by E. E. Holmes
I couldn’t even begin to deal with the concept of a final home, and so instead I asked a more immediate question. “But that doesn’t make sense, Karen. If his soul was pulled from his body, why didn’t yours or Mom’s ever try to cross? You exposed yourselves to the Gateway all the time.”
“It’s in our blood,” Lucida said. Her voice had a prideful smile in it. “Those who inherit the gift of the Durupinen can’t be pulled across while we are performing a crossing. Our birthright protects us.”
I did not respond. My mind had just made a mental leap to the previous summer. My grandfather’s tortured voice was echoing through my head. I’ve seen it! Send me back!
Karen went on, “Your mother was devastated. We both were, of course, but for the first time in our lives, Lizzie and I found ourselves in an irreconcilable situation. I felt it was our duty to continue with our roles as Durupinen. Your mother wanted to give it up.”
Lucida made a sound like the quiet hissing of a cat. Catriona gave her a stern look which she completely ignored.
“Why would you want to keep doing this, after what it did to your father?” I asked. I didn’t want to be rude, but my mother’s point of view made a hell of a lot more sense to me than Karen’s did. “When something you do nearly kills your family members, you stop. Right?”
“I can see why you would question my judgment on this, Jess, but this wasn’t a matter of giving up some kind of hobby or something like that. This was an obligation we were born to fulfill. That was how Finvarra had explained it to us, and I still believed that. But your mother couldn’t handle it anymore. She left.”
“But she would still see the ghosts, wouldn’t she? What could she do about that?” I asked. “I can’t remember Mom ever doing or saying anything that would make me think she was seeing ghosts. I mean, I’ve only been seeing ghosts for a few months and half the people I know are ready to have me committed. How could she possibly hide that from me?”
“She performed a Binding,” Lucida snarled, offering no further illumination.
I turned on her, aggravated. “Oh, that explains it completely! Thanks so much. I don’t suppose it’s occurred to you that I have no idea what you’re talking about? If you’re going to butt into this conversation, maybe you could at least explain your freaking spirit code words!”
Lucida opened her mouth to respond, but Karen cut her off. “She’s right, Lucida, let me explain this to her, please. A Binding is a ceremony that a Durupinen can place upon herself or another in order to block the contact of outside spirits. It is only meant to be used very briefly and only in a dire emergency. It has been used in the past to protect a Durupinen from hostile spirits or other beings that may take the form of a spirit.”
I gasped. “Other beings that—”
“—We’ll get to that another night, Jess. Just stay with me right now, please,” Karen said wearily. “Your mother performed the Binding on herself, but because she was the Key of our Gateway, all spiritual contact ceased for me, too. Without her connection to the spirit world, mine was severed.”
Something in her voice made me hold my breath. It sounded like grief. The concept of missing the frightening Visitations was unfathomable to me.
Karen went on, “Your mother meant to protect us and our family, but she was not using the Binding as it was intended to be used. There are only a set number of Gateways in the world at any given time, and they all serve a very important purpose in handling the spirit activity. When one is closed for too long, the consequences can be catastrophic.”
“The earthbound spirits need us,” Catriona said. “Without us, they could be trapped here indefinitely. Spirits are drawn to a particular Gateway, and when they find it, they will try to cross through it until they succeed.”
“Spirits were drawn to your mother for years but were unable to make contact. Over time, their need grew stronger and your mother’s Binding spell grew weaker. The night that she died was the night that the spirits finally broke through,” Karen said.
My blood felt like ice coursing through my veins. I was finally going to understand what happened to my mother. And after months of wanting just that, I suddenly realized that the truth may not be something I was ready for. But ready or not, here it was.
“When the spirits finally broke through the spell, all their many years of anguish took over. They tried to use your mother as a Gateway despite my absence. You should have a pretty good idea of what that was like, Jess. The very same thing happened to you on a smaller scale in the library last night.”
And with those words, the terror of that night shifted into focus. William’s words, his desperation, his insistence that he had been waiting for me, it all made sense now. I shuddered as I remembered the blinding pain, the feeling that my body was too full, that I would tear apart at the seams. That was what my mother’s final moments had been like, only a hundred times worse. Her life had ended in a whirlwind of pain, confusion, and terror. It was worse than I ever could have imagined.
“I thought that she only left to protect us, and so that she wouldn’t have to face what happened to Dad.” Karen looked up at me, her eyes well-deep. “But it was more than that. She was pregnant, Jess. With you. She was terrified of what would happen to you if you ever inherited the gift. She was able to accept the risks for herself at first, especially when she was young and was wrapped up in the glamour and excitement of it all. But when she found out she was going to become a mother, all of that changed. She saw what happened to Dad and she panicked. You remember your mother, Jess. You know how fiercely she loved, in spite of all of her vices and failures. She wouldn’t risk your life for anything, even your destiny. So she went into hiding and brought you with her.”
I found my voice at last. “She was always running from something. That must have been the reason for all of the drinking. It was like she always expected someone to appear just over her shoulder if she let down her guard for even a minute. We moved all the time, and always without warning. I hated her for it.”
