by Ruff, K. S.
A subsequent doctor’s appointment revealed that I had some female problems that would make it difficult, if not impossible, for me to conceive. My periods were sporadic after that… that is until I discovered how to space my birth control pills so I seldom ever had one.
I hadn’t taken any birth control pills since arriving in Paris, and I hadn’t thought twice about missing my period, since I hardly ever had one. While having unprotected sex wasn’t a very intelligent move, I didn’t really think I could get pregnant. I certainly hadn’t thought it could happen in two months’ time, not when my doctors had warned me that it would be difficult to conceive.
If I was pregnant, then there was no going back… not for me. Sadness washed over me as I thought about raising a child without my mother to guide me through the experience and without being able to share him with my family and friends. I hadn’t considered it safe to bring a child into my previous relationship, but what about now? While Michael had done a good job keeping me safe, how long could that last with his connections? Would he be able to protect our child?
I finished the cup of tea and reached for the candied ginger as I tried to sit back up. My stomach was fine. A slow smile slid across my face. See, I thought, not pregnant. I breathed a small sigh of relief and padded off to the bathroom to shower and dress.
Michael showed up just as I was heading into the hallway to track him down. I threw my arms around his neck. “Hey, I’m feeling better! I really think it was just the flu.”
Michael gave me a curious look before smiling and kissing me on both cheeks. “Bonjour, ma chérie. I’m happy you’re feeling better. Do you want me to order more food for breakfast?”
I planted a soft kiss on his lips. “Non, merci. What you left on the nightstand was fine. Actually, I think it helped.”
Michael walked over to the nightstand. He grabbed the remaining crackers and candied ginger. “Do you want coffee?” he asked tentatively.
My stomach turned at the thought. “No, thank you. What are you doing? Are you done with work?”
“It’s Sunday, mon coeur. I thought I would take the day off. Are you up for a drive?” Michael looked hopeful as he asked. In fact, he looked entirely too hopeful.
I wondered what he was up to. “Sure. I just need to grab a pashmina. Where are we going?”
A smile tugged at Michael’s lips. “C'est une surprise.”
“I knew you were up to something!” I laughed at the innocent look he tried to paste on his face. “It’s a good thing you don’t play poker for a living!”
We both laughed as we walked out to the car. Rafael and Jean followed us in a black sedan. Michael sent a few text messages before wrapping his arms around me. I curled into his warm chest and quickly drifted back to sleep.
He kissed the top of my head. “Mon coeur, don’t you want to see your surprise?”
“Hmm?” I replied groggily. “We’re here already?”
Michael laughed. “You have been asleep for over an hour! Sit up. I want to see if you recognize where we are.”
I raised my head from his chest and peered out the window. My eyes widened when I recognized the view. I gasped. “Monet’s gardens?”
“Oui, ma chérie. We are at Giverny.”
I stared at Michael in awe before throwing my arms around his neck. “You remembered!”
Michael was beaming. “Of course. How could I forget?” He jerked his head toward the window. “Let’s go walk around.”
I couldn’t push him out of the car fast enough. A quaint cottage with crushed pink brick walls and bright green shutters was sitting just off to our left. The cottage was nestled in a flower bed boasting thousands of pink tulips. Tiny blue flowers danced among the tulips, just below the buds. “It’s perfect,” I breathed.
I turned to look at Michael, who was leaning against the car watching me, but my eyes snagged on the pond. Heavy willow trees kissed clusters of water lilies all along the edge of the pond. A large Japanese bridge arched beautifully over the water. “This looks exactly the same as the garden in his paintings,” I exclaimed breathlessly.
I couldn’t tear my eyes from the pond, so I motioned for Michael to join me. Finally, he did. I glanced at him pleadingly before the garden won its bid for my eyes. “Can we walk the grounds?”
Michael took a step in front of me, temporarily blocking the view. He peered down at me through watery eyes. “Of course, mon coeur. That is why we are here.” He tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear.
