by Rose, Renee
Caleb chuckles. “Spit, baby.”
I spit onto the shower floor and water washes it away. I laugh, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. “Sorry. That was very uncool.”
He pulls me up to stand and stamps his mouth over mine. “Are you kidding?” he breathes when he breaks the kiss. “That was the definition of cool.” He kisses me again.
I melt.
Oh God. This is bad. I was totally falling in love with this man before I found out he was a bear.
And now my fascination with him just went through the roof.
* * *
Caleb
She knows.
There was no getting around it. I had to make sure she got in and warmed up before hypothermia set in. Again.
“Listen.” We step out of the shower, and I hand her a towel. “Humans aren’t supposed to know about shifters.”
She turns wide eyes on me. I can tell she’s excited about it, which I get. She’s a scientist. A naturalist. Hell, she was thrilled to see me when she thought I was a normal bear. I bet her nature-loving smarty-brain is going crazy on this.
“I will take your secret to the grave,” she breathes with so much reverence I have to fight a smile.
“You have to. I never would’ve shown myself if your life hadn’t depended on it.”
The way she’s staring up at me is unsettling. So much gratitude and affection wrapped up in that gaze.
And coming in her mouth barely took the edge off. My bear is riled up from almost losing her. Aggression still pours through me. Needing to get away before I throw her up against the bathroom wall and take her pussy hard and rough this time, I wrap a towel around my waist, stalk out of the bathroom and throw more fuel into the wood-burning stove. Her dog is already curled up near it, a damp bundle of fur getting warm.
“Go to the bedroom,” I command. I steal a glance, expecting her to give me shit the way she usually does, but she just smiled, blushing. Like I just gave myself away.
Which I guess I did.
I can’t pretend I didn’t almost lost my shit when I saw her go in that river.
Fates, I thought she was dead for sure.
I stalk in after her. So much for keeping space between us. She’s about to get the fucking of her lifetime.
She whirls and drops her towel, like she was expecting me. Her eyes are bright, cheeks flushed.
I advance toward her, all the fury of almost losing her rushing to the fore. She must see it in my face because she takes a step back. She still wants it, though. Her nipples are hard enough to cut glass and her arousal’s been leaking since the moment we got in the cabin and she saw my extremely painful interest.
“Stop. Almost. Dying,” I growl, crowding her until the bed hits her knees and she falls back. “I don’t want to pull your ass from blizzards, or rivers, or blazing fires or car wrecks, or any other life-threatening situation. Understand?”
Her hands flatten on my chest, lips stretch into a smile.
“You shouldn’t be smiling.” I glare down at her lovely face, covering her body with my own. My towel loosens around my waist, falling away. I rip the fabric out from between us and drop my manhood into the cradle of her legs.
“What’s going to happen?” She sounds breathless. Her pupils are dilated large.
“I’m gonna fuck you senseless.” I wrap my hand around her throat. It’s threatening, but I don’t tighten my fingers. She bucks her hips, rocking her sopping slit over my dick.
I release her throat and slap one of her large breasts, making it bounce to the middle and rebound.
Her eyes widen in shock, berry lips part.
“You’re going to be punished.”
She lets out a low moan, rocking up again. I slap the same breast.
“First I’m going to spank your breasts. Then I’m going to spank your ass. Then I’m going to fuck you until tomorrow. Got it?”
“Okay,” she says softly.
“Yeah?” My expression is still stern, but I fight a smile at her complete surrender. I know it’s not from fear. The scent of her arousal permeates the room.
I slap her other breast. “Yeah. Roll over.” I lean to the right so she can roll over without tangling her legs in mine. When she’s on her belly, I pull her hips into the air until she’s on her knees, then cup her nape and push her torso down.
The sound of the first slap and her sharp gasp echoes through the room. I smack her again in the same spot, then deliver two more pops to the other cheek. The pink of my handprints bloom on her pale skin.
Desire rockets through me, nearly bringing my teeth down for a mating bite. Instead, I grip her hips and shove in deep without preamble.
