“I know you don’t and that’s why I’m fine with taking things nice and steady. I won’t pressurise you, Serena. I’m not going to force you into anything you’re not ready for. We’re going to take things at your own pace, ok? I swear it.” He assures me, stroking the length of my jawline with his fingers.
He speaks with certainty and I know he means every word of it. For this, I am grateful and for one crazy, stupid second, I actually start to rethink the request I just made about taking things slowly.
“I believe you, Cole. I really do.”
“You know what this means now, don’t you? This means that you’re mine. You belong to me.” He groans, circling his arms around me so he can pull me close.
“I don’t belong to anyone, I’m still my own person, Cole. It just means that I’m prepared to admit that I have feelings for you and I’m curious when it comes to seeing what might happen between us.”
“You’re still mine.” He growls possessively, pushing me back against the wall behind me. “And there are a few things I want to make clear before you walk out of here.”
“Like what?” I ask, fighting against my incredible arousal that’s building up inside of me.
His chest is pressed up against mine as his large hand tugs on my hair gently, forcing me to look up at him. I can feel his heart beat thumping wildly, a clear sign that he’s also affected by our close proximity. His smouldering brown eyes burn a hole right through me, increasing the indescribable magnetic pull I feel towards him.
“I need you to know that you are to go nowhere near another guy now that you’re with me and no guy is allowed to go anywhere near you. If someone does, I need you to tell me about it right away and if someone so much as looks at you, I want to know about it. You belong to me and I will not tolerate any son of a bitch thinking he can come between that. As for me, I swear to God I’ll be faithful to you, Serena. I’m not interested in anyone else but you.”
“Oh, really?” I challenge him, narrowing my eyes up at him in scrutiny. “Is that why you had sex with Louise just two nights ago?”
Just the thought of them together is enough to destroy me. My heart can’t take it and neither can my heart. For some bizarre and infuriating reason, Cole has managed to work his way inside my head. I felt it from the start, from the very first moment we bumped into one another and I’m simply unable to free myself from it. I don’t even know if I want to. The image of him with Louise is nauseating and excruciating at the same time. I wish I didn’t even know about it and the fact that Cole called out my name only makes it feel worse. Almost like he was unfaithful to me for real.
“Baby, I’m so sorry… I wish I could take it back and I hate the fact that I even told you about it. I should never have done that but I just had to see how you would react. I needed to know if you would be jealous.”
“But you still did it? You still slept with her.”
“Yes.” He whispers, lowering his head.
“And did you think that it would hurt me when you told me what you did?”
“No, yes… I don’t know!” He yells, turning his back on me in frustration.
“Why would you want to do that, Cole? Why would you want to hurt me?”
I’m really fighting back the tears as I watch him pace back and forth in front of me. I don’t know what sort of person enjoys wounding someone they claim to care about and I’m not entirely sure I want to stick around to find out.
I exhale slowly, gathering every ounce of strength that I can muster before I turn and head towards the door. I’m just about to open it so I can escape the confinements of his bedroom when a strong, overpowering hand is placed on top of mine.
“Where do you think you’re going?” He asks, placing his large body in front of my exit.
“I just think it’s time for me to go.” I admit, forcing myself to look up and meet his angry glare.
“Did I say you could go?” He snarls menacingly.
“No…”
“So why are you trying to leave?”
“I just think we should talk some other time. You seem angry with me right now and I don’t know what I’ve done.” I confess, wondering how the hell I’ve managed to get myself into such a crazy situation as this.
“I’ve already told you, Serena. It’s because I’m fucked up. I’m messed up in the head and you can’t do anything to change it. I’m incurable.”
He looks defeated. He closes his eyes and sighs heavily, surrendering himself to his own insecurities, allowing his own fears to define him when he should be the one who controls them.
“Don’t say that. Please don’t say it.” I beg him, taking hold of his hand before I squeeze it tightly.
“It’s the Goddamn truth!” He roars, shoving me backwards.
I lose my balance and stumble backwards, fortunate enough to land on his bed instead of the floor.
“I-I think I should go.” I mumble, glancing at him warily.
I don’t recognise this person before me. He isn’t Cole… he’s someone entirely different and I’m not sure I like him one little bit. I scramble off the bed and head back towards the door. He’s still standing in front of it, preventing me from leaving as he acts as a human barricade.
“Serena, wait! I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. Please don’t walk out on me. Not now.” He pleads with me, grabbing both of my shoulders in a vice-like grip.
“What do you expect from me, Cole? I don’t know what to tell you. I think I just need some time to think things through. We need some time apart.” I tell him, struggling to free myself from his hold.
“You’re going to run from me, aren’t you?” He asks, gazing down at me in torment.
“No. I mean, I don’t know. Just give me some space, please?”
“I’ve ruined this already. I’ve fucked up with you before I even managed to convince you to give me a chance.” He murmurs sadly, suddenly resembling a lost and vulnerable boy instead of a strong and powerful man.
My heart reaches out for him as I long to provide him with some comfort. However, I know what the most sensible thing is for me to do right now and that is to leave. I need some time to process all of this. I need some time alone.