I coaxed my eyes from his so I could glance around. “But where is everybody? I would think this place would be swarming with tourists.” I looked around again. Aside from Rafael and Jean, who were hanging back by the car, I didn’t see a single soul.
Michael shrugged. “We came on a slow day?”
I nudged his shoulder and smiled. “Nice try.”
Michael twined his fingers with mine as we began to walk. We made our way toward the cottage, where I ran my fingers over the finely crushed brick. I knelt down to smell the pretty blue flowers that were licking at my feet. I decided to save the Japanese bridge for last, so we walked through the grass to admire the willow trees.
I thought about how badly I had longed to touch the Monet painting I discovered in Senator Rockefeller’s house. I was certain it was an original and restrained myself, fearing the natural oils from my fingers would damage the beautiful artwork. I stared in awe at the tree in front of me. I can actually reach out and touch Monet’s garden.
I held my hand out and ran it across the curtain of leaves. Oblivious to everything else around me, I began weaving a pattern back and forth between the delicate leaves. I closed my eyes as the leaves trickled over my face, shoulders, and arms. When I opened my eyes, I found Michael standing on the opposite side of the leaves. He was watching me with a soft smile on his face. I grasped the branches dangling on either side of my face. Michael walked up to the curtain of leaves and linked his fingers with mine through the other side. The leaves were now nestled between our hands.
We stood silently staring at one another through the leaves. With each second that he held my eyes and hands, my heart beat faster. The smile slid from my face.
Michael’s eyes darkened with desire. He pushed through the leaves and forced me backwards until I was pressed against the trunk of the tree. The only thing I could hear was my heart pounding mercilessly against my chest. I could see nothing beyond Michael and the cascading leaves. We were entirely concealed by the tree.
Michael’s eyes threatened to drive me to my knees. He lowered his lips to mine. His tongue seduced mine, languidly at first. The kiss grew more demanding, then reckless and raw.
I was gasping for air by the time he pulled away. I grabbed the tree behind me for support. My legs felt too weak to stand. My pulse quickened. I looked at Michael, then lunged for more.
Michael’s breath caught as I threw myself against him. He slammed me back against the tree. He stole my cry with a kiss that left me burning to feel him inside of me. My back arched as his hands raked over my breasts. I groaned in frustration when he stepped back again. Suddenly, he was pacing in front of me. I watched him with growing alarm. “Michael, what’s wrong?”
“This! I didn’t anticipate this,” Michael growled angrily.
I sank back against the tree. “What? Michael, what’s wrong?”
His voice rose. “I’m practically mauling you. That… that wasn’t part of the plan! I’m screwing everything up.”
“Michael, you’re not screwing anything up. This… us… this day… this place, it couldn’t be more perfect!”
Michael resumed pacing as he silently sorted through his problem. I watched him walk back and forth in front of me, both of us still hidden by the leaves. He stopped abruptly. He stared at me for what felt like an eternity, then gently grasped my shoulders. “Ma chérie, I know I said I would give you six months to decide…”
My heart stalled. I quickly counted the months. It had only been fou
r.
“…but I cannot bear to wait a minute longer. I love you… desperately. A piece of me dies every time we part. The thought of you leaving… is unbearable. I want you… I want you to stay… to choose to stay... because you love me... not because you think you might be pregnant, not because you think it would be best for a bébé, but because you want to spend the rest of your life with me.” Michael’s eyes grew pleading. He took a deep breath and continued. “So I don’t want to wait another day. I don’t want to ask after you determine you are pregnant. I want to ask you now, while we still don’t know.”
Michael grasped my hands as he fell to his knees. Tears streamed down his face as he looked pleadingly up at me. “Please, Kristine. I have loved you from the first moment I saw you. With each passing day, I love you more. I need you more than the air I breathe. I can’t live without you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, to have children with you, to grow old with you, and then die in your arms. Please, Kristine. Please, choose me… love me… marry me.”
