by Ruff, K. S.
I stood in front of the bed and debated whether the bedding was clean. I sighed before returning to the bathroom linen closet in search of fresh sheets. I could barely stand by the time I got the bed stripped and remade. I was practically asleep by the time I climbed under the sheets.
My last thoughts were of Kadyn. I wondered if he would ever be able to forgive me for choosing Michael over him and what would become of our relationship if he did. The idea of him bringing a new girlfriend to one of our gatherings pained me terribly, but I was in no position to expect otherwise. I knew it was only a matter of time and wondered how I’d ever insulate myself from that heartache.
I don’t know how long I slept before I found myself sitting up in bed, gasping for air. My heart was racing and tears streamed down my face. I peered frantically around the strange room before I realized I was exactly where I was supposed to be. I sank back into the damp pillow and tried to blink away the images that still burned my eyes. This time it was the drowning that haunted me. A hate filled face leered at me as steel hands pulled my neck from the water only to submerge me again. Again and again I was pushed under the water until suddenly it wasn’t me. It was Genevieve he was drowning. Her face was the color of alabaster and her hair flowed all around her. Pain ripped through my chest as I curled around my pillow and sobbed.
* * * * * *
The next few nights progressed in much the same way. Over and over again, I’d crawl into bed and make a conscious effort to think about what I was learning in school, or I’d think about Kadyn, Lexie, Cenia, or my parents… only to wake from another bad dream. The sleeping pills helped me fall asleep, but they also made it difficult to claw my way out of the nightmares. I was looking pretty rough by the time Valentine’s Day rolled around on Thursday. Thankfully, that was one of my longer days at school. I was in class from three to nine o’clock at night, with a short dinner break around five o’clock. The hours were just long enough to keep me distracted from the fact that I was spending Valentine’s Day alone.
Shae joined me for dinner, and we joked about being each other’s valentine. It was a pretty pathetic date considering we were eating at Chick-fil-A.
When we returned to class, I was surprised to see Dr. Sandstrom had a long narrow box tied with a deep red ribbon; it was the kind of box that typically held roses. The box was sitting in the center of the table. The other students were studying the box curiously. I wondered if he was going to give us each a flower for coming to class instead of ditching for a date.
My eyes widened in shock when he picked up the box and handed it to me. “These are for you, Ms. Stone.”
My eyes flew wide with surprise. “What? This box is for me? I don’t understand,” I stammered. I could feel my cheeks heat as every eye in the class fell on me. I set my books on the table and slowly pulled the ribbon from the box. A dozen of the most flawless long stemmed red roses I had ever seen were nestled inside the green tissue that lined the box. I looked at my professor, thoroughly confused. “Who would think to deliver these here?”
Dr. Sandstrom smiled. “They were delivered for you an hour ago. Maybe someone was concerned you wouldn’t receive them, since you weren’t at home today.”
Shae nudged me teasingly. “I thought you said you weren’t dating anyone.”
I shook my head. “I’m not.” I slowly pulled the envelope from where it was nestled among the flowers. I stared at the envelope, suddenly terrified to open it.
“Would you open it already?” our classmate, Michelle, huffed as she sank into her chair. “You can’t expect us to sit here for the next three hours without knowing the back story.” Michelle was one of the few non-military students who fell into the competitive category. I thought briefly about how we might need to re-label her an irrational actor, because there was no way I was giving her my back story.
I opened the card with trembling hands and read it silently to myself.
Kristine, if only the world would stop moving long enough for me to capture you in my arms. I would chase all of the pain away and heal your broken heart. What I wouldn’t pay for the world to stop, for you to finally know you are my heart’s greatest desire. I would make you mine, Kristine, and never let you go.
I glanced at Michelle and Shae, completely stunned. “There’s no signature. I have no clue who sent these flowers.” I stared at the roses. Michael wouldn’t write a message in English, and Kadyn wouldn’t send flowers without signing the card because he knew it would freak me out. Besides, both of these men had already let me go. I was quite certain Justin was still in prison. He had finally pled guilty and was sentenced while I was in Paris. I hadn’t heard from my ex-husband since moving to DC, and flowers were never his thing. I closed the lid on the box, placed it on the floor by the door, and returned to my chair.
