by NJ Flatman
Obsessed
(An Addicted to You Novel- Book 3)
NJ Flatman
www.agoodgirldirtymind.com
Copyright © 2015 by NJ Flatman
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests, email the author, addressed “Attention: Permissions Request,” at the address below.
NJ Flatman: [email protected]
Printed in the United States of America
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are the products of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
Cover design by Leddy Harper (http://leddyharper.com)
Author photograph by NJ Flatman (Hashtag Selfie)
Obsessed
Book 3 in the Addicted to You Series
Sometimes losing what matters the most…can lead only to being obsessed
Avery Bradfield has always been naive and innocent, and living in the shadow of her best friend. It wasn’t until she met Spencer that she learned what true happiness felt like. But when Spencer left her heartbroken and her best friend Colby turned her back -- Avery was left to find a reason to hold on. In the process she discovered a side of herself that no one, including her, realized existed— and she refused to go back to who she was.
Spencer Phillips had known pain and loss throughout his life. It was memories of heartache that kept him from allowing anyone too close. At least until he met Avery Bradfield. Her innocent love changed everything inside of him, but he figured that out a little too late. A mission to bring her home found him facing his biggest fear-- another man-- and fighting for the only thing that matters in his life.
Both focused on forgetting who they’d once been, Spencer and Avery will discover a bond and passion that they have never before known as they fight to find their way back together. Only one thing can keep them apart-- the demons they are both trying to hide.
Join Avery Bradfield and Spencer Phillips as they venture through a love that tests their limits, pushes them through their fears and shows them that sometimes addiction takes on many forms.
Obsessed is Book 3 of the Addicted to You Series
Consumed: Book 1 (Released June 5, 2015)
Forbidden: Book 2(Released August 15, 2015)
Addicted: Book 4 (Coming December 2015)
Bound: Book 5 (Coming February 2016)
To my daughter Madison…
If you learn nothing else from me, I hope you learn to always follow your dreams. Well that and good music taste. Thank you for being patient and understanding as I followed mine. Soon I will be watching you do the same.
Love you babe
Acknowledgements
There’s never enough time or room to thank everyone that helps make this happen. I’m still overwhelmed and shocked at the support and response I’ve received. Let me try and do this in a way that makes sense.
Thank you to Leddy Harper for the amazing covers and the sincere laughs. Sorry this took so long to get to you.
Thank you to Pamela Washington (another author) for always being there to support and share my stuff.
Thank you to Courtney at Mixed Emotions Book Blog for never failing to amaze me with your support. I’ve always got your back girl!
Thanks a million to my PA Abbey Neil-Clark for holding down the ship while I jumped overboard.
Thanks to the readers that aways have nice things to say and hot guys to share. Thanks to the hot guys that exist for my pleasure and the beer that is made for my sanity ;)
Thanks to the group that banned me— that was fun. Thanks to the ones that welcomed me #FlatmanforPrez haha.
Most of all thanks to the cool kids…the ones that never fail me..the ones that keep me sane but don’t give up on me when I’m not.
As always…thanks to those that hurt me and those that will always love me. You keep the story going <3
A Special Note from the Author
As an author, I have the ability to create a fantasy world that exists only inside of my head. Unfortunately, the real world doesn’t adhere to my demands for things to go my way. I’m working on that.
During the course of writing this book, I encountered a series of personal problems that fell too closely together and more than overwhelmed me. I battled something that many others face day in and day out — severe depression. For a period of time, I retreated into myself and focused only on my shortcomings and failures. Something I seldom give much attention.
It is in times like these that we learn the most about those around us. It becomes easier to see who will be there to hold us up until we can stand on our own, as well as to see who will let us fall. I learned that sometimes those answers will surprise you.
It was messages, texts and visits with friends that chose to hop down to my level at the bottom that slowly but surely helped to pull me through. Those that took the time to be there for me reminded me that the failures I was worried about did not measure up to the successes that I have in my life.
