by C. C. Brown
“You’ve got nothing to fucking say for yourself, Devil Dog?”
My silence had sent him tumbling over the edge. He was shouting, and the veins bulging out of his neck looked like they would burst and spew anger all over me. He slammed both of his hands down on the desk, leaning over and bringing his face inches from mine.
“You were our goddamned NCO of the Quarter, our most highly respected instructor, and a leader for your peers. You’ve turned into nothing more than another fucking idiot who can’t keep his fucking dick in his pants. I’m going to take this shit as far as I can take it, hopefully setting up your court martial right alongside Allen’s. You’re two peas in the same motherfucking pod.”
That comment hit at my psyche, causing my anger to flare up.
“With all due respect, First Sergeant, I am nothing like Allen. I don’t prey on those weaker than me.” If I had lost my right mind, I would have gone off on his ass for the comparison, but he was still my superior and I was still expected to show him respect.
So I showed it, in the least amount possible.
My response must have set him off because he took his big, burly hands and grabbed me by the collar of my t-shirt, pulling my face up to his where our noses were touching. The hot, foul breath intruding my senses made me want to pull away, but I couldn’t. He had me strong and tight, strengthening his grip as he began to speak.
“You listen to me, and you god damn listen well. We are not here to fuck our students, we are here to teach them. What happened to your integrity as a Marine? What happened to your belief in the eagle, globe, and anchor? You set the precedent as lead instructor, and the rest of them are watching you, thinking they can get away with shit like you have.”
Spit was flying from his mouth, hitting my face like a rain shower. I tried hard to hold strong… to not blink… to not give any piece of satisfaction.
“It’s too bad Pfc. Bennett was attacked because you almost got away with this shit. You hide in the shadows, pretending to be something you are not. Well let me tell you something, Sergeant. You won’t be hearing that title before your name when I get through with you. You won’t be seeing that promotion you’re in line for either. You are a disgrace to me, this unit, and the rest of the fucking Marine Corps. You’re as sloppy as a fucking civilian, and in my eyes, beneath one. Now get the fuck out of my office before I go ape shit on your ass and become unprofessional.”
He let me go, forcefully pushing me away as he did so. He was fire breathing mad, an anger that I had never seen on his face before. My insides were a blended mess. He had me, almost, if not completely. His job was to find concrete evidence to make his claims stick, and I sat there, giving nothing away even though the overwhelming desire to want to spew it all over his desk, like vomit from deep down inside of me was banging on the door—begging to be let out.
While, on the outside, I was calm and collected, my insides were on full panic mode. My throat felt like a spike strip had been yanked up and down, drawing blood and leaving me with the inability to swallow, even though saliva was beginning to build up like a flood.
“I am glad to still find honesty and integrity amongst those around you—that you haven’t tainted them with your affair.” He took a long, deep breath, rubbing his hand down his face. His eyes went into that dark, sinister form that I was becoming well acquainted with before speaking again.
“This shit makes me look bad, and when I look bad, I’m going to make you look worse, you understand that?”
“Yes, First Sergeant,” I replied, looking straight ahead, not giving him any sort of satisfaction.
He studied me for a minute, then looked back down to his notepad.
“Get the fuck out of my office, Marine,” he growled, sitting back down in his chair.
“Yes, First Sergeant,” I replied, showing no signs of weakness where he was concerned. I still hadn’t heard anything about Cassie, so as far as I was concerned, I was leaving pretty much the same way that I went in, only I needed to gather myself and put my insides back together. He had fucking fried them, and now he had me worried about who in our circles went further than necessary and spilled everything. No longer was I worried—I was angry.
Completely fucking angry.
I walked out of his office, sweating a bit but thankful that I was waiting on news that would destroy Cassie, but never came. I rushed off to my truck, headed back to the base hospital, ready to spend the remaining days with Cassie until the hammer would come down hard and heavy over my head. It would be a miracle if he didn’t come after me with a rope to string me from a fucking tree by my balls.
One thing in particular stood out from First Sergeant’s ass chewing, and that was the fact the he mentioned a couple of times that the people closest to us were willing to talk. It had put me on high alert. Not because I was afraid of whatever they had to say—it seemed Cassie and I were out in the open—but because I had to question their loyalty. And loyalty meant too fucking much to me to let this shit slip through the cracks.
I walked up to Cassie’s room, finding Dalton sitting in the chair next to her bed, looking through a magazine with her. They both looked up and met my glaring eyes. Had this motherfucker run his mouth a bit too much? Was he really the loyal friend that she had entrusted him to be? I couldn’t be sure.
They both looked at me, eyes wide open, faces full of worry.
“Are you okay?” Cassie asked, closing the magazine and setting it down on her lap. “How did it go?”
“I’d prefer to speak to you in private,” I lowly muttered, putting a heightened level of bitterness in my words to let Dalton know that he wasn’t welcomed.
He stood, kissing the top of Cassie’s head, then left the room, trying to avoid me altogether. We watched him leave the room, then she turned to me, those sparkling green eyes full of worry, maybe even confusion.
“What happened?”