My classmates eyed me curiously.
I slumped in my seat as I met the professor’s gaze. “I’m sorry the flowers were sent here. I didn’t mean to disrupt the class. I really have no idea who would have done this.”
He shrugged. “A secret admirer perhaps. Speaking of secrets, let’s explore some secrets to getting people to open up and talk.” And, just like that, he rolled into his lecture on how to improve communication between conflicting parties.
I did my best to stay focused during class, but I couldn’t stop thinking about the flowers. I was still trying to figure out who sent them when I got home. It took me a while to track down a vase. I suspected that was something a single guy wouldn’t have lying around his house, but I ended up finding one stashed in the buffet cabinet in the formal dining room.
I had mixed feelings about the flowers. I hovered somewhere between flattered and completely creeped out. I was worried that the smell of roses in my bedroom would trigger more dreams about Michael, but they were too beautiful to throw away, so I left the vase sitting on the center island in the kitchen.
I grabbed a glass of water and dumped my books on the desk in the library before checking the locks and dragging myself upstairs. I figured I was going to need all the help I could get to fall asleep, so I popped yet another sleeping pill. I was determined not to sleep in any of the nightgowns Michael had purchased for me. I had yet to unpack the box with my pajamas from my old apartment, so I stripped down to my panties, slipped a camisole on, and climbed under the sheets. I fell asleep within minutes.
I woke up at three a.m., but I couldn’t put my finger on why. I couldn’t remember any dreams. Instead, I felt warm and oddly at peace. I had a vague sense of Michael and wondered if I had been dreaming about him. I rolled over in bed and reached for the pillow next to mine. I clutched the pillow to my chest. I wondered what Michael would have planned for Valentine’s Day. We would have been married by now. I might even have been pregnant again.
I rubbed my stomach as tears snuck between my lashes. I buried my face in the pillow, then pulled back in surprise. I examined it curiously. The pillow smelled vaguely of Michael, like cedar and cloves. I smelled the pillow again. I couldn’t smell the citrus that marked his cologne, but the smell of cedar and cloves was definitely there. I tried to remember if I smelled those fragrances in the house before. The familiar scent could have been one of the many things that initially drew me to the place, but I honestly couldn’t recall smelling it in the house before. I hugged the pillow again and inhaled deeply. My eyes slid closed. The smell was heavenly. How could I have not noticed that smell?
* * * * * *
I finished unpacking my boxes before class on Friday. I spent Saturday morning at the grocery store. I stocked the wine refrigerator with red and white wine and threw the beer and soda in the fridge. I spent the entire afternoon cooking while listening to my iPod. I was trying to pull off a pasta bar for dinner, so I made lasagna with spicy sausage and ground beef. I cooked a simple marinara sauce after I put the lasagna in the oven. Then I sautéed shrimp and scallops in a homemade pesto sauce. I figured both of those dishes could be served over thin spaghetti noodles. The final d
ish was clam linguine.
I set a variety of olives as well as a plate of fresh tomatoes, mozzarella, and basil, drizzled in a balsamic vinaigrette on my center island next to a stack of small plates. I began warming French bread in the oven shortly before everyone was supposed to arrive. I suspected that I might have gone a little overboard with the food. I had forgotten how much I enjoyed cooking and had quickly gotten caught up in the possibilities.
Cenia and Roger were the first to arrive. I left the main door open and the glass storm door unlocked after ushering them in. Kadyn showed up with Mason and Gabi just as I began pouring Cenia’s wine.
Kadyn’s voice echoed through the foyer. “Why isn’t the door locked, Kri? Hey, wait! Do I smell clam linguine?”
I rolled my eyes at Cenia and smiled. I made clam linguine for Kadyn the first time I cooked for him. “Maybe,” I shouted back teasingly.
