by T. L. Hayes
She spent the remainder of her time telling him about the last couple of days in Minnesota, until a nurse came in and told her it was time for her to go. She leaned down and whispered, “I have to go now, Sweet Boy, but I’ll be back as soon as I can. I love you so much.” Then she kissed him on the small space on his cheek that was not discolored and stepped away from the bed slowly, not turning her back on him. Finally, at the last moment, she turned and left.
Rory, who had been patiently standing in the hallway with one boot propped against the wall and her hands behind her back with her head down, came to attention when Rachel stepped out into the hallway. Rachel took two listless steps toward her and Rory, wordlessly, opened her arms. Rachel went into them, finally letting the tears that she had been holding back fall on Rory’s shoulder.
* * *
After Chris and his father had taken their turns sitting with Bobby, everyone resumed their places in the waiting room, just hoping for a miracle to happen soon, the same as all the other waiting, grieving families. Chris sat next to Marissa, who was holding his hand and patting his arm reassuringly. Rachel was curled up next to Rory, who had her arm around Rachel’s shoulders, and their heads were lolling together.
Rory couldn’t help but doze but Rachel had never been more aware. She stayed cuddled up, however, because she just really needed to feel Rory’s solidness, her nearness. When she heard Rory start to softly snore she started to feel guilty and realized she needed to get Rory someplace she could sleep for a while.
She patted Rory on the leg and said, “Hey, Morgan, why don’t you let me drive you to campus? You can sleep in my bed for a bit.”
“No, I’m good,” Rory slurred, and shifted some in her seat.
“Uh-huh.” Rachel held out her hand. “Are you going to give me the keys or am I gonna have to go in and get ’em?”
Rory opened her eyes to slits and gave her a tired smile. “Go for it, Shorty.”
“You think I won’t? Just because I no longer want to get into your pants doesn’t mean I won’t. You’re too tired to drive and the last thing I need is for you to end up in here. Besides, if I broke you, Maggie would kill me.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right about that.” Rory reached into her pocket and pulled out Maggie’s keys, but before putting them in Rachel’s outstretched hand said, “Are you sure you don’t want me to stay?”
Rachel took the reluctantly offered keys and stood up and extended her hand to Rory, who took it and stood too. “I do want you to stay, but you need your sleep more right now.”
“So do you.”
“I’ll get it when I can. I just can’t leave yet, you know? You don’t have to be here.”
“No, I don’t, but that’s not the point. And you’re a bad liar. You’re not going to sleep here. Why don’t you come back with me and take a nap?”
“Geez, Morgan, stop trying to get me to sleep with you—you’re just embarrassing yourself.” They exchanged grins. For just a moment, Rachel felt normal again. Not like she had a boyfriend who was lying unconscious and broken just a few feet away. Silently she thanked her friend for that brief gift of normalcy.
“Yeah, yeah. Fine, take me to a bed near you.”
Rachel walked over to Chris and said, “I’m going to take Rory to my dorm so she can pass out, but I’ll be back.”
“You should sleep too.”
“I told her the same thing but it didn’t work,” Rory said, as she leaned back in a stretch.
“Yeah, and I’ve been saying the same thing to him too, but he won’t listen either,” Marissa said, giving Chris a smile.
“I think the only one getting a good rest right now is Bobby,” Rachel quipped.
Chris gave her an appreciative smile. “Right? The lucky bastard.” Chris tried to joke as well but his heart clearly wasn’t in it and his words caught at the end. Marissa put her arms around him.
“Um, I’ll be back in like fifteen or so. You want me to grab some food on the way back?”
“Actually, that would be great.” Chris called out, “Hey, Dad, do you want food? Rachel’s going on a food run.”
The elder James stirred awake enough to mumble, “Some good coffee and maybe a burger. I don’t know.”
“That sounds good. Marissa?”
“Sounds perfect.”
