“I,” My mother starts talking but is interrupted with a knock on the door, “still want that test done.” I lay back and sigh.
“Is everything okay?” Jensen walks in and automatically looks to all three of us and can tell something was wrong. “What test do you want done? Did the doctor come in and say something while I was gone?” I hear the anxious fear in his voice. I look at him with his brown bed head hair and wrinkled t-shirt and basketball shorts. Damn he looks good and could he be mine forever?
“My parents want a DNA test to make sure that you are Ella’s dad since I am a very rich woman.” I have bared my body to this man and my soul so I’m not going to start keeping secrets.
“Well that is a smart idea but,” Jensen looks at my mom and dad then back to me, “I’ll do it on two conditions. 1. You want it done 2. Let me stay with you for a couple of weeks so we can spend time together and figure out how we parent Ella together.” I couldn’t help but laugh.
“The DNA test means nothing to me because I know you are the only man I ever had sex with but if you need it as a peace of mind,” and I lower my voice, “to keep peace with my parents,” I lean away from him, “then I’m okay with it if it doesn’t hurt Ella. As for the second one; what about the kids?”
“They are over on weekends anyway so my parents can keep them then we can be a full family on weekends but during the week, it’s the three of us to do the whole bonding thing. I think I read in a book that the first few months are critical.”
“We’ll talk to Max and Reagan, it’s their place too.” I smile at him.
“Let me call May and have her run it privately.” Jensen steps out of the room and I watch my parents as they start to look at the floor.
“Why did you tell him about it?” My mom grits through her teeth.
“He is the father of my daughter and you wanted a DNA test, how did you think that I was going to ask him? Trick him into getting one. I don’t keep secrets and especially not from my daughter’s father. Whether we end up together or not we need to be honest with each other.” I wished for anyone to come in to visit me and I don’t remember falling asleep. The meds they have me on makes me so sleepy.
I walk out into the hallway but not so far away that I can’t hear if Ella or Sarah need me. I know she is doing it to appease her parents. I trust Sarah and if she tells me that I’m the only one, then I believe her.
“May, hey its Jensen. I need a favor.”
“What’s up new daddy? I can’t believe the guy that Sarah and I talked about was you the whole time. If she would have said something about a doctor and on call room, then I would have said something to her.”
“I know you would but I need a DNA test.”
“You don’t believe Sarah?” May’s voice was high and shocked.
“I believe her 1000% but it’s for her parents. Apparently, Sarah is a very rich woman and they don’t want anyone taking advantage of her.” I talk about her parents in a mocking tone.
“Why don’t you go to the lab to get it done?”
“I don’t want to leave for too long. Can you have someone you trust come do it?”
“I’m on my way to check on her, I’ll grab the kit to do it. See you in about thirty minutes or so.” I walk back in and see that Sarah is sleeping but hear Ellie starting to fuss.
“She’s getting hungry. She is on a two to four hour feeding schedule and has been running about a couple of ounces every two hours.” I walk around to do the bottle with the formula and baby bottle warmer that I had my mom buy so I could do everything in the room. I get to work to measuring and shaking it together then warm it up. “Do you want to feed her?” I hold the bottle to Elizabeth and she takes it. As she sits down in the recliner that I will be spending the next couple of nights in I decide to move the other chair over next to Sarah while she sleeps. Sarah’s dad paces the floor and I know he wants to talk to me. “Do you have any questions for me?”
“Oh buddy I have a lot but I won’t do it in front of my wife, daughter, and granddaughter.” Francis snaps at me.
“Why don’t we go into the hallway then? This tension and animosity is not good for anyone especially Sarah. She needs to heal.” I get up and walk out of the room. I knew that I had some time to talk before May came and Sarah woke up.
“Why don’t you just walk away from Sarah and Ella? Forget you ever met them and let them live their life without complications.” Francis starts as soon as the door is closed.
“How can I walk away from my daughter and the woman I’ve been in love with for nine months? I can’t do it and I won’t do it. I’m doing a stupid DNA test for you and your wife to make it easier for Sarah.”
“How do you know that you have loved Sarah for nine months, you didn’t even know her name!” Francis’ voice raises. I look around to make sure we weren’t being spied on or disturbing someone.
“Look how I handled it was shitty but I knew when I saw those beautiful blue eyes looking up at me after we collided. My world hasn’t been the same since. I didn’t know Sarah was that girl until I delivered Ella. I began getting to know Sarah through text messages, phone calls and emails as she’s been designing my children’s rooms. Sarah was there for my kids when I wasn’t capable of being there for them emotionally and ever since then I don’t want Sarah to leave my life. I’m not leaving Mr. Edwards so get use to me and my family.” I see May out of the corner of my eye. “The doctor is here for the DNA test.” I walk back into the room to wake Sarah up. I’m upset and need to calm down before giving too much away. Sarah starts to stir as Ella is screaming her head off. I go to take Ella from Elizabeth but she doesn’t give her to me.
“Hi, I’m Dr. May and can I see Ella? I need to do some tests and get the DNA that I need from her for the test.” Elizabeth hands my daughter to a stranger who she doesn’t know from Adam than to me. Sarah grabs my hand as I keep flexing them. I smile at her.
