“A friend of mine. What do you want Michelle?”
“I would like to see the kids. As their mother, I have that right.” I snort.
“You gave up those rights if I recall.”
“They are still my kids, Jensen.”
“Michelle, I want you to see them, I really do but it’s not my call. I need to talk to the kids about it. They are old enough to make that decision on their own.” Michelle scoffs.
“If you haven’t brainwash them.”
“And see that right there is why it won’t be until after the holidays.” I walk away from her.
“Jensen, that’s not fair and I’ll get my husband involved.”
“Michelle, I loved you once and a part of me still does but don’t do it this way. You will never get to see them. We talk about you.”
“You do?” Michelle’s voice doesn’t sound convinced as her tone always goes high pitched. I motion for her to follow me to my office so we can have privacy.
“The kids were going through a rough patch as they got older. They were tired of my mom taking them to all the Mother’s Day festivities that they stopped going. I have a friend who is a child phycologist to help with their feelings.” I dig around my bottom desk drawer looking for the letters and journals the kids were to write to Michelle. “Now I never read these so I don’t know what is in them but I can guarantee that there is a lot of anger, fear, and forgiveness. The doctor wanted them to write to you. The first letter was about everything they wanted to say to you with no fear of being disciplined so when you read these please remember that. It is going to hurt you, make you cry but please don’t take it to heart. They want a relationship with you but it needs to be on their terms.”
“They do?”
“They do or rather they did. Last Christmas they wanted to see you but we didn’t know where you were and your parents wouldn’t tell us.”
“They are still mad at me for leaving you and the kids. Thank you for letting my family still be in their lives.”
“Michelle, the kids made us family I didn’t think it was fair to punish them. I will be honest with you, I did tell them that it was my fault not theirs and that you love them.” Michelle is sobbing in her hands. I lay the stuff down on my desk and come to sit next to her.
“Why do you have to be a good man?” She laughs through her hands.
“I wasn’t always and I took you for granted when I was trying to establish my career to set us up so we never had to depend on our families. I forgot that we were partners and ended up being strangers towards the end. I am truly sorry from the bottom of my heart.” I start to cry. I’ve been holding onto those words since the day she left and it feels good to tell her. “You didn’t need to leave the kids.”
“I regret that every day of my life and that is my cross that I need to bear.” Michelle sniffles.
“It will take time. The kids are amazing but they need to do it on their time not yours. It will be tough waiting but it will be worth it. I’ll talk to them when they are in a good mood. Teenagers are never happy all the time so I need to slip it in.” We laugh and she nods. “I need to get back to the ER. Take these and here is my cell number, call me or text me if you need to talk. Let your husband know that I gave these to you so he doesn't try to beat me up or something.”
“Thank you, Jensen.” Michelle clutches the box that I gave her which contains pictures of the kids that I’ve been collecting through the years so if Michelle did decide to come back into their lives, she can see what the kids were like all these years.
I head out to the ER and it’s not too busy so I got caught up on everything. I finish up my day and head to my parents’ house. I enter to hear the kids fighting and my mom slamming pots and pans in the kitchen.
“I don’t care Bennett, give it back.” Jana yells at Bennett that her voice is deep.
“I can’t believe you would do something like this, how could you do it? How could you do it to dad of all people?” Bennett says through his clenched teeth.
“It’s my life not yours so back the fuck up.” Jana yells right into Bennett’s face.
“Knock it off both of you. Cell phone Jana.” I hold out my hand to her.
“What? Why?” Jana stands there clutching her cell phone to her chest.
“Twenty-four hours no cell phone for use of the “f” word. You know the rules.” I stand there with my hand out waiting for the cell phone. I need to do something to get her attention.
“But,” Jana starts to stammer then punches Bennett in the chest because he started laughing, “Go to hell.” She throws the phone at me and it bounces off my chest onto the floor landing at my feet.
“Pick it up, and hand it to me or I’ll stomp the shit out of this phone. I won’t replace it until you can earn it back.” Jana storms off crying. “What was that about?” I stare at Bennett waiting for an answer.
“Nothing dad.” Bennett tries to walk away from me with his head down. I grab his arm, “It’s not for me to say, I’m not going to tattle on her.” I nod and let him go. I pick up the phone and put it in my pocket. I’m all bark and no bite when it comes to the kids, I would never smash her phone because I don’t want to have to buy her a new one in a couple of weeks when her attitude changes. I’ll let her stew a couple of hours then try to talk to her.
“They have been like this all day.” My mother says handing me a bottle of beer. “I don’t know how you do it.” My mother who is usually so put together looks disheveled, hair a mess, clothes wrinkled.
“It’s hard some days but I have found a great support system with the parents of their friends. Do you know what that was about?” My mom shakes her head and goes back to cooking dinner. I still hear them fighting upstairs so I stand to go find out what is going on when my pager goes off. I look down to see I’m needed back at work. I run up the stairs to say good night to my kids.
“Jana, stop being stupid.” Bennett is begging his sister when I walk into Jana’s room.