I looked down at Michael through a veil of tears. Images of Kadyn shimmered before me. Kadyn… leaning against his motorcycle… singing to me… drying my tears… standing at the end of Lexie’s hospital bed… telling me he loved me on New Year’s Eve… kneeling before me in the snow. The ground tilted, and images of Michael flooded my mind. Michael… whispering seductively at the Musée Rodin… kissing me on the piano… his tear stained face when he said he would let me go… holding me as the doctor examined me in Saint-Tropez… picking me up from the bathroom floor… kneeling before me broken-hearted the first time he proposed. I fell to my knees as my heart ripped forcefully in two.
Michael reached for my face. He immediately began brushing my tears away. “It’s okay, mon amour, if you need more time…”
I choked back a sob. “Michael it’s you… I choose you… I love you... I want to marry you.”
Michael’s eyes widened in surprise. “Veux-tu m’épouser?”
I nodded as tears streamed down my face. “Oui, Michael. I will marry you.”
Michael peppered my face with kisses, whispering hoarsely in between each one. “Kristine… tu es mon cœur… mon amour… ma vie. You are my heart… my love… my life.” His lips met mine in a reverent kiss that tasted of tears. And there, behind a soft flowing wall of sun kissed leaves, he truly claimed me.
Chapter 22 – I’ll be there for you
Kadyn allowed himself two days to sulk while he ignored a flood of phone calls from his friends. Then he returned to his old apartment to mend things with Mason. He found him sitting on the couch. He pocketed his keys as he stood in the entryway. “Look, Mason, I’m sorry I hit you. I don’t know what came over me, but I’m sorry man.”
Mason set his laptop down and rose from the couch. His jaw clenched, then relaxed as his eyes met Kadyn’s. “I’m the one who should apologize. I shouldn’t have said those things to you.”
Kadyn nodded once. “Are we good then?”
“Yeah, man, we’re good.” Mason waved to the chair next to the couch. “Do you have a few minutes?”
Guilt flickered over Kadyn’s face when he saw the bruise darkening Mason’s jaw. He sank into the chair.
Mason closed his laptop. “I know you love Kri… probably more than I can comprehend.” He dropped back onto the couch. “Cenia and Gabi have helped me see there are a lot of reasons why Kri would cooperate with Garcia and why she wouldn’t necessarily try to get help. Kadyn, we’re friends… good friends… and I’m sticking by you no matter what. I want to help you find her. I’ll do whatever you need.”
Kadyn sighed. “Thanks, Mason. I appreciate it, and I want you to know that I value your friendship. You’re like the annoying little brother I never had.”
Mason grinned. “I’m older than you.”
Kadyn smiled for the first time in months. “That’s irrelevant. You’re still my little brother.”
“So what do you think we should do next… to find Kri?” Mason asked.
Kadyn braced his elbows against his knees. He looked at Mason, then slowly shook his head. “I sure wish I knew.”
* * * * * *
Kadyn stood in the center of Kri’s closet. His eyes and hands ran over her clothes. He inhaled deeply, then sighed. He couldn’t smell her perfume… couldn’t see or feel her here in this place anymore.
He spoke anyway. “Where are you, Kri? Do you still want to come home?”
Kadyn’s hand froze when he found the dress Kri wore to Senator Rockefeller’s Christmas party. “Do you still love me… or has Michael stolen your heart?”
Chapter 23 - Secrets
I couldn’t tear my eyes from the braided gold and diamond engagement ring now glittering from my ring finger. The princess cut diamond was framed on all four sides with a single row of smaller diamonds. As beautiful as that centerpiece was, it paled in comparison to the intricate design that formed the sides of the ring. I smiled at the diamond that was secreted underneath the center stone. It was so unexpected, much like my relationship with Michael.
I pushed up from the chair. Michael was working, which was a bit of a relief. I needed some time alone to process his proposal and the implications for our future. If I was being entirely honest with myself, I was a bit shocked that I had so readily agreed to marry Michael. I didn’t doubt that I loved him. I just couldn’t see a way to reconcile my past with my future.
