by Blue Remy
“We need to get a few things straight, Karmen,” she said, lighting a cigarette and blowing a puff of smoke in my direction. “Your father told me you said I didn’t like you. Is that right?” she asked, staring me down.
I nodded my head yes because there was no point in lying.
“It’s not that I don’t like you, Karmen, it’s just that I am well beyond the age of taking care of a teenager. I’m upset with your father, not you.”
“I understand,” I replied.
“I think we will get along just fine if we both just stay out of the other one's way. I know you are thirteen years old and more than capable of taking care of yourself. Lord knows you have been taking care of that sorry excuse for a father since you were old enough to talk.”
I didn’t argue with her because she was speaking the truth. I can’t remember when my dad and I had switched roles. I had been taking care of him since I could remember.
“Alright, then that’s settled. Now, why don’t you run to your room and work on your homework or whatever,” she said, dismissing me with the wave of her hand, as she turned to the fridge.
I didn’t need to be told twice. I was halfway down the hall by the time she opened the fridge. I slammed my door behind me and leaned against the closed door and slid down it.
I wrapped my arms around my raised knees and rested my chin on them. I was so angry and upset at my father, but I had no one to talk to about it. I closed my eyes and banged my head on the door.
“It’s not fair,” I said out loud to my sparse bedroom.
Vivian had only given me a mattress on the floor to sleep on and a three-drawer dresser. That was all that was in my room.
I had boxes sitting in the corner of things I used to have in my room, but I didn’t want to take them out of the boxes. Taking all my pictures and things out of the boxes made this real. As long as I lived out of those boxes, this was not real.
I thought about how putting things in boxes made things better and decided to start putting everything in a box that I didn’t want to feel. The first thing I put in my little boxes was my anger with my father.
Opening that box in my head and placing that anger inside and then slamming the lid on top helped. I didn’t have to feel that anger anymore.
Every day, for the past 12 years, I filled my tiny little boxes with a couple of things. Sad because I was all alone? Put it in a box and don’t think about it. An ‘A’ on my math test and Vivian telling me to go to my room when I tried to tell her? Put it in a box and don’t think about it.
All through my teenage years, I had probably thousands of tiny boxes that I neatly put on a shelf and never thought about again. Things always fit nicely into the boxes.
Everything except Nickel. As much as I tried to shove his gorgeous smile in the box, I could never forget about it.
Every week he would come in and visit his grandmother like clockwork every Tuesday at nine o’clock. His grandmother had been transferred to the nursing home I worked at as an RN, almost a year ago.
I still remember the day he had walked into her room as I was checking her blood pressure. He waltzed in as if he owned the place and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him since. His grandmother was one of my favorite patients. She was sweet but had a smart-ass streak to her.
Every Tuesday he would insist on me either staying and having a snack with them as he held up a bakery bag. He would track me down if he didn’t see me in her room and ask me how my day was going.
He always had a leather vest on that had his name, Nickel, on it and a huge patch on the back that was the insignia of the Asphalt Lords. All I knew about the Asphalt Lords was that they were a motorcycle club, and they rode bikes everywhere they went. I was seriously oblivious to everything he was.
The only thing I wasn’t oblivious to was his gorgeous smile and dark blue eyes. Whenever he was done talking to me, he always winked and smiled as he walked away. That wink and smile drove me crazy.
That man was everything I didn’t want in my life, and that was the exact reason I needed to find a box big enough to fit him in. I needed to slam the lid down on him and never think of him again. If only things were that easy.
Chapter TWO
Nickel
Tuesday. Also known as Blue Ball Day.
Every Tuesday I would come and see my grandma, and every Tuesday I would leave with such a raging hard on from seeing Karmen. I tried to get her to talk to me every time I saw her. I was starting to get desperate.
I had recently started bringing her shit from the bakery in town to try to entice her to sit with me, but she never took the bait.
