Standing centre of my brothers and overlooking the women sitting pretty on their chairs. I walk over and pick Alannah up into my arms.
“You’re being so strong, darlin’,” I murmur, only for her to hear.
I pick up the tray of dirt and offer it to Alannah, “Just pick up a handful and throw it down in the hole.” I tell her.
“Aunt Kitty and Aunt Flo will tell me off for getting dirty,” she says, her eyes flicking over my shoulder to her aunts.
“It’s okay just for today, I promise.”
Her dainty hand collects as much dirt as she can and she throws it down.
“Say goodbye to your daddy, baby girl, he’s in heaven now watching over you.”
No matter how much I’m hurting with my loss, it’s my job to look out for this child in my arms. My brother’s child and the women I have loved for too many years child.
“Bye, daddy,”
Kissing her hair and holding her tight, I give her back to Kitty and throw my own dirt over his coffin. Buried in his cut and with photographs of his baby girl, my brother is laid to rest.
“Time to drink,” I yell, and signal for everyone to leave.
Micky and Oak are the last ones to move and slap me on the back in support as they pass.
Once I’m alone, I bend down on my knees and look at the box that my brother is in and promise him one thing he never heard from me.
“I will find him brother, I will find him and make him pay for killing our Ray. I will make it slow and painful. If you are in hell I will send him down to you, body part by body part. Be ready, my search gets cranked up now.”
I sit with Alannah until she falls asleep. It’s been a long day and when she woke up this morning she knew she was burying her daddy. I saw in her eyes she understood everything as it was happening but she done me proud and kept herself strong. Gently kissing her cheek and tucking her in, I escape her room quietly and leave Flo and Kitty downstairs keeping an ear out for her.
It’s time for a drink. I’ve kept myself sober all day to show my strength and keep the peace between my brothers.
The nightly wind whips around me as I cross the lot to the bar and find a deathly atmosphere inside. The music is barely loud enough to be heard and no one is really talking. The only slice of normality is everyone drinking. I stand and take everyone in and decide to do something about it. A part of me hates they feel the grief of losing Mark as dire as I do, but in a sense it feels good to know my brother was loved and respected by so many. Hopefully, one day these men will pay their respects in the same manner for me if I go before them.
“Listen up, Lost Souls,” I yell, getting their attention.
When everyone is looking my way, I carry on, “Today we buried one hell of a man. Throughout his life he was always looking out for other people, he started with me from the day I was born, he was the big brother everyone should have growing up. Then there was this runt in the school yard, you all know him as Micky now. He took care of him and became best friends, Oak too. I was the one who got into trouble day in and day out. Mark was the one who saved me too many times to count. He was the guy people could rely on and he did it with no questions asked. He served our country and when they let him down he took it upon himself to create a world where no one had to feel alone again.”
I pause for a moment, it hurts too much to talk about him like this.
“Each and every one of you have had the honour of knowing him, believing in the same freedom of our lifestyle and coming together to build something no one can knock down. Mark was a fair and determined man, he was loyal brother and a fuckin’ great President. All he wanted at the end was his daughter to be looked after and by God she will be and for this club to grow stronger. We have suffered a tremendous loss today but it will not break us,” I vow to them all.
“Mark is gone in body but he will always be around here, at the bar, walking out of his office, and on every ride we go on. He will never be forgotten. He was a Lost Soul till the day he died and even in death he is one of us. So let’s drink up and refill our glasses, turn the music up and celebrate his life and what he did for us all. He brought us together and it’s down to us to keep his vision alive.”
Oak is the first one to stand and raise his bottle of whiskey in the air, “To Mark Blake, founder and brother, loved by all,” he roars. Every brother follows suit.
The music gets turned up and the prospects run around handing out more drinks.
I look around and swallow hard. Mark knew I wouldn’t run this club the same way he did, but he trusted me and had faith I could still run it successfully. Now it’s time to make him proud.
From tomorrow, a new era will begin and I will be at the gavel.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
MICHAEL
SIX MONTHS LATER…
I slam my fist down on the table in the back room unable to vent my anger in any other way right now.
“I want his brother, how hard can it be to track him down?” I yell, looking at everyone sitting around the table.
“Michael, we’ve taken out so many Raging fuckers over the last couple of years. Hunter’s men are few and far, Hunter and Chase are laying so low they might as well be in the ground,” Oak says, trying to pacify me.
“Yeah, I’m sure they’re fuckin’ planning something,” Micky puts in.
I can barely look at him now, if he hadn’t of been such a fucking panicky prick that night I wouldn’t have had a run in with Chase and his guys ending in them trying to ambush me and Rayna off the road. I told him to be ready in case Rayna goes into labour but did he fucking listen? No, he didn’t. For now I need him, but there will be a day when he gets what he deserves.
“Well, we’ll be fuckin’ ready when they come for us.”
I bring the gavel down and leave the room first. Revenge and old grief is still ripe and the coursing through my veins is what I live for these days.
Heading for the bar I notice Alannah sitting on the floor playing with her Barbie dolls.
