The Return of Her Past

by Lindsay Armstrong

  Gail simply stared at her.

  ‘Oh, all right!’ Mia closed her eyes in patent irritation. ‘There’s no “how about it” at all. I haven’t seen or heard from him for months. For all I know, he could have married a...an Eskimo.’

  ‘Now that I very much doubt,’ Gail pronounced and stood up. ‘He’s too tall for an igloo. But it could be best to shore up your defences well and truly.’

  Mia stared up at her with her heart suddenly in her eyes. ‘How do you do that?’ she asked out of a dry throat. ‘How do you do that?’

  ‘Tell yourself that, whatever he might like to think, you had good reasons for what you did.’

  ‘But...but if you’re not sure you did?’

  ‘Mia—’ Gail planted her fists on the desk and leant on them ‘—you’ve got to go with your gut feeling. And if it tells you things are not right, they’re not.’ Gail straightened.

  ‘How come you’re so wise?’ Mia asked with just the glint of a tear in her eye.

  Gail shrugged. ‘My mum says it’s easy to be right about other people’s problems. And now I’ll leave you to design this christening.’

  * * *

  The weather forecast for the day of the christening was not that good—wet and windy.

  Mia grumbled under her breath as she read the details the day before but made the usual decision not to take any chances with sodden food, sodden effects or sodden guests.

  She’d already partially decorated the dining room to be on the safe side and decided she needed to finish it off.

  Rather than going for pastel pinks and blues, she’d used stronger colours and silver ribbons in bunches. For the rest of it she’d relied on magnificent bunches of flowers.

  But some of the ribbons were coming undone and she fetched the ladder and climbed up to retie them.

  It was a labour intensive job, getting up and down the ladder and moving it around the room as well as stretching her neck. Which might have been why she came to grief opposite the doorway to the hall.

  She must not have had the ladder properly balanced because, as she started to climb down, it wobbled, she lost her footing and, with a startled cry, began to fall.

  At first she didn’t recognise the pair of arms that caught her. It flashed through her mind that it must be Bill, for once in his life, where she was concerned, anyway, in the right place at the right time.

  Then recognition seeped through her pores—Carlos.

  ‘Mia,’ he growled, ‘you could have broken your back or your head—couldn’t you be more careful?’

  ‘Carlos—’ she said faintly; he still had her in his arms ‘—that’s funny, isn’t it?’

  ‘What’s funny?’

  ‘I haven’t seen you for months but, once again, it’s in an injury situation. Well, no.’ She slipped out of his arms. ‘I’m fine! Thanks to you. But what are you doing here? The christening isn’t until tomorrow,’ she said foolishly.

  He cast her a frowning look. ‘I know that. I came to see you.’

  It was her turn to frown. ‘Does that mean you’re driving back to Sydney, then up again tomorrow?’

  He shook his head. ‘I’m staying here.’

  Mia’s mouth fell open.

  ‘Oh, not in your loft,’ he drawled, ‘but, according to what Gail told Carol, not that Gail knew why Carol was asking, the honeymoon suite is vacant tonight so I thought I’d give it a try. I also thought it was time to have a guided tour of all the changes and improvements.’

  ‘By all means,’ Mia heard herself say. ‘I was wondering when you would want to see what you’d paid for.’

  They stood back and studied each other.

  Mia’s heart was still beating rapidly beneath the pink blouse she wore with jeans, her cheeks were flushed and her hair was coming loose.

  She thought he was taller than she remembered, then realised it was because she was barefoot. She put her hands to her cheeks, then looked around for her shoes.

  ‘I’m sorry I’m so disorganised,’ she gabbled, finding herself in complete disarray. ‘Actually, I’m not really disorganised. I’m just...’ She stopped helplessly and put a hand to her throat. ‘Why did you want to see me?’

  ‘We don’t need to talk here, do we?’ he countered.

  Mia licked her lips. ‘Where would you like to go?’

  ‘Show me Noah’s Ark first.’

  * * *

  ‘It was only finished a week or so ago,’ Mia said as he looked around. ‘So I’m really looking forward to giving it a trial run.’ She grimaced. ‘That doesn’t mean to say I’m experimenting with Juanita’s guests; it’s all safe and sound—I just hope the kids will like it.’