Letting me know that I was loved, attempting to make me laugh and smile and even discussing the stories yet to be told gave me the strength I needed to keep hanging on. And I did. Coming out on the other side a little more scarred and hell of a lot more grateful.
When I though I had hit my lowest point during this time frame, I wasn’t sure I would get past the hopelessness or that I even wanted to. It wasn’t a significant or monumental event that changed my mind that day. It was a simple and mundane task. Something that most might even complain about. It was nothing more than a friend noticing things weren’t okay and using an everyday thing to bring a little positivity into my world.
Unfortunately it wasn’t enough and soon I fell back into the trenches. It was there that I stayed — worrying those who loved me— until I found the power and desire to dig myself out. It’s still a battle, but every day I am a little bit stronger.
While most are aware of depression, many do not realize that they won’t know it’s too late until it is. Those feeling hopeless and lost will not generally talk of it. If they do, they will not say how extreme it has become. And many, like Avery, turn to other ways to calm the emotions. Some just give up.
Please pay attention to those you love. Notice signs that something is wrong. Don’t blow it off if someone withdraws from communication or life in general. Check on them. Help them. Mostly, love them.
Depression is a very serious thing and awareness is only half of the battle. The other half is to know how to see it and what to do if you do. Believe it or not, being yourself and letting them know they are cared about is usually all it takes. One conversation — or an unplanned trip to the grocery store — could quite literally save a life. Remember, life isn’t a book, but we can still write the ending.
My story isn’t over yet;
<3 Jenni <3
~Prologue~
I didn’t ask for love.
I never wanted love again.
But Spencer was so perfect.
Avery was different. So full of life— innocence—hope.
I’d found everything I’d never known I needed. I was afraid I’d lose it.
She was everything I wasn’t. It scared the hell out of me. It’d kill me to lose her.
He kept leaving me. No matter how close we got— he always left me.
I tried to leave, but I couldn’t stay away. I loved her too much. I needed her too much!
I always took him back, but he never told me why. Why he’d hurt me.
I wanted to protect her. I needed her— but I wanted what was best for her.
He kept his secrets locked inside. Why did he keep coming back if he was just going to leave again?
She couldn’t know the truth about me. The truth about my life. It would change her.
The pain got worse each time he disappeared until it was just too much to handle.
She was gone. She was leaving me. That’s when I realized I had to do it.
I had to make it stop. I had to numb the pain. So I did.
I had to let her see the demons. I had to face them myself. So I did.
Spencer had been my obsession. All I cared about. All I knew.
Avery was my addiction. I couldn’t live without her.
But he was gone. I had to move on.
But I could see it in her eyes. I had lost her. she was gone.
Turns out when you numb the bad— you numb the good as well.
Every day I fought the urges that lingered underneath the surface.
He wanted me back again. He asked me to come home.
She didn’t believe me. She didn’t trust me anymore.
I couldn’t show Spencer who I’d become.
I had to show Avery who I could be.
I needed to let him go. I needed to accept it and move on.
I wanted her back. I couldn’t live in a world without her.
I was obsessed with forgetting who I’d been.
I was obsessed with bringing Avery home.
Was the love real?
Was the love enough?
~Avery~
Nothing felt the same. Nothing. Not even the city around me appeared familiar. I’d been home close to two weeks and I felt like a tourist visiting for the first time.
Sights, sounds and smells were all identical. Looking at it from that standpoint it was as if Chicago had frozen and I’d come back to the exact moment I left.
It was me and I knew it. I had changed. Something deep inside of my soul had been removed and replaced. I just couldn’t quite put my finger on what it was or what it would mean in the grand scope of my life.
The skyscrapers that had always hovered over me as I walked the busy city streets no longer held the same magic that I’d once found in them. My fascination with the home I’d always known was fading. It was just another city on the map. Just another destination.
The feelings I had were neither good nor bad. They just were. I didn’t feel sad at seeing the world around me in a different light. I just understood it a little more.
I’d spent much of my life watching cabs dart in and out of stopped traffic and pedestrians rushing to get to wherever they were headed. I’d never understood it. Why were they in such a hurry? What was waiting on them that was so important they couldn’t take their time and enjoy the journey?