“The Durupinen were searching for her,” Catriona explained. “Her Binding spell wreaked more havoc than she wanted to admit. The spirit world was growing steadily more unstable without the proper number of Gateways to control it. It was crucial to track her down before … well, we weren’t in time.”
We all sat in silence for what felt like a long time. The only sound I could hear was my own breathing, and an occasional sniff from Karen.
Finally, I voiced what seemed to me to be the obvious flaw in this whole explanation. “But I can’t be a Gateway. There needs to be two parts and there’s only me.”
This re-lit Karen’s earlier fire. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell Finvarra and the entire Council for months. There’s no reason for you to have known any of this. Noah and I were never able to have children, and there are no other females in your generation. The Visitations shouldn’t be happening to you at all. The Gateway closed with your mother’s death. There’s something else going on here.”
“Ah, Karen, but that’s where you’re wrong,” Lucida said, seeming to savor the words. She was smiling, as though we’d finally reached the point in the conversation she’d been waiting for. “The Gateway is still very much open.”
“Don’t be absurd, Lucida,” Karen snapped. “That’s not possible and you know it!”
“I’ll tell you what I do know, love. The Gateway is open and Jessica is a part of it.”
“Oh, really?” Karen retorted. “Why don’t you explain how that’s possible, love.”
“Because, like you, she’s one of a pair.”
“What do you mean, one of a pair?”
“I mean,” Lucida leaned forward, her voice a velvety caress, “that she was not the only baby born to your sister eighteen years ago. Our darling Jessica has a twin.”
17
HANNAH
THOSE WORDS WERE FOLLOWED BY THE LOUDEST SILENCE I’d ever heard. I watched the fallout from the soundless explosion settle
over all of us, drifting almost gently, like snow. And, like snow, it disappeared on contact as we absorbed its impact. Karen was the first to recover.
“That’s not possible,” she whispered.
“Of course it’s possible. Genetics, darling! Twins do run in your family, now don’t they? And not only is it possible, but, if you take a moment to consider, it’s the only explanation that makes a modicum of sense,” Lucida said.
Karen threw up her hands in frustration. “No, it’s not—”
“—Why? Explain it to me,” I demanded.
Lucida turned to me and flashed that feline smile again. “Glad to, darling. Your mother discovered she was pregnant and performed the Binding, just as Karen has told you. But things quickly went from bad to worse. She soon learned she was carrying not one child, but two, and both females, at that. A potentially intact Gateway contained in a single womb—an enormously powerful thing. You should understand that, Karen, having been part of one yourself.”
Karen’s mouth opened and closed uselessly.
“We can only assume she thought that by separating the babies and maintaining the Binding, she could protect them from ever coming into their birthright. And so, she did. She kept you with her, Jessica, and she gave your sister up.”
I shook my head sharply, hoping to expel the image from my brain. “My mother would never do that. There must be another explanation. My mother made a lot of mistakes, but I just can’t believe that—”
“—She may not have wanted to, but she was certainly able, because that is exactly what she did. She was, unfortunately, misguided. No spell, however powerful, or distance however far, can stop the Durupinen from fulfilling their destiny; a fact I would have thought she understood quite well, being one of us herself.”
“That’s enough, Lucida. You can fault Elizabeth for many things, but don’t ever blame her for trying to protect her child,” Karen shouted.
“Children,” Lucida said.
“How do you know this? Why should we believe you?” I pressed on as though Karen hadn’t spoken.
Catriona leapt in, apparently hoping to mediate. “When your mother died, the Gateway should have closed for good. The Durupinen have ways of knowing when a Gateway has disappeared from the world and therefore when they must take steps to create another. But it didn’t disappear. In fact, when her Binding finally shattered, the Gateway was completely open for the first time in eighteen years. That was only possible if the proper descendants were there to take her place. Finvarra began an investigation to find out more.”
“I can’t believe she did this without telling me,” Karen said.
“And who are you that Finvarra, High Priestess of the Durupinen, needs to inform you of her decisions?” Lucida snorted.
“I’m the remaining representative from this family, damn it, and she should have told me! And don’t you get all high and mighty with me, Lucida. Don’t pretend you’ve got some sort of healthy respect for authority all of a sudden.”
“Don’t know what you mean, love,” Lucida laughed, and turned her back on Karen. “We managed to track you down, but that was only half of the battle, of course. We needed all of the pieces to rebuild the Geatgrima. That’s the real reason for our visit tonight. We’ve found your sister.” With this announcement, Lucida pulled a folded up piece of paper from her cleavage, and began waving it around like she was trying to hypnotize me with it.
Two forces battled inside me at the sight of that paper. The first was a burning curiosity, flames of it leaping and licking at the corners of my mind. The second was like a shield, a self-preservation instinct that was begging me not to look. ‘Too much, too much!’ it screamed. Whatever that paper contained might very well shatter whatever tenuous grasp I still had on my self-control. In the light from my lamp, backward words, like hieroglyphics, taunted me with their inscrutability.