Today was no different. After she had cooly let me down, I had walked out the front doors, deciding I was done trying to get her to go out with me. I had never worked so hard for a chick in my life before. I still had some pride left, and she wasn’t going to strip me of that.
I pulled out a cigarette and lit it. As I was taking my first drag, my phone started ringing, and I dreaded answering it. I looked at the display and saw it was Pipe, my VP, calling.
“Yo,” I said, putting the phone to my ear.
“We need you to do a run tonight. Brinks had some shit come up with his ol’ lady and can’t make it.”
“Fuck no. I got shit to do this evening. I told Pyro I would help him with the fireworks for Shake the Lake tonight,” I spit out. I was so fucking sick of this bullshit. I seemed to be the only one who could fucking be counted on, but you think I would get respect from these fuckers? Fuck no. Don’t even get me started on not wanting to go on these fucking runs.
The Weston chapter of the Asphalt Lords had recently voted in taking on muleing for a notorious drug lord. The vote had gone through eight to four. Three other brothers and I were the only ones to vote against it.
Except, since the vote had gone through, I had been the one doing most of the runs and taking most of the risk. This shit was getting old real quick.
“You go now; you’ll be back before fucking sundown.”
“You know I’m not down with this shit, Pipe,” I bit off. Pipe also voted against the muleing, but with the vote going through he had to be behind it now.
“I know, Nickel, but I got no one else to do it. You and Boink just need to drop a couple of things off and grab one thing, and you’ll be done for the night. Promise,” Pipe said, knowing I wasn’t down with this shit.
“I better be back by fucking six, Pipe.”
“You will be, Nickel.” I ended the call and shoved the phone in my pocket. Gah, this was fucking bullshit! I paced the sidewalk, running my fingers through my hair wondering how the hell shit had gone sideways so quickly in the club.
“Nickel!” I spun around and saw Karmen standing at the door of the nursing home.
“Yeah?”
“Um, I think you might have left your keys.” She looked around nervously, my keys dangling from her fingertips. Even in hospital scrubs, this chick drove me crazy.
I patted down my pockets, feeling for my keys but didn’t feel them. They must have fallen out when I kissed Margret bye. “Yeah, babe, they’re mine.”
She looked around again, deciding if it was safe to walk towards me. I should have been a gentleman and walked to her, but I didn’t. I wanted to see if she would make the move towards me. She looked like a scared little lamb, and I was the big, bad wolf who wanted to make a meal of her.
“Um, is everything ok?” she asked, taking a step towards me. “I heard you yelling into the phone before and didn’t want to interrupt you.”
I shook my head and laughed. “Nothing a six pack won’t fix.”
“Oh, well, here’s your keys.” She held them out to me from five feet away and waited for me to grab them.
“You got plans tonight?” I was done chasing this chick. I was getting straight to the point.
“Um…”
“You say that a lot, babe.”
“What?” she asked, confused.
“You say
um a lot.”
“Oh, I guess I never noticed.” She stood there staring at me.
“Plans? You got any tonight?”
“Um,” She blushed red, realizing she just said um again, and her eyes darted down. “No plans.”
“You ever been to Shake the Lake?”
“Once, when I was seventeen. I didn’t get to see the fireworks, though.”
I reached out to grab my keys but grabbed her hand instead. “Come with me tonight,” I pleaded, our eyes locking.
She tried to jerk her hand out of my grasp, but I tightened my grip. “I can’t,” she insisted.
“Sure you can. You just told me you don’t have plans.”
“Um, I forgot that I have to go to… um… badminton practice,” she stuttered.
“Badminton practice?”
I didn’t think she could blush anymore, but her cheeks turned a dark shade of red and nodded her head yes. “I felt that I needed to broaden my horizons and figured that would be a good place to start.”
“Well, how about you broaden your horizon with me tonight, and you can pick back up with your badminton practice next week.” Her eyes darted to the left, and I knew she was scrambling to find an excuse not to go. “Please,” I begged.
