I had never felt more caged in my life as I did right now, in this house.
I have to get out of here, I thought.
I pulled my boots back on, ran out of the house, saddled up Cherokee as fast I could, and hopped on. With a click of my tongue and a firm squeeze of my thighs, he obeyed me perfectly, breaking out into a full run under the night sky and not stopping until I slowed him down when we reached old man Olly’s house.
☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼
I fucked up.
I barreled in and caused even more grief for Georgia by kissing her in front of God and everyone.
What the fuck was I thinking? That’s just it, I wasn’t.
I was feeling.
Feeling whatever all this shit was that was stirred up inside me. It had gotten a grip on me and wouldn’t let go. I had heard she might be in danger, and I’d gone running like a cow running for his dinner. I couldn’t stand the thought of something happening to Georgia.
And yet, I had happened to her. I had barged into her life, meaning to apologize for my brother’s mistakes and ended up feeling like I had been struck by lightening, then asking her out and kissing her instead of comforting her, which is what I had set out to do. My intentions had been good, but I went about everything all wrong, listening to my heart, and whatever these goddamned feelings were inside me that kept me second guessing everything I did.
I was not a man that second guessed himself. But Georgia had a hold on me that was making me act more and more like someone else.
Like someone who had something to lose.
And that was the scariest fucking feeling in the world. More than bull riding, more than racing trucks had been years ago, even more than opening up to Georgia and telling her how much I was thinking about her…the idea of losing her terrified me.
But I didn’t even have her yet.
I sat on the back deck of my cabin, taking in the sweeping view. The rolling hills of our two farms were lit up well, even without the flashing lights of the firetrucks and the sheriff’s car. They had finally left, after hours of combing through the property, looking for any clue left behind. The barn was a complete loss, and I knew the Hopes would be devastated. Ward had built that, with the help of my father and several other men, from the ground up when I was just a little boy.
The tools could all be replaced, but Ward would never build another building. My heart broke for Georgia.
She was going through so much, and it just kept getting heaped on - I wished like hell there was something I could to help. As soon as the sun came up, I intended to find Lee and have a very serious talk with him. I’d know if he was the one behind this shit if I could just look into his eyes.
One way or another, I was going to get to the bottom of it.
A door slammed in the darkness and I watched as Georgia ran out of the house and into the barn. Moments later, she led a saddled Cherokee out of the barn, mounted him, and took off towards the back of their property.
I frowned with worry. It was the middle of the fucking night, the last thing she needed to do was to be out riding in the dark. Anything could happen.
I watched as she flew past me. If she had turned her head just slightly, she would have seen me, now standing with my much needed second glass of whiskey in my hand watching her. But she didn’t.
She kept going, as if my cabin wasn’t even there, as if I wasn’t there, riding up to the gate and hopping off Cherokee. My eyes gazed over the curvy silhouette of her hips, and my cock twitched. She opened the gate, Cherokee walked through with just a flick of her wrist, and she closed the gate back.
I kept waiting for her to look over at me, but she didn’t. She jumped back on Cherokee, wiped her cheek, and sat back in her seat as her horse began walking again.
A list of dangers began running through my mind, filling my mind with worse case scenarios and images that a man should never imagine. She could run across anything - not just some asshole, maybe Lee, that was fond of setting fires, but a variety of wildlife could pose a threat to a woman alone in the fuckin’ woods in the middle of the night.
“Shit,” I said to the inky darkness that enclosed Georgia as she and Cherokee faded from sight. I finished the whiskey I was holding, the warmth trailing down my throat, starkly reminding me of why I stopped drinking so long ago, as a vision of Marisa’s face danced before my eyes.
“Shit,” I repeated. I stood up, jogged down to my parent’s barn, saddled up Buck, jumped on him and headed after Georgia.