“Hi Dr May, how are you today?” Sarah sleepily asks.
“I’m doing well now that I’m an auntie.” Sarah looks confused and explained how we are related and she smiles. “Ella is perfect. I’m going to swab her mouth, Jensen can you come hold her to give her some comfort.” Ella is throwing a tantrum already as she’s crying. She has been fed, changed and now let’s see if she wants daddy. I pick her up talking to her about being a little out of sorts today. “So many unfamiliar faces and voices around you yesterday and today; all while not being able to have mommy time yet. I know we all want to spend time with mommy. I might have to fight you for her.” I smile at her and I swear Ella smiles back at me. I cradle her in my arms as May holds her mouth open to take the q-tip looking swab to her cheeks. May does it to me and Sarah as well.
“Why do you have to do it Sarah? She gave birth to her.” Elizabeth asks with curiosity.
“It helps with separating the DNA, more like protocol. I will put a rush on it but what am I doing about the birth certificate because it’s about to be filed with the state.”
“No, Jensen will stay on it, he is the father. I don’t have any doubt.” Sarah states, “Now give me my baby. May, how long am I going to be in here and what are my restrictions?”
“I will need to examine you again tomorrow and we’ll go from there.” May asks Sarah some personal bodily function questions that I pretended to ignore but Sarah wasn’t shy about answering it. “Please ask for help when getting in and out of bed. We have to be careful of the stitches.”
“I took two weeks of vacation so I’ll help her.”
“That is sweet Jensen, thank you.”
“Besides, how else am I going to get you to follow orders? I remember someone not listening real well.” I raise my eyebrow at her that she laughs then groans in pain.
“Not fair to use my words against me; that will cost you Dr. Causer.”
“Bring it on fairy girl.” I wink at her and she smiles. It was an hour before her parents leave and I sigh in relief.
“I’m sorry about them. I
can only imagine what happened when I went to sleep.”
“Nothing I couldn’t handle. Ella is asleep, and you look exhausted. Why don’t you catch a nap while she does?”
“You don’t mind?” Sarah asks as she yawns.
“I might take a nap too so it’s all good babe.”
“Thank you for being here, being the father, and being my friend. I couldn’t have done any of this without you.”
“Sarah, I want to be more than your friend.”
“Baby steps.” Sarah mumbles as she falls into a sleep.
“Baby steps my ass. You’ll be mine and my wife before March is over.” I mutter under my breath. I grab the box of letters Sarah had written and pull out a couple more to read and it breaks my heart even more.
Doc,
Today I found out that I might have to deliver early. How do I find you? I don’t want to do this alone but here I am. I hate you most days. Do you know what I’m doing right now? No, of course not because you aren’t here. I’m sitting in the middle of the nursery after my friends just finished the painting and gave me the go ahead to come in here. I’m sorting out clothes, diapers, wipes, and everything that I got at a baby shower that Abby threw for me. It was so awkward answering questions about the father. I finally had to make an announcement that this baby was born from a one night stand. The looks that I got from these people who are supposed to be my friends and family. I came home, locked my door and cried myself to sleep. I was in a daze for a few days. I’m not ashamed of what happened between us because I have this beautiful little girl growing inside me.
I feel horrible that I have these feelings towards you but what else am I to do about it? I don’t understand why I hate you so much but in the next breath I love you. I think the love comes from the baby girl I’m carrying and how I built you up in my head. From the connection of that day and how I’m going to explain you to our daughter. I don’t know what to do but I’ll do what I do best and let the world see the fake smile while the inside of me is numb from being a single parent.
I see Reagan and how great she is with Jonathan then I hear about Jensen with Jana and Bennett and it doesn’t seem so scary but I’m terrified that I’m going to fuck her up. My parents didn’t even want me at first. My grandmother raised me until my mom got jealous of my love for my grandmother instead of her. What if I’m like her? Is my daughter going to grow up to resent me for not knowing you or hate me for not being perfect for her? I hate being inside my head sometimes.
I have drawn your face from my dreams so I don't forget and this little one will be able to see what you look like. I remember your face, tattoos, piercings, and smell. I wish I knew what that smell was so I could have it around me always.
Well it’s time for my appointment with Dr. May so I’ll have more pictures for both us so we can see our little one growing.
With love,
Sarah
The next letter is dated the morning of the delivery.
Doc,
The box is starting to overflow. I’ll have a box for every month of her life until we find you. I might need a storage facility to hold everything. Do you want to see these letters and pictures? I don’t want you to ever feel like I kept you from her or that I didn’t want you in her life. I hired a private detective but he laughed at me. I guess having your description with no name doesn’t help much. Hey, I had to try. The room looks amazing and I took pictures of it all for you. Bennett and Jonathan did a lot of the lifting for me while Jana helped with the fairies. I think she wants to get into design. Jana’s family owns a design school and I started a scholarship in my grandmother’s name to help me since I got pregnant. I might even keep them on to help them. I’ll need to talk to Mrs. Causer about it.
