“My God, Serena.”
He mutters my name with reverence, sighing deeply as his erratic breathing starts to even out.
“How was it?” I ask him, slowly climbing off of Cole.
“It was indescribable.” He says ardently. “It was perfect, unbelievable and all of the above.”
“That good?”
“Hell yes… but now it’s your turn.”
His tongue is between my legs once more, his arms holding me in place as his mouth caresses my sensitive skin, tasting and licking as well as devouring every single drop of my own moisture as I get more and more turned on.
My hair is sticking to my forehead and my whole body is on fire, burning with the unexplainable need I have for Cole to possess me. He consumes me like a man who is starving, hungry for me and captivated by my very being. He pushes me even closer to the edge before he speeds it up, widening my legs as he forces me down onto his face, tormenting me with his tongue as he persists in teasing me.
My orgasm is uncontrollable, overpowering my body until I don’t even feel like I exist anymore. I experience absolute ecstasy and I don’t quite know how to come back down from such a transcendent state. I cover my mouth with one of my hands, hoping to quieten my screams and heavy breathing as my pussy floods with my moisture, covering his face and his lips as he demands I give him even more.
Afterwards, we sneak out of the storage closet and across the hall to Cole’s locker so I can grab my text books and my school bag before we go. I also decide to text Lisa as we’re leaving school, letting her know I’m ok after what just happened in the dining hall. I tell her I won’t be needing a lift home from school because I decided to leave early with Cole and she responds back quickly, relieved that I’m ok but concerned about me skipping classes.
Cole walks me home and promises he will come back later on before bed. I agree and we share one breath-taking kiss before I go indoors.
I watch him leave, still struggling to believe how I’ve managed to capture the attention of a man like Cole. He’s someone I could imagine admiring from afar, dreaming about to the point of obsession but someone I would never think would reciprocate my feelings.
The highs and lows with him are constant and I know that my life will never go back to how it was before. I also understand that Cole has his own demons, demons I have yet to know about but despite it all… I’m falling for him.
I can’t imagine a single day of my life without him and that’s what scares me so much. In such a short space of time Cole has changed me. It’s only been around six weeks since the school year started and six weeks since I met him but he’s already altered so much. I still can’t believe I actually let him convince me to do what we just did at school. A part of me is still in shock, completely mortified with myself and consumed by the thought of someone finding out about what we did. However, there is another part of me that feels exhilarated, exuberant and invigorated about it, wondering how I’ve even managed to live my life without experiencing anything like it before now.
Cole is my addiction and I have no doubt that’s what I am; addicted to him. He’s the beginning and end of my world, he infiltrates every single thought in my head until I can’t identify where Cole ends and I begins. It’s like I’m not a whole person without him and when we’re apart… my soul knows the other half of it is missing.
Entering my house is like waking up from an incredible, all-consuming, unobtainable dream. It brings me right back down to earth when I would much sooner stay outside and dance among the stars. I’ve been awakened. I’ve now seen the world in technicolour, I’ve viewed its vibrant colours and don’t wish to go back to how it used to be. Why would I ever want to return to my world which is so grey and insignificant?
I end up finding my mum sprawled out across the sofa once I enter the sitting room. She’s got a bottle of wine in one hand and the TV remote in the other, oblivious to my presence. I decide to head on into the kitchen so I can get myself a drink before I go upstairs, deciding the best thing for me to do is make myself scarce.
Of course she has no intention of letting me sneak right past her as she grabs hold of my wrist.
“I don’t know who the hell you think you are.” She snarls contemptuously, digging her long fingernails into my small wrist. “You just walked right past your own mother without asking how her day has been.”
“How was your day?” I reply instantaneously, deciding that the easiest solution would be to pacify her when she’s behaving like this.
“Fucking awful.” She snaps spitefully, relinquishing her hold on me. “How was yours?”
“Lunchtime was terrible but my afternoon was better.” I answer simply, biting the inside of my cheek so my mischievous smirk can’t be noticed by her.
Illicit memories of me and Cole inside that small closet flash through my mind, conjuring up all sorts of sexual images and flashbacks.
I’m halfway across the living room when she speaks again, stopping me in my tracks by her announcement.
“Your father called again and wanted to speak to you. He said he’ll be coming into town to see you soon.”
“What? I thought he wasn’t supposed to be here for another two weeks.” I complain angrily. “Why the change of plans?”
“Oh, I don’t know. He mentioned something about some business trip he has to go on.” She responds with little interest, her attention drawn back to the TV.
“So when is he coming?”
“I don’t know the exact date but he said it might be sometime this week.”
“He was supposed to be coming into town for my birthday and I don’t turn eighteen for another two weeks.” I remind her, wondering why my estranged father has suddenly decided he wants to see me in the first place.
It’s been years since he had any involvement in my life so why now?
“Look, why don’t you pick up the phone and say all of this to him? I’m sick of you moaning onto me about him when there’s nothing I can do about it!” She yells, using her foot to shove me out of the way of the television.
