed the drugs?”
“They’re dealers, not the mob.”
“Same difference!”
“Do they even know what you look like?”
Did they?
I thought about it. If Sam brought them to the motel then she probably brought them to our apartment. We had pictures together hanging everywhere, and she could have easily shown them one any time she wanted. And if Nate was part of it then he obviously knew what I looked like.
“Probably,” I assumed.
“So you don’t know for sure?”
“Well…no.”
“Here’s what you’re going to do,” he informed me calmly. “You’re going to take a deep breath, hang up the phone and let me call Nate. I’m sure that he can clear whatever is going on up if you really think he’s involved. But I doubt he is, B.”
He was going to call the person out to get me?
“Don’t call him!” Was he nuts? “What if he’s expecting you to call? Then what? He’ll come to me and pretend like he doesn’t know what’s going on. He wants to keep my trust!”
Aaron was silent.
“Any other ideas?”
“So you can shoot them down? No, Blair.”
“Don’t you dare call him,” I warned.
“Then I’m calling the police.”
What?
“I don’t even know why I bothered calling you,” I complained, ready to hang up the phone.
“If they know where you work, they’ll show up again. When I say ‘they’ I mean anybody other than Nate, because the guy is kind of a nimrod when it comes to organizing anything.”
“So you don’t believe me?”
He mumbled something. “I believe that you’re scared. You tend to make up weird theories when you’re scared. It’s probably natural given the situation. Just don’t do anything stupid. Promise me?”
“Define stupid,” I challenged.
“Don’t go accusing anybody of being dealers.”
Well then I was about to do something stupid. What was more stupid though? Accusing Nate of being a dealer or going back to his place and acting like I didn’t suspect him of something? He had plenty of secrets. Like being a father! A frigging father! He could also be hiding the fact that he’s a drug dealer who screwed up my best friend! And for what? So I’d get kicked out of my place?
Then something hit me.
“He’s trying to trap me,” I stated.
“What are you talking about now?”
It made a little sense in my head. “He wanted me to find the drugs so I’d move in with him. Maybe he’s planning something. Or maybe this is one of those prank shows. If I wind up on it I’m going to kill somebody.”
I gasped.
“What if the plan is to kill me?”
“Get a grip, Blair!” he commanded firmly. “Nobody is going to kill you. You’re really starting to freak me out. I don’t know if you’re not getting enough sleep or what, but you need to calm down.”
I took a deep breath.
“Better?”
Nope.
“Tons,” I said sarcastically. “In fact, that deep breath really made me think about a lot of important things. Like world peace and how to stop global warming. You know what else would be great, Aaron? Stopping drug dealers from murdering me!”
“Blair, you’re talking crazy now.”
“Blair, seriously what’s wrong with you?” a new voice asked.
What the hell?
“Blair!” multiple people yelled.
I snapped out of my train of thought and looked between two of my coworkers at the lunch table. They were staring at me like I just they knew what I was thinking. Was I speaking out loud?
“What were you just muttering about?” Ashley asked cautiously, opening up her salad.
I looked around to see that I was still at the motel, which meant that I hadn’t been home yet to call my brother. Unfortunately for me, that meant I really was going crazy and making up a conversation inside of my head.
“I just…” I rubbed my eyes. “I need sleep.”
Ashley and Tara nodded in agreement.
Tara said, “You were saying something about drug dealers. Are you in a situation, or have you been watching too much CSI again?”
“Weird question,” I said, ignoring Tara. “Did my friend Sam stop by here earlier? I’m not sure if I just imagined something or not.”
Ashley rolled her eyes. “Girl, you need to cut back your hours if you can’t remember fifteen minutes ago. That crazy ass girl stopped by here and was screaming at you. Whoever she was with drove out of here like a total asshole.”
“Yeah he could have killed somebody,” Tara agreed, popping a grape in her mouth.
“Did you see the driver?” I asked quickly.
If she was really here then I didn’t imagine her, which meant she accused Nate of being a dealer. My mind had a tendency of wondering off to the extremes when serious stuff happened, which explained why I zoned out that whole time. Now I understood what my therapist meant after all of those sessions.
“No,” they both said.
A frown edged its way onto my face.
“Maybe you should go home,” Tara suggested. “I think we can handle the rooms that are left. It’s not that busy today.”
I shook my head. “I’ll stay. I’m just a bit preoccupied with having to find a new place. I need all the hours I can get to save up for a new apartment. Living with Nate is only temporary.”
Ashely’s eyes lit up. “If I were in your shoes I’d try making it permanent. I’ve seen Nate Evans, and he is one fine piece of meat.”
“I second that,” Tara
said with a grin on her face.
“I mean guys that look like that should be illegal,” Ashley continued, spooning out some of her yogurt. “Have you guys had sex yet?”
My eyes widened. “Excuse me?”
“You can’t just ask her that,” Tara laughed.
Ashley shrugged. “Nate has a rep, right? I mean you’ve been staying with him for a couple of days. Has he tried anything with him? You’re always together anyway.”
“What she really wants to know is if he’s a good lay,” Tara interpreted casually.
I blushed. “I wouldn’t know.”
They both stared at me.
“You’ve never slept with him?”
I shook my head and stole a grape from Tara.
“Wow that’s…” Ashley took a moment to soak up my answer.
“A shame,” Tara offered. “I mean he slept with my older sister the same day they met. And then there was Ashley’s cousin at that one frat party. Remember? He asked her if she wanted a drink and then like five minutes later they were in his friend’s bedroom.”
I sunk into my seat.
“Shut up Tara, you’re making her feel bad,” Ashley scolded, looking sympathetically at me. “You two are more like siblings anyway, aren’t you? I mean you grew up together.”
I shrugged and stared at the list hooked on my clipboard. Reading the to-do list was more entertaining than this conversation. They both knew that Nate grew up with my brother and me, but I never told them about the crush I harbored on him. It was a good thing I never did too.
“I think we broke her,” Tara said quietly.
“Nate’s a drug dealer,” I said without thinking.
“What?” Tara gasped.
“That’s sexy as hell,” Ashley replied.
Tara looked at her. “What have you been sniffing?”
“I like bad boys,” was all she said.
Tara rolled her eyes. “Was that why you were muttering about drug dealers? Is he like dangerous or something?”
“I might combust if you say yes,” Ashley warned.
“Gross,” Tara returned, crinkling her nose at Ash.
I crossed my arms on my chest. “It’s just something that Sam said, so I don’t even know if it’s true. I mean she’s involved in bad stuff with the people she was here with.”
A Safe Place to Fall (Places Book 1) Page 7