Payton had to leave now. Before Chaz woke up. Before anything else happened.
She loved him.
It wasn’t an earth-shattering revelation. It’d always been there below the surface. Of course she loved him. Would love him always. But loving Chaz meant thinking about what was best for him. And that wasn’t her. Not in this life.
She reached for him in the darkness, finding him by touch.
Her heart ached.
This sucked.
It had to be done.
She pressed a kiss to his cheek. Brief. Light.
He needed his rest.
Payton slipped out the other side of the bed and padded out of his room, closing the door behind her. Mid-morning sunlight streamed through all of the windows, giving the house a cheery glow.
She didn’t belong here.
That was the truth. The undeniable fact.
There wasn’t a place for her in the life Chaz had built. And she had no business being here.
She ducked into her room and checked her phone. Her heart thumped at the single text from Webb in her notifications.
Surely, he had to see the danger of keeping her here?
Stay put.
What?
She blinked at those two words.
Really?
Payton had explained the scope of the situation in an email, since Webb wouldn’t make time to talk to her yet. The danger her presence posed to a civilian life. But this was totally unacceptable.
Were they using her as bait? Then where was the security detail last night? Why hadn’t they acted?
No. She wasn’t going to do this. Not to Chaz. He’d already been hurt on the job, her being here put him at greater risk. And she couldn’t do that. Her hold on who she was, deep down, was tenuous at best. Losing him...it would destroy her. At her lowest points, a call, a text, some sort of smoke signal from him reminded her of...movies and hot cocoa, lying on the trampoline, Friday night football, picking on each other, laughing, life. Real life. People worth fighting for.
She grabbed her things spread around the room and tossed them into her bag. She’d had to dump a lot out last night to get her service weapon out of her travel compartment. If she left anything, well, she’d just have to live without it. There was no coming back here. No more talking to Chaz. She needed to move on, for both their sakes.
Payton pulled out a change of clothes from the mess she’d made.
Where was her knit cap?
Thump.
She froze, feeling the minute vibrations through the floorboards.
Her stomach flip-flopped.
No...
Payton closed her eyes and listened as much as felt the footsteps. The slight whoosh of the bedroom door.
She dropped the clothes back into her suitcase. The moment of opportunity was gone. She wrapped her arms around herself, stroking the soft T-shirt. He’d put it on her last night, mumbling some sort of joke.
“Getting ready to move your stuff into my room?”
Payton exhaled, eyes squeezed tightly shut.
His voice...did things to her. Awareness prickled her skin, she stood a little straighter, he...changed her.
She turned, tilting her head to the side and smiled.
A woman’s best shield was a smile.
That’s what her first undercover instructor had told her.
“I didn’t mean to wake you,” she said.
Damn, but he looked good.
Some of his hair stuck up, and he had that sleepy, half-awake look that made him seem...boyish. Then there was the rest of him. He’d complained about putting on a little weight during his recovery, but to her it made him seem more...human. Sure, under all that he was still rock hard abs and those arms...
He was the kind of man women swooned for. And rightly so. He was worth it.
“I needed to get up.” He scrubbed a hand across his face. “Hungry?”
“Yeah.”
“I’ll see what we’ve got.” His gaze traveled down her body, heating her skin without a touch.
She crossed to him and wrapped her arms around his neck.
One way or another, she was leaving. And then she couldn’t do this...
Payton lifted up and pressed her lips to his. A sweet, simple kiss.
Chaz lifted his head, covering his mouth.
“I haven’t brushed my teeth yet,” he said.
She shrugged and let him go.
He glanced over her shoulder at the bag, frowning.
Smile.
Smile through the pain.
Smile through the hard times.
Smile through the stuff you hate.
Just. Smile.
Chaz suspected...something. Between the guys in the backyard, her gun and the guilt he had to see plain as day on her face, he wouldn’t be the man she loved if he didn’t.
He turned and shuffled down the hall, toward the kitchen.
Payton perched on the edge of her old bed.
What should she do?
She could...send him out for something?
Or was he going on shift today? She hadn’t paid enough attention to the few mentions of work he’d made. So far, his schedule seemed random, but that was likely because of the holidays and his light duty restrictions. Still, knowing him, he’d go in for something.
She could just wait until then.
Say a big goodbye, then wave him out the door, all the while knowing that would be the last they’d see of each other.
It could work.
If he was going into the firehouse.
11.
Chaz concentrated on cracking the eggs just right.
And not on Payton’s...was it deception?
She’d looked awfully guilty last night after Arthur left. Oh, she’d smiled and said all the right things to the detective’s face, but...Chaz couldn’t shake the sense that she wasn’t telling him everything.
Who was she scared of?
What was she hiding?
When would she start trusting him with the truth?
Where had those guys come from last night?
Why did she need a gun?
He wasn’t stupid. She hadn’t just come home. No, he didn’t think that she’d set out to seduce him. Hell, he’d been an active part in their bedroom antics, so that wasn’t on her. But it was time to wake up and realize that there was more going on here than just a Christmas visit.
