by Becky Due
The doorbell rang and alarmed Rebecca. She looked out the windows on the sides of the front doors and recognized one of her other neighbors and his sons who lived about a mile away. She remembered Jack telling her that Ron and his wife were getting a divorce, and Ron had bought each of his boys a puppy as a way to compensate for the divorce.
“Hold on,” she yelled and hit the off button on the stereo, then ran to turn off the alarm. She opened the door and Lily slipped out. She jumped up and licked one of the little boys. He giggled and pet Lily on the head.
“Sorry to bother you, Rebecca. We’re hoping you’ve seen our two golden lab puppies. They’ve been missing since some time last night.”
Rebecca hoped her concern about the coyotes didn’t show as she said, “No, I haven’t seen them.” She grabbed Lily’s harness and pulled her into the house. “Come on, Lily.”
“I’m hoping one of the neighbors pulled them inside, you know, because of the coyotes. You’re our first stop.”
“Oh, I’m sure somebody has your puppies. I’m sure you’ll find them.” She smiled at the boys.
“Yeah, me too.” He put his hand on his son’s shoulder. “Well, we better keep looking.”
“Okay. Well, good luck and I’ll call you if I see anything.”
“I appreciate it,” Ron said, and they turned and walked back to their car.
As Rebecca watched them drive down the driveway, she decided to skip rearranging the living room and get back to work. She started thinking about her behavior when the pizza arrived. She knew that her performance was that of a woman, never a man. She had ordered enough pizza for four so the delivery man would believe that she wasn’t alone. She had acted as though she was talking to others in the house and was expecting more people soon. Rebecca felt her eyes burn and hated how tortured she’d become. She was in a cage, feeling unsafe and vulnerable.
She had heard all the advice that kept women caged: Don’t go out alone at night. Don’t drink. Carry your keys between your fingers. Park under street lights if you have to go out at night. Carry mace. Don’t dress sexily. Don’t go jogging at night or alone. Take self-defense classes. Don’t sound like you live alone on your answering machine.
Rebecca couldn’t believe that in this wonderful country and modern world we still had rape. She knew that the responsibility of rape still focused on the victim and not the predator, which often kept the women from reporting it. And the meaning of rape had become blurred. She learned from Angie’s work that many boys and girls didn’t know exactly what rape was. Many young people believed that if it isn’t a violent attack by a stranger, it isn’t rape. Some young people also believed that in certain situations a male had the right to have sex with a female whether she wanted to or not.
Rebecca remembered an article about how many of the strong, courageous military women who were victims of rape did not report it because they thought it was an expected part of military service for women.
Rebecca knew that most crimes were committed because perpetrators believed they could get away with it. They preyed on the weak and the vulnerable, believing that the weak and vulnerable were women and children. If women started killing the perpetrators who attempted or succeeded in hurting them or their children, would these crimes decline? But Rebecca had never heard of a potential victim killing her perpetrator.
She took a deep breath and decided it was time to take Lily out, but because of the cold and because Rebecca felt jumpy, they stayed close to the house. Lily looked up toward the hill and started barking. Rebecca heard something and looked for movement on the hill. About eight deer were grazing there behind a few trees. “Oh, Lily, they’re beautiful.” Lily stopped barking, watched for a while, then squatted to go potty.
Rebecca watched the deer until they moved deeper into the trees. She and Lily strolled to the side of the house and Lily ran to something she saw lying on the grass. As Rebecca got closer, she cried out and held Lily back. It was a leg from their jackrabbit, Fred, and it was fresh. Rebecca picked up Lily, looked around and hurried around the house and back inside. She locked the door, set the alarm and headed straight upstairs to the safe room.
Sad and afraid, Rebecca was starting to get angry. She turned on the TV and the news was on. She got into bed and pulled the covers up but couldn’t get warm. She tried to cuddle with Lily, but Lily was more interested in one of her chew toys. Rebecca got up, turned up the heat and crawled back into bed. After about 15 minutes, she decided to run a hot bath. She checked the alarm and saw it was armed. She walked over and checked the door; it was locked. She walked through their bedroom, into the closet and into the bathroom to make sure no one was there. Her head felt stuffy, so she sniffed to see if she could breathe normally through her nose. She couldn’t. “Oh, please, no. I can’t have a cold.” She knew she should go back to bed, but she didn’t think she’d be able to sleep until she was warm.