“Everything that I thought would happen. I’m a fucking predator, and I need to be taken down.” Tears sprang to life in her eyes and rolled down her face. “There is nothing to worry about, Cassie. I sealed my fate from the day I pursued you, so this is no fucking shock for me.”
She sniffled a couple of times, trying to blink away newly formed tears.
“What is a fucking shock to me is that someone, or a few someone’s around us, opened their fucking mouths and gave away quite a bit.”
“You think it was Dalton?”
“I don’t know who the fuck it was. It could have been him—“
“Or it could have been Castillo or Jensen,” she quickly threw in, trying to take the heat off of her friend. I wasn’t convinced. I wasn’t sure of anyone and their motives anymore.
“Look, we don’t know anything, Alex. I highly doubt Dalton would have given more away.”
I rubbed my hands over my head, feeling the growing frustration beginning to overcome me, and I was not about to lose my shit in this hospital room where she was supposed to be resting.
I took her hand in mine, hoping the warmth of her skin would make me remember that, right now she was my only focus.
“And hey, at least I don’t have to go to North Carolina,” she said, smiling her bright and vibrant smile.
“I know. I’m fucking over the moon about that. I guess something good came out of all of this bullshit.”
“Yeah, something.”
“I know something else that would be even better.”
“What’s that,” she asked, looking absolutely confused.
“If you’d marry me.”
Her mouth dropped and her breath hitched. I smiled at her, feeling like I had just hit the lottery. There was no reason to be separated. She was who I wanted, what I needed, and quickly into our relationship or not, I wanted her.
“Yesterday did a few things to me. It showed me that I could have lost you, and since I didn’t, I don’t want to go another day without having you as mine in every way that I can imagine.”
“But Alex, we�
��ve only been together a short time.” She stopped, running her hand over her face and sighing loudly. “We’ll just be another military couple, getting married on a whim—“
“We will never be just another fucking military couple. You mean more to me than any woman that I have ever been with. You’ve opened my eyes and brought the human side back into my robotic soul. You’ve showed me what it’s like to love and love with all you’ve got, and I know, for a short time or a lifetime, that you are exactly who I want carrying around my last name.”
Another tear dropped from her eye as her lips formed into a coy smile.
“You need to know that through this entire ordeal I tried to fight you off, but I couldn’t do it. And if it were just about the fucking, I would have let you go a long time ago. I couldn’t get you out of my system, no matter how extreme I tried to go. You’re everything I have ever wanted, Cassie Bennett, my Blondie, mi mariposa. The road is going to be rough from here on out, but I want you riding the bumps with me.”
Her hand went to her chest as she let the tears fall. I leaned in and kissed them away, hoping she would grant me permission to make her utterly and completely mine.
“I love you so much, Alex. I just—“
“You don’t have to answer me right now. I just want you thinking about it.”
A knock came on the door and the nurse walked in, carrying a tray full of meds.
“Here you go, Pfc. Bennett. There is a sleeping pill in here, so you will be out in no time.”
Cassie took the pills and washed them down with water. I turned and smiled at the nurse, urging her back out of the room. She got the clue, hurrying back out to her station. When she was out, I turned back to Cassie, trying to figure out what was running through her mind.
“What about the investigation?” she asked. I could tell she was stuffed with worry, and I was too, but I wasn’t about to let it kill this moment for us.
“Fuck that investigation. They can rip everything away from me, take me clear down to Private, and it wouldn’t mean shit to me as long as I’ve got you by my side.”
“This is exactly what I didn’t want. I didn’t want you having to choose between everything you’ve worked so hard for and me. I didn’t want to be the one to ruin everything for you.”
Listening to her blame herself was beginning to claw away at me. Her words were eagle-like talons ripping into my flesh, slowing pulling my skin down, exposing the inside and dousing it with acid. Nothing that had happened between us was any of her fault, and I was not about to let her take responsibility for any of it.
“Let me remind you that I am the superior in this situation and that I pursued you. Nowhere in this equation do I see you ruining anything for me. I made a conscious choice, and I don’t fucking regret it, but it’ll break me in half if I can’t have you—all of you.”
Just as she was about to speak, the door swung open, no courtesy knock whatsoever, and a woman walked in. She looked tired and rundown, and her foul aroma of cigarette smoke nearly knocked me off of my feet. She didn’t look too old, but her face was filled with wrinkles, and the long, scraggly blonde hair covering her head didn’t help her look. Her eyes struck Cassie, pinning her full of mockery and repulsion. My guard dog senses came alive, wanting this woman to leave because her presence had obviously disturbed Cassie. She moved further into the room, smiling a wicked smile that sent chills down my back.
“Well, well, well. Look at this here. I knew you’d find some fucking way to get yourself in some sort of trouble.”
I didn’t like her look, and now I wasn’t too keen on her tone.
“Who the fuck are you?” I asked, highly annoyed by the less than gracious entrance she made into the room.
“Who are you?” she asked, turning to me with contempt in her eyes.
Cassie rolled her eyes, then sighed.
“Alex, this is my mom, Emmalyn Bennett. Mom, this is my boyfriend, Alex.”
Confirmation that this was her mom soured my mood, making me want to grab Cassie and take her away from there.