“Goodbye, Cole.”
He reluctantly steps aside, enabling me to walk by him and through the doorway.
“Don’t say goodbye.” He declares harshly. “Don’t ever say goodbye to me, Green.”
“Why not?” I enquire, pausing halfway down the hallway.
“Because this is not the end of us… it’s only the beginning.”
Chapter Five
I ran out of Cole’s house and didn’t stop running until I reached home. I was actually surprised to find my mum at home once I got back but could hardly bring myself to speak to her, I was so upset. I shut myself in my bedroom and spent the majority of the night in there, thinking over everything that has happened in the short space of twenty-four hours.
I seriously considered phoning Lisa so I could talk things through with her but in the end I decided against it, realising that I have to figure things out for myself. No one can tell me what to do and I can’t allow myself to listen to anyone who tries to do so.
I did end up texting Lisa, just to let her know that I got home ok. I briefly mentioned that I had gone back to Cole’s with him so we could talk but decided not to elaborate on anything more that.
I ran myself a hot bubble bath after I sent her my text and tried my best to relax before I went to bed. I was utterly exhausted after my tumultuous altercation with Cole and craved the blissful oblivion of sleep to take me away from it all. I only managed to get a couple of hours the night before and ended up collapsing onto my bed around half past nine. This is ridiculously early for me seeing as I’m usually such a night owl and normally stay up until one or two o’clock in the morning most nights.
I guess that’s the reason I’m now wide awake at half past one, feeling alert, rejuvenated and energised. The house is eerily silent so I kno
w my mum must have gone to bed a couple of hours ago.
My stomach rumbles, reminding me how empty it is and how much it’s craving some food. I haven’t eaten anything since lunchtime and I could barely stomach at the time because I was so on edge at school.
I groan, realising the one and only solution is for me to go downstairs and get something from the fridge. I quietly slip out of bed and tip toe across my room, hoping I won’t wake my mum when I hear a noise outside my window. It’s the exact same noise I heard the night before when Cole was out there and I can’t help from staring at my closed curtains in astonishment. Surely he… surely he isn’t outside my window again?
I stay silent and remain still, breathing softly as I try and think of what I’m supposed to do next. After hearing nothing but the sound of my own hear beating loudly against the inside of my chest, I come to the conclusion that the noise I thought I heard must have been the result of my overactive imagination.
I rake my fingers through my brown hair and exhale slowly, trying to even out my breathing. I’m halfway through my bedroom door when I hear it again.
Stones.
It sounds like small stones or pebbles are been thrown at my window. I race over towards the curtains and fling them open, peering out into the darkness. Sure enough, Cole is standing right outside beneath my window, staring up at me. I seriously consider whether or not I should ignore him but then it dawns on me how juvenile this would make me. I can’t even bring myself to deny the fact that I long to see him, touch him, inhale his intoxicating scent and feel the warmth of his toned and powerful body against my own once more.
Without thinking, I turn around and run out into the hallway, down the stairs and through the living room until I reach the kitchen. I yank the back door open in breathless anticipation and come face to face with Cole. He’s standing on the back door steps, waiting for me with a haunted, tormented look about him.
“I would have called but I don’t have your number.” He says, smiling timidly.
It’s obvious that he’s uncertain about whether or not he should come inside, no doubt waiting to see what my reaction will be to him turning up in the middle of the night unannounced.
“Come in.” I blurt out, taking myself by surprise as I open the door a little wider for him.
He breathes a sigh of relief and steps inside, politely wiping his feet on the doormat before he enters. He brushes past me so he can step into the living room and that’s when I feel it. The undeniable pull that draws me even closer towards him is impossible to ignore. It’s an internal ache, an emptiness that exists inside of me that will not go away. The only time it does is when he is near and as dangerous as it might be… I simply cannot keep away from him anymore. I’m done fighting this and that’s all that matters.
“I know I shouldn’t have come by like this again but I just had to see you.” He states in a matter of fact manner, shoving both of his hands in his pockets as he turns around to face me. “I couldn’t sleep and I knew I wouldn’t be able to unless I saw you tonight. It’s not like I can just catch up with you at school tomorrow, not unless that son of a bitch, useless headmaster decides to lift my suspension anytime soon.”
“It’s ok.” I assure him, closing the distance between us. “I’m glad you’re here.”
“You are?” He asks incredulously, gaping down at me in astonishment.
“I hate myself for the way I left things between us. I should never have walked out on you like I did. I feel terrible for it.”
“Serena, don’t say that. Please don’t say it. I can’t blame you for wanting to get the hell away from me and I know I must have scared you. That’s why I came here, I wanted to apologise. You’re the last person on earth I want to upset and I need you to know that it will not be happening again. I would give my life to protect you and I truly mean that.”
“Wow, I-I’m speechless.” I confess, trembling slightly when I notice his dark eyes take in my appearance.
I’m only wearing my pyjamas which consist of a small t-shirt and shorts and I suddenly feel extremely exposed in front of him, shifting from one foot to the other in discomfort.
