She watched the news for a few minutes, but even that couldn’t keep her attention. She went to flick the channel to something else, but stilled her hand when they showed a fire truck and mentioned that a firefighter had been injured in Emmitsburg. When they flashed to commercial, she swore.
Her phone rang and she muted the television. “Hello?”
“Can I see you tonight?” No preliminaries, just a burst of words Marcus seemed helpless to hold back. “I really need to see you.”
“Are you okay? What’s wrong?”
When he answered, his voice was choked with barely suppressed emotion. “There was an accident today. Please, I—”
She didn’t even make him finish the sentence. “Do you want to come here, or do you want to meet me at your condo?” Her heart clenched. Jesus, she hoped it wasn’t as bad as it sounded.
“My place.”
She drove downtown and parked in the work parking lot, which was easier than trying to find a spot on the street on a Friday night. Someone was just coming out of Marcus’s building, so she slipped inside and made her way upstairs to his floor. She knocked, and from inside she heard his low voice.
“It’s open.”
Her breath caught as she stepped across the threshold. He was sitting on the floor against the sofa, his head in his hands as if the very weight of it was too heavy to hold up on its own. “Marcus?”
His back heaved and his whole body shuddered. When he looked up at her, she flinched. Everything inside her went cold at his pain. His cheeks were red, his eyes glassy. She dropped her bag, closed his door and hurried to his side. She slid to the floor next to him and put her arm around his shoulder, pulling him close, wishing she could just make whatever had happened better for him.
He sat rigid under her arm, holding such tight control of himself she was surprised he didn’t shatter into a million pieces. Stupid men. Why the hell couldn’t they let go and just cry? She stifled her frustration at the entire gender and focused instead on the man beside her. “Tell me what happened.” She kept her words soft, but he still jerked as if she’d struck him.
His eyes were shut, his mouth twisted in a grimace. “Faulty equipment. God damn it. It’s my fault.”
She blinked. “How is that your fault?”
He swore again. “I didn’t react fast enough. I tried to catch her.”
Her? “I didn’t see the news. Who, Marcus? What happened?”
“Olivia Watterson. From Station Six.” He sucked in a few ragged breaths but it did little to calm him. As he told the story, his words flew faster and his body grew agitated. “It was a barn fire. Liv went up the ladder and I was behind her, feeding her hose. The next thing I knew, she screamed and was falling. I grabbed for her but I couldn’t reach her in time.”
Jesus. Bile rose, and Bella swallowed hard, not wanting to ask this next question. “W-will she be okay?’
It took a long time for Marcus to answer. “She hit her head hard and she has a concussion. But her spine took the brunt of the fall. There’s a lot of swelling around it, and they don’t know if there will be any permanent damage.” His voice dropped to an anguished whisper. “Right now, she’s paralyzed.”
He sprang to his feet and paced the room, tugging his hands through his hair. He stopped in front of the doors overlooking the creek and slammed his hands on the doorframe, staring out at the night. “Shit, I should’ve gone up first. Fuck, fuck, fuck.”
And then Marcus would be the one in the hospital, waiting to see if he’d ever walk again. Bella’s stomach heaved, the cold reality of what he did for a living hitting her hard and fast. God, the risks he took every single day. She pushed herself up off the floor with shaking hands and wobbly knees. Quietly, she walked up behind him, wrapped her arms around his waist and laid her cheek against his back, hugging him as tightly as she could. “It’s not your fault.”
He did a one-shoulder shrug. “Feels like it.”
She wanted to shake some sense into him, but he’d have to work this out in his head his own way, in his own time. But one thing was sure. He was on the edge, and he needed some kind of release for all the feelings roiling around inside him. If he’d let her, she could help him with that. That had to be his choice, though. She wasn’t going to add to his emotional stress. He’d asked for her to be here, begged her, and she’d be here for him. In any way he needed her.
If nothing else, this accident showed her how much she cared for him. She’d never be able to deny that again.
With that certainty rolling through her soul, she stepped back and sat on his sofa. “You said there was faulty equipment?”
He swore, scrubbed a hand over his darkly stubbled cheeks. “Damned nozzle got jammed and the hose burst just below it. The water pressure pushed Liv backward and off the ladder.”
His pacing resumed, his long stride taking him from corner to corner in just a few heavy-footed steps. If he kept this up, he’d wear a hole in the hardwood floor.
She couldn’t watch his distress anymore. “Come sit down with me.”
“I can’t.” He reversed direction. “If I stop, then I think. If I think, then I feel guilty. And worried. And guilty.”
He’d already said that, but she didn’t think he’d see the humor, black as it was, in her pointing it out. “You asked me to come over. You said you needed me.” She took a calming breath. “What did you mean by that?”
Marcus squeezed his eyes shut and tried to block the memory of Liv’s terrified scream, of the impotent feeling of being able to do nothing for her. He did need Bella, in so many ways. He felt like tearing something apart, screaming at the world. If, if, if. If only he’d been more insistent, faster, stronger. A thousand scenarios went through his head, but the outcome never changed. Liv was still in the hospital fighting for her life, and he was here.