  Carlos picked up a wooden giraffe and a smile twisted his lips. ‘They will.’

  ‘There are things for older children to do.’

  ‘You’ve done well, Miss Gardiner.’

  She looked up at him. ‘Is something wrong?’ she asked because he seemed like a stranger to her, because she seemed to be fluttering like a trapped butterfly around him, but there was no light in him, just a very different Carlos O’Connor.

  ‘You could say so.’

  ‘What?’ Her eyes were wide and dark and supremely anxious. ‘What is it?’ She put a trembling hand on his sleeve. ‘Tell me.’

  He covered her hand with his briefly. ‘Just tired, I guess. I only got home from a European trip this morning. OK, now for the much-vaunted honeymoon suite. Lead on.’

  Mia hesitated, not entirely convinced he was being honest. ‘All right. I’ll have to get the keys from the main house, then we can drive your car down.’

  * * *

  Fortunately, Gail had gone into Katoomba on an errand, so as Mia collected the keys she didn’t have to attempt any explanations. She did collect a small basket of dairy products, fresh rolls and fruit to take down to the honeymoon suite.

  ‘So,’ she said a few minutes later, ‘this is it.’

  Carlos looked around at the spacious, uncluttered sheer elegance and luxury of the suite, at the stone fireplace and the lovely art on the walls.

  Mia moved over to the windows and swept back the curtains and had to smile because the magnificent view down Mount Wilson in the late afternoon sunlight always had that effect on her.

  She turned to Carlos. ‘It doesn’t look like it at the moment, but there’s rain predicted for tomorrow. Uh...you’ll probably want to have a rest. If you want a snack I brought some fresh rolls, some cheese and other stuff but—’ she moved into the galley-style kitchen and opened an iridium fridge ‘—there should be a gourmet pack here. Yes. Some smoked salmon, anchovies, olives. Uh...beer, wine and champagne as well as spirits.’

  She opened another cupboard and revealed a coffee-maker. ‘And there’s tea and coffee, and here—’ She stopped because he walked up to her and took her hand.

  ‘You don’t have to sell the place to me, Mia,’ he said quietly.

  ‘You did pay for it. And I haven’t shown you the bedroom.’

  He shrugged. ‘Sit down. Glasses?’

  Mia hesitated, then pointed to a cupboard.

  ‘Champagne OK with you?’ He raised an eyebrow at her.

  ‘Well, one probably won’t hurt,’ she temporised, then, at the look of irony in his eyes, put her hands to her cheeks as she felt herself blush and, in disarray again, sat down on a stool at the breakfast bar after nearly knocking it over.

  He said nothing as he removed the foil from the champagne cork and unwound the wire. It popped discreetly and he poured the bubbly golden liquid into two cut-glass flutes.

  ‘Cheers.’ He slid a glass towards her and sat down diagonally opposite her on another stool.

  ‘Cheers!’ Mia raised her glass, then took an urgent sip. ‘Oh.’ She started to slide off the stool. ‘I can put together a snack, won’t take a moment.’

  ‘Mia, no.’

  She stilled.

  ‘Tell me something,’ he went on. ‘Are you happy?’

  She stared at him. ‘
I...I’m doing fine.’

  ‘Not quite the same thing,’ he observed, then gestured, ‘except that in your case it might be.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  He looked down at his glass. ‘Six months ago I came up here to ask you again to marry me.’

  Her lips parted and her eyes were stunned.

  ‘I was going to tell you about Nina—I did, but only part of it,’ he went on. ‘I was going to suggest we put all the past behind us, not only her but West Windward. I was going to remind you of Byron Bay if you still had reservations.’ He stopped and studied her and she shivered for some reason

  ‘Only to discover,’ he went on, ‘that the one thing that really affected you was the concept of Bellbird being sold. That shocked you to tears and spurred you into making a partnership offer, that’s all. That’s, incidentally, what made me wonder if “doing fine” in a career and business sense is all that matters to you.’

  Mia made a small sound in her throat—a sound of protest.

  ‘Or is it that you still can’t forgive me for West Windward, Mia? And my mother? Is that why you could be the way you were at Byron but then all you had to offer me was a business proposition?’