“Forget it.” I mumble, realising I won’t find out anything from her.
I storm upstairs and slam my bedroom door behind me. I know it’s infantile and more than a little childish but I don’t care less about that right now.
I used to wonder what it must be like to actually have a mother who cares you, who cares what have for breakfast, how school was and who your friends are. The only person my mum has ever cared about is herself.
I clasp my hands together as I sit down on the edge of my bed, contemplating something I haven’t thought about for several weeks.
Scratching.
I haven’t done it since the day before I started my senior year and I’ve been so proud of myself for going all this time without resorting to something which will only hurt me. Except now… the temptation is too strong.
I reach for the pair of scissors I keep in my bedside drawer and stare at the silver blades for a long time, cradling them in my lap as I try and decide what I should do next. In the end my decision is far too easy.
I decide to do it.
Exhaling slowly, my hands tremble as I drag the cool blades across my pale skin. The red marks which the scissors leave behind glare back at me, unrepentant and defiant. It hurts but I keep on going, hoping it will relieve some of the pain inside of me.
Of course it doesn’t and that’s when I find myself exerting even more pressure on my arm. I gasp when the blade actually draws blood, startling me into action as I race towards the bathroom. Grabbing some tissue paper, I press it against my cut, hoping it will be enough to stop the bleeding.
I sit on the edge of the bath and hold the tissue in place, questioning why I’ve suddenly taken it this far, especially when I’ve never done anything like it before. I’ve never made myself bleed before now.
I breathe a sigh of relief when I slowly peel away the soft tissue from my arm. Thank goodness the bleeding has stopped and I can no
w pretend like this never happened. No one can know about this. Ever.
Especially not Cole.
Chapter Eight
I’m fast asleep when Cole turns up outside my house later on that night. The sound of my phone wakes me up with a message from Cole letting me know he’s outside. I hurry down the stairs, making sure I don’t make any noise as I creep past my mum’s bedroom.
I heard her come up to bed a couple of hours ago and it’s a known fact that she always sleeps for a long time after she’s spent the night drinking, meaning Cole and I shouldn’t be disturbed.
“There’s my girl.” Cole greets warmly, pulling me into his arms the moment I open the back door for him.
“Shh.” I whisper, placing my finger on my lips. “We have to be quiet, my mum is at home tonight.”
“That sucks.” He grumbles, closing the back door quietly. “She’s fast asleep though, right?”
“I think so. There’s no noise coming from her bedroom.”
I turn around so I can lead the way back through the living room when he grabs hold of me from behind, tugging me back until I’m pressed against his hard chest. His strong arms encircle my waist as his lips make contact with my neck, covering me with kisses.
“I missed you.” He tells me softly, allowing his thumbs to draw circles against the bare skin of my hips.
“Cole, it’s only been a few hours since you walked me home.” I chuckle lightly, turning around to face him.
“That’s a long time.”
“You’re crazy.” I joke, reaching up onto my tip toes so I can ruffle his hair. “Come on, you best come upstairs.”
Cole shoves one of his hands inside his pocket and leans against my bedroom door once we’re safely ensconced inside my room. He lowers his head and strokes his thumb against his bottom lip, resembling a man in deep contemplation.
“What’s the matter?” I ask him, choosing to take a seat on the edge of my bed as I watch him with caution.
“Serena, I need to talk to you about what happened today. First, the dining hall incident and then what we did afterwards.”
My heartrate accelerates as my mind races with possibilities. Is this the part where he plans on breaking up with me? Is this the part I should get really scared?
“Ok…” I reply, exhaling slowly.
“I have to be honest with you because I regret all of it. I never wanted you to witness me being violent again, even if that fucker in the cafeteria did deserve it. In the end my actions only made things worse for you because Louise used that opportunity to hurt you.” He pauses for a few moments, roughly raking his fingers through his hair before he continues. “And then after all of that, I took advantage of you. I can’t believe I actually made you do that fucked up shit inside the store cupboard. It was unforgivable and I just need you to know how sorry I am if I did anything that made you feel uncomfortable. I really am.”
I stay silent, trying to process the words he just said to me, realising I really don’t have the faintest idea when it comes to the complexities of this man or his demons. There’s so much pain inside of him, pain which causes him to hate himself and for that… I long to reach out and comfort him.
“Cole, you’re not the only one who was responsible for what happened this afternoon. I gave you my consent and I stand by my decision. I have to admit, I was a little surprised by what we did but I don’t regret it. I just can’t.”
“You really mean that?” He asks, sounding incredulous and disbelieving.
The innocence I see in his big brown eyes takes my breath away and it slowly dawns on me how vulnerable Cole really is. Observing him like this is extremely hard for me because I’ve become so used to him being the one in control. His physical presence is so strong, it’s hard to remember that there is still a soul deep down inside of him which is remains broken. Our relationship has been an absolute whirlwind so far and everything has happened so fast, I still struggle to accept that there might be different sides of Cole I have yet to understand. He once warned me that I should stay away from him, claiming to be dangerous and too messed up for someone like me.