When the tub was half full, she lowered herself into the hot water. “Ah,” she sighed, knowing she’d soon feel better and hoping the steam would open her sinuses.
When Jack shared the tub with her, he wanted the jets on. Again, their differences were obvious: Rebecca liked a quiet soak, and he liked a noisy, bubbling tub. Even though she missed Jack and loved everything about him, even the things that bugged her, at this moment she was thankful to have the quiet, relaxing soak alone. Rebecca thought about how she and Jack had ended up together.
The evening after Jack showed up with the heart-shaped candle, he called and asked for another date. He was in Las Vegas for a conference and would like her to fly to Vegas on Friday after work for a weekend date. Other than cleaning her apartment, Rebecca had no plans that weekend, so she said yes. After she hung up, she went online to look for a cheap flight and a hotel room on the strip. Twenty minutes later, she buzzed up a courier with a package from Jack. The package contained a plane ticket, a hotel reservation and a note from Jack, saying, “I’ll pick you up at the airport Friday night.”
The next day Rebecca took her ticket and note to work to show her friends.
“Rebecca, this is a first-class ticket.”
“No, it isn’t,” she said, snatching the ticket away from Carol. “How do you know?” She pointed at the ticket. “See this.” Rebecca looked. “First-class. Who is this Jack and how did you meet?”
“Why would he send me a first-class ticket? Why would he send me a ticket at all?”
“I know why…” Carol raised her eyebrows and smiled.
“Well, I can’t go then!”
“Come on. Separate rooms, right? I’m just kidding. Go. Have fun. Live a little.” Carol grabbed the ticket. “If you don’t, I will.”
“You’re married.”
“Not for him, you dork. I love Vegas. I love the slots.” She handed Rebecca the ticket. “Listen, you have a credit card right?”
“Yes.”
“Well, go have fun. If anything weird happens, grab a cab, get on a plane and fly home. What’s the problem?”
“You’re right. There’s no problem. I’m going.”
Jack and another man met Rebecca at the baggage claim, and the man picked up her bag from the carousel. Jack grabbed Rebecca’s hand and followed the man out to a black limousine. Rebecca was very nervous. She didn’t even know Jack, so what was she doing?
He told Rebecca that he had reservations for dinner, but they would go to the hotel first so she could freshen up. “I know I sent you a reservation for your own room but…”
Oh, no. Rebecca thought.
“We actually have a suite with two bedrooms, I hope that’s okay?”
“Yes, that’s okay.” And then Rebecca thought, we’ll see. She felt safe with her escape plan in place.
They entered the hotel through a different door than other guests, greeted with a glass of champagne and then escorted to their room. Since Jack had been there for a couple of days, all the special treatment was for Rebecca’s benefit. Fresh flowers and original art works lined th
e halls on their way to their room. The man accompanying them opened a large door and said, “Enjoy your stay.”
Eager to get to her room, Rebecca stood there waiting for somebody to show them to their suite. Jack tipped the man, then gave Rebecca a quick kiss. “I’m glad you’re here… Oh, your bag will be here in a minute. Your bedroom is over here,” he said walking down the beautiful wide hall. Bewildered, Rebecca realized they were already in their suite. Her bedroom had a king bed with luxurious white linens, a desk with a computer, an armoire with a TV inside and a sitting room with a couch and two chairs. The bathroom was luxurious with a separate room for the toilet, bidet and sink. There was a huge shower to the left and a soaking tub to the right with a TV mounted inside the wall encased in glass.
The butler unpacked Rebecca’s bag for her and took some of her clothes to have them pressed. The lack of privacy upset Rebecca a little, but she decided not to let it bother her. She freshened up, and she and Jack went out to dinner.
That night after dinner, wearing only a t-shirt and panties, Rebecca walked into his bedroom to thank him and to say good night. He was lying in bed wearing red plaid pajamas. She got into bed with him under the covers. They faced each other and talked until they were both tired. Jack leaned in and gave Rebecca a kiss on her lips then rolled over. He didn’t say she was welcome to stay in his bed, or that she had to leave.