He strode into the kitchen and walked straight to the stove. He lifted the lids on every pan until he found the right one. Mason and Gabi trailed into the kitchen behind him. Gabi gave me a quick kiss on the cheek.
“Hi, Mason. Hi, Gabi. Thanks for coming.” I glanced back at Kadyn, who was still hovering over the stove. “Hey, I don’t recall appointing you my sous chef,” I protested.
He raised an eyebrow, daring me to object while he reached for a pasta spoon.
I just shook my head. “Mason, the beer is in the fridge. Gabi, do you want white or red wine?”
Gabi smiled as she reached for a wine glass. “I got it.”
I turned my attention back to Kadyn, who was now tossing the cooked linguine noodles into the clam sauce.
His eyes widened as he turned and met my gaze. “Do I smell lasagna? You made lasagna too?”
I couldn’t help but smile at his enthusiasm. I glanced at the timer on the stove. “The lasagna should be done in five minutes.”
Kadyn took a bite of the clam linguine and fell back against the counter. “I can’t believe I lived a year without that.” He shook his head as if clearing his thoughts, then suddenly closed the distance between us. “You still owe me an explanation. Why wasn’t the door locked?”
“Cenia was here to protect me?” I suggested flippantly.
“That’s right,” Cenia said as she positioned herself between Kadyn and me. “Are you doubting my abilities, Rand?”
“Hey! What am I, some sort of wall flower?” Roger protested. “I have just as much muscle as you.”
I couldn’t help but notice that he pointed at Cenia and not Kadyn. We all busted up laughing.
Kadyn narrowed his eyes at Cenia and Roger before reaching into the refrigerator for a Sprite. Then he focused his attention on me. “Did the real estate agent get back to you with a name?”
I glanced at him while stirring the marinara sauce. “Yes and no. The guy didn’t want her revealing his name.” The doorbell rang. I glared at Kadyn. “You locked it?”
He folded his arms across his chest and refused to respond.
I rolled my eyes at him before stalking off to answer the door. “Hey, Phil, Marie. I hope parking wasn’t too bad.”
Marie laughed. “King Street was a mess, but the road behind your house wasn’t half bad.”
I took their coats and set them on a chair in the library with the other coats.
Marie followed me into the library. “Wow, Kri. This place is beautiful.”
I smiled as I intentionally left the main door open and the glass storm door unlocked. “I have no clue how I managed to score this place, but I’m really glad I did. Why don’t you follow me into the kitchen for some wine before I take you on a tour?”
Matt, Troy, and Sara arrived before I made it down the hall. Phil and Marie continued into the kitchen as I turned to greet them. “Hey, guys. I’m glad you made it. I’ll take your coats.” They followed me into the kitchen. Troy and Matt grabbed beers from the fridge, while I poured Sara a glass of white wine.
Kadyn was camped out by the stove. He was watching Cenia pull the lasagna from the oven.
I waved my hand through the air, trying to get his attention. “Hey, Kadyn! Do you think you could tear yourself away from the stove long enough to give the tour? I want to get the bread sliced and get everything squared away in here.”
Kadyn nodded. “I’d be happy to give the tour. That way, I can make sure you locked the front door.”
I rolled my eyes. “I locked the door when Troy and Sara arrived, since I’m not expecting anymore guests. Jeesh. You act like I don’t have a small army in here.”
“Hey! I object to that generalization. We’re Air Force, not Army,” Mason shouted from the family room, where he was messing with the remote for the TV.
I pulled the cutting board out of the cupboard and set it on the counter. “Yeah. You aren’t the least bit competitive are you?” The joke was lost on the military crowd. I suddenly realized I should have invited Shae. She would have gotten it.
Everyone filed out of the kitchen for the tour.
I snipped parsley over the clam linguine and added a generous amount of fresh ground pepper before tossing it all together. I popped a piece of French bread into my mouth while slicing the warm, crusty bread. I piled the bread inside a wire bread basket lined with a white linen napkin before loading a block of parmesan cheese into a fancy cheese shredder that I discovered in one of the kitchen drawers. I had all of the food pulled together by the time everyone returned from the tour. I held up my hand as everyone began talking at once. “Wait. We can talk about the townhouse after you all dish up. I don’t want the food getting cold.”