“Um, what time is it?” she asked hesitantly.
“Dusk. I need to help Pyro set things up so you can either come with me and wait while I set things up or I can swing by after we’re done and we can watch the fireworks together.” Holy shit, I think Karmen was actually going to say yes.
“I have to work in the morning so I can’t be out all night.” Her hands were clasped in front of her, gripped tightly.
“I’ll have you home in time to slip into bed with a full nights rest.”
She just stared at me, her eyes uncertain. This was the moment of truth. Was Karmen going to give me the time of day?
Chapter THREE
Karmen
Crap. Crap, crap, crapitty crap. I couldn’t go out with Nickel. Except I couldn’t think of a reason not to go. The best lie I could come up with was badminton, and he saw right through that lie. My brain was not functioning, and I had no idea what to say.
“One night, baby, that’s all.”
I swooned a bit when he called me baby. I had never been called anything but Karmen. Nickel calling me baby made me weak in the knees, and I was sure I would say yes to anything as long as called me baby. “I don’t get off work till seven.”
“Dusk isn’t until after nine. I can pick you up at eight.”
Eight. I could do eight. Maybe. I only lived five minutes away from work, so I would still have almost an hour to get ready. “I don’t know.”
He reached out, caressing my cheek. “Just say yes. It’s easy.”
“Yes,” I breathed out, mesmerized by his touch and his piercing blue eyes.
His other arm snaked out, wrapping around my waist, and he pulled me flush against him. He leaned down, placing a kiss on my forehead. “You just made my day a whole lot better, baby.”
I leaned into him, burying my face in his neck and inhaled his soothing scent. My brain was fogged, and all I knew was I had never felt more at home than in Nickel’s arms. “Glad to help,” I whispered.
His body shook, laughing at me. He placed one more kiss on my forehead and pulled away. “All right, you get back into work or neither of us are going to get anything done today if I touch you any longer.”
I stumbled out of his arms, catching my balance before I tumbled into a bush. “Um, ok. I’ll see you at eight?” I still couldn’t believe that I had just agreed to go on a date with Nickel tonight. I think I was losing my mind.
“Eight on the dot, baby.” He grabbed his keys out of his pocket, twirling them around his finger and winked at me. He walked over to his bike, all the while I watched, unable to move from the spot I was in.
He swung his leg over the bike, cranked it up, revving the engine and gave me a two finger wave right before he roared out of the parking lot.
“You did it, finally.” I heard from behind me. I glanced over my shoulder and saw Nikki holding the door to the nursing home. She had a huge, smug smile plastered on her face.
I rolled my eyes at her and glanced one more time at where Nickel had been and headed back in. “I don’t know what you are talking about.”
“Oh, please. It’s about fucking time you cut that gorgeous hunk of man a break. He’s been fawning over you for a year. I don’t know any man who would put that much time into a woman who hasn’t given him the time of day.” Nikki held the door open for me, and we walked over to the front desk.
“That man is going to go on one date with me and then run for the hills when he sees how boring and unfun I am.” I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned against the desk as Nikki walked around to the receptionist chair and plopped down.
“You don’t give yourself enough credit, Karmen. What you see, is not what he sees.”
“He must be looking in the wrong mirror because I’m boring and nothing like the girls he is used to.”
“On that point, you’re right. You’re class, and those other girls are all trash. You aren’t even in the same realm as those skanks from the club.” And this was why Nikki was my best friend. She had been my friend since second grade and had always told it to me straight.
“Oh, Nikki. What the hell have I done? Why did I say yes?” I buried my head in my arms and tried to figure out how to get out of this. “Maybe when he shows up, I could say I was sick and couldn’t go. Or maybe when I open the door –”
“Stop!” Nikki yelled, pulling me out of my scheming to get out of my date. “You’re going. I’m coming home with you and making sure you walk out the door with that man when he knocks on your door.”