Rebecca lay there looking at his back, confused, feeling a bit rejected and wanting to laugh. She gently got out of bed and walked into the living room. She sat down at the piano but didn’t touch the keys. She wanted to soak it all in. After a few minutes, she stood and walked over to the large dining room table. She leaned over to smell the fresh flower centerpiece. She walked back into the living room and sat on the couch. Next to the couch was a table with more fresh flowers and a monitor to control the room’s many features. Rebecca touched the screen, then touched All Lights Off. The lights slowly dimmed to complete darkness, with only the monitor glowing. She touched Open All Drapes and all the drapes opened. She stood up and walked to the windows. She didn’t know they had a balcony. She opened the doors and stepped outside. It was beautiful with Las Vegas lights filling the sky. It was warm, and there were flowers and trees on their lanai. She lay down on a chaise, and wanted to wake up Jack so he could see how beautiful it was. But she figured he had seen it all before.
Rebecca fantasized that she was married to Jack and that this was her life. Everything around her was beautiful and elegant. She didn’t have a care in the world. Anything she wanted was a phone call away. The fantasy was fun, but she knew that it wouldn’t make her happy because she wanted to be successful in her own life. Rebecca thought about her career. She didn’t want to continue working for Response PR as their secretary or helper. Rebecca had already helped create hugely successful campaigns for some of Response PR’s clients. She had openly shared her ideas in hopes of being promoted, but she was feeling less and less appreciated. Rebecca had also given up some of her media contacts that she had made while working for Ed. Feeling more confident of her ability to succeed on her own in the public relations field, Rebecca wanted her own clients.
She thought about how she had kept progressing in her life. Except for the mess with Roy, Rebecca was really happy, and she was energized about her future. She believed she was ready to either ask for a promotion or branch out on her own. Her mom had a lot of connections and offered her assistance many times, but Rebecca hoped she could do it on her own.
When Rebecca wasn’t at work, she was home working to create a business plan for her own PR firm. She had a detailed design created for a website. She had her letterhead and business cards designed in lavender and brown. And she had a direction helping women—but she didn’t have a name or logo yet.
Rebecca stood up and looked out over the courtyard of The Mansion. She could see a beautiful swimming pool with a fountain. There were lemon trees and flowers scenting the night air. She breathed in deeply and exhaled slowly. She thought about how she kept moving forward in her life, learning and growing every day. There it was, she knew the name of her future PR firm—Women Going Forward. “Women Going Forward,” she said out loud. She liked the way it sounded. She would create a community of women who fight for change in their lives and the lives of all women. She sat back down on the chaise and stretched out. “Women Going Forward,” she murmured closing her eyes and visualizing her success. She fell asleep outside on the balcony dreaming about her future business.
Jack woke her early the next morning with coffee and fresh Krispy Kreme donuts. He had a little gift for her, a small turquoise box from Tiffany’s. She couldn’t believe it. “Breakfast at Tiffany’s is my favorite book!”
Jack smiled. “Open it.”
Inside was a little silver ring with a raindrop attached. Rebecca loved it. “Thank you so much,” she said, trying not to cry. She reached for him and gave him a hug.
“You’re welcome.”
Just then, they looked at each other in shock. “I felt a raindrop.”
“So did I, but it doesn’t rain in Vegas,” Jack said as the downpour started. They stayed outside in the rain holding hands. Rebecca knew the ring and the downpour were a sign of good things to come.
Rebecca twisted her ring while she sat in the bath deep in memories of that Vegas trip with Jack. She was glad they got to know each other better before making love. They waited almost eight months and the memory of that first night flooded over her.
They were at a dinner party with Jack’s friends and co-workers. Jack put his hand on her leg, and she could feel the intense heat and passion in his touch. He wanted her and made no secret of it. He moved his hand up on her thigh and his strong hands and fingers caressed her inner thigh, making her catch her breath and feel lightheaded. Her body was reacting in ways she never thought possible. She wanted him so badly that if he kept touching her with his hand that way, they would be making love in the bathroom in a few minutes.