I hear Max yelling for me so we can do a little work before we head to the hospital. She is an active one for sure and there is a lot of pressure right now, I think it might close. Fingers crossed. I want to be holding my baby. Do you know that I don’t even have a name yet? I know I never mentioned any in these letters but I just can’t decide. I think once I see her face, I will know.
With Love,
Sarah
I look at Sarah sleeping and I can’t even grasp the true feelings of her throughout this pregnancy. She’s so angry with me and I hate how I wasn’t there for her. I keep thinking about it but how do I fix it? I pull out my phone.
ME:
I have two weeks of vacation time; can I crash at your house to be with my daughter and Sarah?
I get a notification within seconds.
REAGAN:
Of course. How is she feeling?
ME:
Sore and stressed. Her parents were here while my mom was here. You know my mom, she’s excited about being a grandparent and I don’t think that the Edwards’ were prepared for sharing and so soon.
Reagan:
The parents from Pennsylvania are something out of this world. I remember my parents being relaxed and Cash’s parents were the life of the party. We were never worried about living up to standards that we couldn’t possibly meet. I think that’s why they are constantly stressed. I finally got Max to relax in his parenting with Jonathan
ME:
How?
REAGAN:
I told him, don’t do what your parents did. It’s a learning curve for all of us. I was always the fun aunt until I had to be both mom and dad.
ME:
Thanks for letting me stay.
REAGAN:
Will the kids be here too? I can make sure to have the beds prepared.
ME:
Let me talk to Sarah first. She knows about me and mentioned about asking permission.
REAGAN:
This is her house too and I wish she would get that through that pretty blonde head of hers.
ME:
Ella is hungry and letting me know. Talk to you later.
I put my phone away as Sarah starts to stir. “Can I feed her?”
“Sure. Let me get her for you and then fix the bottle up.”
“I miss that connection with her.”
“You’ll get it back. Here is our little princess.” I hand her the baby as I go make the bottle.
“Hello my sweet angel. I’m sorry I wasn’t around yesterday but I heard daddy was taking diligent care of you. Now it’s my turn to get that time.” I look down at her blonde hair and brown eyes. “She is beautiful.”
“Just like her mama.” I say as I hand her the bottle. “I messaged Reagan about staying and she said yes but asked about the kids.”
“What do you want to do? I mean this is new to all of us.” I ask because I don’t know what we need right now.
“I want them to stay with my parents until the weekend. I think it’s important to us that we talk everything out. I’ve been reading the letters, Sarah.”
“I’m sorry I shouldn’t have,” Jensen stops me.
“These letters are amazing. I like how you didn’t hold back on your words and feelings.”
“I blame the hormones.” I shyly smile at him.
“We will talk about these letters, I will take you out on dates, and we will be a family the five of us. I promise to never let you go again.” These words sound good but what I want to see is the action. Is he going to keep it up for two weeks then check out?
I can’t stop yawning and I see Jensen hunched over sleeping. I see it’s about noon so lunch will be coming soon. Ella is laying in my arms, sleeping away as she scrunches up her nose. I love how precious and perfect she is. I keep playing with her fingers, kissing them. “I hope you never feel what I felt growing up. You are wanted and loved by so many people. You will be surrounded in love. If anyone makes you feel anything different you come find me and I’ll kick their ass.”
“Language.” Jensen mutters as he laughs.
“Her first words are probably going to be a swear words with this crazy group so shove that ‘language’ up yours.” We both laugh and Ella startles. “Sorry baby but that
was daddy’s fault.”
“Teaching her bad habits already and here I was worried about my grandmother.”
“I can’t wait to meet her. The stories from your kids about her, she is like an enigma.”
“She is something alright but she’s waiting until we can take Ella to her. She’s never been a fan of hospitals to begin with for fear of not coming out at her age. She was here so she got pictures with Ella so there’s no hurry.”
“We’ll go there as soon as we can leave. I don’t mind. Ella is your daughter too, please don’t think your family isn’t as important to me as mine is.”
“Thank you.”
“It’s not a problem. I’m not a total bitch.” I wink. “I need to call Reagan about the baby’s bag so she has something to wear.”
“My mom brought something. This is what Jana wore and she wore. It’s a family tradition.” Jensen gets up from the chair to head over to a diaper bag that I didn’t notice was in the corner. He hands me a gift bag and I pull out with one hand a beautiful pink dress that has little flowers stitched all over it like it was a man’s plaid shirt and it was knitted together from a very long time ago. This outfit must be at least sixty years old and in pristine condition.
“She also went shopping with Jana one day and bought some things for you before she knew that I was the father. I’d understand if you wanted her to wear something else, did you have an outfit already picked out?”
“Jensen, Ella would be honored to wear something that her grandmother and sister wore. Relax. Sit down.” Jensen rubs his hands over his shorts like he’s nervous. “Jensen, I never grew up with family traditions. It didn’t take until moving in with Max and Abby for college that we started our own little family traditions. When Abby married Cash, we moved here and added even more family and more traditions. I want Ella to know what it is like to have them. If I don’t like it or have a different one, then we can talk about it.” I try to reassure him so I motion for him to sit on the bed close to me. “There is something that I would like from you.”
As Long As You Love Me (Love Me Series Book 4) Page 16