Miranda yelps. Moans. Purrs. I glide in and out slowly a few times to make sure she’s lubed up, then go for broke. I need to fuck her hard and fast. I need to release this aggression in me, work my fears for her out of my system. My fingers dig into her hips, and I completely forget how to be a good lover. There’s nothing giving or gentle about this. It’s pure, raw, animal fucking. I pummel into her, smacking her ass hard with my loins, balling her clit with every thrust.
The little grunts and whimpers she makes only turn me rougher, wilder. I fuck and I fuck until she’s a sopping mess, until she’s crying my name out with dire necessity.
“No. More. Almost. Dying,” I growl, then pound in so hard, her knees slide out and we both topple forward. Her pussy clamps down on my dick as I seat deep in her and I come, my eyes rolling back in my head, teeth sharpening.
I rear back to keep from sinking my teeth into her nape for a mating bite and spear her instead with another hard thrust.
She comes, squeezing and releasing my cock in short little sexy bursts that go on and on and on.
When my vision finally clears and my teeth retract, I drop down on top of her, my dick still buried deep, and nuzzle her neck.
“Oh my God, Caleb.”
I shove my hand under her hips and rub her clit, and she comes again, choking on a sob.
* * *
Miranda
Caleb’s come twice and his cock is still hard. He rolls me to my side and palms my breast, his manhood still filling me. Our panting breaths sync as he toys with my nipple, squeezing and tugging it as he rocks slowly in and out of me.
I let out a contented sigh.
Wow.
Now that was good sex.
I can’t pretend knowing Caleb was worried about me didn’t heighten the intensity. Make his roughness some form of purification. His aggression a blessing.
We lie in silence for a long time. After a while, my brain comes back online with a million questions.
“Your wife and child? Were they—”
“Shifters, yes.”
“So the bear that killed them?”
“I don’t know. The scent didn’t match a bear shifter, but the claw marks looked like a bear’s. No simple bear could’ve taken down my mate, though. Shifters are bigger and stronger than our simple animal counterparts. We’re like super-animals.”
I allow that to sink in, acutely aware of how much distress this unsolved crime caused and is still causing Caleb misery. Costing him his sanity.
“I was in Tucson last month for a fight.” He pinches my nipple some more. He’s rough with it, almost cruel. I never thought I’d like such treatment, but I do. I absolutely love it. “I caught a scent there that reminded me of it. Not the same—it lacked the overtones of bear. But the base smell was similar. Like it’s some kind of mutated shifter. I don’t know.”
“But it was a human? I mean, someone in human form?”
“Yeah. Three guys. But I didn’t stick around to find out more. And my phone doesn’t work up here. I’ve been kicking myself all month for not finding out more.”
“Could you drive into Pecos to call?”
Caleb pulls away from me and rolls onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. “Fuck,” he mutters.
“What?”
He pulls on his beard.
“I don’t know what the fuck’s wrong with me. I should’ve done that weeks ago.”
I’m a little afraid to touch him since he pulled away and he’s upset about his dead mate, but I lay a hand on his bulging bicep. “Stop beating yourself up. You can do it tomorrow. Tonight, if you want to.”
Caleb slides a sideways glance at me. “Yeah. Yeah, I guess so.” His voice is gruff. “Tomorrow.” He rolls back to his side. “Miranda?” He tugs my hip to turn me to face him. “Did you see anything in the woods today?” His expression frightens me. I guess that’s because I see apprehension on his face—like his worst nightmare is coming true.
I shake my head. “No, why?”
He scrubs a hand over his beard. “I scented something. What was Bear barking at?”
I consider, trying to remember the way things went down. “He ran ahead, to the river bank. I heard him barking and he didn’t come when I called, which is weird for him. When I got to the river bank, I saw him fall in.”
“Fall in? Did he fall in?” Caleb demands, and my heart starts beating faster. Does he think someone threw Bear in?