“Okay.” Then Rachel looked around the room, to the other grieving yet hopeful faces, and asked the room at large, “Anyone else want anything while I’m out?”
Everyone looked at her, not speaking up, lost in their own thoughts. What they wanted and needed most she didn’t have the power to give them. Finally, a man sitting across the room by himself came to attention. “That sounds good. With fries.” One by one the rest of the ICU patients’ family members put in their orders. So many that Rachel had to grab a hospital brochure off a nearby table to write them down on.
Once in the car, after buckling herself in, Rory teased, “You never asked if I was hungry.”
“That’s because I’m not buying you lunch. There’s plenty of food in my room. Help yourself.”
“Since when do you have real food in your dorm?”
Rachel smiled. “Since I started having a boy over who apparently swallowed a tapeworm. I swear to God, that boy eats like he’s never going to see food again. Every two hours seems like, I have to throw food at him.”
Rory laughed. “Was he always like that or is it the T, you think?”
“Well, I didn’t know him before the T, of course, but I actually asked him that once. He said he’s always had a big appetite but the T did increase it.”
“I heard it can do that.” They fell into silence for a moment but it was obvious that Rory was gearing up to ask another question but wasn’t sure how.
In exasperation, Rachel burst out, “What?”
“Well, I also heard it amps up…other appetites as well.” Rory snickered.
Rachel instantly blushed. “Okay, yes, I’m dating a horny teenage boy. Happy now?”
Rory couldn’t help but laugh. “Not as happy as you are, probably.”
“Shut up,” Rachel grumbled good-naturedly. Rory said nothing, just continued to giggle to herself.
Once they pulled up at the dorm, Rachel turned to Rory and asked, “Miss it?”
“I miss you but not this place.”
Rachel put her hand to her heart and said mockingly, “Aww, got me right here in the feels.”
“And you call me an asshole.”
“You’re weren’t supposed to remember that—you were drunk.”
“Not that drunk. Come on.” They got out of the car and walked across the parking lot to the front door of the dorm. The whole time, Rory was looking around at the campus and then the dorm, which hadn’t changed at all.
When they got out of the elevator on Rachel’s floor, Rory stopped in front of what used to be her room and read the dry-erase board on the door. “Some chick named Julie lives in my room now? What’s she like?”
“No idea. Never met her. I may have seen her in the hallway but not sure. She’s an undergrad, so our paths don’t cross all that much.”
“Question—why didn’t you move off campus this year?”
Rachel stopped walking halfway down and turned and faced Rory. “Are you implying that I only stayed on campus because you refused to get an apartment with me last year?”
In all seriousness, Rory raised an eyebrow and asked, “Didn’t you?”
“Yeah, well, that’s not the point. I don’t know why I stayed this year. Easier, I guess.”
“Hmm.”
They were almost to Rachel’s door when Lori opened hers. The sight of Rory gave her pause. “Oh, hey, Rory. Rachel, I heard about Bobby. I’m so sorry. Is he okay? Is there anything I can do?”
Rachel instantly tensed and said, “No. Got it covered.” Then she went to her door and unlocked it.
Before she and Rory could step inside, Lori called out, “Just let me know if there’s anything I can do.
”
Rachel said nothing.
Once Rory closed the door behind her, she said, “God, she’s like an eager puppy.”
Rachel sighed. “I know. And she doesn’t give a shit about Bobby, but I told you about that already.”
“No, she just wants to get on your good side.”
“More than that.”
“Gathered that.” Rory pulled off her leather jacket and put it on the back of Rachel’s desk chair, then sat down and took off her boots and placed them under the desk. Rachel stood watching her do it, saying nothing. Rory looked up and caught her looking.
Rachel knew her face was pure grief, that she couldn’t hide from Rory.
Rory stood up and went to her and put her hands on Rachel’s shoulders. “Honey, what is it?”
Rachel started to shake. “It just…just now, seeing you take your boots off and put them there. He does that. It’s not even a strange thing to put your shoes there, it’s just that seeing you do it, I just flashed on a memory and…” Rory quickly put her arms around her and Rachel stopped talking.