***
When I reached LaCroix’s place, Cherokee was grazing in his usual spot, and Georgia was curled up on the porch swing crying. I jumped off Buck and led him over near Cherokee. When I sat down next to Georgia, she didn’t look at me. She sat hugging her knees, her head down as tears fell from the corners of her eyes.
“Georgia,” I whispered, caressing her back. She was shaking. I put an arm around her, pulling her to me. She leaned into me silently.
“I’m so sorry, Georgie,” I said, inhaling the sweet scent of her shampoo. I pressed my face into her hair, inhaling deeper, and then kissing her head. She leaned into me a little more, until she came to rest with her head in my lap. I smiled at her, even though she couldn’t see. Her eyes were closed as she rested, the tears flowing from her as she cried.
“It’s okay, Georgie,” I whispered, stroking her head, “it’s alright to cry. You’re safe with me.”
We stayed that way for the next few hours. Not talking. It wasn’t needed. Everything that needed to be said was understood between us. She cried until she fell asleep in my lap, and the sunlight broke through the trees, bringing with it a brand new day full of brand new possibilities.
☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼
“Courage is being scared to death,
and saddling up anyway.”
~John Wayne
The gate shot open, and the meanest looking bull I’d ever seen flew out of the chute, with Crit on the back, holding on for his life. The bull flung him around in the air, his left arm flying up behind him. It bucked in circles with such intense strength, it almost hurt to watch as Crit was flung in every direction, seemingly all at once.
Eight seconds was an eternity. Ruby and I watched from the bleachers, our hands clenched together as we held our breath and somehow managed to squeal in delight all at the same time.
The bull bucked violently, jarring Crit to the side, as his body threatened to fall off. He righted himself, staying on by flinging his body back to meet the bull’s flailing back…one more buck, and then another, and then the sweet release of the buzzer sounded and Crit let go, flying to the ground in a cloud of dust and leather.
“Whooo-eeee!” Ruby screamed, jumping up and down as we watched Crit stand up and leave the ring. The bull trotted to the other end, corralled by a couple of rodeo clowns that did their best to keep the crowd laughing and the bulls under control.
The Houston rodeo was ten times more crowded than the Sugar Hill Round-Up, and Ruby and I were squeezed in amongst the huge crowd.
The crowd watched silently as we waited for the judge’s scores. There were four judges, and each judge rated each rider and each bull on a scale from one to twenty-five. Those points were added up, then divided in half to reach a rider score and a bull score of between zero and fifty. Then those numbers are then combined to reach a final ride score between zero and one hundred. A score of ninety was considered outstanding, and would ensure you made it to the next round of competition, which was in two days.
One by one, the judge’s final score showed up on the scoreboard. Crit ended up with a ninety-five, and when they showed the number on the board, I thought Ruby was going to break my hand off, she was so excited.
Crit looked up at us, tipped his hat, and then disappeared in the ocean of cowboy hats, Wranglers and leather boots that every male in this place seemed to be wearing. I didn’t mind it one bit, in fact, I enjoyed a nice pair of tight Wranglers.
I thought of Beau, for the
millionth time today, and felt what was now becoming familiar - the pangs of yearning just to have him in sight. I had it bad for Beau Haggard, I’ll tell you that.
I was still mad at Crit. Beau had been so sweet, holding me in his arms and letting me sleep with my head on his lap until the sun came up. I couldn’t bear to go back home, to be back in that house full of ghosts and misery.
Crit, Seth, Jesse and I had been wading through our lives like robots, none of us had managed to really connect with one another, and I couldn’t help but see our parent’s face in every room of the place, and on their faces, too.
As far as I was concerned, I was an adult and I was going to act like one. Which meant doing what I wanted. Seeing who I wanted.
Even if it was Beau.
Even if my brother’s didn’t approve.
I had gone back home the next morning, and none of them would speak to me. I was sure they assumed I had spent the night at Beau’s, and I let them think whatever they wanted. I didn’t care anymore.