I gnaw on my lower lip, considering what I saw. “He tumbled in. That’s what I saw, Caleb.”
Caleb falls back onto the pillow. I can’t decide if he’s disappointed or relieved. He’s quiet for a long time while I search my mind for what to say. “Sometimes I’m not sure what’s real and what’s PTSD,” he mumbles.
“What?” I lean up on an elbow.
“I lost my shit after my family was killed. I turned into a bear and stayed that way. When that happens, you usually have to put a shifter down. It addles the mind. The human part gets lost, and the animal becomes extremely dangerous.”
Tears pop into my eyes for him. For the pain he endured. I cover my mouth in horror. “I’m so sorry, Caleb.”
He blinks rapidly. “Sometimes…” His voice comes out broken and raspy. “Sometimes I get confused about what happened. I wonder if I killed them.”
Caleb’s words hit me like a taser. For one horrible moment I feel like I’m in a horror movie, and I just realized I’m in bed with the killer. And then I know—I know with all certainty—he’s not.
This time, I don’t hesitate to touch him. I grip his arm and squeeze. “You’re not.” I make my words clear and strong. “Caleb.” I wait until he looks at me. “You didn’t kill them. Were you confused before their deaths?”
He shakes his head. “No, everything was normal then.”
“Right. You’re confused now because you spent too much time in bear form while you were grieving. And then you turned the confusion backward in time. That’s not what happened.”
He locks gazes with me, his expression intense, like I’m speaking the words that spell his salvation. “How do you know?” he croaks.
I just shake my head. “I know you. You’re not a killer. You’re considerate and giving and deeply human, no matter what happened in the aftermath of the tragedy. You would never, ever hurt your family. I’ve known you three days and I’m sure of this.”
A sheen of tears fills Caleb’s eyes and he throws an arm across his face.
I squeeze it. “It’s okay to grieve. It’s okay to be angry and to seek answers and justice. The more you do, the more you step into your humanity. Turning against yourself, holing up and being your animal, or hibernating all winter… that leads you away.” I finish the last part softly, because I’m a little nervous about how he’ll receive my opinion. “I’m not judging how you’ve grieved—not at all. I’m just saying… maybe you can honor your family by working to solve the mystery. By living.”
A broken sob erupts from Caleb, and I’m shocked when he rolls into me, lets me pull him into my chest as he cries.
Tears streak my face, too, as I weep for his loss, his pain. I can’t be jealous of his grief for his dead mate because, in this moment, we are one. His agony is mine. His loss, mine.
I weave my fingers into the back of his hair and massage his scalp until he’s done.
I keep massaging until his breaths slow and his huge body relaxes into sleep.
Chapter 11
Caleb
I wake up like I’ve been in hibernation. It takes me a long time to figure out where the hell I am.
The research cabin.
Miranda’s near-death experience.
Fates, how long did I sleep?
I stumble out of bed, only to remember I have no clothes here. Great. Hope she doesn’t mind the morning wood.
I find my way to the bathroom, take a piss and rinse out my mouth with water. By that time, I realize the cabin smells delicious. Like baking sweet bread. I wrap a towel around my waist and pad out to the kitchen. Miranda is sitting behind her computer, watching me with soulful concern. The memory of what I shared with her last night comes back like a dull ache.
“G’morning,” I mutter. “What day is it? I feel like I just slept for months.”
“Just for a night. About sixteen hours, though. How do you feel?”
I consider. “Better.” I rub my beard. “It was good to talk. I feel like I’ve been through the wringer, but came out the other side without so much baggage, if that makes any sense.”
She lifts her intelligent green eyes to mine. “Perfect sense.” She gets up and pours a cup of coffee from the pot and hands it to me. “I don’t have much for food here, but I’m making you blueberry muffins. You know, for saving my life again.”
I step over to her and pull her soft form against mine and kiss the top of her head. “That’s sweet of you.”
On the floor, her dog thumps his black furry tail at me.
“How are you, Dog?”
Bear surges to his feet and runs over to me, tail wagging.