“It’s okay, it’s okay.”
Rachel didn’t cry again because she was choking back the tears, but she held on to Rory as she would a life preserver.
“Everything’s going to be okay.”
Rachel sniffed, then gave Rory a squeeze before she let go. “Thank you. Sometimes I need that.”
“I know. Are you sure you don’t want me to go back to the hospital with you?”
“No. You’re exhausted. I dragged you out of bed and made you drive me down here with almost no sleep. Just do me a favor and pass out, okay? Please? It’ll ease my guilty conscience.”
“Nothing to feel guilty about. And you didn’t drag me or make me. It’s what friends do. Correction, it’s what family does. But, just to ease your guilty conscience, I will lie down on your bed and sleep the sleep of the righteous. Just for you! If you need me, call or text or come and get me.” Rory kissed Rachel on her forehead, then backed away and started to unbuckle her pants.
“Wouldn’t you know, all the times I had hoped that you would be standing in my room getting undressed, and when it finally happens I couldn’t care less.” She attempted a smile.
“Ouch. I may be engaged, but I still have feelings, you know?” Rory returned the look, then shimmied out of her pants, draped them over the back of the chair, and stood there in her boxers and T-shirt. “I’m about to pull my shirt off so that I can take the bra off. Are you going to keep standing there, perv?”
“Nope, I gotta go. Bobby’s in the hospital and suddenly I’m a delivery driver.”
“Oh, don’t go joyriding in Maggie’s car. She’ll kill us both.”
“What, you mean I can’t go drag racing with the boys on Twelfth Street?”
“Don’t be sexist. Girls do it too.”
“Yeah, yeah. Anyway, I’ll take my own car. But speaking of Maggie, you should call her before you go to sleep. And you had better sleep.” Rachel pointed her finger at Rory in a menacing fashion.
“Maggie…crap! How could I forget?”
“Blame it on me. I’m sure she’ll forgive you. All right, I’m going. Sweet dreams.”
Chapter Seventeen
It took Rachel nearly an hour to fill all the orders because she decided to treat everyone to burgers from the diner that she and Bobby liked so much. The smells in the car were mouthwatering and she had gotten something for herself, but she wasn’t sure how much of it she would be able to eat, even though she knew she should. She called Chris and asked if he could come out and help her carry it all in.
“Thanks for making the food run.” Chris took the big box of food and Rachel took the drink caddies.
“No problem. Happy to do it. Anything change while I was gone?”
“One of the families left because their person passed on, sorry to say. But they’ve been replaced by another family.”
“That’s sad. What about Bobby?”
“The same. Still unconscious but everything’s reading normal otherwise.”
“Good.” Rachel was quickly learning that what passed for normal in the ICU meant breathing on one’s own, heart rate and blood pressure steady. She was now living in a world where stable was the best one could hope for.
“His doctor is making his rounds now, so we should know more soon.”
“Okay, good.” Rachel realized that she had never spoken to Chris more than she had in the last few hours. The few times he had been at the house when she had come by, they had done nothing more than trade quips, while he and Bobby tossed good-natured insults back and forth. He was a fun guy to be around but she didn’t know him very well. It really sucked, she thought, that it took tragic events for people to become better acquainted.
Chris and Rachel distributed the food and drinks, giving the new family the order that had been purchased for the one who had left. Everyone was into their food when a nurse came to the waiting room and called out, “Mr. James, the doctor is with your brother right now. You said you wanted to speak with him.”
Chris put down his food and stood immediately. “Yes, yes. Coming. Rachel, you want to come with me?”
Somewhat startled, Rachel said, “What? Oh yes.” She got up and followed him down the hall to Bobby’s room where the doctor was updating Bobby’s chart. He turned when Chris and Rachel walked in.