“What is going on? What is Jana being stupid about and why are you hiding it from me?” I look at my daughter who is the apple of my eye and never keeps things from me but won’t even look me in the eye. “You know what, I don’t want to know. Bennett leave her alone. Jana watch that mouth of yours. I came up here to say good night. I need to head back to the hospital.” I kiss them both on the head. “I love you and I want both of you to know that you don’t need to keep things from me. If it hurts, I’ll get over it. I’ll never stop loving my two pains in my ass.” Jana laughs and hugs me. Bennett gives me a high five. “Oh and stop making grandma more nuts.”
“We can’t make that promise.” Jana giggles and I just shake my head as I laugh down the steps.
“More nuts?” My mom is standing in the doorway with her wooden spoon that she loves so much. I laugh and kiss her on the cheek. She tries to swat my ass but I’m quicker than her these days.
I walk into the hospital to see my head nurse from the day shift looking frazzled. Shannon is standing there pacing, biting her thumbnail and talking to herself. Shannon has been my head nurse for three years now and is short about 5’3” and small. One of my doctors, Thomas, made the mistake of trying to put one over on her. Shannon is small but a firecracker. She told him off so bad that he cried. Shannon is a legend and now marrying Thomas.
“Jensen, thank god you are here. We have a problem.”
“What's the problem but slow down.” I put down my laptop case on the desk.
“No doctors showed up.”
“What? Thomas is here and there were a few doctors hanging out in the lounge when I was leaving. What the fuck happened?” We walk back to my office to look at my schedule.
“I don’t know. Thomas is the only one here but he needs to leave. He is coughing and throwing up. He is in a room with an IV bag because he’s so dehydrated.”
“Is there anyone that needs to be seen now?” Shannon nods her head and we head out to the ER. I’ll be calling doctors in when
it calms down.
Me:
I won’t be home tonight.
Mom:
Why not?
Me:
Apparently my staff left work after the boss because there’s a concert going on.
Mom:
They didn’t ask for it off?
Me:
No. Give the kids a kiss for me.
Mom:
I will
I put my phone away to start the fun of working another shift.
December
I walk around the house that we are working on. Our client is Jensen Causer who is the father to the twins that I’ve gotten to know so well from being at the loft. I walk upstairs to see the bedrooms.
“Hey Max.” Max is helping the workers demolish a wall in Jana’s room.
“Sarah, you shouldn’t be here while we are doing this.” I love how concerned Max is for me. I smile at him as he rushes me out of the room. The construction crew are starting the demo in the rooms so we can start as soon as I get the approval from Jensen. We go downstairs away from all the dust and chaos. We stand at the kitchen island.
“This is a great house. I would have so much fun redoing it all. There is so much character but outdated.” I crinkle my nose. My leg healed nicely so I can get around without too much help. There are times when I overdo it and there is swelling.
“What did you need?” Max asks as he hands me a bottle of water.
“I wanted to get a feel for the rooms and house before I head over to the office to get drawing.”
“I knew you would do that but I thought it would be after the construction.”
“I'm going crazy not leaving the office or the apartment.”
“A little cabin fever?”
“Yes!” I exclaim and Max laughs. “My mother won’t leave me alone. I think she has my car low jacked.”
“She probably does. Oh, you know what you could do, take Jonathan, Jana, and Bennett to the mall tonight. They have a chorus thing and Jensen is working late tonight. I know they were talking about dinner. You’d get to spend some time out of the house.”
“That would be heavenly. I’ll do it.” We talk a few more minutes and I head out of the house. I look around the neighborhood and love it. I might need to check on a house in this area for the baby and me. I head back to the office to begin my work.
I walk into the office building humming as I rub my belly and I notice someone sitting in front of the door and as I get closer I see Jana sitting there.
“Jana? Are you okay?” I notice her tear stained face.
“No.” Jana sobs as I motion for her to come in. “Come on in, want something to drink?” I hold out a water to her.
“Thanks.” Jana takes the bottle from me and smiles weakly.
“What brings you here at 1 in the afternoon when you should be in school?” Jana sobs more and hugs me. She is holding me tight as she cries. “Calm down, sweetheart.” We go into my office where there is a nice comfortable couch. Max always laughs at me when he comes in here and instead of working at my desk like a normal person, I am sitting Indian style with papers all over the place. I like to work in comfort.
“I haven't seen my dad in a couple of days. The last time we talked, he was grounding me for swearing. He hates when we use the “f” word.”
“Why haven't you talked to him?”
“He’s been working extra hours because of doctors and leaving a shift. He is staying in the doctor’s lounge or an on-call room. I miss my dad and I hate that he left when Bennett and I were fighting over something that I should have told my dad.”
“Why didn’t you tell your dad?” Jana looks at a hole in her jeans and starts fidgeting with it. I wait for her to answer the question. I pull out my phone to send a quick text.
Me:
Can you let Jana’s dad know that she is at my office with me and I’ll bring her home shortly?
Reagan:
Why is Jana there?
Me:
She’s upset about a conversation that she needed to have with her dad but he's been busy working and the guilt is eating her alive.
Reagan:
His mom is here, I’ll let her know and to not worry
Me:
Thanks. Oh, and if you could send over some goodies for me, the baby and Jana that would be awesome.
