“Ally? Are you okay?” Karly’s voice floated through the bathroom door. “Ally? Jack called me. He was worried about you. I let myself in with the spare key.”
Couldn’t she even have a nervous breakdown in privacy? Damn that spare key. She left it there for all the times she locked herself out of the house or came home drunk and couldn’t find her keys. Of course, Karly knew where the key was hidden. They’d used it on plenty of occasions. She tried to pull it together long enough to send Karly away, but the sobs continued until her breath came in huge gasps and her lungs ached with the pain of it. She needed to stop…wanted to stop… but had lost all control.
“Ally, I’m coming in.” The bathroom door opened and Karly came inside. “I’m just going to sit here, okay? I’m here if you need me.” She sat on the toilet while Ally sobbed. “Ally, please say something. You’re scaring me.” The alarm in Karly’s voice brought an abrupt end to her sobs.
“I’m alright,” Ally managed to say after a few seconds. Her voice came out broken and raspy, still thick with tears. “I’ll be alright in a minute.” The repeated reassurance was more for herself than Karly.
“Okay. Well, I put a towel on the hook for you. I’m going to step outside now, but I’ll be right here if you need me.” The door clicked shut behind Karly. Ally stepped out of the shower in a daze and gazed at her reflection in the steamy mirror. She looked older than her twenty-five years and tired, skin wrinkled and eyes swollen.
“Jack told me what happened. He’s really worried about you,” Karly said through the door. They’d had so many conversations like this in college, but back then it had been Karly crying in the bathroom, and Ally offering up comfort from the other side of the door. Back then she’d been smug in her relationship with Brian and certain that this would never, ever happen to her.
“Jack can go fuck himself.” The words came out with a venomous passion that she didn’t feel. A paralyzing numbness had crept over her.
“Ally, he’s here. I let him in. He wants to talk to you. I think you should let him talk.”
“No. I can’t. Not right now.” Ally turned and leaned back against the door, gripping the towel around her chest with white-knuckled fingers. “Please, Karly. Not right now.”
“Ally?” Jack’s masculine voice sent a shiver of attraction up her spine. How could he do that? Even devastated by betrayal, she still wanted him. “Ally, I was worried sick. Are you okay?”
“She’s fine but I think you should go, Jack. She doesn’t want to talk to you. You need to respect that.” Karly’s raspy voice was firm. The girl could be downright intimidating when she wanted to, despite her pixie stature.
“I wish you’d let me explain.” From the sound of his voice, he was on the other side of the door. She felt it rattle against her back as he turned the door knob and found it locked. “Just say something…anything.”
“Please go, Jack. I need time to think.”
He sighed and the door vibrated as if he was leaning against the other side. “Fine. I’ll go, but I want to tell you something. Do you know the first time I saw you? It wasn’t at Felony. It was at Jameson’s Pub last summer on the Fourth of July evening. I was here visiting my uncle when you came in with Brian and sat down at a table next to the jukebox. It was a really slow night and there weren’t many people in there. You were wearing that short green dress – the one you said got ruined – and the highest pair of heels I think I’ve ever seen. You had this gold chain with a butterfly pendant and tiny butterfly earrings. A real class act. Anyway, you sat down at the table, but Brian sat at another table with some of his friends. He left you alone for a really long time. You had the saddest look on your face. I remember thinking that if I ever got lucky enough to have a girl like you, I would spend every minute of every day making sure that you never looked that way.” She heard a deep sigh. “I made you look that way tonight, and I am so sorry, Ally. I can live with anything but you’re disappointment in me.”
“You were there?” She remembered that night with altogether too much clarity. She and Brian had been fighting because she had to work late that night and he had been forced to cancel their dinner reservations for the second time that week. She’d been on the verge of tears for the better part of the evening. She sat down on the edge of the bathtub and stared at the door. After a minute, she opened the door to find Karly seated on the floor with her back to the wall.