The doctor explained Bobby’s injuries in more detail and mentioned that the biggest concern was whether or not Bobby had a concussion or an even worse brain injury. Sadly, it was something that they just had to wait and see about. In the meantime, he was unconscious and all they could do was monitor him and hope for the best.
Once the doctor was out of the room, Rachel said, “Wait and see? Wait and see?” Rachel’s voice became shriller with the repetition of the question, and Chris put his arm around her and she tried to get control of herself. “Prick.”
Rachel stepped away from Chris and ran her fingers through her hair. For the first time, she focused on the reason they were there. She walked over to the bed and took Bobby’s hand and caressed his face, then leaned down and whispered in his ear, “Wake up, Sweet Boy, it’s time to get up. Don’t worry, everything’s going to be okay. I’m right here. I love you. I love you so much.” The tears took over her voice and she couldn’t speak anymore. She put her head down on the bed next to his uninjured hand and whispered, “Don’t leave me, not yet. Please.” She kissed his fingers one by one, then held his hand to her cheek. As she did so, his fingers twitched but there was no other movement.
Rachel sniffed and wiped her eyes. “I know what you want. You want me to sing for you, don’t you, Sweet Boy? Okay. Um…for some reason, only one song is coming to mind right now.” Though she had never considered herself a religious person, her parents had raised her in a Protestant home and her mother was a fan of contemporary Christian music. She began to softly sing a song from her childhood that had always touched her, “The Warrior is a Child.”
When the song was over she whispered, “You are amazing. You are.” She looked up and realized that Chris had walked out of the room, maybe to give them privacy. Being sweet must run in the family.
She stayed by Bobby’s side until a nurse found her there several minutes later and told her that her time was up. She kissed him on the cheek again, sighed, and said, “I have to go for now, but you know I’ll be back.” As she left the room she almost wished she hadn’t sent Rory away, but she knew Rory needed her sleep. She knew she did too, but she felt jazzed up, as if on caffeine, though it was probably just an adrenaline rush. She would crash when her body couldn’t take any more, but she hoped it wouldn’t be anytime soon.
* * *
By the afternoon, everyone was doing the waiting game. Marissa had had to leave for work and Bobby and Chris’s father had reluctantly, and only at Chris’s urging, gone home to rest. So Chris and Rachel were there alone, making small talk or occasionally sleeping in shifts, if you could call what Rachel did
sleeping. They took their turns by Bobby’s bedside each hour.
At one point, Rachel turned to Chris and said, “We’re not engaged, you know?”
“I know. You know why I told the medical team that though, right?”
“I do. Thank you for defending me to your mother too, by the way. I know his history with her.”
“Yeah, figured you did. I’m glad you’re here—he needs you.” Chris took her hand and squeezed it.
“He needs you too. I know you’re the biggest advocate he has in the family.”
“Yeah. Dad surprised me though. For years he’s kept his mouth shut whenever Mom would talk against Bobby, and we just figured he felt the same way she did.”
“What’s her problem, anyway? I mean, hasn’t it sunk in that she’s going to lose him? I mean, by him cutting her out of his life, not by…” She trailed off, stricken by what she’d said.
“It’s all right, I knew what you meant. And to answer your question”—Chris’s voice was vehement and bitter now—“her God is what’s getting in the way of her seeing that her child has been there the whole time. He’s just not the child she always thought he was.”
“Hell, I’m definitely not the sweet little girl my parents thought they were getting either, but they accept me, even when I’m getting on their last nerve. You don’t know this about me, but I have a great knack for getting on people’s nerves.”
Chris threw back his head and laughed.
“Maybe he doesn’t know that about you, but I do,” Rory said.
Rachel turned at the sound of her voice. “Rory, what are you doing back here?” Rachel stood and threw her arms around her friend. Despite her words, she was grateful to see her there. Rory hugged her back, then nodded to Chris when Rachel let go.
“I just needed a few hours of sleep, I’m all good now.” Rory shrugged out of her jacket and took a seat.