Reagan:
Using that baby…lol
Me:
<3
“This office is pretty cool.” Jana finally speaks and I smile.
“Thank you. I designed it.” Max let me have full control of the design of the office. My favorite place in the world is this room. I have all the things I love here.
“Why did you get into design?” I know this ploy that Jana is doing by avoiding the question but I need to make sure that she is comfortable and on her own time.
“My grandma. She worked in her family’s tailoring store growing up and she use to make clothes out of her head. She would get inspired by everything and that trickled down to me. I used to make mine and Abby’s clothes when we were in college. Max’s house would get redecorated every other month. I keep seeing things and I feel the urge to design. Here check this out.” I get up to show her some designs that I’ve been working on for her room.
“This is my room!” Jana’s face lights up as she’s going through them.
“Hello?” A voice rings out into the reception area and Jana’s head perks up and frowns.
“That’s grandma.” Jana goes to stand and I motion her to sit.
“Let me go talk to her.” I walk out of the office into the receptionist area. I see this beautiful older woman with salt and pepper hair and hazel eyes. The eyes stop me dead in my tracks and it’s like I’m staring at him again. I shake my head to get that memory out of me. “Hello, can I help you?”
“Are you Sarah?” The woman asks me and I reply that I am.
“Reagan sent this over for you and Jana.”
“Are you going to take her?”
“No. Reagan filled me in on things and she needs to talk and she chose you.”
“Mrs. Causer, I promise to have her home once she calms down.” I see movement out of the corner of my eye. We both look to see Jana standing in the doorway.
“Grandma.”
“Jana come here sweetheart.” Jana is in her grandma’s embrace. “Your dad isn’t mad at you. He knows that you will come to him when you are ready. He loves you baby.”
“I know he loves me but disappointing my dad is killing me.” Mrs. Causer pulls Jana away from her so she can look Jana in the eyes. She starts wiping the tears from her face.
“Jana, I love you. I’m glad that you have someone outside the family to talk to but I need to know where you are at all times.”
“Daddy has my phone.”
“Oh, well I will get that back for you.” Mrs. Causer turns to leave the office.
“Mrs. Causer, the kids have that chorus concert at the mall tonight. Max asked if I would take them, is it still okay for Jana to go and for me to take them out to dinner after?”
“That will be nice. Here is my number,” She walks over to the desk to start jotting it down, “text me when you are on the way to the house so I can be awake.” I nod. Mrs. Causer squeezes my hands and kisses Jana on the head.
“Your grandma is pretty cool.” I put my hand on Jana’s shoulder as she’s holding the basket of food.
“She usually isn’t that cool so I’m dead meat tonight.” Jana sighs.
“Let’s go back to my office so we can work on your room. I need to send your dad some ideas and pricing.” We work on the room for a while and then Jana lets out a big sigh.
“I’ve been trying to find my mother.” Jana blurts out quickly.
“Oh.” I don’t know the situation but from what I have heard from different conversations is that her mom left when she was young and they haven’t seen each other in years. “Does your dad not want you to contact her?”
“I don’
t know. We stopped talking about her when papa got sick.”
“Who is papa?”
“My mom’s grandfather. We still have a relationship with them, just not her.”
“Okay now I understand. Why don’t you bring it up to your dad?”
“Because it’s the holidays and he always gets really sad over the holidays. I heard him talking to Gram Gram, my grandma’s mom, about how the holidays always make him sad because we miss out on what it’s like to have a mom around.”
“I can understand that honey but one thing I need for you to understand is being a parent is hard but being one without back up is harder. Give him a chance to mull this over.”
“I’ll try.” I hear laughing coming from my office waiting room. I get up to see who is here and I see Jonathan and Bennett goofing off.
“Hey! This is still a place of business, please be respectful.” I say sternly.
“Woah! You got the mom voice.” Jonathan says as he holds up his hands. I can’t help but laugh at him.
“What are you two doing here?”
“Mom texted me that you were here with Jana. Is she okay?” I love hearing Jonathan calling Reagan his mom. She tears up every time that he does and we talked about her hoping that Kennedy wouldn’t be mad at her. I reassured her that Kennedy would be happy that she has the relationship she has with him. I hope that if anything happens to me that this baby will bond with Max and Abby like Jonathan and Reagan.
“She’s fine. Jana needed some girl talk. Bennett wait here a minute.” I walk back to my office and let Jana know the boys were here and grabbed drawings I’d done for Bennett’s room. I figured that I could get a lot of work done with them in my office. The three kids are having fun and I get some work done. They even answer the phones. I need to bring them in more often. “Alright kids, it’s time to go sing and then we eat.”
We head on out and I get to do some Christmas shopping while I am here after seeing them sing a couple of songs. It’s nice being out of the office and walking around shopping. It’s what I needed to get rid of the cabin fever but so thankful that I’m going to be in the office and apartment more. I forgot what it was like to shop in December. I haven't laughed so hard in a while listening to the stories from these three kids about school, movies, and their parents.
As Long As You Love Me (Love Me Series Book 4) Page 6