  She licked her lips. ‘Carlos, did you think all you had to do was tell me about Nina and Talbot and I’d fall into your arms? Is that what you’re trying to say? I hadn’t seen or heard a word from you for four months.’

  He rubbed his jaw. ‘No,’ he said at last. ‘But I couldn’t find the words to tell you that I did try to stop her going off with Talbot. I did try to explain to her what had happened with my father—she was justifiably horrified. She asked me—’ he paused, looking tortured ‘—what I was going to do to wreck your life. I don’t know if she had any inkling that I’d already damaged it or if it was simply a shot in the dark, but it had a powerful effect on me.’

  Mia stared at him, transfixed. ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘It made me think maybe my best bet was to avoid you. It made me doubt my judgement, even my sanity. She may never realise it, she may never have intended it as such, but she completely destabilised me with that one little question.’

  ‘So you stayed away?’

  ‘I stayed away—it was also what you wanted,’ he reminded her. ‘But the day before you were due to leave I knew I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t see how you were. But that,’ he said with palpable irony, ‘led me down the rocky road to hell.’

  Mia blinked. ‘I was upset to think of Bellbird being sold,’ she whispered, ‘but I still believed it wasn’t over between you and Nina. I couldn’t decide what would be worse for you, to see her happy with Talbot or unhappy.’

  ‘No,’ he said, ‘it is over, it is done with. I’m happy to see her happy, at last.’

  Mia closed her eyes. And a surge of something she’d never known before ran through her, a powerful urge to clear her soul of all its secrets.

  Her lashes flew up. ‘There’s one thing you don’t understand about me, Carlos. Yes, I may be single-minded in a business sense. Yes, it means a lot to me to succeed because the more I do the fainter the memory of being branded the housekeeper’s daughter grows. But it doesn’t stop there.’

  ‘What about Byron?’ he asked tautly.

  ‘Byron was lovely,’ she said with the first sign of tears in her eyes. ‘But you got the shock of your life that night. So did Nina.’ She drained her glass. ‘I can’t forget it.’

  He made an involuntary movement towards her, then stilled and poured more champagne.

  ‘Thanks,’ she said huskily. ‘I told you once I wasn’t going to be used to break Nina’s heart. Well, I’ll never know about that but—’ she stopped and drew a deep breath, then trembled as the shutters of her mind fell away and for the first time she really understood her own secrets ‘—you mean far too much to me to s-see you—’ her voice broke ‘—tied to someone you don’t love deeply.’

  ‘Mia,’ he said roughly.

  But she held up her hand. ‘The other thing is—’ She stopped and sighed and soldiered on. ‘The other thing is...I have an enormous inferiority complex.’ Her eyes were wet and dark. ‘I didn’t really understand it myself, but Juanita is so sure of herself, for example. And Nina, that night. She was so poised—until you told her we were getting married. Poised and classy. It’s not how I see myself, not around you. It’s something that holds me back without me realising it.’

  She rubbed her face. ‘So you see, Nina is not the only one with complexes.’

  He stared at her incredulously. ‘Say that again?’

  ‘No, Carlos—’ she sniffed ‘—you heard.’

  ‘I may have but it’s hard to believe.’

  ‘It shouldn’t be, you—’

  ‘I caused it?’ he broke in.

  ‘It might just be the way I’m made,’ she said miserably.

  He studied her for a long moment, her wet spiky lashes, that luscious mouth, her wayward hair, the lovely trim figure, and knew he had to pull out all the stops because he’d made all sorts of mistakes with this woman and it was killing him. Killing him to think Bellbird meant more to her than he did.... But how to right those mistakes? If only he could get her to laugh with him. Maybe the simple truth? It had all the makings of comedy. Well, a farce anyway...

  ‘These have been the hardest six months of my life,’ he said.

  She looked at him with a faint frown.

  ‘I’ve fulfilled one of my father’s dreams, to have construction sites on the four corners of a major city intersection, to have O’Connor Construction billboards plastered on all four corners.’

  ‘Oh. Congratulations.’ But she looked at him uncertainly, not sure what his tone meant or where this was leading.