Beau was scheduled to go last, and there were three more competitors before it would be Beau’s turn. When they called his name, I scanned the sea of hats until I found his familiar black Stetson. I nudged Ruby with my elbow.
“There!” I said, pointing. She didn’t need an explanation. She knew who I was looking for. I had filled her in a little, and of all people, Ruby was the only one who seemed to approve of my forbidden whatever-it-was with Beau.
“He’s so damned handsome!” she exclaimed. Blood raced through my veins as my stomach began churning with anxiety. Suddenly, the thought of something happening to Beau overwhelmed me, and I was stricken with dread.
“I don’t know if I can watch this,” I mumbled, burying my head in Ruby’s shoulder and covering my eyes with my hands.
“I’ll watch for you. Damn, he has really muscular thighs, doesn’t he?” she asked teasingly.
“Shut up,” I said, spreading my fingers so I could watch.
A rider has sixty seconds to prepare in the chute and the eight second countdown starts as soon as it opens. Those sixty seconds are almost as excruciating as the last eight. I watched with my heart in my throat as Beau steadied himself in the chute, securing his gloved hand under the rope and bracing himself for the violent impact the wild bull beneath him was about to unleash.
He nodded twice and the gate opened. The bull exploded from the chute, bucking violently and relentlessly, throwing its entire body in every direction. Beau’s hat flew off and his hand flailed in the air behind him, whipping left and right uncontrollably as Beau held on expertly and seemingly effortlessly. Every eye in the arena was on the pair, as they moved together as one, impressing even the most seasoned spectators. By the time the buzzer sounded, Beau was almost smiling.
He let go of the rope, the inertia of the still bucking bull throwing him to the ground. He jumped to his feet easily, retrieved his hat and strutted like a prized cock out of the arena. Confidence oozed off him, as the crowd roared.
It was a perfect ride, and everyone knew it, including Beau. Crit, too, watched closely. He stood to the side with Dustin, his forehead wrinkled in concentration as he waited for the judge’s scores.
They didn’t make us wait long. Beau made it to the next round with the highest score of the night - a near perfect ninety-nine. Ruby and I jumped up and down in the bleachers, and my heart soared with joy.
I was dying to be near him, so I grabbed Ruby’s hand and led her down the stairs. As soon as I spotted Beau coming out, I ran up to him and threw my arms around him.
I didn’t care who was watching. I didn’t care that I could see Crit scowling over his shoulder as he watched me kiss him. Beau seemed a little taken aback at first, but after a quick second’s pause, he kissed me back full force, picking me up and spinning me around.
“You did it!” I exclaimed. “I’m so proud of you,” I said, as he put me back on my feet. I spied Crit again, and turned his way. Ruby was standing next to him watching us, and as I slowly came back to Earth, I noticed everyone else was watching us, too. Seth and Jesse stood in the corner, the scowls on their faces matching their brother’s. Even Finn stood off in the corner by himself, his arms crossed as he glared at us.
I lifted my chin, walked over to Crit, and kissed him on the cheek as he stood as still as a statue.
“Congrats to you, too, Crit. You both made it! That’s wonderful!” Crit looked down at me, his eyes narrowed, and then he turned and walked away without a word.
“Crit!” Ruby called after him, but he ignored her, thundering down the hallway that led to the locker rooms.
I sighed and turned back to Beau.
“I think a celebration is in order!” I said to him, ignoring Crit’s immature bullshit.
“Oh, yeah?” Beau asked, cocking his head to the side as he grinned at my enthusiasm.
“Yes, tonight!” I replied, practically jumping up and down.
“Sounds good to me. I’ll pick you up in an hour? I need a shower and to take my things home.”
“No,” I said, letting Crit and his ridiculous silent treatment get the best of me. “Let’s meet at LaCroix’s.”
“You got it, babe,” he said, kissing me on the cheek and walking down the same hallway that Crit had just disappeared down.
I turned back to Ruby with the biggest smile on my face.