“Hmmm. Was he the one that did this to you? You never did have any sort of fucking judgment.”
“You watch your mouth when you speak to her. I don’t know why you’re here, but if it’s only to cause problems, then it’s best you leave before I lose my fucking temper.” My clenched jaw made it easy for her to read that I wasn’t messing around.
Cassie sat in bed, mortified and not knowing what to say or do. I didn’t know her mom, but from everything I had heard, and from what I had just seen, I didn’t want her around.
And I was more than willing to be the one to remove her ass.
“What are you doing here?” Cassie finally asked. I didn’t care what her reasons were. I just wanted to see her turn and leave the same way that she came in.
“You got your ass beat so badly that you were in and out of consciousness. The hospital staff called me since I’m your next of kin.”
Hearing her say that was like a sledgehammer to the gut. Seeing this woman, Cassie’s decision maker in the event of anything ever going wrong, solidified my belief that her marrying me was for the best. I needed to rid this trash out of her life. I needed to make sure that her past didn’t come soiling our future.
We stood in a silent stalemate for a few minutes, my heart pounding, the sound beating against my eardrums. The horrendous information I had learned about Cassie’s mom wasn’t doing the real life image justice. This woman was repugnant in its truest form. She made my skin crawl, and her demeanor ignited an adverse reaction that I wasn’t even going to waste time trying to hide. This bitch was mean, cruel, and nasty. Her time tormenting Cassie was over. I stood and walked over in her direction when there was another knock on the door. Our chief instructor, Gunnery Sergeant Chavez, and the Company Gunny, Gunnery Sergeant Bokowski, marched in, looking stern faced and on a mission. Their attire alone told me they were there on official business.
“Sergeant Cruz?” they asked, looking in my direction.
“Yes. What is this about?”
They stood, surveying the room before finally focusing their attention back to me.
“Sergeant Cruz you are suspected of fraternization. By order of First Sergeant O’Hara, we are to escort you to his office where you will receive official charges.”
A piece of me wanted to shout how much of a pussy First Sergeant O’Hara was for sending his henchmen here to do his dirty work instead of detaining me on his own. He’d had me, and he’d had every opportunity to take me in. Instead, he chose to have my Chief Instructor and Company Gunny do it for him. The thought of his utter cowardice sent anger flaring through my nostrils as I stood, feeling like I could break through walls at the moment. The two Gunnery Sergeants stood, waiting for me to make my way over to them, but I didn’t.
I had known this day would come, but I had no idea how it would play out, and this was the last way I could have imagined—Cassie lying in a hospital bed, her piece of shit mom in the room with her, and me being escorted out. It was a bad dream come to life. The walls had finally come crashing down.
Gunny Bokowski grew tired of waiting. “Right fucking now, Cruz!”
I looked back to Cassie who had tears falling from her eyes. I hated seeing her cry, and in the past day I had seen more tears fall from those gorgeous eyes than I had cared to see in all of my lifetime. Her hurt brought me hurt, and I hated it.
My eyes swung over to the living cancer stick, sitting there, satisfaction written all over her face. I could tell that the fact that I was being led out made her happy. It was heartbreaking for her daughter, and she seemed to thrive on that shit. I took a couple of slow and methodical steps over to where Chavez and Bokowski were standing, then looked back at Cassie, sadness written all over her face. I didn’t say a word as I allowed them to reign me in, but Cassie stopped crying long enough to yell out, “Yes, Alex. It’s a yes.”
Standing enclosed between the two men, I had never felt so free. To hear t
hose words come out of Cassie’s mouth was the key to freedom. I was floating on cloud fucking nine, and nothing else factored into my moment of happiness as I stood to lose so much, but gained so much more in return.
I mouthed I love you as I was led out of the room, feeling queasy that her mom was still there with her, but also fulfilled that I had gotten her. Cassie was all I had ever wanted from the very beginning, and if it meant losing everything to gain her, it was the sacrifice that I was willing to make.
I walked out of the hospital, looking like a criminal as curious eyes glued onto me as I stood encased between two stern faced, uniformed gunnies. But the accusations, the punishments—none of it was enough to take away what I had just won. Cassie Bennett was the ultimate prize, and the love she gave me was worth more than anything else. My temporary punishment was no match for my lifelong gain.
As I was led into the back of the duty car, a satisfied grin creeped across my face.
Like Cassie’s butterfly, in every way that mattered, I was finally free.
Glossary
A-duty: assistant to the Duty NCO
Barracks Whore: female who sleeps around with males in the barracks
Blouse: long sleeve top to the cammies, covering the green t-shirt
Boot Bands: elastic bands used to keep the pant legs tight around the boot.
Bootcamp: training to transform civilians into Marines. Performed at Parris Island, South Carolina and San Diego.
Boot Marines: military slang term for a new Marine
Brig: military prison
Buddy Program: going through entry level training with a friend/buddy
Cammies: camouflage utility uniform
Chevrons: symbols of enlisted ranks above private
Chief Instructor: head instructor in charge of all instructors, insuring proper training to students.
Chow: food
Commanding Officer (CO): in charge of the entire unit
Company Gunny: Gunnery Sergeant in charge of everyday operations for the unit.