“He’s gone,” Karly said and the words echoed through Ally with a finality that snapped her already broken heart in two.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
At the curb in front of Ally’s house, Jack sat in his truck until he saw the lights go out. He’d done it this time. He’d fucked up royally, and Chelsea was right; he had no one to blame for it but himself. Stupid, stupid, stupid! With an angry groan, he pounded a fist on the steering wheel and thought about driving into the nearest light pole. But like Chelsea, he was too mean and too ornery to hurt himself. Self-preservation was one of the few traits they had in common. With his luck, he’d break the pole, get arrested, and be slapped with a hefty fine to boot.
What had he been thinking? He scrubbed over his face with both hands and hung his head. He knew exactly what he’d been thinking – that if he procrastinated long enough that the situation would resolve itself, that a paternity test would prove he wasn’t the father, and Ally would never need to know.
Chelsea had been adamant that he was the father and refused to sign the divorce papers without a child custody agreement fixed into place. And being the stubborn ass that he was, he refused to sign any kind of custody agreement until paternity had been determined. It was a Catch-22 of the worst kind. If only he’d told Ally in the very beginning, this shit storm could’ve been avoided. Now it was too late.
Fuck.
With a tremendous grinding of gears, he pulled the truck into the road and headed for Felony. He found Chelsea waiting for him, still seated at the bar, guarded by Randy. The giant bouncer and the frail woman stared at each other in a stony silence that would’ve been comical if the situation had been less dire. Judging by the air of tension between them and knowing Randy’s blatant honesty, Jack had no doubt that some heated words had been exchanged in his absence.
Jack said nothing but raised an eyebrow in question to Randy.
“I would’ve thrown her out but she’s got that damn baby bump,” Randy said. “It freaks me out a little.”
“We need to talk, Jack,” Chelsea said.
She followed him upstairs to the apartment with a look of smug satisfaction on her face. The baby wasn’t due for another few months, but from the look of Chelsea’s belly it might be sooner. That was fine with him. He was more than ready to get this disaster over with.
“What do you want for dinner?” Chelsea asked. “I could make some of that chicken you like or do you want to order takeout?”
He watched her thumb through the takeout menus on the kitchen counter. She acted as if she belonged there, as if they were some kind of couple. Not the dysfunctional mess that they really were.
“What do you think, baby?” Chelsea cocked her head to one side in an imitation of a parrot.
“Are you kidding me?” He realized that he was still standing at the open door, numb from the shock of his encounter with Ally. Chelsea’s words brought him to life again. “Why are you still here? Get out.”
“Oh, poor Jack,” Chelsea said with joyous hostility. “You are so pathetic. You’ve got heartbreak written all over your face. I don’t see the attraction. Really, I don’t. She’s short and fat and what is up with her hair?” She patted her smooth locks with a manicured hand. “It’s like Medusa hair, all curly and crazy…”
Her words ended abruptly when he grabbed her by the wrist and jerked her arm, not hard but with enough force to make his sincerity clear. He wasn’t sure how he got from the door to the kitchen so quickly, but the look in her eyes showed the first flicker of true fear he’d seen in years.
“Shut up, Chel
sea. Not one word about her. Do you hear me? Not one word.”
Chelsea yanked her arm free and rubbed her wrist with a pout, even though the only marks left there were from her rubbing fingers. “So sensitive, aren’t you? I know you’re in love with her, Jack. But it’ll never work. You’re too selfish and she’s too – too dull.”
His lips pressed into a thin white line as he fought to control his temper. “I am sick to death of you. I’ve already told you that I will take care of this baby if it’s mine. I’ll be a good dad. But that’s as far as it goes. You and I are nothing to each other and once this baby comes, I will divorce you. Understand?” He ran his fingers across her cheek in a mocking caress. “Don’t bite the hand that feeds you, sweetheart. I can make this really difficult for you.”
Since Chelsea’s overdose, he’d managed to be polite yet distant. Now her words threw fuel on the sparks of panic that erupted over the ruin of his future and the loss of Ally. Frustration and anger roiled inside him, raging to escape the confines of his self-control. The edges of his vision turned red and for one fleeting moment he thought about shaking her until her teeth rattled.