“Well don’t you look like the cat that ate the canary,” she drawled.
☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼ ☼
Well, I’ll tell you, I was so damned happy about my near perfect score, I could have just burst wide open. But as soon as I exited the arena, I caught Crit’s eye, and I knew he wasn’t happy. Now, whether he was more upset about my score, or the fact that I was smitten with his sister, I couldn’t tell you, but if I had to wager a guess, I’d say it was the fact that Georgia and I had taken a liking to each other that was bothering him more than anything.
Hell, we’d competed against each other dozens of times, and he’d always been a gracious contender. He’d certainly never gave me the stink-eye that he just gave me before tonight. Of course, I’d never full on kissed his sister in front of him like that either.
I understood, I did. But as far as I was concerned, he and his brothers were just going to have to get used to me being around, because I wasn’t about to let go of Georgie anytime soon.
Crit was the only one in the locker room when I entered it. He was gathering his things, and when I walked in the room he glared at me like I had just…well, like I had just kissed his sister, I reckon.
He wasted no time getting in my face.
“You stay the fuck away from Georgia, Haggard,” he growled, his index finger pressing into my chest.
“Way I see it, Crit, she’s old enough to make her own decisions. Now, I know you’re upset, and I can understand why you would be, but I want you to know I mean no disrespect to you, or your brothers, Crit. I have a lot of respect for your sister. I know y’all have gone through hell and back.”
“Cut the bullshit, Haggard. I don’t want to hear your smooth talking crap, trying to be all friendly and shit. As far as I can see, you and your sorry excuse for a brother have done nothing but turn everything you touch to shit, so like I said - stay away from Georgia, or you’ll be wishing you did.”
I bit my lip, the words that I really wanted to say bubbling up inside me, threatening to rush out. But I kept my cool the only way I knew how. I put myself in his shoes.
I had just beat him in the competition, I had just kissed his little sister, and as far as he believed, my next of kin had set fire to his barn and his shed. Of course he was pissed.
Any red-blooded American man would be.
“Now, Crit, I understand why you’re upset, but I —,”
I didn’t even see his fist coming. I never expected he would actually hit me, but when his fist cracked against my jaw, my ears rang and I could have sworn I saw stars. And then, I saw red. A hot flash of anger rushed over me, and I spun around and
threw myself into his gut, rushing him to the ground and punching his ribs as I scrambled on top of him.
Dustin, Seth and Finn ran in just as I sat on him and pulled my fist back to punch him. Someone grabbed my arm and pulled me off of him, as we both began hollerin’ at each other.
“That’s enough, goddammit,” Dustin yelled at us both. “If you don’t stop this fuedin’ right now, I’ll have you both kicked out of the fuckin’ competition, I swear to God Almighty, I will!”
We scrambled to our feet and stared each other down. Blood trickled down my chin and I reached up to wipe it away.
“Stay the fuck away from my sister, Haggard!” Beau spat, as I grabbed my shit and walked out, slamming the door behind me.
***
Lee was waiting at my truck when I reached the parking lot. He was the last person I wanted to see, and it took all my strength not to punch him out for just showing his face.
“What the fuck are you doing here? Half the cops in this county are looking for your sorry ass,” I said.
“What the fuck happened to you?” he asked, pointing to my bloody lip.
“Nothing. Why are you here?” I asked again.
“Thought I’d hang out at the folks for a few days,” he said.
“Think again,” I said.
“Why’s that?” he asked.
“Seriously? You’re going to act innocent, Lee? First, you assaulted Georgia, and claimed you didn’t remember. Then, you set fire to the Hope’s shed, then the Baker’s bar after they cut you off, and then the Hope’s barn? You don’t think maybe the sheriff and the fire chief might have a few questions for you? You don’t think it’s best that maybe you lay low for a while? Are you really that fucking stupid?”
Hope Against Hope: The Hope Brothers Series Page 10