With Bella, the one woman who could help him calm the demons dogging him. But what did he need, exactly? His heart and his body knew.
Courage.
He came to the sofa and held out his hand, tugging Bella up when she placed her palm against his. Wordlessly, he led her to his bedroom.
She watched him with solemn eyes, then stood on tiptoe and kissed him softly, her hand cupping his cheek. “Tell me what you want from me. Whatever it is. Just tell me. I’m yours, in whatever way you need me.”
“I want you. I need you to make my brain stop running over this scenario over and over again. I’m so numb right now.” He drew in a calming breath and forced himself to voice the words. “I need you to take my choices away from me.”
“Marcus, no,” she protested, her eyes wide.
From her shocked look, he realized she’d expected him to want to control something in his life after failing to control the outcome of today’s tragic events. But she was wrong. He shook his head. “I know what you thought I was going to say, but I don’t want to have to think. Does that make sense?”
She bit her lip. “Are you sure?”
“Yes. I know you’ll take care of me.” He paused to let those words sink in, and to give her a minute to be ready for his next ones. “I need this, Bella. And I trust you.”
Her eyes grew bright but she nodded and her voice was firm. “Take off your clothes and get on your knees.”
Chapter Thirteen
Bella’s words made Marcus’s gut clench, but for once in his life, he was glad for it. He pulled his T-shirt off and pitched it at the laundry basket by the closet. He’d kicked off his shoes the minute he’d gotten in the door, so he toed off his socks. His hand drifted to his belt, but stilled when Bella snapped out another command.
“Wait.” She came forward, loosening his buckle with nimble fingers. “I think I’ll take care of this part.”
He trembled, and his cock surged to life as her fingers trailed hotly across his stomach. Sh
e removed the leather belt and stroked his skin with it, skimming it over his shoulder and across his nipple. Goose bumps raised across his body, and he shivered.
“Hands behind your back.”
His heart thumped wildly as he complied, and then beat double time at the pull against his shoulders as she wrapped the belt around his wrists and buckled it.
She moved back around to his front, hooked her hand in the waistband of his uniform pants and drew him closer to the bed. She sat on the edge, putting her nearly eye level with his rapidly hardening dick. Looking up at him through her lashes, she leaned forward and rubbed her cheek against his erection, forcing a groan from his throat. “Jesus, Bella.”
She popped the button on the pants and lowered the zipper one notch at a time, her hot breath teasing his skin and making his gut clench more. When she was done, she shoved his pants down to his ankles, and he stepped out of them. He stood in front of her now in nothing but a pair of severely strained boxer briefs.
Then she rained kisses over his still-covered erection and cupped his balls in her gentle hand. His breath escaped in a hiss.
Bella pulled back and smiled slightly. “I think that’s enough of that for now.”
“Fuck, don’t stop.” He clamped his mouth shut when she raised an eyebrow at him.
“I know you’re not trying to rush me though this. Because I distinctly remember you saying you wanted me to make all the decisions tonight. So we’re going to do this my way. Understand?”
Her prim and proper Mistress tone kicked his pulse up a notch and sent even more heat to his dick. He nodded, not trusting his voice to betray how much this was affecting him.
“Good.” She stood, looked around and turned back to him with a gleam in her eye. His breath hitched when she led him to the corner of his room, and the item that had caught her attention.
His sister had bought him the butler, as she called it. A tall wooden clothing rack shaped like a squared-off man, with a small bench seat. It had excellent craftsmanship and he knew it had cost her a ridiculous amount of money, but how many nights had he lain in his bed, looking at it, thinking it looked like a bondage rack? At night, he hung his uniform pants and shirt there so he could just grab them in the morning and get dressed. It stood empty today, since he’d taken his uniforms up to Emmitsburg for his training class. The only thing hanging from it now was a handful of ties that had fallen on the floor when he’d pulled out his overnight bag. He’d been running too late to hang them back up, so he’d just tossed them over the rack.
Bella cocked her head. “First things first. I don’t think you need these.” She hooked her fingers inside the waistband of his shorts and dragged them down so fast his head spun. His erection sprang free, but it didn’t give him any relief. Instead of pulling them off, she shuffle-walked him over to the butler with his briefs around his ankles.
She unbuckled the belt from around his wrists and drew his arms forward. “Sit.”
He swallowed as his bare ass hit the hard wooden seat. She walked around behind him, and he turned his head.
“Look forward.” She drew his arms behind him, wrapped around the outside of the butler. The pull against his muscles was awkward, putting him off balance, and he was glad he was sitting. She rebuckled the belt around his wrists, and he felt her tuck the tail of it between his wrists and his back, teasing his skin. Something else slithered against his flesh, and he realized Bella had lifted the ties from the rack.
She came around the front of the valet and stood in front of him, her cheeks pink with arousal, the ties around her shoulders like scarves. “Oh, I like this. But I want more.”
She knelt and looked up at him. Her eyes turned serious. “Are you okay with where this is going?”
He swallowed convulsively. Fuck. He had to fight to keep the emotion at bay, so he just nodded.
“We need a safe word. If I do anything you don’t like, I want you to use it.” She wrinkled her nose in thought and then amusement lit her face. “How about elephant?”