If Michael and I were going to be married, I wanted my family to be there. We couldn’t go on letting them think I was being held against my will. Guilt ate at me as I considered how they must be feeling, the fear they must be feeling. I hadn’t spoken with Lexie in months. I needed to call my family, to let them know I was still alive and unharmed. Then what? I tried to play the conversation out in my head… “Mom, I’m alive. No, he hasn’t hurt me. We’re getting married. Will you come?” I groaned.
I wasn’t getting anywhere pacing across the bedroom, so I decided a much longer walk was in order. I cracked the bedroom door open and smiled at Rafael. “Bonjour.”
He smiled tightly. “Bonjour.”
I pulled the door open the rest of the way. “Are you okay?”
His eyes widened with surprise. “Yes. Why?”
I shrugged. “You seem a little down.”
He shook his head. “You are entirely too observant.”
I smiled. “Would you mind escorting me to the garden?”
This time the smile made it to his eyes. “I’d be more than happy to escort you to the garden.”
I grew quiet as we walked down the hall. I was hoping Rafael would view it as an opportunity to share what was weighing so heavily on his mind. I finally had to ask. “Do you want to talk about it?”
He glanced at me distractedly. “About what?”
I turned toward him as we made our way down the stairs. “About whatever it is that has you feeling so down.”
He laughed. It wasn’t his normal, hearty laugh. Instead, it held a bitter note. “That would be a very bad idea.”
My cheeks heated. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry. I… I just wanted to see if I could help.”
Rafael looked crestfallen. He reached for my hand and squeezed it gently. “Thanks, Kristine.”
I froze. I couldn’t believe he’d actually spoken my first name.
He glanced toward Michael’s office, then nudged me forward. “I imagine you have enough things to work through. I’ll be fine.” He offered an encouraging smile, which was not at all convincing.
I nodded as my mind circled back around to my own problems.
Once we got outside, Rafael fell back and trailed a few feet behind me. I glanced back at him a few times. He seemed to be as lost with his thoughts as I was with mine.
Eventually, I found myself sitting on one of the benches overlooking the fountain. I tucked my knees under my ankle-length skirt and pulled them against my chest as I pondered just how difficult it would be to reach out to my family. If I called them and told
them where I was, no amount of reassuring them about my well being would prevent them from turning Michael over to the authorities. If I told them I was happily engaged to the man, they would question my sanity or assume I was being coerced to make that statement. And, even though I had no intention of pressing charges against Michael for kidnapping me, what about Mickey? Surely there were charges pending against Michael for what he’d done to her. The whole thing was a mess… a mess that was not easily untangled. I sighed miserably.
“Ma chérie, what’s wrong?”
I looked up, surprised to find Michael standing in front of me. I glanced at Rafael.
He gave me an apologetic shrug.
My eyes returned to Michael. “Rafael texted you?”
“Oui. What’s wrong? You look upset.” He sat next to me on the bench. “Please tell me, mon coeur. Maybe there is something I can do to ease your mind.” Michael nodded to Rafael, effectively dismissing him.
I reached for his hand. “I want to marry you, Michael. I truly do; but I want a future with you that includes my family. How do we fix what happened without getting you in trouble?”
Michael sighed. “I’ve been wondering the same thing. I have made a royal mess of everything, and I need to find a way to make it right before we get married. But, that’s not all I need to make right with you. I haven’t been entirely honest with you, mon amour. There are some things I should have told you a long time ago.”
My heart tripped. How many more challenges could Michael throw my way? “Go on,” I encouraged warily.
Michael took a deep breath as he turned to face me on the bench. “First, you should know that I am not associated with any terrorists. I led you to believe that I was the day I showed up at your apartment…”
My eyes narrowed. “But, Michael…”
He pressed his fingers to my lips. “Please, mon coeur. I need to get this all out. I want you to know the whole story. You can be angry with me when I am done.”