Curiosity won.
I reached up and snatched the paper out of Lucida’s hand. I half expected her to play keep-away, but she released it readily. I unfolded the well-worn document.
At first glance, I thought it might be a birth certificate. It had the same sort of medical document look, the same kinds of information. But the date didn’t make sense. It was dated only five years ago.
“What is it, Jess?” Karen asked.
“I don’t really know. It looks like some kind of medical record.”
“A patient entry form, from New Beginnings Group Home in New York,” Lucida said, almost cheerfully. She was definitely enjoying herself.
I scanned the document. My mother’s name caught my attention first, my eye drawn to it as though magnetically. It was typed in a sterile-looking font over the heading “Birth Mother.” I then let my eyes travel up the page to the upper left-hand corner, knowing that was where I’d find the name I was really looking for.
Patient Name: Ballard, Hannah
The shock that should have registered was a dim and slightly discordant harmony to the warmth that filled me at the sight of that name. My sister. My twin. Hannah.
Of course, she was my Hannah, not Evan’s. I’d been looking in the absolute wrong direction. He was trying to lead me to her, not just for himself, but for me, too. He knew that she would complete the Gateway, but in the process, she would complete me. It was the only thing he could really do for me.
Hungry to know what I could now, I read more carefully, swiping away at the blurring tears that were obscuring my view. I saw my own familiar birth date, the same screaming blank where “Birth Father” should have been listed. I also saw other familiar details; born in Brooklyn at New York Methodist Hospital. But then other words started to jump out, and my temporary elation morphed into panic.
There was a list of foster families; I counted seven. Other words leapt out as well. Anti-social behavior. History of hallucinations. Suspected paranoid schizophrenia. A list of medications I couldn’t pronounce.
“What’s wrong with her?” I demanded. I was surprised at how completely the panic gripped me.
Lucida’s eyes widened innocently. “Nothing. She’s a Durupinen. She sees ghosts, just as you do.”
Karen had read over my shoulder and understood more than I had. “Enough of your games, Lucida. Tell her what’s going on.”
Lucida threw her a saccharine smile. “Well, put two and two together, love. Your darling mum thought the Binding would prevent you both from ever even seeing spirits, but that was not the case. What do you think would have happened to you if you’d been seeing ghosts and had no one to explain it to you? You’ve only dealt with it for a few months, and you nearly lost your bloody mind. Your sister is the Key, see? She’s been chattin’ away to the ghoulies since she knew how to talk. Problem was, there was no one around to explain things and make sure she didn’t give herself away. So naturally, everyone thought she was crazy. Still do, come to that.”
I rounded on Karen. “We need to find her. Now.”
“I know. I’ll help you,” she promised.
“And so will we,” Lucida added.
“Over my dead body! You’ve caused enough chaos here tonight, Lucida. Just get out of here and go back to London. I’m sure you have a report to deliver to Finvarra, and I wouldn’t want you to miss an opportunity to play lapdog when you so excel at it.”
Lucida seemed to be gearing up for a nasty response, but Catriona placed a restraining hand on her shoulder. “Look, we didn’t want to come here—”
Karen laughed incredulously.
“Well, okay, I didn’t. But Finvarra ordered us to, so here we are. But you’re right. You need to deal with the fallout and we need to leave. But Finvarra did want you to contact her after we spoke.”
“Oh, don’t worry, I intend to,” Karen said.
“Good. Well then, we’ll be going. Out the door this time.” Catriona slunk out, dragging Lucida behind her.
“Pleasure to meet you, Jess,” Lucida called from the hallway.
Unable to return the compliment, I simply watc
hed her go.
18
JAILBREAK
THE NEXT FEW HOURS WERE AGONIZING. As soon as Lucida and Catriona had made their escape, I was struggling out of bed and into my jeans. I was halfway to the stairs before Karen realized I was heading for the car. The shouting match that ensued was not pretty, but I was feeling the closest to crazy I’d ever felt in my life. I had a sister. A twin sister. And they had her locked away like some maniac.
Every fleeting fear I’d ever had about my own future had been her entire life. I felt so sick I was swallowing back bile every time I let myself imagine it. It was all Karen could do to get me to sit on the sofa in the office while she began a frantic string of phone calls. My entire body still ached with every beat of my pulse, but I barely noticed it. A new pain was taking over, the debilitating emotional pain of the unknown.
Karen talked to social workers, judges, and other lawyers. She’d woken them all in the middle of the night, but apparently she was respected enough that they were all willing to overlook that fact in light of her story. Unfortunately, their respect didn’t seem to be enough, and her tone grew more frustrated with each subsequent conversation. I sat curled like a cat in a big leather armchair, fighting to keep my eyes open as I watched the bright oranges and pinks of dawn creep through the blinds and across the floor. Finally, Karen slammed the phone into the cradle with a resounding curse.
“What? What is it?”
“We can’t get her released. Not legally, anyway.”
“What do you mean we can’t get her released? There’s nothing wrong with her! She’s not crazy!”