Marcus couldn’t hold back the bark of surprised laughter. “Yes, ma’am.” Right after the laugh, though, guilt sliced through him and he shuddered. What right did he have for pleasure when Liv was fighting for her life? “Bella, maybe we should—”
She held up one hand and locked gazes with him. Compassion filled her eyes, but her words were firm. “Do you want this?”
“Yes, but—”
“No buts, then. It’s a well-known fact that people seek comfort in life-affirming ways after tragedies. And no guilt, Marcus. You did nothing to feel guilty about. It was an accident, plain and simple.”
He cut his eyes toward the bed. He wanted to believe her words, and fuck, he wanted her. She was balm to his burned soul, calm to his chaotic mind.
Liv had told him to pay attention to what Bella said so he didn’t screw up. It all made sense, it really did. And if he said he just needed her in a plain, normal, vanilla way, she’d be fine with it. But the truth was he needed her this way. If only he could keep his damn brain from wallowing in the guilt and the fear and take what she was offering.
Feeling as naked emotionally as he was physically, he turned his eyes back to hers. “Yes, ma’am.”
She smiled softly, her eyes misting. She rose on her knees, leaned forward and kissed his cheek. “Okay, let’s see if I can keep your thoughts on what we’re doing here.” Her eyes twinkled through the unshed tears, and her voice dropped, low and husky. “Give me your foot.”
He slid his right foot toward the corner of the valet as she indicated, and jumped when she took one of the ties from around her neck. She wrapped it around his ankle, restraining him on one side. His pulse started to race, and a bead of sweat slid down his back. She moved his left foot to the other corner, where she did the same thing. He was bound now, hand and foot, but it seemed she wasn’t done.
She wrapped another tie around his left knee, and then anchored it to his left elbow. Since he couldn’t move his arm, now he couldn’t move his knee. She tied the right knee the same way, then stood up and admired her handiwork. “Don’t tug too hard. Don’t want to cut off your circulation, and I wouldn’t want you to ruin your ties.”
He snorted. The last thing he worried about was ties he hardly ever wore.
“Oh, it’s like that, is it? Good to know.” She had three more ties, and she took one off her shoulders, trailing it across his body, and over his lap. It slid across his aching cock, and he moaned.
“Fuck, Bella. Do that again. Please.”
“Mmm, not yet. She moved to the side of the valet and, with infinite care, tucked the wide end of the tie under his thigh. She leaned closer, her hair teasing his naked body. The soft strands tickled his cock, and he felt control spin out of his reach. His muscles bunched, and he clenched his teeth against the need to come, breathing hard. She must have sensed the edge on which he stood, and she gave him a long moment to regain control.
When his breath calmed, she began her torture again. She reached between his legs and pulled the tie out from the other side. Her fingers bumped against his balls, and he moaned again, once again hurtling toward nirvana. “Jesus.”
Now that she had both ends of the tie, she crossed one over the other and pulled it taut, but not tight. She looped the end over the arms on the bench and tied them there. Her movements were matter-of-fact, as if he were an inanimate object, but each touch of her hands propelled him toward the edge of the orgasm he desperately wanted.
He was well and truly trussed now, but instead of the panic he expected to feel, he felt cared for and surprisingly calm. The incessant guilt in his head was muted, although not gone, overlaid by a loop of please and now and oh God.
Bella touched his cheek. “You look amazing like this, your body bound, your muscles tight, your cheeks flushed. I’m not sure how long I’m going to last, to b
e honest. Some day, I want to take my time with you like this, touching every part of you until you scream.” She flicked his nipple, and he hissed, the sting from it zinging right to his cock. “Would you scream for me, Marcus?”
His voice was hoarse, his words torn straight from his soul. “I would do anything for you.”
* * *
Bella’s heart nearly stopped at his roughly uttered declaration. Never in her life had anyone ever said anything like that to her, and for a moment she didn’t know how to respond. Her throat choked closed, and she had to swallow hard to loosen the lump there. “That is, quite possibly, the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. Let’s see if I can do something just as nice for you.”
She moved behind Marcus and slid the last of his ties from around her neck. Her hands trembled with the power of desire as she dragged it over his bound arms, across his broad shoulders, and let it slide down his muscled chest, where she watched it pool between his spread thighs. God in heaven, he was gorgeous. So much for clothes making the man. Marcus naked took her breath away. His heavily veined cock was thick and the tip glistened with arousal.
She licked her lips, desperate to taste him. Moving in front of him, she dropped to her knees, bowed her head and dragged her tongue from his balls to the crown of his cock, swirling it around the head. He groaned, his body tugging against the restraints.
“Easy, Marcus.” She murmured the words, nibbling her way back to his balls. She sucked one into her mouth gently, rolling it around on her tongue.
His big body jerked, but it couldn’t move very far. The only part of him that wasn’t restrained was his head, and he dropped it back, the muscles in his neck taut with tension. “Christ, Bella. That feels fucking incredible.” A bead of sweat slid down the side of his throat, and she knelt up, leaning forward to lick it from his skin.
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