“What are you doing in here?” I ask, bending down beside her.
“Playing.”
“Why aren’t you playing at the house, you know you’re too young to be in here,” I tell her.
The first few weeks after Mark died, we would find her wandering around the clubhouse looking for him. Kitty has told me she has only cried a few times grieving for her father, the rest of the time she walks around lost within herself.
“Come on, Aunt Kitty will be worrying where you are.”
I take her back to the house and find Kitty in the kitchen up to her elbows in suds.
“You missing something babe?” I ask, keeping Alannah behind me.
“No,” she says, looking at me over her shoulder.
“You fuckin’ sure about that?”
“Why don’t you fuckin’ tell me, Michael? What have I lost?” she asks, sarcastically.
“I found Alannah in the clubhouse on her own, you’re meant to be watching her.”
She turns around not expecting to hear that and glares behind me. Wiping her hands on a towel she gives me her full attention and I brace myself for yet another fight. It is all we seem to do these days.
“Go and play in your room, baby girl. I need to talk to your aunt,” I say to Alannah, I watch her disappear up the stairs and turn back to Kitty.
“Don’t start with me, Michael, all I do these days is watch her. I can’t help it if she got passed me this time. I have other things I need to do too.” She half tells me and half yells.
“How hard is it not to take your eyes off her?” I half yell myself.
“Maybe if you were around more, you could help me.”
“Don’t do this again, babe. I’m warning you now, I’m too fuckin’ tired for your shit today.”
“You’re warning me,” she snorts, “Please, I’m your wife. I’m allowed to want you around, but oh no, my husband has to be off chasing his old loves killers.”
I step towards he
r and then take two steps back, this same old argument gets me more pent up than the night in question.
“Do they know the real reason why you want Chase dead?” she taunts me, coming closer to me.
One of my regrets in life is telling her what really happened to Rayna, and I have been paying for it ever since.
“How long are you going to be jealous over a dead woman, Kit?” I yell, ignoring her non-threatening threat.
This makes her scream and throw the towel at me.
“When are you going to stop loving a dead woman?” she argues back.
“I’ll tell you what, I’ll stop loving her when you give me something to love, all this shit you give me doesn’t make you high on my list to be around.”
I regret saying it as soon as the words leave my mouth. I am so fed up her arguing with me over Rayna though, I just don’t have it in me to go there with her again.
“Kit, I’m…”
She cuts me off, “Fuck you, don’t bother coming home this time.”
She leaves the room and heads up stairs. I hear her open the door and talk soothingly to Alannah.
Once I have retribution for Rayna, I will give Kitty all of me. I will make it up to her.
OAK
The peace of sleep is a rarity these days. Michael has us running around tracking down Chase fucking Carson every hour of every day and it is killing me slower than it is to find the man in question.
I feel a hard nudge to my thigh again and my eyes flutter open. Eyes still blurred with sleep I barely make out Jane hovering over me looking like she wants to shoot me in the ass.
I’m so fucking tired and now pissed at being woken up.
“Unless the club is on fire, leave me to fuckin’ sleep,” I groan, rolling over away from her.
“The club,” she snorts, “That’s all you fucking care about, isn’t it.”
I feel another nudge to my leg, this time digging in harder and longer.
“I don’t know why I bothered thinking I should tell you in person,” she huffs.
Her heels click against the wooden floor, I lay there until they fade into the distance and then it dawns on me. Tell me what? The longer I lay there trying to find sleep the more it feels like I should be hauling my ass out of bed.
Rolling out of bed and into my jeans, I blearily make my way down the stairs and through the bar. I go outside when I can’t see her about and track her down heading for her car. Jogging over the hot gravel, I regret taking an extra beat to put my boots on.
“Jane,” I yell, stopping her from walking any further.
“Christ, I didn’t think you’d actually chase me down,” she sneers, turning to face me.
“You gonna tell me what you got to say now I’ve dragged myself down here?”
Her anger matches mine and she stands tall before me.
“I came to tell you I’m leaving you, Oak. We’re a joke and I can’t stand to look at you no more.”
Throwing my head back and staring into the sun, I let the rays burn my eyes. The scene before me reminds of Shellie. She left in this way, only I had more compassion for her and actually wanted her to stay. Jane has become a pain in my ass lately and her calling us a joke is damn right.
“Go then, you could’ve left of a note.”
I turn back to the clubhouse and count the seconds it will take me before I’m falling back on my bed when she throws her car keys at my head.
“You’re such an asshole, Oak. That’s all you got to say? I could’ve left a note?” she says, mimicking my tone in disbelief.
“You want to go, then go. I’m not gonna fuckin’ stop ya.”
“You don’t need an old lady Oak, you just need someone to stick your dick in and you’ve got plenty of choice hanging around this place,” she shouts at me.
I’ve had enough of this now, she knew what I was like when we got together. Why do women think I’ll change when they fall for me being exactly who I am? I don’t hide my club is my life, yet she still wanted to be with me.
“I hope you find whatever you’re lookin’ for Jane,” I say and turn to leave.