“You made me this way, Jack. You and you alone,” Chelsea said, going in for the kill. “When you put the needle in my arm that very first time, you sealed our fates. You bound us together forever.”
“No. You’re wrong about that. I may have got you started, but you’re the one who kept going back to it. The only person responsible for the way you are is you.” He ran both hands through his hair again. “I’m truly sorry about that first time. If I could change the way things went down, I would. But I’m not that person anymore, Chels, and I can’t go on feeling guilty about it forever. I need to move on. You need to move on, too.”
“Move on to what? Your future is with me and this baby.” She put a hand on his arm. “It is your baby, Jack. I haven’t lied about that. I wouldn’t. Not after all that we went through before.” Her eyes were clear and sincere for the first time in years. He could almost remember the girl that she had been, the one he’d been smitten with as a boy.
“I know you don’t love me, Jack, but I’ve got you by the balls here.” She stood in front of him, the baby inside her pressed against his belly like a loaded gun. “If you go after her, I will take this baby away and you will never, ever see it.”
“I really don’t care anymore, Chelsea.” He moved away from her to end the temptation to strangle her in the foyer and busied himself with opening the mail that sat in the basket by the front door. “Go ahead. Do what you gotta do. We can hash it all out in court. Your emotional blackmail won’t work anymore.”
“I need you around to help me, Jack. I can’t do this by myself.” With a slender hand, she rubbed the top of her belly. “I want this baby. I can’t lose another one. Not again.” Tears glimmered in her eyes. “I’ve done everything you asked. I’m clean and sober. I’m taking care of myself. What more do I have to do?”
Jack groaned. He could take anything but tears – even from a viper like her.
“Come here. Sit down.” This time when he took her arm, he was gentle about it. He led her to the sofa and set her down. “We’ve been through some serious shit, haven’t we?” She nodded and sniffled then took the fast food napkin he offered to blow her nose. “We’ll get through this too, Chelsea.” He patted her hand. “But we haven’t been together for a very long time. I don’t love you and I can’t be with you just because you’re scared.”
“Yeah, well, I don’t love you either.” She smiled at him through her tears.
***
Karly put another slice of pizza on her plate then sat cross-legged on the floor in front of the coffee table in Ally’s living room. Ally took a tentative bite of pepperoni. It smelled wonderful, but her stomach, disturbed by so much emotional turmoil, rebelled at the thought of food. Instead, she took the pitcher of margueritas and filled her glass and Karly’s to the top. Her eyelids stung and felt thick and gritty from weeping. She must look like a freak.
“You want to talk about it?” Karly asked for the third time in ten minutes. “Or do you just want to sit here and bash men for awhile? I’m good either way.”
“Neither,” Ally replied with a rueful smile. “I’d rather get crazy drunk and pass out.”
“Whatever works for you is good with me.” Karly raised her glass and took a big gulp of the frozen concoction. “Oh. Ouch. Brain freeze.” She gripped her forehead with her free hand and grimaced.
“I appreciate you staying here tonight,” Ally said. “But don’t you have a date or something to do? I don’t want to interrupt your plans.” The idea of sitting alone in her empty house brought a fresh sting of tears to her eyes. When the hell did she become such a weeping idiot? She hadn’t cried so much in years and now she couldn’t turn the waterworks off to save her soul.
“No plans.” Karly waved a hand through the air. “There’s nowhere I’d rather be than here. You’ve done it for me enough times. I’d say I owe you a few.”
“Seriously? I thought you’d have a guy by now.” With an angora afghan wrapped around her shoulders, Ally settled into the sofa.
“I met someone a while ago, but I don’t think he’s into dating.” Karly ducked her head to hide the sparkle in her gray eyes. “We had a one night stand. It was the best sex I’ve ever had times one hundred.” She fanned her freckled cheeks with a pizza napkin. “I can’t stop thinking about it.”