After moving his hand away, Rebecca stood up and walked across the room. She grabbed a bottle of water from the table and turned to look at Jack. He had his eyes on her, but kept talking to his coworker. Rebecca watched his lips move as he spoke. She desperately wanted to kiss him and feel his body against hers. She loved him, and she knew he loved her too.
At her place after the dinner party, Rebecca had the sexiest, most stimulating conversation of her life. Jack turned her on with his words, his eyes and his touch. He sat across from her with his hands on her knees. He told her that he wanted her. “I’ve never wanted anybody as much as I want you right now,” he said softly. His words were strong and sincere.
Trembling with anticipation, Rebecca had never felt sexier, more beautiful or more desired.
“I don’t want to rush you, but I want you to know how much I love you, and I’m hoping we can take this relationship to the next level.”
Rebecca gently nodded her head.
Jack knelt on the floor between her legs and began kissing her. Holding her face in his hands, his hands gently slid down across her breasts and rested on her hips. Rebecca wrapped her arms around his shoulders and as they stood up, he lifted her and carried her to the bedroom. Jack and Rebecca made love that night, and it was beautiful.
The next morning while lying in bed together, Jack reached over to his jacket on the floor and pulled out another turquoise box from Tiffany’s. Jack proposed to Rebecca.
And Rebecca began her perfect life. Until she received that letter in the mail stating that the state had caught up with Roy and they needed her in court. After listening to her 9-1-1 call, she decided to follow through, arriving at the courthouse only to learn that Roy had run again and he was still out there roaming the streets. Rebecca didn’t go into much detail when explaining the situation to Jack. Her life before had been so different; she didn’t want to think about it or talk about it. She just wanted to let it go and move forward with her perfect life with Jack.
Jack and Rebecca w
aited only a few months before going to Las Vegas to get married. They chose Vegas for two reasons: it was convenient to fly people into, and their first real date was in Las Vegas. They had a small, elegant ceremony in The Mansion with twenty of their family and closest friends. Like in the fairytales, Rebecca wore a beautiful white wedding dress and Jack, a black tuxedo. Rebecca walked herself down the aisle, and Jack walked up the aisle to meet her half-way—the perfect metaphor for their perfect marriage.
Rebecca got out of the tub, dried off and got into bed. Warm under the covers, she was grateful for her life so she decided to pray. Rebecca rarely prayed when things were bad. She liked to pray when her life was good. She wanted to give thanks for her blessings. She hadn’t prayed for a long time, but a few nights before Jack left town, she had remembered her special childhood prayer and ritual.
Rebecca was in bed lying next to Jack when she could tell that Lily was antsy. She decided to take her outside in case she had to go potty. Rebecca sat up and looked at the clock. It was a little after one in the morning.
Jack asked, “Do you want me to take her?”
“No, honey, that’s okay. I’ll take her.” Rebecca yawned as she walked down the hall to the stairs. She heard Lily jump off the bed. At the door, Rebecca attached Lily’s leash and they headed outside. After Lily peed they went back inside and crawled back into bed. Jack wrapped himself around Rebecca, his warm breath on her shoulder. She felt blessed. Rebecca clasped her hands in prayer. Her hands felt thin compared to Jack’s. She was more used to holding Jack’s hand than her own. Her own hands felt awkward; it had been too long.
She used to pray every night before bed, a ritual that meant everything to her. Prayer kept her on track. She didn’t remember when she started her ritual, but she knew she was very young. After saying the, “Now I lay me down to sleep…” prayer, she would pray for everybody she knew and loved. She also prayed for anybody she felt needed a little extra prayer, people she heard about, strangers. But it was the next little piece of her prayer ritual that she missed the most. Rebecca would kiss her folded hands, then use her hands as healers and gently glide her hands over her body not touching, just hovering over. She blessed herself and her body. She started at her face, going down the front, then up the back. Once she was finished, she would imagine her body as a pebble in a pond. She would visualize the healing vibration from her body going out and reaching the world. It started with everybody in her house. When she was little it went out to her dad and sister, but on this night the loving energy went to Jack and Lily, then out to their neighbors, the town, the state, over every state, through the ocean, to other countries, the world and into the universe. Once her ritual was done, she slept well.