“You know… I could make it up to you.” He says, smiling mischievously.
He grabs hold of my hips, pulling me against his impressive arousal. I gasp when I feel just how hard he is, straining against the fabric of his jeans. I’m hardly what you can call experienced but even I can tell how big Cole must be. It’s enough to take my breath away and I don’t know whether I should be intimidated or aroused.
“H-how could you make it up to me?” I ask him, stumbling over my words.
“I can always show you but it would mean you taking me up to your bedroom.”
His hands make his way around my waist, slowly making their way underneath the thin material of my t-shirt. His fingers make contact with my bare skin, causing me to shake uncontrollably.
“My bedroom?”
“That’s alright with you, isn’t it?” He challenges me, caressing the sensitive skin of my neck with his lips.
“It’s just that my mum is upstairs. She’s sleeping.” I explain, all of a sudden hating the fact that my mum’s presence might put a stop to this.
“I guess we’ll just have to be really, really quiet then.” He growls seductively, squeezing my hips possessively.
“Erm…” God, am I really going to admit this? “You should probably know that I’ve never… I’ve never. God, this is so embarrassing.” I cringe, covering my face with my hands.
“Serena, it’s ok.” He soothes me, cradling my body against his. “I know you’re a virgin.”
My head snaps up in surprise as I frown up at him.
“You do? How?”
“It’s kind of obvious, baby. At least it is to me.”
“Oh.” I mumble dejectedly, lowering my gaze.
I didn’t think it was possible for someone to instinctively know whether you’re a virgin or not and I feel somewhat humiliated that Cole managed to figure it out before I told him.
“Serena, don’t be embarrassed. I love the fact that no one managed to get their hands on you and it also means that I’ll going to be the first. You have no idea what that does to me.” He groans, nuzzling against my neck once more before inhaling deeply.
“You want to be my first?” I whisper, eager to return his embrace.
“First and last.” He says decidedly, placing a delicate kiss on my forehead.
“So, you want our first time together to be tonight?” I falter, anxious and unsure when it comes to the idea of losing my actual virginity tonight.
“No, baby. I don’t want to rush you into anything. I want the first time we have sex to be special for you, something you will always remember and cherish.”
“So… why do you want to come up to my room?”
“Because I still have a lot of making up to do and just because we’re not going to have sex tonight, it doesn’t mean we can’t do anything else.”
“Um… I-”
“Green, don’t think so much. Overthinking will only kill your happiness. Come on.”
He takes me by the hand and leads the way up the stairs. I hold onto him for dear life, consumed by a complicated mixture of arousal and resistance. A part of me is burning with desire when I think of all the possibilities that could happen between us and another part of me still feels unsure. Am I really ready for any of this? How am I supposed to know whether this is the right thing for me or not?
“Where is your bedroom?” He asks, glancing between the two doorways at the top of the stairs.
“The one that’s straight ahead.” I reply meekly, staring at my mum’s closed bedroom door which is opposite.
I’m horrified by the idea of my mum catching the two of us like this and wish to God I had now insisted on having a lock for my room.
Cole is extremely close to being silent as he enters my bedroom, still clutching onto my small hand firmly.
“Lie down on the bed.�
�� He instructs me, choosing to leave my bedroom light off. “And take your clothes off.”
“You want me naked?!” I splutter, unable to control my outburst.
“There’s no reason to be self-conscious, Serena. You have a beautiful body and the lights aren’t even on, I’ll hardly be able to see anything.”
“Oh, um… ok.”
I make my way over to my small single bed, slipping off my pyjama top as well as my shorts. I leave them discarded on the floor beneath me as I nervously lay myself down on the mattress. I can’t hear anything but I can make out Cole’s broad silhouette standing over by the doorway. The moonlight filters into the room through a small gap in the curtains, illuminating my naked body and my pale skin.
I start to worry that I won’t measure up. Cole is far more experienced than I am and he must have slept with his fair share of gorgeous women, what if I’m not good enough? What if I’m not as sexy or desirable to him?
“Stop thinking. Stop worrying.” He demands, instinctively aware of the troubling questions running through my mind. “You are perfect and you have no right to doubt yourself for one second. You’re mine. You belong to me now and I’m telling you that you’re breathtakingly beautiful.”
I inhale sharply, fighting against my nerves and the feelings of self-doubt. I close my eyes and hope that it will help me to feel more at ease.
“W-what are you going to do?” I tremble, clenching the material of my quilt beneath me.
“Do you have a pair of stockings or something I can use to blindfold you?”
“You want to blindfold me? Why?”
My panic increases, wondering what on earth he’s going to do to me whilst I’m blindfolded.
“Tell me, Green.” He sighs impatiently, as though he really doesn’t have time for any of this or any of my questions.
“There should be a couple of pairs in the drawer over there.” I tell him, pointing towards the chest of drawers on the other side of the room.
He goes straight over towards them and opens the top drawer, removing what looks to be two or three pairs of my black tights.
“I’m not going to hurt you, Green. Trust me.”
That Summer (Part One) Page 9