Now I just watched and thought that maybe they weren’t rushing to anything. Perhaps they were hurrying away from something. Maybe their job or their life was so unhappy that they were eager — almost excited — to get to the next place.
When I’d first gotten back, I’d almost left. The feeling of not quite belonging in the only place you’ve ever known is hard to fight. Not that I knew where exactly I did belong. It certainly wasn’t South Carolina.
In the couple weeks I’d been there, though, I’d realized that it wasn’t the city or whether or not it was the place for me. I’d changed a lot. Deep down, somewhere in the center of me, I was a different person. All I needed was to learn to live from a different perspective and it would no longer matter where I resided. After all, no place was really any different than the other once you got beyond the sights and sounds.
The changes in me — the person I’d become — wasn’t all bad. There were a lot of great perks and benefits to the new Avery Bradfield. She was kind of kick ass and I liked her a lot.
Of course, it wasn’t all good either. Change is never all good and I’d just accepted it as a part of the process. Still, it sucked ass when I would feel like there was something missing. Something that I couldn’t quite name, but that felt very important. I needed it. Whatever the hell it was, I had to find it. Until then, I’d just wander the world feeling like I had no real place in it anymore.
I wasn’t sad and crying. I wasn’t hurt by any of it. The feeling that overwhelmed me wasn’t even really a feeling. I was numb. Most of the time anyway. I was numb to what was going on around me and I was numb to any sort of real feelings. Occasionally they’d pop up and try to overpower me, but the apathy would always return. Dead inside. That’s how I’d describe myself. Whatever had once lurked below the surface had died.
If I’d told that to Luke or anyone else they’d have been worried about me. It sounded like something you’d hear from one of those Emo hipsters that hid in the dark and cut themselves. I wasn’t in danger. I wasn’t suicidal. I just had no active feelings. Passivity controlled me and I was fucking glad it did.
Pain wasn’t something I often had to worry about anymore, and on the occasions I did there was an easy answer. People couldn’t lie to me or take advantage of me because I really just didn’t care enough to go along with it. There was definitely something to be said for existing without emotion. Especially for someone that had always had a little too much of it.
Still, something was missing. Something I needed wasn’t there and I had to figure out how to find it. I liked numb. I did not care for lost. So the goal was to find myself — or more accurately to find the new person I’d become.
That’s why I was standing in front of a mirror on a Friday night — someone I didn’t even recognize staring back at me. The outfit was nice. The hair and makeup was perfect. Everything about me looked flawless. Everything except the eyes. They were cold and empty. Lost. Not that it mattered to anyone else, but it bothered me.
Luke and I were going out for the night. As friends— a fact I’d been sure to make clear to him repeatedly. He said he understood, but I had the feeling he was still hopeful that it would someday be more than that. In fact, he was so focused on his fantasy of the two of us that I doubted he’d notice anything else, probably not even the dullness that lingered in my eyes. A flaw that made spending time with him damn near perfect. There was no worry of questions or other bullshit.
“So tell me Miss Avery,” Luke appeared in the doorway — his eyes glimmering with mischief and making me worry just a little. “How ‘available’ is Blondie?”
Worry was replaced quickly by anger and frustration. My heart began to race. My skin flushed. I even felt my hands curl into fists— as if I’d ever hit anyone before or would even know how to.
Why did this shit even surprise me at that point? Wasn’t it everyone’s biggest worry? Is Colby available? Do I have a chance? What does she think of me? It wasn’t new. I’d been hearing the same shit my entire life.
Until recent events, it’d never bothered me. Somehow though, standing there next to the guy that was only in town to be my friend—it pissed me right the fuck off. How dare he jump on the Colby is a goddess bandwagon?
“What the hell is wrong with men?” Standing to leave, I paused only to snap at him. “It’s a shame you’re all the damn same!”
“We have dicks babe,” Heading towards the door of the bathroom, I heard his obnoxiously annoying cackle. “We can’t really help it.”