Everyone stopped talking. Kadyn and Mason grabbed plates and jockeyed for position at the front of the stove.
Cenia joined me at the center island. She pulled one of the roses from the vase and brought it to her nose. “These flowers are beautiful, Kri. Did you get them for Valentine’s Day?”
I glanced nervously in Kadyn’s direction before lowering my voice. “Yeah, but I have no clue who sent them. They were delivered to the school, and no one signed the card.” I anticipated her next question and shook my head. “Michael didn’t send them. He always writes his messages in French.”
Cenia examined the flowers more closely. “Where’s the card?”
When I looked up, I caught Kadyn staring at me. I wondered how much he had overheard. “It’s in the library.”
“Do you mind if I take a look at it?” Cenia asked hesitantly.
I turned my back to Kadyn, hoping it would dissuade him from joining the conversation. “No. That’s fine. I’ll show you while we’re waiting for the kitchen to clear out.” I raised my voice then. “Hey, guys. Feel free to sit anywhere in the family room, the dining room, or the sun room… it’s heated.”
Cenia followed me to the library. I pulled the card from the top drawer of the desk and handed it to her. She quickly read the message. “Wow,” she exclaimed, fanning her face with her hand. “You seriously don’t know who sent this? Why would someone send a note like this and flowers like that without signing his name?”
I shrugged. “I have no clue. Kadyn would have signed his name…”
“I would have, had I sent them,” Kadyn responded softly. “What kind of trouble have you gotten yourself into now, Kri?” he asked from the doorway.
I could feel my blood heat to a slow rolling boil. “I’ve been too busy with school to get into any kind of trouble, Kadyn. This came totally out of left field.”
Kadyn pushed off from the door. He strode up to the desk and snatched the card from Cenia’s hand. “Did you make sure the flowers weren’t bugged?” he asked before reading the card.
I stared at Cenia incredulously. “Is that even possible on real flowers? What would be the point of that? They would eventually be thrown away.”
“I’ll go look,” Cenia offered softly. She walked out of the library, leaving me alone with Kadyn.
My eyes met Kadyn’s.
His jaw clenched. Apparently, he didn’t like the mess
age. “Who’s been acting possessive? It’s someone you know, someone who knows your past.”
“No one. I swear it. The only people I hang out with are the ones standing inside my kitchen. I haven’t gotten to know any of the guys at school. I’ve really only become friends with one person in the program… a girl.”
Cenia walked back into the library. Her eyes met Kadyn’s. “The flowers are fine. Where’s the packaging they came in?”
My eyebrows furrowed. “Down in the garage, in the recycling. Seriously, you two are reading way too much into this. No one is going to bug something I would throw away.”
“No, but they might put a tracking device in it so they could find out where you live,” Kadyn responded tightly. He strode out of the library.
I reached for the desk as the room began to sway. I shook my head, waited for the room to steady, then walked back into the kitchen to wait for Kadyn to finish rifling through my recycling.
He returned within minutes with a stoic look on his face. “The box and tissue are clean.” He washed his hands in the sink.
I exhaled loudly. “Okay, then. Can we eat now? The food is getting cold.”
In three long strides, Kadyn was standing in front of me. Heat rolled off his body in waves.
My heart began to race as I resisted the urge to back away from him.
Kadyn glowered at me. “Just as soon as you promise to throw any unsolicited packages, unmarked letters, or unsigned flowers away… preferably in a garbage can located some distance from this house.”
There was no way I was arguing with Kadyn when he was towering over me with a menacing look on his face. “Fine,” I squeaked. “Now let’s eat.”
Cenia shot me an apologetic look as Kadyn walked away. We each grabbed a plate and loaded it up with pasta. Cenia joined Kadyn, Roger, Mason, and Gabi in the family room. I joined the rest of the gang in the formal dining room so I could put some distance between Kadyn and me.