I drop into a chair and take the dog’s head into my hands, rubbing his face and praising him. “You’re a good boy, aren’t you? Are we friends? You’re not too scared of my bear?”
Bear turns his head to lick my hand.
I lift my gaze to Miranda. “What about you? Not freaked out?”
She shakes her head. “I love it. And I promise I will never, ever breathe a word to anyone. I don’t betray my friends.” She stumbles over the word friend, and I have to shove away the silent urgings from my bear to claim her.
She’s not claim-able.
She’s a human.
I’m a shifter.
She has her research. Lives in Albuquerque.
I’m still grieving.
Except the sharp dagger of pain that’s been between my ribs ever since Jen and Gretchen died isn’t there today. It’s eased to a dull ache.
Because of Miranda. And not just from her comforting me last night, although that went a long way to healing my broken soul. No, it’s because of the sex and the laughter. The companionship. And yes, the friendship.
And love, my bear whispers.
Love.
Fuck. I’m not capable of love again.
No, I can’t pursue this.
I clear my throat. “Thank you. That’s extremely important, Miranda. I appreciate your respect for our secrecy.”
“Of course.”
I believe her. She’ll honor me in this, I’m sure of it.
Her phone beeps and she bustles over to the oven and pulls out the muffins. My stomach rumbles.
“I hope you made more than one pan of those, because I’m gonna eat all twelve myself,” I warn her.
Her laugh is musical and magical. It fills the room and lights up the corners of my soul that haven’t heard laughter in years. “You go ahead. They’re all for you. I’d offer to make you dinner, but I’m not really set up for entertaining here.”
I pick a hot muffin out of the tin and toss it between my two hands to cool it off. “This will do. I love blueberries.”
She laughs again. “I noticed. And now I know why.”
I stuff half a muffin in my mouth. “Why?” I ask with my mouth full.
She rolls her eyes. “Bear food.”
“Oh yeah.�
�� I give a sheepish grin and demolish the other half of the muffin while picking a second one out of the pan.
“How often do you change into a bear?” she asks, eyeing my naked torso like it’s dessert. She’d better stop looking at me like that, or it’s on like Donkey Kong.
I shrug. “I don’t know. Once a week? Once a month? Depends on what I want to do.”
“What were you doing yesterday?”
“Keeping an eye on you. When are you going to wrap this research up so I can get back to hibernating?” It’s not like me to tease or joke. Hell, it’s not like me to even smile, but I crack a grin so she knows I’m not a complete asshole. As much as a disruption as she’s been to my life, I will miss her when she leaves.
The brightness in her face dims. “My tablet was ruined by the water so I lost all the work I did at your place. At least I didn’t lose my whole pack. I was actually trying to shrug out of it before you saved me. So I still have my samples. I need another day or two to finish collecting and then I can head back.” Her voice strangles at the end, like leaving gives her pause, too. I don’t mean to, but I catch her eye, and the two of us lock gazes, arrested by what’s unsaid between us.
“I gotta go,” I blurt. “I’m going to drive into town and make that phone call we talked about. I’ll find you when I’m done to make sure you’re safe out there. Keep Bear close to you at all times. Closer than yesterday, understand?”
“Um… but you’re naked.” She glances down at the towel around my waist.
I shove another muffin in my mouth. “I’m gonna shift. Wanna watch?” I grin because I know she does. My bear is showing off now.
“Oh my God, yes.” She follows me outside. I toss back one more muffin before I close my eyes and surrender to the animal within me. Thoughts scatter. The ability to think and reason decreases. My instincts sharpen. Inside my head, I’m still me, but different parts of my brain are activated. It’s a little like having super powers while drunk.
I drop to all fours and lumber to the steps of the cabin, putting my front paws on the top step where Miranda stands. She draws in a sharp breath. I lift my snout to look her in the face. Her expression is no less awed than the first two times she saw me. She tentatively reaches out, but her hand freezes halfway to my head, like she’s too scared to actually touch me.