A tirade of cusses are thrown at me until I hear her door slam and her engine roar to life. Wheel spinning out of the compound, I know I’ve lost a good woman but again, like with Shellie, I feel lighter knowing I don’t have the responsibility of an old lady waiting on me.
That’s two old ladies lost because of my commitment to the club, some would say third time lucky. I say fuck them. Jane was right, I don’t need an old lady to get my good feels. No one is going to make me feel bad for being a Lost Soul. I was one before I met any of them and I sure as shit will be one till I’m in my grave.
CHAPTER THIRTY THREE
MICHAEL
The best time of the month is the ride home after a run. Six hours on the road with the road beneath me and the open blue sky above us, nothing matters and responsibilities do not exist. And of course, the fat payday in my pocket helps too.
Oak has appeared from the store with another Barbie doll.
“Don’t you think she’s got enough of them by now?” I laugh, as he stuffs it in his saddle bag.
“One more won’t hurt then.”
“I doubt Kit will agree with you when she’s the one picking them up all the time.”
He doesn’t reply but I see the smirk on his face. Sometimes I think the guys over compensate with toys and dolls for her because her parents are both gone.
“Are we still stopping off for a beer?” Micky asks, his voice does my head in.
Every time he talks to me I feel like ripping his voice box from his throat with my bare hands, but I put on a smile and say, “Yeah.”
It has become a ritual to stop off at the local haunts I’ve heard Chase sometimes frequents. All times have been a bust. Each time I pray I find him sitting at some bar unaware that his life is seconds away from ending but my prays haven’t been answered yet, I’m positive they will. It’s just a matter of time.
We’re on the road again and I let the wind clear my mind and enjoy the calm before the storm, and there will be a storm. Maybe it’ll be killing Chase or when I get home to the aftermath of the fight with Kitty.
The bar I want to stop off at is a rundown shack really, you could hardly call it a bar. The Raging Riders don’t have standards and that is evident by the way they live.
When we pull up at the shithole my hopes of finding him here diminish. There is only one bike parked up and it doesn’t look like Chase’s. I should carry on and ride straight past but I have to see for myself he isn’t in there.
I signal left and everyone follows behind me. The lot isn’t large enough for us all to park up so the remainder of us park around the back.
“We’ll go in and ask around and then head home if he’s not here.”
“I don’t think he is, look at this place Michael. What would he being doing out here?” Oak asks, just like he does at every bar we go to.
“Who cares what he’s doing out here, I just care if he is or not,” I bark, ending the conversation.
We all pile through the door and the locals don’t look happy to see us. The bartender shifts uncomfortable behind the bar and gives us all the onceover.
“Hey, a guy called Chase Carson come around here?” I ask, loud enough for all to hear, “he belongs to the Raging Riders motorcycle club,” I clarify.
“Look man, I don’t want no trouble here,” the bartended pipes up.
“I didn’t ask for trouble, I asked after Chase Carson. Do you know him?”
I’m losing my patience. Why can’t people answer a simple fucking question anymore?
“I know who he is but he hasn’t been here for weeks.”
“See that wasn’t so hard was it?”
“Are we staying for a drink?” Micky asks, already heading for the bar.
“No, we’re leaving. We got we came for, let’s go,” I order.
Micky looks as if I have slapped him and I wish I had.
Taking our time we head back outside and I hide the frustration of yet another wasted side trip.
We arrive back at the club and while the rest go into the bar to get a well-earned drink, I gingerly head towards the house and see mood my old lady is in. When we left she didn’t even come out to say goodbye and give us a kiss.
The door is unlocked and I quietly enter the house. Alannah comes bounding the hall and announces my arrival for me.
“Do me a favour and go find Oak, he has a present for you,” I tell her to give me some privacy to make it up to Kitty.
I wait for her to get her shoes on and watch her cross the lot skipping over to Oak still at his bike.
He looks up and makes sure I know she’s with him and I close the door.
“I was wondering if you were going to show your face today.” I spin around to find her standing in the kitchen doorway.
“I’ll always come home, babe,” I shrug, moving towards her.
She goes to step away from me but I reach out and grab her before she can get away.
“I’m sorry, okay? You know I love you and I never want to hurt you and make you cry,” I assure her.
“Why do we do this, Michael? I’m so sick of it. I thought it would get easier but it hasn’t,” she says beginning to cry.
“I don’t know, babe. I really don’t.”
And like that, everything is back to normal, as much as it can be anyway.
“Why don’t I sort someone out to watch Alannah tonight so you can come to the party?”
This is what she needs, a good night out to let her hair down and be the little firecracker she can be when she isn’t tied down with the responsibility of looking after Alannah.
“That sounds good, it feels like ages since I last had a drink with the girls,” she smiles for the first time in days.
“Alannah is with Oak and we have the house to ourselves,” I smirk, raising my eyebrow.
“So we do,” she agrees smiling.
“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
Her smile takes on a wicked edge and she purrs, “Unless you’re thinking about helping me with the dishes, you better get me up stairs.”
Biker Born: The Lost Souls MC Series (The Lost Souls Series Book 4) Page 21