Despite her gloom, Ally perked up at this enticing tidbit of information. “Really? Who was it? Do I know him?”
“Yeah. It was Randy. The bouncer guy at Felony.” A painful crimson flush crept up Karly’s neck from her collarbone and settled into her cheeks. She had the milky translucent skin of a redhead that showed every flush of emotion.
“No way!” For a brief moment, Ally forgot her heartbreak. “He’s a good-looking guy. What happened?”
“I don’t know. He took me home from Felony and we stayed up all night talking and laughing. He’s really smart and so funny.” Karly bit her lower lip and took another sip of her drink before speaking again. “He really thinks a lot of Jack. He said that you’re the only girl that Jack ever chased after.”
“I don’t want to talk about Jack,” Ally said with a scowl. “But I like Randy. He seems like a good guy. Are you going to see him again?”
“Probably not.” The disappointment in Karly’s voice was palpable. “How awkward would that be?”
“I didn’t think about that. If you really like this guy, you should take a chance on him. Don’t let my problems with Jack stand in your way.”
“What are you going to do, Ally?” Karly put a hand on Ally’s arm and squeezed in sympathy.
“I don’t know,” Ally said softly.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Sometimes in the mornings, in that split second between waking and dreaming, Ally could feel Jack in the bed beside her. On the morning she was to go see her mother, she felt the heat of his breath on her neck, smelled the leather and tobacco scent of his clothes, and felt the weight of his body on the mattress. For one blissful second, her heart soared with happiness. Then she swept the empty bedside with her hand to find nothing but the cool sheets where he should have been, and her spirits plummeted back to the depths of despair.
It had exactly a week since they broke up, but it felt like a lifetime. Every bone in her body ached, as if a part of her inner structure had been ripped away to leave only the hollow broken shell of her former self. She forced herself to get out of bed and take a shower, drink coffee, and read the paper like a normal person might do. Without a job, the day stretched before her like a yawning abyss with nothing to distract her from her loneliness.
At first she had been too depressed to do anything but mope around the house and watch sappy movies, but after the first couple of days, she resumed her job search without enthusiasm. The position in Philadelphia was still open so she scheduled an interview and set up flight arrangements. At Jack’s urging, she�
�d made an appointment to visit her mother before she and Jack had fallen out. Several times she picked up the phone to cancel it but hung up before the call connected. She needed to see her mother, if only to resolve her curiosity and close the door on the part of her life. As ridiculous as it seemed, the reality of sitting next to a woman who had so blatantly rejected her, made her stomach churn and her palms sweat.
The heat of summer had come to an early and abrupt end, replaced by a cool grayness and spatters of raindrops that plinked against the window panes. When she opened the door to leave the house, a gust of wind swept blew her bangs down into her eyes and temporarily blinded her. She swept them away with an exasperated hand and found Jack standing on the bottom step. Her heart did a triple back flip. At her look of surprise, he ran a hand through his hair and shrugged.
“I hope I’m not late. You said your appointment was at nine o’clock, right?”
“I – I did. I just didn’t expect…” An air of awkwardness hung between them. “Did I miss something? What are you doing here?” The strap of her purse fell off her shoulder; he caught it before it could slide all the way down her arm and tugged it up into place.
“Look, I know things aren’t…good…between us, but I promised to go with you today.” He smiled for the first time, a look tinged with sadness. “I’m still willing to go if you want the company.”
“I don’t know, Jack…” The depth and warmth of his eyes as he studied her sent a tingle straight to her toes. Why did he have to be so freaking gorgeous? It would be much easier to be mean to him if he had a crooked nose or a weak chin. Instead, he was a vision of masculine perfection with an impossibly square jaw, clean shaven for once, and full thick lips that looked soft and inviting.
“You don’t have to talk to me. I can just go along as moral support.”
“This doesn’t change anything, you know.” She forced an expression of indifference, but inside she breathed a sigh of relief. The idea of facing her mother alone brought a panic that made her knees shake and spots swim before her eyes. “I’m still mad at you.”
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