Coming out and asking her would put her on the defensive, but fuck. What else was he supposed to do? It wasn’t like she was confiding in him. Her secrets had secrets.
She was going to leave him if he didn’t figure it out. If he didn’t make her tell him. How the hell was he going to do that? Tie her to the bed and...well...that was an idea worth considering. But in practicality, they should discuss it rationally.
Her lack of trust in him really grated.
Hadn’t he always looked out for her? Wasn’t that worth something? He’d proven he could take care of her over the years, that he’d be there for her. So, what was going on that she couldn’t tell him?
“Mm, that smells good.” Payton wrapped her arms around his waist. She smelled of soap and something girly.
He shoved his frustration down deep and glanced at her.
Didn’t she realize she was better than this? Whatever she was involved with?
It wasn’t like she was lazy or wouldn’t try, she just...needed help finding the right path. And he wanted to be there for her.
“I’ll get the plates.” She gave him a squeeze, then let go.
He served up the food while she poured coffee.
They needed to figure this out. Now. Not later. The longer this took, the deeper she’d be into whatever she was running from.
Chaz sat down, his knee bumping Payton’s under the small table. She tucked into the meal with gusto. He was glad to see she was eating, that she had an appetite. Whatever was going on, she wasn’t hooked on anything that he could see. So, what was it? Money? A scam? S
ome sort of con?
“You’re awfully quiet.” She nibbled on a piece of bacon.
“What’s going on, Payton?”
Her eyes widened. If he didn’t know her, he’d assume that expression was surprise. But he’d made a study of her body language, and learned her more intimately in the last few days. He knew her oh, shit face for what it was.
“Don’t lie to me.” He tapped his fork on the table. He could see her wheels turning, coming up with something to say.
“I—don’t...what?” She squinted and shook her head.
There wasn’t a best way to come at Payton with a truth she didn’t want to divulge. At least he was being calm. Level-headed.
“I’m not stupid, Payton. I know something’s going on.” He reached for her hand, wrapping his fingers around hers. “You can tell me. Whatever it is...we can figure it out.”
“I...uh...I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Her eyes were so wide, her pupils large enough he could fall into them. Adrenaline did that. She was spinning her wheels, looking for an out.
“You didn’t just come here for a visit. You never do. There’s always an ulterior motive. The gun? The visit? Those guys? I know something’s going on. If you’d just tell me, maybe I can help?”
Payton shook her head, dropped the bacon and pulled her hand from his.
“I have no idea where to start with all of that.” She tilted her head to the side, brows rising. She’d figured out an angle and was digging in. She wasn’t going to be honest with him. Not one bit.
“The truth, Payton.”
“I came home to see my family. Apparently, I can’t come home just to see you.” She wiped her mouth with the napkin and threw it on the table.
“You can, but you don’t. If you came home just to see family, then where were you during Mom’s last birthday?”
“I was...that—working.”
“I’m not angry, Payton. I just want the truth. You have this idea screwed in so tight that you’re a fuck up, that Mom and I don’t want you around, but we do. You aren’t your dad. You’re better than he was. Don’t you see that? You’re a good person. So, what if you’ve made some mistakes?”
She sat back and stared out the front windows. At some point, she’d opened the blinds a bit.
Her lips pressed together.
He followed her gaze.
That...maroon car...
He’d seen it before...
After Payton got here and on his way to work.
“Are they part of this?” He pushed to his feet. If he couldn’t get an answer out of her, maybe those guys would say something.
“Chaz—what?”
He stalked toward the front door, jamming his feet in the running shoes he hadn’t worn in a while.
“Chaz—wait.”
“No, I want to ask your friends what’s going on. Maybe they’ll tell me.”
He jerked the front door open and stalked across the lawn.
Two guys sitting in a car at this hour wasn’t...normal.
“Hey.” He stepped off the curb and into the street.
The driver glanced his way, making eye contact before turning to his passenger.
“Hey, you.” Chaz pounded on the window. “Why are you harassing her?”
“Chaz—no. Stop!”
“I know you’re following us. What do you want?”
The driver started the car.
Payton grabbed Chaz by the arm, pulling him away from the sedan.
The vehicle shifted and lurched.
He stumbled back not a moment too soon.
The maroon car shot forward, whipping around another parked vehicle.
Chaz narrowed his gaze, trying to make out the license plate number. Arthur could track them down, figure out who they were.
“Stop this, Chaz. Just—come inside. Please? Chaz, please?” Her teeth chattered.
He shivered. It was too damn cold to be running around without a shirt on, and her hair was wet.
Chaz wrapped his arm around her waist, reciting the license plate in his head.
He’d get to the bottom of this, with or without her help. Someone would talk. He just hoped that whatever information Arthur found out didn’t put Payton in trouble. And if it did...well, maybe it was the wake-up call she needed.
They didn’t speak until they were back in the house.
He shut the door and Payton whirled on him.