Of course I ignored him and my instincts that night told me it was the right decision. It’s one I will never go back on.
Ever.
“I want to cherish every single moment with you, Cole.” I promise him sincerely, walking across my bedroom towards him. “I don’t regret anything.”
He takes my small hand in his and pulls me to the floor with him, settling me on his lap as he remains leaning against the closed door behind him.
“You know you’re the first, don’t you? The first one ever to make me feel like this, the first one to get inside my head and the first woman that’s ever been able to drive me crazy.”
“I just can’t wait until we can be together properly.” I reveal, hoping he will understand my meaning.
“I know, baby. Me too.” He groans deeply, squeezing me even tighter.
“You must be getting rather frustrated by now.” I mumble rather awkwardly, averting my gaze towards the floor.
“Nah, I’ll be ok.”
“But you’re not… you’re not still sleeping with anyone, are you?”
“Serena, look at me.” Cole demands, forcing me to look at him. “What the hell have I got to say for you to start believing in me? I don’t want anyone but you and I’m not even remotely interested in someone who might try and pursue anything with me when they know that I’m with you now.”
“Someone like who? Has anyone tried anything with you since we’ve been together?”
“Green, please don’t do this. Let’s just go to bed, ok? Come on.”
He gently shifts me off his lap and stands up, offering his hand out for me to take.
“Tell me, Cole.” I persist, refusing to let this go.
“But they mean nothing to me, Serena. None of them do.”
“So there’s been more than one girl throwing herself at you on a daily basis?”
“Yes, I mean… no. I-I wouldn’t put it quite like that.” He stammers, appearing agitated.
“So how would you put it?”
“They’re just desperate and they know the only way to reach me now is through my phone. I guess that’s why they do it.”
“Do what, Cole? Do they send you their pictures?”
The thought of it makes me feel nauseous and it churns my stomach. I experience envy like I’ve never known as well as fury, remembering the amount of times all of the girls at school made me suffer for doing the exact same thing last year.
“They don’t… I mean… not all the time.”
“Are you freaking serious?” I exclaim loudly, jumping up onto my feet.
“Green, please don’t freak out on me. I’ve deleted all of them, I promise you.”
“But you must have looked at them first to see what they were.”
“No, well… yeah I did glance at them but only because I didn’t know what they were or even who was sending them to me. I deleted every single girl out of my phone the second you and I got together.”
I sigh loudly, pushing him out the way as I walk over to my window. Gazing out at the midnight sky, I start to count the stars. It’s something I used to do when I was a little girl and was forced to spend yet another night in the house by myself. My mum must have been working or out drinking and I remember thinking that if I managed to count every single star in the sky, she would hurry home and be with me.
It didn’t happen.
“I just don’t understand it. How can they do that when they know you’re with me? And how dare the girls from school condemn me for making the exact same mistake as them? I sent a photo of myself to someone and none of them allowed me to forget it. The names they’ve called me and the things they’ve done to me are unforgivable.”
Cole grabs me by the shoulders, staring down at me with so much intensity and passion.
“They’re worthless human beings, Serena. They don’t even deserve to breathe the s
ame air as you, let alone judge you for anything you might have done in the past.”
“They’re just hypocrites!” I blurt out angrily. “And I don’t understand how they can be so hateful towards me. Why do they despise me so much? What did I ever do to them to make them hate me?”
“It’s because they’re jealous of you, don’t you see that? They dislike you because you are so much more than they could ever hope to be. You have far more beauty, grace, intelligence and class than any one of them and they’re threatened by you. That’s why they tried to bring you down this past year and it’s why they’re trying to come between us right now. Please don’t let them.”
I slowly nod my head, realising that everything Cole just said to me is true. For a whole year I chose to punish myself for one foolish mistake and they enjoyed every single second of my misery and discomfort. I now see that I could also choose bitterness. It would be so easy to give in and allow myself to be consumed by my jealousy and my anger towards them but who would that help? I don’t want to be like them and therefore I decide I won’t be.
Cole ends up cradling me in his arms throughout the whole night, whispering words of comfort when I wake so I can go right back to sleep with the knowledge that he’s still there, he’s always been there and won’t leave me.
I’m woken up the next morning rather harshly when the covers are ripped from my body and a furious Cole demands I wake up. He’s shaking me roughly, tugging at my arm in vexation.
“What the fuck is this?” He shouts furiously. “Serena, who did this to you? Wake up and tell me what this is!”
I rub my tired eyes, sitting up in bed as he tightens his grip on my arm. My sleeve is rolled right up, exposing my fair skin and the large cut on my arm from the day before can be seen clearly. I hastily attempt to cover it, struggling to free myself from Cole’s unyielding grasp so I can do so.
“It’s nothing. I don’t even know what it is. Don’t worry about it, ok?”
That Summer (Part One) Page 16