  ‘Thanks.’ He shrugged. ‘It didn’t help.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘It didn’t help me to view him more affectionately. If anything I was more annoyed than ever. And it’s a nightmare scenario, traffic-wise. Then there’s my mother.’

  Mia’s frown grew.

  ‘Yep.’ He moved his glass. ‘I’ve always taken her with a grain of salt.’ He grimaced. ‘What I mean to say is, I’ve recognised what motivates her, family loyalty above all, and I’ve dealt with the consequences without too much angst. Except in your case and then it was too late.’ He studied his glass and pushed it away, as if it was annoying him too. ‘But lately she and her “celebrity” chef husband have been irritating the life out of me. Turns out he’s as much of a raving snob as she is, hard as that is to imagine.’

  Mia blinked. ‘A chef?’

  A crooked grin twisted his lips. ‘You’re as bad as she is, as he is. Yes. He cannot remain silent on any topic relating to food and beverage. He’s positively painful on the subject of what wines go with this, that and the other. On what is the correct way to cook this, that and the other, on the best restaurants, not—’ he shook his forefinger ‘—only in Australia but the whole world.’

  ‘Oh, dear.’

  He eyed her keenly. ‘As you say. Then there’s Juanita. As a single half-sister she always had quite a bracing personality but she could be a lot of fun. As a married matron and mother of twins she’s insufferably smug, another snob and—’ He broke off and gestured. ‘I don’t know how Damien puts up with her.’

  Mia put her hands on the island bench. ‘Carlos—’

  But he waved her to silence. ‘Hang on. Then there’s the construction industry in general. Now, I may have had issues with my father but I’m actually a passionate engineer and builder—or I was.’ He looked supremely sombre.

  ‘Not anymore?’ Mia hazarded.

  ‘I couldn’t give a damn if I never built another thing.’

  ‘Carlos—’ she paused ‘—I’m not a hundred per cent sure you’re serious.’

  ‘I am, and there’s more. I’ve lived like a monk ever since Byron Bay because I haven’t been able to have you, Mia.’

  Mia took an unexpected breath.

  He waited a mo
ment, then he slid his hand across the island bench and touched her fingers with his.

  For a moment she was frozen, hardly even breathing, her eyes huge.

  ‘Really?’ she said at last.

  He nodded.

  ‘You...you tried?’

  He nodded again. ‘A couple of times. With disastrous consequences. How about you?’

  ‘Oh, I didn’t want to so I didn’t even think of trying,’ she assured him, then she broke off and bit her lip.

  The pressure of his fingers increased on hers. ‘Do you think that means...anything?’

  ‘Carlos...’ She took a breath.

  ‘Mia, I can’t live without you,’ he said. ‘It’s killing me. All the mistakes I made are killing me. As for your complexes—’ he closed his eyes briefly ‘—please throw them away because they mean nothing to me. And please take me on—you can redecorate me, renegotiate me but if you don’t restore me I’m in serious trouble. And that’s the plain, unvarnished truth.’

  Her lips trembled and, hard as she tried, she couldn’t stop herself from starting to smile.

  Carlos got up cautiously and came round the island bench. He stopped in front of Mia and tilted her chin up gently. And there was a question in his eyes.

  ‘Oh, look,’ Mia whispered. ‘I’m not sure why, but I think I’ve always loved you, Carlos, and I always will.’

  ‘Is there anything wrong with that?’ he queried.

  ‘No. Not anymore. I don’t seem to have any fight left in me,’ she conceded. ‘I’ve missed you so much.’

  He pulled her into his arms. ‘Same here. More than you could ever know. Mia—will you marry me?’

  ‘Yes. Yes, I will,’ she said and found she couldn’t stop smiling.

  ‘They’re back, your dimples,’ he said unsteadily.

  ‘That can only be because you’re back,’ she told him.

  ‘Thanks for that.’ And he started to kiss her.

  * * *

  Quite some time later they stirred in each other’s arms. They’d moved from the island bench to a settee in the lounge area, one that overlooked the view—a view that was dominated by some magnificent purple thunderheads.

  ‘I told you rain was forecast,’ she said as she nuzzled into his shoulder.