“What the hell was that?” She threw her hand out, gesturing at the street.
“If you aren’t going to be honest, then maybe they will. Who are they? Your dealers? Do you owe them money? Are you in trouble? What’s going on, Payton?” He was practically yelling now. God, why couldn’t she tell him? What was so bad?
“Nothing!” She turned, wrapping her arms around her, and walked away.
“Yes, there is something going on. Why don’t you trust me?” He needed to back down, to get some space. His rational mind knew he was playing into Payton’s hands, letting her wind him up, but damn it.
“I do trust you. Nothing is going on.” Her eyes were wide, brows drawn down. He hated the lines of pain etched around her mouth, the way she was searching for an exit, but she couldn’t keep hiding from this.
“Then why are there men watching the house? Why did someone try to break in last night? Why do you think you need a gun?”
“I don’t know who any of those guys are, Chaz. Why is it always my fault?”
“Because this stuff only happens when you’re here.” His voice was so loud it seemed to echo in the house.
Payton’s mouth worked soundlessly.
The silence was overpowering.
Fuck.
He should not have said that.
He should have taken a walk, cooled down, not come at her like this.
He cut her with that remark, but it was true. Shit always happened when she came home. It was like bad stuff followed her around. He wanted to stop it, to make something good. With her. But she wouldn’t let him.
The door leading to the garage banged open, bouncing off the wall and into the man barging into his living room.
The two men from the sedan stepped in, guns in hand.
“Hands where we can see them,” the first yelled.
Chaz glanced at Payton, then back to the men.
They were...looking at him?
Not Payton.
“No—stop!” She stepped between the men and him, hands up.
“Ma’am, step aside,” the first man said again.
The other moved into the living room, trying to flank Chaz.
“What the hell is going on?” he demanded, lifting his hands slowly.
“Everyone—stop. Now,” Payton’s voice rose.
“Back against the wall, ma’am,” the first man said again. Was that...a badge at his belt?
“What the hell, Payton?” Chaz took a step back.
There had to be a mistake. Were they here for Payton? He didn’t need protecting from her. Or was this about him? What the hell had he done?
“Did he hurt you?” The first man asked.
“Me?” Chaz stared, this whole situation—crazy.
“I am a federal agent. You will lower your God damn weapons. Now.” Payton’s voice made the hair on Chaz’s arms rise. It was a tone that demanded attention.
Wait—what?
“Ma’am—”
“Put your fucking gun down.” She pointed and snapped at the first man. Then the second. “You two, stop. Now. Thank you for making this a disaster. Thank you. Really. Where the hell were you last night? Getting donuts? That’s great. Good job.”
Chaz blinked at the two men. The two men blinked at each other, guns slowly lowering.
“Ma’am—”
“Just—sit down. Shut up.” She held up her hands. “Stop trying to help.”
Payton shoved a hand through her hair.
Federal...agent...what?
She pivoted, doing a full three-sixty then glanced up
at him.
“Come here.” She jerked her head toward the hall.
“Ma’am,” the first guy had his gun holstered, but his hand still on the weapon, “I don’t think—”
“I don’t care what you think,” Payton snapped. “I outrank both of you, so sit down, shut the fuck up and let me do the thinking.”
Chaz was staring, but...what else was he supposed to do?
What the hell was going on here?
Had he stepped into some sort of alternate dimension?
His...whatever she was...was some sort of cop? She wasn’t...she wasn’t...what was she?
“Tell Mr. Smoke what you told me.”
Alice stirred her coffee slowly. When Payton did this, without making eye contact, it appeared to have an interesting effect on people. The young street soldier stepped closer, his swagger faltering.
Good.
Brent stepped back, playing his part well now that they’d rehearsed a bit.
“Yeah...well, uh, Dion sent us to this house, you see. He wanted us to grab this woman who looks like you, Mr. Smoke, sir.”
“When?” Brent prompted the boy.
“Around...eleven, I think.”
Alice pursed her lips.
She’d expected this.
It was the downfall to Dion’s intelligence. He’d come up with his own plan. All she’d tasked him with was finding Payton. He should have already alerted Alice to Payton’s presence. Was he trying to get her for his own use? She had quite a lot of information in that head of hers. She wasn’t stupid.
The young man recounted the night’s activities, watching Payton and whoever it was she was with. The showdown with the man. How fast the cops had arrived.
“I have a new task for you,” Alice said.
There was only one way to ensure Payton didn’t fall into the wrong hands.
They all had to die.
Payton closed her bedroom door behind Chaz.
Where did she even begin?
She turned, still at a loss for what to say.
Chaz wrapped his arms around her, squeezing her so tight she couldn’t breathe. She held on, because the alternative was facing a decade of lies.
He’d thought she was the one honest person in their family...
She probably had more lies than Martha and Dad combined.
Chaz stepped back, his eyes searching her face.
“A federal officer?” he said.
Up in Smoke (Firehouse Three, #4) Page 10