“What?” My head snapped up, my mouth hanging open. “You can’t be serious. I can’t have you there acting like my mom, watching me go out on a date. For all I know you’ll yell, ‘Have her home by ten,’ as we walk to his bike.”
Nikki threw her head back laughing, almost falling out of her chair. “You know me too well.”
“I do.”
“I’ll hide behind the curtains and promise not to yell anything besides ‘Nice ass’ when you walk out the door.”
“I’m sure you don’t need to tell him that, he probably already knows.” I laughed, grabbing the chart I needed and headed down the hall.
“I wasn’t talking about his ass,” she called. I shook my head but kept walking. Nikki was crazy and would probably do it. “I’m coming home with you, Karmen. You are not backing out of this date!”
I raised my hand in the air, admitting defeat and ducked into the medicine closet. I tried to calm my breathing, realizing I was on the brink of hyperventilating. I leaned against the shelving, the cool metal of the rack cooling my forehead as I rested my head on it. What the hell did I get myself into?
Let’s review everything I knew about Nickel. One, he was in a motorcycle club; two, he had the sweetest grandma I have ever known.
That’s it. Those two facts were the only things I knew about this man. Well, I also knew he was the sexiest man I have ever laid eyes on, but that was something you would know as soon as you saw him.
I closed my eyes and counted backward from ten. By the time I got to two, I knew what I needed to do.
I had to find a box to put Nickel in. All I needed to do was break down everything I felt and knew about this man and put it all away into tiny boxes. As soon as I acknowledge everything about him, I could throw it in a box and toss it away never to think about again.
Just looking at Nickel, I knew he was everything that could and would disrupt my tiny peaceful world I had built.
After I had graduated high school and escaped my Grandma’s house, I worked two jobs, went to school full time and got an apartment of my own. I still lived in that same tiny apartment because it was where I felt safe and it always helped to remind me that I was independent and could do things on my own.
&n
bsp; I worked my ass off for four years before I graduated and got a job at Acadia Nursing Home and finally had smooth sailing for the first time in my life.
Nickel was not about to walk into my life and mess everything up. All he was getting was one night. I’m sure he would see that I was not the woman he thought I was and that will be that. The only reason he had asked me out was because I was something unattainable to him. I was probably more of a challenge to him than someone he wanted to spend time with.
So, new game plan. Stop the freaking out, go out with Nickel and then get back to my regularly scheduled life.
I grabbed the meds I needed and took a deep breath. Nickel wasn’t going to get more than I was willing to give him.
Chapter FOUR
Nickel
“This is complete bullshit. This isn’t what I signed up for,” Hop said as we watched the drugs we had just dropped be loaded into a black SUV.
“You ain’t gotta tell me, brother. I voted against this shit.” Hop and I were sitting on our bikes, ready to head back to River Valley. I had to meet Pyro in an hour and pick Karmen up in two and a half hours. I was tempted to skip helping Pyro and butt my way into Gwen’s house and convince her to stay home with me.
“Things are changing. Nick, and I don’t like where things are headed.”
I pulled a cigarette out and offered one to Hop. Hop couldn’t be more right. Once you get as deep as we were headed, there was no turning back. I had been having a nagging feeling lately that it was time to make some significant changes of my own. “I belong to the Asphalt Lords, Hop, but I don’t think this chapter is the right fit for me anymore.” I lit the cigarette and inhaled deep.
“You thinking of transferring?”
I exhaled, a cloud of smoke billowing up into the sky. “I don’t know if transferring is the answer either. I’ve been thinking about asking Wood if I can start up a new chapter in Nittleton.”
“No shit.”
“Yeah, brother. I think the only way I’m going to be able to stay with the Asphalt Lords is if I can spearhead my own chapter. I need this.” I had been thinking about this before the vote had gone through about muling drugs. Now that the vote had gone through, I was ready to make my idea a reality.